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emo-nerd — Straw Dog
Published: 2013-12-30 05:55:08 +0000 UTC; Views: 332; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 0
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Description
My skin is a canvas
The razor my pen that
Writes the story of my pain
In bloody lines
But like ink I cannot
Wash away
This scripture detailing every
Hate
Loathing
Disappointment
Tragedy
Worthlessness
Anger
Fear
Disgust
I take the pen and turn the
Ugly blank canvas into something
Beautiful
Worthwhile
Transcendent
But like an artist
I am never satisfied
And I will keep writing
Inking
Scratching
Scribbling
Painting
Until the canvas is beautiful
But it’s pristine innocence
Is gone
And it will never be pure again
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Comments: 7
I have been eager to critique this awesome work of art. First off, every inch and part of it is amazing. The effort is definite; showing obvious originality right from top to bottom. The picture is clear as to what a writer feels when they are writing.
As for the effort on technique, its awesome! Every concrete part of it. I love how you listed the words, then indented them purposely as an effect. In doing so, it gives the reader thought on each word and guidance to the poem. It tells the true satisfaction of a writer.
I am going to go above the one hundred words, and continue. The vision that you provide for the reader is well done. You can picture a hand writing down the essences of the work prescribed. Plus the message is clear and strong on the motivations of the writer on how they feel on the work. Creating a strong and definite impact.
~Legolas
Vision 5/5
Impact 5/5
Technique 5/5
Originality 5/5
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Wow thank you so much! I never expected to get a critique this good lol. It really means a lot that you thought so highly of this because this is the barest my writing has ever been. Short of actually coming out and saying “I do this to myself”, I’ve never written anything that’s so honest and raw, so again thank you for taking the time to read this and the kind words
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Of course! 
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Wow, showing a different point of a deep situation. Very interesting concept. Its scary but beautiful at the same time.
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Ya, this is what my insides look like. They come out occasionally when I'm feeling really depressed and sometimes I have words come to me that I put together into something. It doesn't happen all too often but this was one of those times. Thanx for the feedback
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I know that feeling girl! Usually I draw shadow creatures when I feel down and sad. I hope everything on your end gets better! I am happy that you value me feedback.
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I always value your feedback *hugs* Ya writing or drawing is a really good outlet for that kind of stuff. It's good to get it out.
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