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EvilpixieA — Fighting a Future
Published: 2011-04-17 22:38:45 +0000 UTC; Views: 620; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 7
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Description
The year is now, though now we are no longer working towards our future, but running from it.Refugees from a not too distant future are appearing across the world, stopping in the present day to gather supplies before they continue back through time into a safer era, fleeing back through time to escape the future. A future that is about to happen.
Daniel Brayal, a sceptic and college drop out, is visited by a woman who like so many others claims to be from the apocalyptic future. Badly wounded and clearly unable to continue through time she gives him a gift with the message; 'I was unable to stop this from happening, but perhaps you can.' The gift; a single shocking touch that both ended her life and imprinted her similarly won powers onto him along with scattered and uncertain memories of the impending doom.
Suddenly possessing impossible abilities; super strength, endurance, the power of flight and other yet to be discovered powers, he is pitted against a future he knows nothing about.
And he is not alone: simular stories of other empowered individuals are springing up around the world. But the motives of each are uncertain and as Daniel desperately discovers his new powers he knows the most immediate attack may not come from whatever doom is scheduled, but from those that should be standing beside him.
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Comments: 35
...you know, I honestly think I'm going to have a hard time critiquing this!
The originality you've given us for a story floors me, truly! When you think about the modern day movies and books that have been coming out recently (The Knowing, 2012, etc.), you think "Great..well, we're doomed to the world inevitably blowing to pieces like a cooked grenade."
Your idea, however, is that the typical drop out, modern day low-life, is basically given a chance to turn his life around and actually make a hero of himself! Perhaps it was mere coincidence or fate, but THIS MAN was chosen to save the world from what most fear to be total destruction. It's an interesting way to look about the apocalypse, and adds an aspect that I would really like to see in other stories.
I guess what I can really say is that there are many reasons I love this concept:
1.) Defying the Apocalypse, rather than escaping it.
2.) No Monsters and cheesy sci-fi garbage.
3.) Potential Horror
4.) Super-powered, yet realistic and flexible plot.
5.) You didn't narrow it down and make it yours. Everyone has an opportunity to add in a great deal to the story, and a name like Daniel Brayal actually rings pretty nicely!
The only flaws I see:
1.) Mystery (What exactly are we finding out?)
2.) Suspense (The guy has super powers. The story will be very intense, yes, but the fear of death is rather small here.)
Possible Outcomes (To show your flexibility):
1.) Limits? (How powerful will the members make him?)
2.) Ending (His family, friends, loved ones, innocent civilians. Who will live? Who will die? Good? Evil?)
(I'm sorry if this critique is too long. I love to write what's on my mind, and this put quite a lot on my mind xD)
If it's one thing I've learned about a good book, it is that when you want the reader to FEEL, and to relate, you need to make it look real to him or her. There has to be twists, betrayals, constant obstacles, possible loss of loved ones. As Alan Wake would put it (from the game), the protagonist almost HAS to die.
I am very curious to see how this will turn out in the end if this ends up the title selected, and hope to see more from you in the future!
Sorry if I rambled too much there!
~dza1994
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I don't mind that you rambled, I actually quite adore the fact you did! It has let me catch an insight to your exact thoughts as you considered this piece and left me with quite a detailed critique! So, Thank You! For both rambling and writing this critique. Oh, and of course for being the founder of
you rock!
Anyway, back to business. The reason why I wrote this is because I think it is both railed enough and open enough for everyone to share and create using their own input and ideas. Also, this story idea may be a bit of a knee jerk reaction to my discovery that none of the other stories were presenting any good starting points for villains which are both my area expertise and my secret favorite aspect of creative story writing!
And I do not deny that before we begin with any of the story ideas there will be some kinks to iron out. No matter if we chose mine, yours, or anyone else's I look forward to working together to create this world story.
Thanks again for your honesty and support!
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hey, I have a question. does daniel's power have to include those listed above? like, super strength, endurance, flying (that one's a biggie). can it just be one supernatural trait?
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Oh, I just listed those down more as examples than anything. You can go nuts, and have fun
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aw, sweet. XD thanks!
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Devious Rating:3.5
Vision: 3
Originality:2
Technique: 3
Impact:2.5
All in all I like it. I think I have heard the whole " running back in time to get away from the future" thing before and I know I have seen the "big event gives lots of people super powers" before but for a good reason, It works.
Ultimately I think this is the one I would like to write most.
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Glad to hear it.
Yes, it is a melting pot for a lot of different reused ideas, a collage making the old the new, or at least that was what I was aiming for! Thanks for this!
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Critique:
When I start reading I could feel the ability to work out this story in an fight the apocalypse kind of story. The main character just did not make a connection to me, his skeptical character goes to waste in what the story that comes there after. Plus the entire 'there are people among us with powers' and will they do good or evil with it has bin done. Everything has a 'superhero' feel to it and to be honest, no thank you.
On it's own the story has potential and if worked out properly it could be a shiner in it's genre. But as a 'world story'it just clings to much to what is already out there and I fear if this get's chosen that there will be a lot of entry's that have already bin done.
In short a good story opt. but not for this project. If you decide to ever write it out I would not mind reading it, I will just not see myself entering anything to it if it gets chosen.
Devious Rating: 3.25
Vision:4
Originality:2
Technique: 4
Impact: 3
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Fair enough, you are entitled to your opinion and I'm interested to read what you have got to say.
However, I am a bit disappointed that you see the superhero idea as 'been done before'. If anything this is what I was trying to avoid by reworking an idea and creating something that could broach on a genre that had not been done before participially using the media we are planning on creating this story with.
Thank you anyway for you honest opinions on the subject and I hope to see you more around this group. Whatever story is chosen, I look forward to bashing heads together as we create this World Story.
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I don't have premium membership so i'll do the critique here.
Devious Rating: 4
My personal favorite of the batch. I love the concept of running away from the future--for once an apocalypse story that isn't cliche! The writing and characters (even though they haven't been developed yet) are also nice. There's just so much potential for sweetness, conflict, and a smashingly epic ending. And of course, the best part: superheroes! The flexibility of the type of superpower intrigues me. With luck this will be a rich, enjoyable, and colorful story. If this gets chosen, I'm looking forward to everyone's take on this!
Vision: 4
Originality: 4
Technique: 5
Impact: 5
fair? unfair?
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I may be the author of this particular piece and therefore bias in saying so but...
FAIR!
I'm thrilled to know this would be your pick of the group and how much you have already considered and thought through the plot and potential. I think you have got the idea of the story I was trying to push across dead on. You rock.
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Cool... I can see many ways parting from something like this... would be a great start...
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Thank you! That is what I aimed for; a world which can be shaped as it is told by the writers of this group!
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As there are many others with these strange powers the main char would find others in the plot. Every author would try to bring in his OC.... There are many many ways this could be developed...
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Indeed; if it is picked to be our world story the challenge will most likely be keeping up with it. But, I could be wrong of course. Thanks for your support.
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I don't think the problem is keeping it up, but keep the red line... In stories like this there is the huge risk of going away from the plot...
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Yes, but I think that will be a challenge with every option we have. If we restrict things too much no one is going to want to write, because the whole idea of this is that we work together to figure out the story and plot and create it while having fun at the same time.
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Yeah, but we can't begin with an idea, then write four or five pages about it and then change to an absolutely different story! We can't beginn writing about people comming back from the future and some of them try to avoid that future and suddenly they all go to moon and thats it! The rest of the story is a bad soap opera about a family living on the moon!
This is what I mean... This is what we need to take care of and what we need to avoid...
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Of course. This starting point, I would imagine, would be the main ideals, motives and theme of the story, not just a starting point. Also, our group boss:
has the job of keeping everything on the rails. We should be okay as long as we continue to rummage up new members.
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Think so, too, but we need to take care, too. Lets say there are 20 members when we start and everyone of them writes a page to participate, then tere would be 20 pages. A lot to read in my opinion. our Boss is human, too, and he can't see everything, therefor he needs help I think we should do this. As members we don't only form this group, we controll it. Without us there would be no group... (sounds quite political)
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sorry if my reply is late to this xD
you are right, and am indeed most definitely human, but this is a big perk as to why we have the critique/rating system.
I do, in fact, read all pages, no matter what, and if I cannot read them all in time, or if others cannot inform me or give ratings that would help, then I will lengthen the deadline just for that purpose!
At some point, I will end up recruiting moderators, co-founds, etc, and maybe then things will move a lot smoother and gain a lot more control.
Again, if you have any questions, don't be afraid to note me or the #WorldStory group in general
~dza1994
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Lol, yes you are right. We as a group need to work together to create this 'World Story' and though it may be a lot to read as long as this story grows then that is the ultimate goal, not to end a story prematurely, but I do see your point.
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Work hard, work together and we can move the world...story...
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oh sweet. i can just see this spinning off the canvas like the Fates have gone mad...
interesting take on time travel, i like it.
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As long as it makes for an interesting group story, then that is all I was aiming for. Something that is fun to write and isn't spotted with too many dull pages... But the other ideas so far are really good as well! We'll have to wait and see what we end up with. Thanks again for the comment!
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I also like the idea. Not too keen on the superpower aspect, but that's just me.
Today's stories, and even older stories, always involved just experiencing the apocalypse, but your story involves stopping it. I like it
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Thanks!
And don't worry about the superhero aspect; anyone who is empowered to any extent above the average person can be considered superpowered, even things like Vampires, Wizards and futuristic people fall under this catagory. So, in otherwords spandex is not a required element of this story.
Of course, I do not object to tweaking an idea as well. After all, we need a final idea that everyone is willing to write and be happy with.
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It's an idea for a group! Check out the group if you haven't all ready and I'm glad you like the idea!
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Yes, I am already in the group and this is the best so far to me.
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The best so far? I'm flattered! We'll see what others arrive and then I guess we'll determine what we want to write about. Look forward to seeing you around in the grup!
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