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euphorics — Jiyu
Published: 2009-08-12 07:22:03 +0000 UTC; Views: 882; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 30
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Another Gaia freebie--this time, an awesome person's OC named Jiyu. =x Was kind of proud of it, which is why it's here.I know he's super-skinny, and his arms and legs look weird. @__@ Gahh.
..butyeah, harsh critique is still highly encouraged. >>
EDIT: Holy shiz, just went back and reread this thing. 'Tis tres tres tres, TRES stupido.
x__x I'm not usually this stupid, I swear.
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WARNING; emoemoemoemo rant ahead. D8
Do you ever feel like..you don't know who you are sometimes? As if. You're constantly putting on this stupid fake mask for the world to see.
And then there's this fear.
This fear that people will leave you if you bore them, if you depress them with your stupid depressing thoughts. People have said that they just don't know what to say sometimes, but it.. it hurts when it feels like no one cares, no one wants to be around you when you're not all happy and cheerful and exciting and whatnot.
Mehh, I dunno. .__.;; Darn you, 5 cm per Second, darn you.
I think this is why I feel like I can talk to people best when I'm half-asleep. Because THIS, this time is when I'm really myself. Or..kind of? I don't know anymore.
It's kind of painful when you realize that who you thought you were before is nothing like who you really are.
Actually, it's confusing. Do any of you ever feel like you just HAVE to know who you are? Does it bother you at all if you don't know what kind of person you are?
Because. Everywhere you see things like "Be yourself," "Be true to yourself," and so on and so forth, but how do you know how to be yourself.. when you don't even know who you are?
Is it really selfish to constantly be thinking things like that?
Is it.. really, really, really selfish to try to make people happy, and laugh, and then realize that you did all that just because you were afraid they'd get bored and leave you?
Looking at the picture now. Is it selfish to work hard on a picture for someone, have them be all happy that you worked so hard on it for them, but then realize that, really, you just wanted the practice?
Is it selfish to talk about how bad some people are.
When, really. You're no better.
..it's selfish to be typing all this here. u__u There's a blog I can rant on, but.. I don't know, I think there's some part of me that wants other people to know about the "real" me, I guess? Argh, I don't know anymore.
it's just. Yeah, I like making people laugh. Yeah, I like working hard to make friends.
..even virtual friends. Is it so bad to consider them at the same level as RL friendships?
I just don't want my life to be a joke.
Sometimes, you put yourself in a position where you can't get out anymore. And all you can blame is yourself.
..do you ever think to yourself, "Why am I working so hard?"
Or, "What's the point of all this?"
Or even, "What do I want to do with my life? Am I moving toward what I really want?"
.."What DO I want?"
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EMO RANT OVER.
Graaargh, I'm sorry. x___x Just needed to get it out of my system. /much better now yay
..Sorry I'm a teenager and prone to fits of melodramatic-ism. >>;;;
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Comments: 25
does that mean you like the shoes? 8'DD Because I liked them too.
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no. i will never wear converse.
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I absolutely love the pose, and the eyes, and the shoes, and the way you coloured it! 
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Whoooo, thank you so much! 8DD I'm glad you like it. <3
-also super honored ahhh-
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that's cute :3, I love his face and eyes c: so expresive <3
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Eeee, thank you very much! ;__; <33 Thank you for the +fave, too. I'm incredibly honored~
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oh I had to draw this guy too :0 hehe you did way better than me xD I love this ;u; especially the clothes you did a fantabulous job on them |3
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Pshh, but I love the sparkles on yours! XD And he actually looks like a guy too, lol~ ;__;
Oh andand--thank you so much for all the faves, and the +watch too! =x <33
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lol yours looks like a guy :0 he's just uke x3 which makes him adorable
you're welcome! and thank you~! <3 ;u;
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The hips are out of proportion to his shoulders. Especially for a male.
Nice colour, is that actually traditionals?
...is it a mix of traditionals and digital ?
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Don't worry about your rant. Everyone has doubt issues when they hit their mid-late teens, and it's completely natural.
You've grown enough that soon you'll be seen as an adult by yourself, others and society and that much change always causes some kind of self-doubt issues, with me, it was about my goals and future.
Just don't ignore it and don't bottle it up, and you'll be able to deal with nearly anything.
Just find someone who doesn't mind listening to your worriments (real word, I checked!), and just have a long talk til you feel better.
I've seen a good few people go through this phase, and it's definately the best way to go through it.
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Because the person was all, "he's a skinny lil' uke boy >D" so I figured.. @__@
Although I guess a guy would still have to look like one. D<; Gehh.
And yees, 'tis a mix. XD Because I can't color nicely traditionally, and I can't draw properly/at all digitally. 8D
Thank you. x__x How do you really know if that person doesn't mind listening to your, ahem, worriments though? =x (w-wait, I SEE A RED LINE UNDERNEATH IT. WHY.)
..hrmm, I guess it's one of those you'll-know-it-when-it-happens things. >> Just wondering, but was that what you did when that came along?
Also! Thanks again for reading it all and not being freaked out or anything. D: Most people would be.
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Oh yeah, I suppose that's justification enough. I mean anime styles always change the body to show the personality.
Nono, mixes are neat. This is good.
Well if they don't change the subject, seem interested, or if they respond "nope, shoot" to the question "Mind if I tell you a piece of my mind? It's probably pretty depressing", then they're probably not excessively annoyed by it.
Ehah, in my situation, the two people involved actually knew me so well that they both caught on nearly instantly that something was wrong. (THEN I GUESS YOU'RE WRONG THEN!)
Because I'd been stewing over the thoughts practically restlessly, and because it would have been weird to burst into drama when they noticed quite fast after I started thinking about it obsessively, I denied everything and ran the heck away
They chased me though, denying my denial and demanding a heart-to-heart. Which went on for something like...at least three months.
Oh, this was HS, Alex, Madi and me months ago. I've almost got the lineart for two artworks of that trio done. It should be pretty magnifico.
Seriously, the three of us are SO like fictional characters that it's amusing.
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Noo, noo. D:< That's not justification enough at all! True anime..stuff is still able to distinguish properly between a male and female, so I've gotta work on that. >>
But what if.. (AHAHAH, and thus the question onslaught begins u__u) they're just being polite? Because that's what any "good" friend would say? =x
XD I have no idea why, maybe it's the Joe Hisaishi music I'm listening to right now, but that sounds.. really awesome. You have really awesome friends. 8D Kind of feels like one of those nostalgic tight-knit-group-of-friends you always find in movies~
(AND DANGIT WHYY! ;__; )
XDDD You runner-away-er! You should really count yourself lucky that they kept asking you about it, trying to find out what was wrong. I mean..I dunno. =x Do you ever get teary-eyed or emotional in any way when friends do stuff like that?
And pff, talk about stubborn. >>
Uwhoaa, now THAT'S something I'd really like to see! O: I'ma sucker for those nostalgic-ish (need a new word argh) pictures. Can't wait~ >DD
Lool, I wouldn't be surprised to discover that some author's been secretly spying on you three for your entire lives, and plans on writing a biography-type thing/fictional-based-on-true-story thing later on. =x
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Wha? Have you been watching 5 cm per second and is it the thingy that's making you ponder such sad thoughts?
I was sort of in a weird mood for a few months a little before school ended. I'm not usually a glum person but I sort of felt depressed for weeks cuz I felt like I was just putting on a fake smile and forcing myself to laugh. But I've realized I don't need to worry about peeps at school cuz I won't see them annoying peoples after high school is over. and also I don't need them. Anywaaays I'm sure you'll get out of this lil' emotional rut. Just keep yourself busy with things you enjoy
And as corny and random as this may sound I get happy when I watch Korean dramas. Like dramas here in the U.S. are friggin full of scandals but the Korean dramas I've been watching are happy and fun despite the problems the characters go through. So if you're curious here's an ep of a series I've been watching. There's English subs ;D
[link]
As for your drawing this dude is adorable! The proportions are great, his arms are not weird, and the way you shaded his hair is marvelous! It looks so soft^-^
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Gehh, I think so. XD;; I think it's one of those one-sad-thought-leads-to-another kinda thing, y'know? So in the end, you have no idea where those thoughts came from. @__@
How come you were like that, though? =x I mean..was it because you really were annoyed by them, and didn't want to show it? And I understand the whole not-seeing-them-after-high-school's-over thing. >>; Most of the time friendships in college are the only ones that really last. But, iono, have you ever.. watched movies/animes or read books/mangas where there're always these awesome groups of friends that're friends through childhood and everything? =x It kind of makes you envy them.
(Also, I did get out of it pretty quickly, lol. x__x Thank you!)
Duude, same here! :0 Except, um, with jdramas instead, BUT STILL. English dramas're disappointing.
And thank you for the link, WHOOO. 8DD Only had a chance to glance at it, but it looks awesome already. /gonna spend the next week watching it now ohgawd
XD Woot! 'tis what I was going for. Thank you very much, youu! <33 (alsoyes, his hair looks like it'd be fun to pet. >> Lol.)
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Lol omg yeah xD
Well typically at school if I'm annoyed at someone I don't show it. I mean if I do get angry I don't blow up but it's so rare that people get surprised. Anywho sometimes I feel like I don't really click with people at my school. To put it bluntly, half of them are white jocks and cheerleaders and the other half are Mexicanos. I'm the artsy mixed-girl XD
Lol of course I've got some close friends at school but oooomg we never have the same classes and I still haven't found anyone who has the same lunch as me and school's in two weeks T_T
Anyways yeah! Like I'm reading Nana right now and like even though one of the girls is all over-the-top in her search for true love her friends who seem more laidback than her are cool with it...kind of. Well what struck me the most is that the 2 Nanas who are complete opposites clicked lolz. But yeah I can't wait until college! XD
Girl I second the motion! Lol I'd watch dramas two but I've never seen a cute Japanese guy that I liked. So far Korean dudes seem cuter to me XDDDD
Yay no probs! Lol I found out about the series when I figured out we have the Korean channel XD That series I gave the link to is pretty funneh but if you wanna see something more focused on love triangles or something along those lines then I recommend "Kicked out by love." It's about an actress who's about to be engaged to this famous dude but she's falling in love with her bodyguard who's actually trying to get revenge on her for "causing" his brother to become emotionally unstable and jump off a building (it wasn't actually her fault) but in he ends up falling in love with her!
Glad ya feel better! Lol you're welcome 'nd sorry for the longish reply? o_o;
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'hoshizzz. THIS IS SUCH A LONG REPLY--
But not as long as most of the ones I've typed up, lol. D'8 -patpat- DO NOT BE INFLUENCED BY MEEE~
Ahh, same here! 0: -highfives- I can understand the whole not-fitting-in thing. Like, even though most of my school's either asians or latinos/mexicans, and there's this big group of cool-looking artsy people (usually seniors), it's..iono, just hard to find a clique or whatever. @__@
Do you usually tend to let anger bottle up and all that, or let it go by punching a pillow (XD) or something? =x
Duuude, I've heard of the having-more-than-one-lunch thing, but never knew how it worked. Gah, that sucks. ;__; ALTHOUGH--I bet you'll end up meeting someone new, and then all will be well. >D -nodnod-
Ooh, ooh! I saw a preview thing for Nana once, but then never got around to watching it. XD; Guess it was kind of off-putting when the first thing that came up was the good (?) Nana getting into bed with some guy. >>;
Agreed, though! XD LET'S SKIP THE SATs AND GO STRAIGHT TO COLLEGE YAAAY--
Oh wait. D8
Lool, it makes me sad, but 'TIS TRUE. ;__; Iono, it kinda seems like the Japanese are better at acting (why does 1 Litre of Tears come to mind gahh), but the Koreans have the sparkly actor looks. >> Apparently the guy that plays Domyouji in Boys Over Flowers, Korean version is the most handsome-est guy alive or something. XD
Oooh, that sounds.. really REALLY cool. :0 Kinda confusing at first, but lool. Aren't they all?
Definitely gonna check that one out after the first one, and all these other dramas... >'D (DARN YOU, SCHOOL. DARN YOU.)
Lol, sorry for my even-longer reply. x__x;;
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Wheeee I think I already am! XD
Lol pssh no girl, instead I communicate and create! I mean I've got people who I find easy to talk about stuff like that, it's just they don't go to the same school as me. But yeah I truly do find solace and feel better when I do something creative whether it be playing the guitar or flute or drawing or merely writing but sometimes writing's too boring haha.
Ah thankies I appreciate your positiveness XD I've stttillll been asking peeps I know about their schedules and still no cigar. Oh well at least I have a plan for the second half of the year. I'll just spend my lunch period in the art room so I can just eat there and finish working on projects since I'll have the class then XD Gosh that sounds kind of lonely come to think of it o_O
Lol! I watched the live action movie on youtube and it was pretty entertaining even the acting at times was corny. After that though I didn't feel like reading the manga since I pretty much knew what was going to happen after watching the movie 
Yes yes and skip ACTs too! ;_;
Oooooh my gosh lololol! You know what I completely don't understand? I wanna know why issit that Japan has such amazing animation but when it comes to acting they're mediocre? I mean that's just what I think but stillll. 1 litre of tears? kay now I'm curious, what's it about? XD
Lol go for it!
Haha it's fine really xD
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I LOVEEEE YOUUU BUDDYYY ; _ ;
man LONG RANT but it's okay because everyone needs to rant and it always feels so much better after a rant, haha. ;w;
I don't think anyone can really say they know themselves and I'm always cautious around people who say they do and act so confident about it... because how can you? It's not like you're another person and you can see everything that you do, so it's not really easy to judge from just one POV. AND DUDE YOU SHOULD NEVER THINK YOU ARE SELFISH ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU DO (rofl, it sounds like a real Chinese thing to do because I do that too) because... I mean, why should you be feeling selfish that you are getting practice from giving someone something? It's more like a double-benefit to both persons.
okay I don't want to start ranting because I don't make sense when I make long paragraphs. D8
ANYWAYS I THINK THIS PICTURE IS AWESOME like everything else and asdsgdfh sorry I can't critique. ;m;
I love how you drew her face thoughhhh.
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I LOVE YOUU TOOOO. ;__; <33
Andlol, thanks for understanding~ D8;
You know, I've actually.. never thought of it like that before. That really does make sense, the whole not-being-able-to-see-yourself thing. >> Sometimes just wish we could do something about it, because, well, iono. Just gets frustrating sometimes for no reason at all. =x
AND 'HOSHIZ ARE YOU FOSRS--
Really? XD;; You're like that too? (comrade, YES)
Feeling a lot better now, so THANK YOU. 8DD And pff, I don't think anyone really makes sense when they rant. XD; Butyeah~
Lolol THANKS AGAIN YO. <33 Do not be sorray. >;D
And, h-his. u__u GAHHH WAI DOES HE LOOK LIKE A GIRL (but it's okay, he can totally be a pretty bishie/girl too XDD ).
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yeahhhh, there is not much to do and I think it gets annoying if you ask your friend CONSTANTLY things about yourself because then you just seem self-centered so... I just leave it as is and just think about the things I do before I do them. OR I TRY hahaha, depends on my state of mind. THIS WAY OF THINKING has led me to becoming unhealthily angry at friends and strangers who do things and not care about what someone else would think about that action... like... asian ladies at supermarkets, haha I RLY HATE THEM for some reason. ):
whoooa drifting off-topic so anyways. yeahhh. THINKING TOO MUCH is like good but bad. D:
OHHH GUY, SORRY. ;___; you just drew him so prettily because you draw beautifully. rofl.
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Thank you very much--for the +fav, too! 8DD <3
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