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Endless-Reflection — The Moon's Anger. TTOTSOP.
Published: 2007-12-10 03:58:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 125; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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Description The Moon’s Anger

The clouds moved slowly in the moonless night. There was no light for miles except for the bonfire that was lit in the center of the hooded figures. One of them stood, their cloak billowing in the strong wind. It stepped slowly, it’s bare feet crunching the glass that was scattered among them all. At last, it reached the bonfire, by now the creatures feet were blood red and covered in glass. The blood seaped into the dirt, painting a beautiful portrait only the scum of the earth could see. There were no words to be said as the creature stepped into the bonfire, no remorse or second thought. No “sorrys” or pleading. Just the quiet crackling of the fire as it engulfed the creature, sending it’s robes flying about in frenzy. The wind picked up, and, the fire died. The creature stood there, translucent white skin straight from hell itself lighting up the night. A screech in tongues was heard from one of the sitting creatures, it condemned the dying thing, telling that it did not belond here or in hell. It siad the pitiful thing was to wander for many nights until it learns its lesson. To do their deeds by destroying its blood line by possession. The wind slowed and died, the clouds sped from the moon. No thing would ever glow brighter than the moon. The moon, screaming its curses from the sky, sent the fire roaring higher than it had before, glowing purple. The creature crumbled, falling into the fire, its spirit soaring towards its bloodline in the small town of Sulver. For the first time recorded in history Sulver saw snow.

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Comments: 2

wretchedteddy [2007-12-19 22:34:31 +0000 UTC]

This is fucking great! Best line(s): No thing would ever glow brighter than the moon. The moon, screaming its curses from the sky, sent the fire roaring higher than it had before, glowing purple. If you would, check this out, you might like it [link] it's similar.

The only real problems i had were the bits about the fire and wind growing and dying and how they affected the story. I don't know if there was any specific reason, i don't really know why i picked it out, just threw me off somehow. that's kinda bad critiqueness but whatever.

also just a suggestion: maybe do this like this: No thing would ever glow brighter than the moon, screaming its curses from the sky. It sent the fire roaring higher than it had before, glowing purple.

other than that, very good piece, great way to introduce the demons!

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Endless-Reflection In reply to wretchedteddy [2007-12-20 05:43:24 +0000 UTC]

thank yous. my original line was something like "the moon, glowing in its anger".. I can't really remember but I changed it because I actually quoted shakesphere.. i was kinda shocked.. i mean, it isn't like i pick up shakesphere everyday and read it.. pah shaw. i really am beginning to love my little demons, though i scare my family. it's worth it though. thanks for the critiqueness, i don't think it is bad..

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