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Published: 2017-01-22 21:06:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 5505; Favourites: 27; Downloads: 0
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Chapter 21We slowly made our way deeper into the cavern, the Nii ignoring us for the most part. I wasn’t sure if they were unable to sense their environment or they simply didn't mind bumping into things, but whatever it was, they moved slowly enough to not be an issue even if they did hit you.
“Careful there,” Ophara muttered as she pushed a fist-sized one away from her head. We were far enough into the room by now that I couldn’t see the walls in any direction. Nevertheless, Loriel forged ahead as if she knew exactly where we were going.
Meanwhile I could still feel that same stirring of energy from before. I’d expected it to die out as the first one had, but instead it seemed to be spreading out. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was supposed to know what it was.
“I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you,” Avanor said, falling back to walk besides me. “We’ll know soon enough if anything is up.”
I looked at him, considering what so say. “It’s not that I’m worried. It just feels… important, somehow.” I shook my head. “But you’re right, there’s no use thinking about it right now.” He simply smiled in response.
“So anyway, what do you think about this place?” he asked, gesturing at the Nii surrounding us.
I followed his gaze, letting the Nii’s light flood my perception. “It’s beautiful. I’ve never seen anything quite like it.” The constant swirling colors had an almost entrancing effect if you stared at them long enough.
“That’s great. I wasn’t sure if coming here was a good idea, but now that we’re here I’m just glad we…” he interrupted himself, all of them stopping dead in their tracks.
“What?!” Ophara asked out loud, all their expressions turning from happy to serious in an instant. I didn’t know why. There was nothing around us that would warrant such a reaction.
I was about to ask, but Avanor held up a hand, eyes unfocused as he concentrated on something else.
They’re talking to someone, I realized, noticing how all of their minds seemed to be interacting with their Imi.
I waited, resisting the temptation to probe a little deeper and maybe follow along with their conversation. Even so, it was easy to tell there was something major happening.
Several tense moments later Avanor turned around to face me. “I think we just found out what you’ve been sensing,” he said before turning back towards where we came from and breaking into a light jog. The others followed, and after a moment’s hesitation the Tsahn and I began moving as well.
“It’s dragons. Well over a hundred of them.”
The moment he said the words I knew it was true, the faint movements I was still feeling instantly taking on a whole new meaning.
“They’re intelligent,” I said without a doubt in my mind. In front of us I began making out hints of a wall, the Nii slowing us down far more than I would’ve liked.
“Are you sure?” Saren asked.
“Yes, absolutely.” Now that I knew what I was feeling that fact was as clear as day. These minds I was feeling were nothing like those of the feral dragons closer by. Each and every one of them felt just as powerful as Rahk had, back then when he’d led me here. I shuddered to think what such a congregation of power entailed.
We finally broke free of the cavern, speeding up as the Nii grew less frequent. Now only the Tsahn’s clumsy run was holding us back, but there was nothing much we could do about that.
“Do you have any idea what they might want?” Avanor asked, breath calm despite the physical exertion.
“No, I…“ I began, but interrupted myself when a thought came to me. If what I was feeling was dragons then that other stirring - the first one that had been off in a direction that didn’t seem to fit into this world - could only have been one thing.
“I don’t know what they want, but it has something to do with Rahk.”
“Who’s that?”
“He’s the dragon that helped me get here,” I replied, voice tense as I tried putting what I knew together.
“I’ve been meaning to ask about that,” Loriel shouted from behind to make herself heard over the sound of our footsteps echoing throughout the tunnels. “Are you sure that he came from here?”
“Yes. He said so himself.”
She furrowed her brows. “I guess I’m just wondering how it’s possible he’s never been seen before. And now there’s over a hundred more, out of seemingly nowhere. We’ve explored and mapped every centimeter of this planet, so how could we have possibly missed something like that?”
I didn’t know, and neither did any of the others.
We ran in silence the rest of the way, my thoughts always coming back to one single question. Why was this happening now? A species that noone had seen in millions of years suddenly returning in full force, just minutes after I had found my Krahl. Had I somehow caused this?
The thought alone made me anxious. Who knew what these dragons had in mind, their colossal powers constantly drawing closer at incredible speeds. I could only hope their intentions weren’t malicious.
And then there was Rahk, of course, who, for some reason, was separate from the others. I’d felt him do something just moments before disappearing, though the sensation had been too strange and too faint for me to know what. How was he involved in this? Was he some sort of scout for the others? He hadn’t told me much back when we’d met.
I shook my head, trying to focus on the way in front of me, but the confusing mix of excitement and anxiousness made it difficult to steer my thoughts.
It took us several more minutes to finally reach the surface, in which I felt the dragons come ever closer. They were spreading out, with a larger group heading straight for us. Now that I could sense them more clearly it became apparent just how fast they were moving. It was only going to take them a few minutes to cover the last kilometers between us.
I was the first to exit the tunnel and fly up, out of the ravine. While I waited for the others to follow I returned to my normal size, a tiny bit of calm settling in as my body changed into the familiar form. There was simply something different about this shape.
“We’ll try to meet them up there,” Avanor said, pointing at the highest mountain we could see from here.
“What are you going to do?” I asked. I hadn’t even considered what their goal was in coming up here so quickly.
“See if they’re friendly or not,” he answered simply, mounting one of the Tsahn behind Loriel. Within seconds all of them were ready to go and the animals took off in their characteristic snaking flight.
I followed close behind, turning to look north as we rose above the mountain ridge blocking our sight. A surge of emotion ran through me as I saw a sparse line of tiny figures approaching from the horizon. I hadn’t expected them to be so close already.
They were flying fast, faster than I’d thought possible. By the time we touched down on the flat mountain top, barely a thirty second flight, they were almost upon us. Their approach was heralded by a thunder in the air that rivaled any storm I’d ever heard.
The central group of maybe fifteen dragons, the one that was headed straight for us, began slowing down, falling out of line with the others. I braced myself for an impact with the oncoming storm wall that carried them, but just before it arrived a small hole opened up, passing around us before closing again. In a blink of an eye the main line of dragons was past.
I resisted the urge to look after them, focusing instead on the group approaching from the front. There were sixteen of them, flying in a loose formation with a lilac colored one with a grey underbelly leading the center. They spread out, the majority of them encircling us, their wingbeats controlled as they hovered in place in the air around us. Four more were circling higher up, while the leader touched down opposite of us, careful gaze resting on me.
It was a female, I realized, and she was larger than me, easily as large as Rahk. All of them were, in fact, their two-colored bodies significantly more massive than mine.
Instinctively I found myself standing up tall, my head raised and wings raised slightly from my body. The dragons’ eyes seemed hostile as I looked around at them.
Several tense moments passed as we eyed each other, none sure what the other party was going to do. I was taken off guard when the leader suddenly spoke.
“It’s not him,” she said in the powerful dragon tongue, for the first time taking her eyes off me to look at the other dragons.
“How can you be sure? He might be masking his mind as well as his body,” a green, and white colored dragon to the right of me asked. He met my eyes with hostility.
“He’s intimidated,” the lilac dragon stated matter-of-factly. It was true. How could I not be with this much power on the verge of attacking me?
Instead of replying the green dragon launched himself forward, out of the circle, and touched down on top of one of the tall spires covering the mountain. I tensed, but didn’t move otherwise.
“You’re right,” he said, though his voice was free of mock. His eyes lingered on me a moment longer before he turned to the lilac dragon. “We’ll leave you, then.”
She simply nodded and in a sudden flurry of motion the swarm of dragons took off, rapidly accelerating towards the southern horizon. I looked after them for a moment before turning to face the one that had remained.
“Who are you?” I asked, still gathering my composure.
“I am called Sarkehh,” she answered, “though I must ask the same to you. Who are you?”
“I am Arkanith,” I replied, strangely proud to be able to present my new name. It had truly been a great choice, I thought.
Sarkehh seemed surprised to hear that. “Who gave you that name?”
“My friends did,” I answered, looking down at them. The word had come to me without thinking, simply encapsulating my feelings towards them. But now that I’d said it, I saw the truth in it. Even if I had only known them for days, I was happy to call them my friends.
“That is good.” Her expression softened.
“What do you want here?” I asked. Sarkehh considered me for a moment
“Before I can answer that, I have to ask you one more question,” she said, waiting for my approval. I nodded.
“What is your Krahl?”
Spoken by her the word had the same unmistakeable air of certainty behind it as it had with Rahk.
“My Krahl,” I repeated, feeling that same quality repeated in my own voice. Saying it in this tongue meant more than simply producing the sounds. It carried with it a deeper understanding of one’s own self.
I thought I was beginning to understand why I’d had so much trouble saying it several months ago.
“My Krahl is to live,” I said, trying my best to put into words what I’d felt down there in the light filled cavern. “It is to give chances for life to unfold.”
“I see.” A hint of thoughtfulness entered her expression. “Your conviction seems strong for having found it so recently,” she added.
I simply met her gaze, staying firm.
A faint smile appeared around the corners of her mouth before disappearing again. “In that case I will deliver the message we came to spread.”
She focused on Avanor, quickly touching his mind with her own before retreating again. He seemed to barely have noticed she did anything at all.
When she started speaking again it was in perfect Vornith. “I am here to give you a warning and a plea for help. As we speak, others of my kind are seeking out every member of your civilization they can find and delivering the same message.”
“Wait, wait, wait, what is going on?” Ophara interjected. “How come you…”
Sarkehh interrupted her with a gesture, expression serious. “In time. You can ask questions after I have told you what I have to say.” She paused, gathering her mind. “There is a dragon on the loose that has the potential to wipe out all life on this planet if he so desires. He has done so before and might do so again.”
I felt all my thoughts stop at that very moment. No. That can’t be true.
Sarkehh gave me a concerned look, but carried on with her explanation. Beside me Avanor and Loriel exchanged worried glances. “We do not know where he is or what he is out to do, but we ask you all to lend us your aid in finding him. Know, however, that he is a shapeshifter of phenomenal prowess, capable of masking both body and mind.”
No, no, no, I could hear myself thinking. It can’t be him. It can’t.
“Be wary of any new arrivals, be they familiar or strange. Do not attempt to confront him, for he is far too powerful to be brought down by anything other than the combined might of our entire race. That is all.”
She fell silent, eyes shifting to me. I couldn’t bare to confirm what I already knew.
“His name,” I began, barely daring to speak. “Is it Rahk?”
I knew the answer as soon as I felt the turmoil of emotions rise up in her mind. Rage, hatred, and betrayal were all there, overshadowed by a looming fear. Fear! His name alone was enough to make someone of her power afraid.
“You know him?” Sarkehh asked, the first of a million questions, I felt. Her voice seemed almost frail, suddenly.
“Yes,” I whispered, remembering the first words Rahk and I had exchanged. How he had thanked me. Thanked me for allowing him to get to my world. “I helped him escape.”
End of Part 1
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Comments: 138
Dominio95 In reply to ??? [2017-02-11 13:14:56 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! I try to shape my cliffhangers in such a way that the reveal is included in it and the reader is left wondering about its consequences rather than just what's going to happen ("he opened the door and..." vs "he opened the door and it turns out Rahk is an evil guy that killed a bunch of people"). Makes them more interesting and a little bit less frustrating, I think.
Anyway, you raised some excellent points about the pacing and Rahk. I'm not really worried about the latter since I've been looking forward to having him in the story for so long I've got plenty of material to work with. Keeping up the fast pacing, though, is a good thing to be consciously reminded about. I was already subconsciously leaning in that direction but thinking about it, I could probably step up things a little more. You might've just changed the flow of the story, since there's one pretty big decision early in part 2 that I'm still teetering on! Regardless, those first chapters are shaping up to be quite the challenge to get right with all the exposition I'll have to fit in as well.
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CitizenIndigo In reply to Dominio95 [2017-02-12 19:07:14 +0000 UTC]
I might change the flow of the story?! Haha don't give me too much power, after all, you're in control as the author! And I did mean "frustrating" in a good way to describe your cliffhanger. You definitely made me wonder about the consequences, and you succeeded at making me hungry for more.
It's good that you're thoughtfully approaching these decisions on the pacing since I think it can be an underappreciated part of plotting. Maybe because it's tricky and subjective (I know this from my own writing) so I wish you good luck with this challenge! When thinking about fast-paced exposition, you might have to make some honest decisions about whether the reader really, really needs to know something before you throw it in. It's going to be a balancing act, trying to keep the pace while giving just enough information to avoid total confusion. Also, I'm glad to hear you've got some good bad-guy stuff coming up, can't wait to see what happens!
Also, one thing I've been meaning to tell you is a big thanks for introducing me to the "Writing Excuses" podcast. Somewhere a while back in these chapters I think I saw you mention it in a comment and I checked it out. There's tons of great stuff from those guys that has helped me so much to think more about writing in general. Honestly, most of the critique and comments I've given you is just stuff recycled from their discussions. They're the ones that introduced me to the concept of the author making these promises, and I see you've taken their advice on making good cliffhangers. So, anyway, thanks for indirectly getting me to listen to that awesome podcast!
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Dominio95 In reply to CitizenIndigo [2017-02-12 22:05:43 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, Writing Excuses is a great podcast. I tend to binge listen to it every so often and it always gets my thoughts flowing, not to mention I've picked up many great pieces of advice from them. I'm glad you're enjoying it as well!
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TomDwaggy In reply to ??? [2017-02-08 23:47:47 +0000 UTC]
After just finding this story, I've read through all 21 chapters. I love all the twists and turns. I especially love the character development. You were definitely able to bring out an extreme sense of empathy with the main character, I was really feeling his guilt and angst, as well as the joy of finding a new life.
Incomparable work. I can't wait to read more.
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Dominio95 In reply to TomDwaggy [2017-02-09 01:55:59 +0000 UTC]
Thanks so much! Seeing people enjoy my writing is by far the best motivation to keep working on part 2!
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Lucaro-Dragonute In reply to ??? [2017-01-31 01:50:38 +0000 UTC]
Ok... sit back and relax Dominio, because I might accidentally write a five page reflection with all the material you've given me to reflect on.
First, I would like to comment that it reminds me a lot of Stephen King... an author that I would quickly compare you to, Dominio.
Second, the actual depth of this comment... the review, done without mentioning you by name so as to speak to an audience about the work.
As far as to the ease of reading, I was never shocked out of immersion for any reason; the world was clear enough to see with absolute clarity through the eyes of the protagonist, Arkanith, and I felt keenly with him his emotions. The author did an amazing job with the development of the character that we saw through these twenty-one chapters that opened the story in Part 1. It was certainly a roller-coaster of events and the main character, while being extremely powerful, quickly went somewhere where immensely powerful legendary creatures were quite common and, thus, you didn't see him as a perfect character. Combine this with his inner turmoil of who his 'self' is and you get a beautiful work that brings tears to the eyes in both sorrow and joy.
Next, to his technique, I would honestly have to say that he describes things to make them extremely clear to the reader, though that doesn't necessarily mean he sits there and spoon-feeds his audience either; the author, here, does an amazing job of describing the setting without being overly detailed. You can get an image of all the characters and their interactions in your head and lose yourself in this work. His writing, while well written and easy to follow, was a little straight-forward at times. This can make it easier to read, but I feel that in this circumstance it would've suited him better to be a little more verbose, but I'm not the author and it came out well, so I can't really complain.
As far as his vision over the first twenty-one chapters, he has certainly left room for part two as we haven't even gotten anywhere near the true climax of this tale, and it may be a while yet before we do. As a testament to this author's vision, I would proudly state that they have me hanging on the edge of my seat waiting for the next part to be released.
And, lastly, the impact of this work. This is a very different take on dragons than I've ever read; it is difficult for one to write it out like this because you're taking a character from one universe and implanting him in another, though this only seemed to work to the author's advantage because the change in scenery (so to speak) almost seems like it didn't happen. Also, if that weren't enough, most characters don't have to build to their potential by figuring out who they are, with extreme emphasis on the word are because of the meaning of said word in this context. The idea that to know one's own self in such a defining way as to say what the defining point of your life is... that takes a normal person some serious meditating. The only other work I've read that used this kind of plot-progressing character development was Christopher Paolini's Inheritance Cycle series... AKA Eragon Quartet. This kind of writing takes some real skill and it was pulled off beautifully here in this work.
When all is said and done here, I would certainly say that this is a 5-star work; it's well written, keeps the reader immersed and, most importantly, develops it's character soundly. This author has done an absolutely phenomenal job with this and I hang in limbo for part two to come out.
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Dominio95 In reply to Lucaro-Dragonute [2017-01-31 11:21:48 +0000 UTC]
Wow, thanks! I'm really happy you (and people in general) have been enjoying this story as much as you have. Getting feedback is really one of the best motivators to keep on working on it.
As usual, your praise strikes me as a little overly generous, though I'll still happily accept it. The only real point of criticism you brought up is the at times very straight forward language, which is something I'm trying to improve, and probably will continue to work on for a long while to come. I find turning my ideas into actual words and filling in the details you easily skim over when outlining/planning to be the most challenging parts of writing, but I'm glad to hear it's not overly detrimental to the experience.
Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to write out such detailed feedback, it really means a lot!
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Lucaro-Dragonute In reply to Dominio95 [2017-01-31 21:32:08 +0000 UTC]
All I can do is point out how I feel about the story. I like your writing style, and thus I don't feel much is wrong with it.
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Pietersielie-PC In reply to ??? [2017-01-30 12:41:12 +0000 UTC]
Huh. That was something I did not see coming. Thanks for an awesome story! Looking forward to more!
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Lucaro-Dragonute In reply to ??? [2017-01-27 19:32:45 +0000 UTC]
I will comment in greater depth when I have time and a decent keyboard in front of me, but as far as shallow praise is concerned, this whole story is absolutely astonishing in it's extreme depth and detail. I honestly cannot wait for part two!
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Dominio95 In reply to Lucaro-Dragonute [2017-01-28 13:01:34 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on it!
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ideadlyhuman In reply to ??? [2017-01-24 20:35:47 +0000 UTC]
pretty good. i knew it had to be rahk. my predictions: rahk goes to 'earth' either destroys the place and they go and fight him.
or he comes back with a lot more humans.
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Dominio95 In reply to ideadlyhuman [2017-01-24 23:27:15 +0000 UTC]
I'm still in the early planning phases, but I've already got some scenes planned that should make things interesting, no matter what i settle on
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DergonArt In reply to ??? [2017-01-23 06:13:39 +0000 UTC]
Rahk Is a dragon that can destroy everything This is unexpected.
And the story goes incredible
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Dominio95 In reply to DergonArt [2017-01-23 16:14:42 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! Glad you've enjoyed it so far
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tekkitkid99 In reply to Zcoder777 [2017-01-23 17:44:53 +0000 UTC]
He obviously didn't, not yet at least. We wouldn't be living! XD
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Ferrum95 In reply to ??? [2017-01-22 22:57:39 +0000 UTC]
Quite a twist indeed... I'm eager to see what happens next.
But take your time, to me it doesn't matter how long it takes if the story is this good.
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Dominio95 In reply to Ferrum95 [2017-01-22 23:20:18 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! I've got lots of good stuff planned for the next part, including some reveals I'm very much looking forward to.
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Ischalik In reply to ??? [2017-01-22 22:48:10 +0000 UTC]
it was worth, yes
and now i have to reread the chapter of the escape/arrival...
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Dominio95 In reply to Ischalik [2017-01-22 23:18:38 +0000 UTC]
Ha, it probably has a bit of a different feel to it now, though I erred on the side of dropping too few hints. Still, there's definitely a few lines that allude to this (and later reveals, though I'd be surprised if you managed to spot them)
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Ischalik In reply to Dominio95 [2017-01-23 00:02:19 +0000 UTC]
i think i will run ahead and ignore some or all of the hints
but... at the beginning he seems like a nice guy, why is Rahk suddenly evil? because he can shapeshift?
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Dominio95 In reply to Ischalik [2017-01-23 16:14:16 +0000 UTC]
Just because he helped someone doesn't mean he's not evil. Things aren't quite as clear cut as that I'm afraid^^
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Ischalik In reply to Dominio95 [2017-01-23 22:14:29 +0000 UTC]
but but but... it's good to be bad *random dungeon keeper quote*
and...
fellow bad guys are helping each other, so, whats the problem?
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Dominio95 In reply to Ischalik [2017-01-24 11:02:52 +0000 UTC]
Ha, Arkanith certainly isn't innocent either, that's true.
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TomDwaggy In reply to Dominio95 [2017-02-08 23:51:17 +0000 UTC]
That's definitely true. Even though he seems to have come to terms with his guilt, if he stays in the path of good, I am pretty sure this is something that's going to haunt him for the rest of his life.
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Dominio95 In reply to TomDwaggy [2017-02-09 02:04:50 +0000 UTC]
Yes, those memories are definitely always going to stay with him and are a central part to his character. Though that doesn't mean there isn't going to be plenty of things for him to mull about in part 2!
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thebigeasy66 [2017-01-22 21:51:21 +0000 UTC]
Great chapter! You may have a typo near the end: "Beside me Arkanith and Loriel exchanged worried glances", I think you meant Avanor.
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Dominio95 In reply to thebigeasy66 [2017-01-22 22:16:30 +0000 UTC]
Oh, yeah, whoops. Thanks for pointing it out!
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HornDragon6 In reply to ??? [2017-01-22 21:27:51 +0000 UTC]
PLOT TWIST! Oh man, that was definitely worth the wait!
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Dominio95 In reply to HornDragon6 [2017-01-22 22:20:33 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! I was a little apprehensive about this chapter since it's the first major plot twist I've done so I'm glad the setup and delivery worked well.
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HornDragon6 In reply to Dominio95 [2017-01-22 22:22:57 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, I'd say it was extremely well done. I never saw that one coming, not even in my wildest predictions. Nice one! I'm looking forward to more!
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