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Published: 2009-03-23 01:36:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 13448; Favourites: 450; Downloads: 152
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Description
God,I can barely remember
when we were strangers
and all I knew was your name.
And I could sit next to you,
and not feel a thing.
I could look in your eyes
and not know exactly what you were thinking.
I wish I could draw out my feelings.
But all I would get
is a mess of paper and pencil
and some scrambled up picture
of demented people
with missing heads and limbs.
Or no faces.
So I write.
Because thereβs something so methodic
about the rolling of a ballpoint pen
running over college ruled paper.
Itβs an antidrug in itself-
rehab in every letter
and safety in every punctuation.
No, not like a cut.
Not like a sharp, shiny razor
slicing a beautifully, unmarked arm.
No, nothing like that.
Nothing compared to the constant typing of words
or the forming of sentences. And thoughts.
So I write.
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Comments: 193
MadJackalDelta In reply to emmaxrose [2009-04-16 16:21:06 +0000 UTC]
No worries. Keep up the good work.
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FireFaerieTalia In reply to ??? [2009-04-15 13:11:01 +0000 UTC]
Wow... Beautiful. My favourite part is this:
Because thereβs something so methodic
about the rolling of a ballpoint pen
running over college ruled paper.
Itβs an antidrug in itself-
rehab in every letter
and safety in every punctuation.
That's just... So meaningful.
β₯
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Graphite325 [2009-04-15 13:02:46 +0000 UTC]
Nicely written. The feeling about writing is mutual.
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Jared-Sol In reply to ??? [2009-04-15 12:50:05 +0000 UTC]
Very nice, I love it.
The repetition and theme of writing reminds me of Seamus Heaney's "Digging", although the styles and tones are completely different.
One minor nitpick: In the final stanza, you use the line "slicing a beautifully, unmarked arm." I don't think that makes much sense - it would either be "a beautiful, unmarked arm" or "a beautifully unmarked arm." I understand the caesura adds effect, but the choice of words doesn't go with it. I'd recommend rephrasing.
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ShiroWolf1310 In reply to ??? [2009-04-15 11:56:36 +0000 UTC]
Now this is art in words.
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divinebymarina [2009-04-15 11:31:58 +0000 UTC]
Very good! I wish I could understand every word, english it's not my first language... but I still understand what you were feeling! Keep the good work, hugs from Brazil.
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emmaxrose In reply to divinebymarina [2009-04-16 16:01:19 +0000 UTC]
Ah, thanks for reading!
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lovelifelight In reply to ??? [2009-04-15 10:39:44 +0000 UTC]
very beautiful. i wonder though, are u writing to God or something?
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emmaxrose In reply to lovelifelight [2009-04-16 16:00:57 +0000 UTC]
No, personally, I wasn't writing to God.
thank you though.
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dark-vampyre-angel13 In reply to ??? [2009-04-15 09:52:45 +0000 UTC]
nice this is awesome, love it!!! <3
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Prtoujours In reply to ??? [2009-04-15 09:20:50 +0000 UTC]
A very close friend always used to tell me.. write to "empty your feelings"..
I loved it
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emmaxrose In reply to Prtoujours [2009-04-16 16:01:42 +0000 UTC]
Mm, that's exactly what I do. (:
thanks!
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kiriromano In reply to ??? [2009-04-15 08:17:48 +0000 UTC]
Very nice, and scarily close to the reasons why I write too.
Congratulations on the DD.
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emmaxrose In reply to kiriromano [2009-04-16 16:02:28 +0000 UTC]
haha, awesome!
Thank you : D
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etto-etto In reply to ??? [2009-04-15 07:49:24 +0000 UTC]
I enjoyed everything from the second stanza onward, and I like that you repeat "So I write" twice... It give your poem a bit of a vibe--and a nice one at that! The only thing I'd say to change is here:
And I could sit next to you,
and not feel a thing.
The comma in the first line is a comma splice, and I sense that even when I read it aloud--epecially with the flow. Without the comma, however, the two lines flow much better.
Aside from that, this is nicely written poem. Contrats an the well-deserved DD.
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emmaxrose In reply to etto-etto [2009-04-16 16:03:25 +0000 UTC]
Thank you.
I add commas here and there. I know some of them aren't right. >.<
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Antilopa In reply to ??? [2009-04-15 07:44:41 +0000 UTC]
nice work!
I think it sounds a bit cut off in the end...but that's just me ...
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DailyLitDeviations In reply to ??? [2009-04-13 04:31:41 +0000 UTC]
You wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) and has been selected as our β Pick of the Dayβ. It is featured in a news article here: [link] and on our main page.
Keep writing and keep creating.
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fllnthblnk In reply to ??? [2009-04-10 09:17:38 +0000 UTC]
Very nice. A bit daunting.
My only suggestion would be to fix this part: "slicing a beautifully, unmarked arm."
The comma is incorrect like that. The line would be better if you either just omit the comma or change "beautifully" to "beautiful".
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emmaxrose In reply to rockandrollover [2009-03-23 20:32:44 +0000 UTC]
you should.
it's inspired by you.
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OfBloodandInk In reply to ??? [2009-03-23 11:40:39 +0000 UTC]
And so we are blessed, as individuals, and as humans. This is brilliant in its expression of why you write. So good.
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CharlesAndMaggie In reply to ??? [2009-03-23 01:39:00 +0000 UTC]
Nice.
I think the last stanza sounds a little forced, but that is JUST my opinion.
It's a great poem.
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emmaxrose In reply to CharlesAndMaggie [2009-03-23 01:46:13 +0000 UTC]
yeah, i guess i can see that.
thanks!
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