HOME | DD
#dragon #elf #elves #fantasy #magic #tf
Published: 2017-01-22 21:06:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 5505; Favourites: 27; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
Chapter 21We slowly made our way deeper into the cavern, the Nii ignoring us for the most part. I wasn’t sure if they were unable to sense their environment or they simply didn't mind bumping into things, but whatever it was, they moved slowly enough to not be an issue even if they did hit you.
“Careful there,” Ophara muttered as she pushed a fist-sized one away from her head. We were far enough into the room by now that I couldn’t see the walls in any direction. Nevertheless, Loriel forged ahead as if she knew exactly where we were going.
Meanwhile I could still feel that same stirring of energy from before. I’d expected it to die out as the first one had, but instead it seemed to be spreading out. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was supposed to know what it was.
“I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you,” Avanor said, falling back to walk besides me. “We’ll know soon enough if anything is up.”
I looked at him, considering what so say. “It’s not that I’m worried. It just feels… important, somehow.” I shook my head. “But you’re right, there’s no use thinking about it right now.” He simply smiled in response.
“So anyway, what do you think about this place?” he asked, gesturing at the Nii surrounding us.
I followed his gaze, letting the Nii’s light flood my perception. “It’s beautiful. I’ve never seen anything quite like it.” The constant swirling colors had an almost entrancing effect if you stared at them long enough.
“That’s great. I wasn’t sure if coming here was a good idea, but now that we’re here I’m just glad we…” he interrupted himself, all of them stopping dead in their tracks.
“What?!” Ophara asked out loud, all their expressions turning from happy to serious in an instant. I didn’t know why. There was nothing around us that would warrant such a reaction.
I was about to ask, but Avanor held up a hand, eyes unfocused as he concentrated on something else.
They’re talking to someone, I realized, noticing how all of their minds seemed to be interacting with their Imi.
I waited, resisting the temptation to probe a little deeper and maybe follow along with their conversation. Even so, it was easy to tell there was something major happening.
Several tense moments later Avanor turned around to face me. “I think we just found out what you’ve been sensing,” he said before turning back towards where we came from and breaking into a light jog. The others followed, and after a moment’s hesitation the Tsahn and I began moving as well.
“It’s dragons. Well over a hundred of them.”
The moment he said the words I knew it was true, the faint movements I was still feeling instantly taking on a whole new meaning.
“They’re intelligent,” I said without a doubt in my mind. In front of us I began making out hints of a wall, the Nii slowing us down far more than I would’ve liked.
“Are you sure?” Saren asked.
“Yes, absolutely.” Now that I knew what I was feeling that fact was as clear as day. These minds I was feeling were nothing like those of the feral dragons closer by. Each and every one of them felt just as powerful as Rahk had, back then when he’d led me here. I shuddered to think what such a congregation of power entailed.
We finally broke free of the cavern, speeding up as the Nii grew less frequent. Now only the Tsahn’s clumsy run was holding us back, but there was nothing much we could do about that.
“Do you have any idea what they might want?” Avanor asked, breath calm despite the physical exertion.
“No, I…“ I began, but interrupted myself when a thought came to me. If what I was feeling was dragons then that other stirring - the first one that had been off in a direction that didn’t seem to fit into this world - could only have been one thing.
“I don’t know what they want, but it has something to do with Rahk.”
“Who’s that?”
“He’s the dragon that helped me get here,” I replied, voice tense as I tried putting what I knew together.
“I’ve been meaning to ask about that,” Loriel shouted from behind to make herself heard over the sound of our footsteps echoing throughout the tunnels. “Are you sure that he came from here?”
“Yes. He said so himself.”
She furrowed her brows. “I guess I’m just wondering how it’s possible he’s never been seen before. And now there’s over a hundred more, out of seemingly nowhere. We’ve explored and mapped every centimeter of this planet, so how could we have possibly missed something like that?”
I didn’t know, and neither did any of the others.
We ran in silence the rest of the way, my thoughts always coming back to one single question. Why was this happening now? A species that noone had seen in millions of years suddenly returning in full force, just minutes after I had found my Krahl. Had I somehow caused this?
The thought alone made me anxious. Who knew what these dragons had in mind, their colossal powers constantly drawing closer at incredible speeds. I could only hope their intentions weren’t malicious.
And then there was Rahk, of course, who, for some reason, was separate from the others. I’d felt him do something just moments before disappearing, though the sensation had been too strange and too faint for me to know what. How was he involved in this? Was he some sort of scout for the others? He hadn’t told me much back when we’d met.
I shook my head, trying to focus on the way in front of me, but the confusing mix of excitement and anxiousness made it difficult to steer my thoughts.
It took us several more minutes to finally reach the surface, in which I felt the dragons come ever closer. They were spreading out, with a larger group heading straight for us. Now that I could sense them more clearly it became apparent just how fast they were moving. It was only going to take them a few minutes to cover the last kilometers between us.
I was the first to exit the tunnel and fly up, out of the ravine. While I waited for the others to follow I returned to my normal size, a tiny bit of calm settling in as my body changed into the familiar form. There was simply something different about this shape.
“We’ll try to meet them up there,” Avanor said, pointing at the highest mountain we could see from here.
“What are you going to do?” I asked. I hadn’t even considered what their goal was in coming up here so quickly.
“See if they’re friendly or not,” he answered simply, mounting one of the Tsahn behind Loriel. Within seconds all of them were ready to go and the animals took off in their characteristic snaking flight.
I followed close behind, turning to look north as we rose above the mountain ridge blocking our sight. A surge of emotion ran through me as I saw a sparse line of tiny figures approaching from the horizon. I hadn’t expected them to be so close already.
They were flying fast, faster than I’d thought possible. By the time we touched down on the flat mountain top, barely a thirty second flight, they were almost upon us. Their approach was heralded by a thunder in the air that rivaled any storm I’d ever heard.
The central group of maybe fifteen dragons, the one that was headed straight for us, began slowing down, falling out of line with the others. I braced myself for an impact with the oncoming storm wall that carried them, but just before it arrived a small hole opened up, passing around us before closing again. In a blink of an eye the main line of dragons was past.
I resisted the urge to look after them, focusing instead on the group approaching from the front. There were sixteen of them, flying in a loose formation with a lilac colored one with a grey underbelly leading the center. They spread out, the majority of them encircling us, their wingbeats controlled as they hovered in place in the air around us. Four more were circling higher up, while the leader touched down opposite of us, careful gaze resting on me.
It was a female, I realized, and she was larger than me, easily as large as Rahk. All of them were, in fact, their two-colored bodies significantly more massive than mine.
Instinctively I found myself standing up tall, my head raised and wings raised slightly from my body. The dragons’ eyes seemed hostile as I looked around at them.
Several tense moments passed as we eyed each other, none sure what the other party was going to do. I was taken off guard when the leader suddenly spoke.
“It’s not him,” she said in the powerful dragon tongue, for the first time taking her eyes off me to look at the other dragons.
“How can you be sure? He might be masking his mind as well as his body,” a green, and white colored dragon to the right of me asked. He met my eyes with hostility.
“He’s intimidated,” the lilac dragon stated matter-of-factly. It was true. How could I not be with this much power on the verge of attacking me?
Instead of replying the green dragon launched himself forward, out of the circle, and touched down on top of one of the tall spires covering the mountain. I tensed, but didn’t move otherwise.
“You’re right,” he said, though his voice was free of mock. His eyes lingered on me a moment longer before he turned to the lilac dragon. “We’ll leave you, then.”
She simply nodded and in a sudden flurry of motion the swarm of dragons took off, rapidly accelerating towards the southern horizon. I looked after them for a moment before turning to face the one that had remained.
“Who are you?” I asked, still gathering my composure.
“I am called Sarkehh,” she answered, “though I must ask the same to you. Who are you?”
“I am Arkanith,” I replied, strangely proud to be able to present my new name. It had truly been a great choice, I thought.
Sarkehh seemed surprised to hear that. “Who gave you that name?”
“My friends did,” I answered, looking down at them. The word had come to me without thinking, simply encapsulating my feelings towards them. But now that I’d said it, I saw the truth in it. Even if I had only known them for days, I was happy to call them my friends.
“That is good.” Her expression softened.
“What do you want here?” I asked. Sarkehh considered me for a moment
“Before I can answer that, I have to ask you one more question,” she said, waiting for my approval. I nodded.
“What is your Krahl?”
Spoken by her the word had the same unmistakeable air of certainty behind it as it had with Rahk.
“My Krahl,” I repeated, feeling that same quality repeated in my own voice. Saying it in this tongue meant more than simply producing the sounds. It carried with it a deeper understanding of one’s own self.
I thought I was beginning to understand why I’d had so much trouble saying it several months ago.
“My Krahl is to live,” I said, trying my best to put into words what I’d felt down there in the light filled cavern. “It is to give chances for life to unfold.”
“I see.” A hint of thoughtfulness entered her expression. “Your conviction seems strong for having found it so recently,” she added.
I simply met her gaze, staying firm.
A faint smile appeared around the corners of her mouth before disappearing again. “In that case I will deliver the message we came to spread.”
She focused on Avanor, quickly touching his mind with her own before retreating again. He seemed to barely have noticed she did anything at all.
When she started speaking again it was in perfect Vornith. “I am here to give you a warning and a plea for help. As we speak, others of my kind are seeking out every member of your civilization they can find and delivering the same message.”
“Wait, wait, wait, what is going on?” Ophara interjected. “How come you…”
Sarkehh interrupted her with a gesture, expression serious. “In time. You can ask questions after I have told you what I have to say.” She paused, gathering her mind. “There is a dragon on the loose that has the potential to wipe out all life on this planet if he so desires. He has done so before and might do so again.”
I felt all my thoughts stop at that very moment. No. That can’t be true.
Sarkehh gave me a concerned look, but carried on with her explanation. Beside me Avanor and Loriel exchanged worried glances. “We do not know where he is or what he is out to do, but we ask you all to lend us your aid in finding him. Know, however, that he is a shapeshifter of phenomenal prowess, capable of masking both body and mind.”
No, no, no, I could hear myself thinking. It can’t be him. It can’t.
“Be wary of any new arrivals, be they familiar or strange. Do not attempt to confront him, for he is far too powerful to be brought down by anything other than the combined might of our entire race. That is all.”
She fell silent, eyes shifting to me. I couldn’t bare to confirm what I already knew.
“His name,” I began, barely daring to speak. “Is it Rahk?”
I knew the answer as soon as I felt the turmoil of emotions rise up in her mind. Rage, hatred, and betrayal were all there, overshadowed by a looming fear. Fear! His name alone was enough to make someone of her power afraid.
“You know him?” Sarkehh asked, the first of a million questions, I felt. Her voice seemed almost frail, suddenly.
“Yes,” I whispered, remembering the first words Rahk and I had exchanged. How he had thanked me. Thanked me for allowing him to get to my world. “I helped him escape.”
End of Part 1
Related content
Comments: 138
Mattthelizzerd In reply to ??? [2018-03-10 17:45:20 +0000 UTC]
im so glad you are willing to lisin to my ideas and sujestons and answer nicely instead of being a dick like Aleronssword calling my idas stupid and not teating me like humin being.
that guy REALY has no idea how to treat a fan.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Dominio95 In reply to Mattthelizzerd [2018-03-15 00:26:26 +0000 UTC]
I try to entertain every idea for at least a little bit^^ Really though, if you want people to take you seriously I'd really suggest putting a bit more effort into spelling and grammar. I don't know your circumstances, but I'd imagine you can do better than that. You'll find people will take you a lot more seriously if you express yourself with more care.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Mattthelizzerd In reply to Dominio95 [2018-03-15 02:08:47 +0000 UTC]
ever sens i graduated from high school i have had no rason to practices my spelling and grammar whatsoever. becus of that i forgoten how to properly spell alot of words and probably a good number of the little tricks to figure out if you did it right. and gramer hell i no-longer remember what word exactly means anymore! its been 12 years and even in school for a long time i had little need for spelling anything other then my own name!
the simbels other then the !.? i was never able to wrap ma head around the perepis of things like the commas in or out of school.
i allways have a hard time spelling and now knowing all this it realy a big serprus it gotten so horribly pathetic?
sigh........
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Dominio95 In reply to Mattthelizzerd [2018-03-15 13:58:39 +0000 UTC]
I see. In that case I can't really judge how difficult it would be for you to relearn some of these things, but I think i can still give you a reason to try. What we're doing right now, talking online through writing, is a good reason to try and do the best you can, in my opinion. In the end it's up to you, of course, but it might be something you'd want to consider.
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Mattthelizzerd In reply to Dominio95 [2018-03-15 21:38:35 +0000 UTC]
thanks for understanding.
if your surprised i just out and admitted all that.you can almost say i mad it a policy to be comepletly honest with everyone this gos dubbelefror too myself and i do no realy keep secrets from anyone.(other the one no one wants to hear kind)
i find it an effective way to come to know yourself inside and out.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Dominio95 In reply to Mattthelizzerd [2018-03-05 14:08:22 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, you're not the first person to say that. I find people's standards are pretty low when it comes to niche content like this and I suppose that's fine, but I'm not satisfied with pleasing and easy-to-please audience. I want my writing to be good on a much broader level.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
VideoGameStarD In reply to ??? [2018-01-31 14:14:22 +0000 UTC]
This is actually pretty good, and an excellent cliffhanger.
I never thought Rahk was the villain in this story... I wonder why he helped Arkanith/Markus?
Uh, oh, so this means that the Earth is in danger?
So... then if dragons were intelligent, then what happened to the other dragons that Arkanith confronted while finding a home?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Dominio95 In reply to VideoGameStarD [2018-01-31 20:50:24 +0000 UTC]
Thanks!
As for your last question, you should be able to figure that out with the information provided in the story. (Hint: read the chapter with Rahk again)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Dominio95 In reply to Zcoder777 [2018-01-28 19:19:08 +0000 UTC]
No, I just have other things to do. Writing is a little ways down my priority list as of late.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Dominio95 In reply to Zcoder777 [2018-01-02 10:30:48 +0000 UTC]
I've made some progress with the outline and had some good ideas that'll help me tie the middle together. Overall alright, though I've been putting most of my energy elsewhere.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
doeskanakker1 In reply to ??? [2017-12-18 18:29:07 +0000 UTC]
Now after more than a year I got drawn back to this story, I can't express myself good enough in the English language to really express my opinion about this story so you have to do it with this.
From beginning to the end its a captivating story about love and hate, and about being lost and finding a way again (at least how I see it) what in my opinion is a feeling that most people feel at least once in there life.
And the skill you posses as an author to bring these feelings over to the reader is in my mind exceptional, there are not many authors on deviant art and in the conventional industry who made me feel this connected to the character.
So thank you for that.
I hope that you are doing alright for yourself with your studies and everything else.
And I really hope that you can keep finding joy an satisfaction in writing.
With kind regards,
Michael Bakker.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Dominio95 In reply to doeskanakker1 [2017-12-19 12:54:47 +0000 UTC]
Wow, that's very high praise. Thank you!
My studies are going well, thanks for asking. Getting close to finishing my bachelor's. And don't worry, I don't see myself every really stopping writing. I have too much fun thinking of concepts and places to explore to give that up.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Dominio95 In reply to Zcoder777 [2017-11-04 11:55:19 +0000 UTC]
Story-wise, progress is slow and is probably going to remain that way for a while. Don't expect anything anytime soon^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Zcoder777 In reply to Dominio95 [2017-11-06 04:19:53 +0000 UTC]
Are you still reading firedragoneyes' work
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Dominio95 In reply to Zcoder777 [2017-11-06 10:38:31 +0000 UTC]
No, though I think about it every now and then. I really enjoyed her stories when I first signed up.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Zcoder777 In reply to Dominio95 [2017-11-09 01:23:48 +0000 UTC]
You should check up on her stories. She's still writing, and the one she's working on right now is amazing
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Dominio95 In reply to Zcoder777 [2017-11-09 12:30:49 +0000 UTC]
I probably will at some point^^ Right now they're just piling up in my notifications.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Dominio95 In reply to Zcoder777 [2017-10-21 09:05:34 +0000 UTC]
My imagination's been mostly taken up by other ideas recently, but I'm trying to work out some of the bigger kinks I see coming up in the story.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wiffer17 In reply to ??? [2017-10-04 06:33:05 +0000 UTC]
God damn it! Now I'm caught up with another story! I keep finding new stories all over the place. Now I have to read something else! Amazing story btw. I've read many unique stories on this website, and your story, my friend, has made it onto that list. Although I wish I could read more, I'd rather you take your time with this, and make it awesome. Can't wait for more!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Dominio95 In reply to Wiffer17 [2017-10-05 17:52:11 +0000 UTC]
Thanks, I'm very happy to hear you enjoyed it that much! I'll try my best to make part 2 as good as I can!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Kilian1992 [2017-09-07 20:06:23 +0000 UTC]
so, I read this story over the past three days in my spare time...and I have to tell you that I rarely ever read anything as fascinating as this. I literally couldn't stop reading until I was at the end or had to go to bed because I had to get up early. But I also predicted some things before they happened. For example I was pretty sure that he'd kill off his parents some time, just didn't expect he'd kill his friend first. I also had some idea of Rahk being kind of evil. Anyway, looking forward to Part 2 now. gave you a well deserved watch for this absolutely fascinating story. Keep it up.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Dominio95 In reply to Kilian1992 [2017-09-08 10:36:04 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it that much. Part 2 is going to take a while still, I'm afraid, so you'll have to wait patiently. It's proving much more difficult to manage than the story so far^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Kilian1992 In reply to Dominio95 [2017-09-08 17:16:31 +0000 UTC]
that's no problem, I can wait, just take your time. I'm writing a story myself so I know what it's like^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Dominio95 In reply to Zcoder777 [2017-09-08 10:27:55 +0000 UTC]
Alright, I'd say. Still wrestling with part 2 in my head while I'm trying to focus on some important RL stuff.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Dominio95 In reply to Zcoder777 [2017-08-11 08:33:14 +0000 UTC]
I've been able to slowly get back into it. Not much "on-paper" progress so far, but I'm figuring stuff out.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
LewisTheElf [2017-07-14 04:23:45 +0000 UTC]
"I helped him escape."
Me: "OOOOH SNAP!!!!"
Loved the story! Great work! I really enjoyed how it was written, and really enjoyed the storyline! (Although sad at some times... RIP Luke... You will be missed... 3) Anyways, you fully earned my watch... Keep up the good work! (Sad that Rahk is turning out to be evil tho... I kinda liked him tbh...)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Dominio95 In reply to LewisTheElf [2017-07-14 10:49:25 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! And don't worry, just because Rahk isn't a good guy doesn't mean we won't be getting plenty of fun times with him
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ongon68 In reply to ??? [2017-07-07 13:09:44 +0000 UTC]
Ok, holy sh*t. This is a hell of a good story and also one hell of a plot twist. The beginning was kinda iffy at certain times but throughout reading all 21 released parts, I can see how your skill as an amazing writer has grown. Out of the maybe thousands of similar stories like this I have read, this is by far the best one. I do love how you make the reader connect with the characters on more then just a verbal level, as if something extreme was to happen to one or all of them the reader would feel emotions along with the fictional character. At that point you have hit a special point in writing that not many can achieve. This story is beyond words amazing and I can't wait for the.next part of it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Dominio95 In reply to ongon68 [2017-07-07 14:34:04 +0000 UTC]
Wow, that is high praise! I agree that the beginning when the transformation was just getting started was probably the most poorly-executed part, but I'm glad I could make up for it! I'm not sure yet when I'll be able to post the next part, with real life stuff keeping me busy for now, but hopefully I'll be able to really start digging into it in a few weeks.
And thanks for the watch!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ongon68 In reply to Dominio95 [2017-07-07 23:08:19 +0000 UTC]
Well I'm guessing the next bit of the story now as well. Rahk has already destroyed earth and is now here to destroy this world, after Ark and his friends defeat Rahk, Ark goes back to his world to find it in ruin. All I can guess right now.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Dominio95 In reply to ongon68 [2017-07-08 08:39:45 +0000 UTC]
It's going to be a bit more complicated than that, but you've got the right ideas. Expect to get to know Rahk quite well!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Dominio95 In reply to Zcoder777 [2017-07-04 08:58:53 +0000 UTC]
Finals are just coming to an end and I'll be moving soon, so I haven't found much time to work on it. I might do a journal on how things are going once I'm settled in and can start properly working on it again.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
juju712 In reply to ??? [2017-05-18 14:24:27 +0000 UTC]
At first I felt cheated at so much pressure for so little 'action', but this cliffhanger makes it totally forgotten. Awesome.
The only downside is that we don't know much about this world and I find it hard to root for it, though I do feel for the former trio and would rather know more than see it destroyed.
I had considered the possibility of Rahk being a villain, but only if Ark went back to his world and found it in chaos and/or wasteland.
Another impressive plot twist, congrats. I know it'll take time but I am looking forwards to read the next.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Dominio95 In reply to juju712 [2017-05-18 14:44:26 +0000 UTC]
Ha, building the intensity like that only to resolve it again immediately would have been quite disappointing indeed^^ The first chapters of part 2 are gonna be pretty difficult to write if I want to keep up the pace.
And y'know, I had considered having Ark return to Enioros only to find it destroyed. But then I had a much better idea that'll make things quite interesting!
Anyway, glad you're enjoying the story! It's always a pleasure to see someone's reactions as they read through it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
juju712 In reply to Dominio95 [2017-05-18 15:05:02 +0000 UTC]
I am already exited! Careful, you set a high standard.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Dominio95 In reply to Zcoder777 [2017-05-16 10:50:45 +0000 UTC]
I've been fairly busy with university lately so not much progress. Still outlining for the most part.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Dominio95 In reply to Zcoder777 [2017-04-17 10:28:04 +0000 UTC]
Pretty alright, though this part is definitely a lot more involved than things I've previously written. I'm not sure how long it'll end up taking, but I want to make sure it's as good as I can make it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Dominio95 In reply to Zcoder777 [2017-02-22 11:19:24 +0000 UTC]
Slowly. I wouldn't expect it for several months still.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
CitizenIndigo In reply to ??? [2017-02-10 17:15:10 +0000 UTC]
Nice chapter! It's a pretty good ending to this part. I must say, as a reader, cliffhangers are so wonderfully frustrating! It makes me feel so satisfied and slightly evil as an author when I get to use them in my own writing.
I thought I'd give you a few of my thoughts now that I've had a chance to read this chapter more closely. There isn't a ton that springs to mind regarding concrete improvements, so I apologize in advance if my comments are a bit vague. Here goes...
Back to the cliffhanger ending. Nothing wrong with ending it like that! Like I said, it's fun letting the readers dangle and agonize over what happens next. But now you've given us a promise of something big coming up, so it's important to deliver on that. I know I've told you about the importance of these promises before with regards to magic and other stuff. What I think you have here is more a promise of pacing. Some of the previous worldbuilding and character development chapters are less action-y (for lack of a better word), and that's not bad! But you need to pick up the pace eventually, so now what you've done here is accelerated the pace of things right at the end of this part.
It's nice that things are picking up, and I expect that (for at least another chapter or so) you can keep the fast pace going. If you start out the next part slower, then it will be kind of a letdown. Just something to keep in mind. I know pacing is tricky so just be mindful not to stumble out of the gate in part 2.
Next thing is the villain. Besides Arkanith battling to find his own sanity, we haven't had a concrete villain. Again, not a bad thing, and since you kinda ended that inner battle just now, we needed a new bad guy. You did a good job delivering one right away so there's still some clear opposition for the protagonist. And as a bonus it was a surprise villain, so nicely done there! But with a new villain come new promises (there I go with the promises thing again). Namely, there are questions about his motives and such that need to be revealed (not all at once). It also appears that Rahk is absent at the moment, so you need ways to make his threat more pressing so the reader is genuinely scared of him and what he can do. How you do these things is up to you.
Wow, I didn't expect this to get so long... Well, I hope that this helps you, and hopefully I'm not saying stuff that's too obvious. These are just things that I tend to think about in stories I read, so I thought I'd share. Looking forward to the next part!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
| Next =>