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Published: 2011-03-26 22:40:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 1012; Favourites: 15; Downloads: 10
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I saw a man wearing red today; a red sweatshirt with a fat white logo running in block letters down his sleeve. It matched his baggy sweatpants, but not his white and blue sneakers that sprung him forward as he jogged by.My eyes followed him as he ran, forgetting about the half eaten bowl of oatmeal I had sitting on my lap. I watched the ripple of the wind whip his hair back, the hard determined flush of his cheeks and the smooth yet loose gait of a man who was used to running.
Brave, was my first thought. He must be to wear such a bold branding colour. But then I remembered, as I always do. Things were different now; the war was over, the enemy was gone and the younger generation had reinvented the meaning of the colour red.
Red didn't used to be the colour of blood, or passion, or whatever young people today think. Red used to be an insult; a cutting jab at your loyalty, ideals and self.
"What you mean this war is pointless?" They would say. "Are you a Red or something? Are you one of these communist bastards then?" You wouldn't react like you would today. You wouldn't snap something back, or shrug off the insult. You would reel, swallow and stand tall as your pride was crushed under the heel of another man's tongue. You see, that was all you do…
Words didn't work after someone invoked the brand 'red'. You could do nothing but mutter a quiet denial and back away from the steel eyed glares that bolted themselves onto you. You couldn't protest and you couldn't try to explain or argue your point, because suddenly your point was that of the ultimate enemy. That of a distant super power headed by the hammer and sickle.
Red didn't used to be what it is today. Today it is the colour of a football team or two, the colour of the first stripe on the flag, the colour of the Republican Party and the colour of Santa's coat. It's a colour that people wear now when they are out jogging. It's a colour they don't even think about.
I looked back down at my oatmeal. I like it better this way. I like meaningless colours. I take a scoop from my bowl. If only all the colours were like that. If only I, like the others, could forget all those meanings.
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Comments: 33
xlntwtch [2011-07-05 23:47:49 +0000 UTC]
Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
Critique:
"Meaningless Colours"
A very interesting hook brings readers directly to the topic at hand- how the color 'red' has changed meaning (or lost meaning) from generation to generation. This is written by a person not in the U.S. and not among any counted as (I think) remotely "Communist" or against the Vietnam War as a civilian (or soldier) around the time of America's too long engagement there. (Hmm. I guess that says something personal about me...or not.)
1. Because the writer says s/he's not American, I simply say "...sleave..." is the wrong spelling for "...sleeve..." When in doubt, there is always this dictionary link to use - [link] - for the future, if you like.
2. I like the image of the jogger's sneakers springing him forward. That's fresh, new writing. It's good imagery.
2a. In the same way, I like how the jogger is described in about two more sentences, in such a way that readers can see him easily.
2b. Readers also get a sense of the first-person protagonist's feeling about the jogger, which lead directly to an essay-like presentation of past feelings about the color he wears: red.
3. In actuality, in the U.S.A. anyway, when people were called "Red" too often, and when they were young enough and brash enough to do something about it, they DID have words to say in return. McCarthyism was in disgrace, and so was the Vietnam war by the time the younger generation (who were being drafted) had their say.
3a. Another spelling error is here: Not "...steal eyed glares..." but "...steel-eyed glares...."
4. The beauty here isn't in what was said on some past day or not, however.
4a. The beauty is that now "red" is anything from a sports organization to clothing a near-mythical figure wears.
5. The first-person and his/her bowl of oatmeal, the way this essayist-fiction is referred to at the beginning, is returned to at the end, and in that way, this loops very nicely back to the beginning. "I like it better this way" myself. e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s… " width="15" height="15" alt="
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Generalities:
A good piece, one I might have called an essay but the writer knows what s/he wants to call it. Comments reveal the reason it's called fiction. The writer isn't an American. A few short paragraphs cover a lot of territory, discussing one color, and they do the job very well.a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/c/s… " alt=" " title="Scribblers-Anonymous"/> ...where I'm a Critic.
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EvilpixieA In reply to xlntwtch [2011-07-06 11:42:53 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much for this critique!
I'm glad you enjoyed reading my work and that you not only told me what you liked about it, but what could be better and what needed improvement. I understand the dangers of writing any historical piece in a time period within living memory and that the understanding people have of it and their experiences may clash with my work, but as I said in my comments I was hugely inspired by the events happening in U.S.A at this time and so wrote this.
Thanks again for this, it really is fantastic to read in detail what others think.
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xlntwtch In reply to EvilpixieA [2011-07-06 12:59:38 +0000 UTC]
You're very welcome! I enjoyed reading your piece too. I think it's great you were "hugely inspired by the events" that happened then, and I find that you dealt with them well.
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ActsofArt [2012-12-27 19:13:18 +0000 UTC]
Quite good. I really like how you used a single color and surrounded it with meaning. amazing piece!
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EvilpixieA In reply to ActsofArt [2012-12-27 23:35:02 +0000 UTC]
Thank you. It's an old piece now but I still think it's the shining star of my gallery.
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KikuMizu [2012-11-30 22:36:52 +0000 UTC]
So if pink was originally made as a softer form of red for men, what does that make its meaning?
I know depending on the culture, the color's meaning changes but it is interesting to see those different views with a world that has very little meaning attached to colors, and very few negative ones.
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EvilpixieA In reply to KikuMizu [2012-12-02 11:38:36 +0000 UTC]
I would say pink has lost it's meaning, and won new ones, a few hundred times over. Much like other colours. Today, I can think of several different meanings for the colour pink. So many that it is, in fact, meaningless.
Meaningless Colours.
It's an idea. I hoped you like it, and thanks so much for the comment.
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KikuMizu In reply to EvilpixieA [2012-12-02 19:22:36 +0000 UTC]
Thinking is always a good thing so I'm glad I got to see a different perspective.
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BlueRaven022 [2011-09-14 22:12:56 +0000 UTC]
Red is such a powerful color. I really think you captured it's essence here. An amazing piece.
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EvilpixieA In reply to BlueRaven022 [2011-09-15 03:51:14 +0000 UTC]
Thanks, I'm thrilled you liked it.
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Euxiom [2011-09-02 21:15:58 +0000 UTC]
Good idea to write about. I loove the last paragraph, ties things together and gets across the frustrated narrator so well.
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back-from-dah-DEAD [2011-05-23 03:06:42 +0000 UTC]
duude i think this is insane..
i've never been able to look at life like that...
you're really good :3
and i like how it's about something so simple yet deep down is extremely complexx...
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EvilpixieA In reply to back-from-dah-DEAD [2011-05-23 03:21:45 +0000 UTC]
Thanks so much! I'm thrilled to know how much you enjoyed reading.
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back-from-dah-DEAD In reply to EvilpixieA [2011-05-24 14:56:11 +0000 UTC]
duuude. i could never do that much with such a simple situation. it's epic. AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN AMERICAN you embody our spirit better than i do XD
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EvilpixieA In reply to back-from-dah-DEAD [2011-05-24 23:11:54 +0000 UTC]
I was feeling REALLY inspired when I wrote this, about America, about the recent history of America and etc. After winning the biggest contest I have ever been a part of on DA and with such positive feedback I honestly think this is my best work to date. Thanks again.
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back-from-dah-DEAD In reply to EvilpixieA [2011-05-25 02:13:33 +0000 UTC]
YAY! i liked it a loottt [: jussayin'
it's really just inspiration...
that we all forget our roots sometimes (even if they're not you know yoouurss)
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EvilpixieA In reply to back-from-dah-DEAD [2011-05-25 18:20:52 +0000 UTC]
I understand.
We need to remember history.
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DramiraSK [2011-05-09 21:36:51 +0000 UTC]
I like this! It gives information, provokes thought, and feels real.
I think the concept of how people put opinions and judgement onto silly things like colors, and how much over time symbolism changes, was expressed very well.
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EvilpixieA In reply to DramiraSK [2011-05-09 21:41:48 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! I'm thrilled you think so and it's great to hear your opinion!
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DramiraSK In reply to EvilpixieA [2011-05-09 21:45:46 +0000 UTC]
Oh, aren't you a Sweetheart!
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mynameisalice39 [2011-04-26 19:29:57 +0000 UTC]
wonderful piece! I love the line about pride being crushed by the heel of another mans tongue, very poetic
btw, the red scare wasn't during the vietnam war, if that's what you're referring to, I'm not exactly sure I understood... :S
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EvilpixieA In reply to mynameisalice39 [2011-04-26 20:13:51 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it!
And you are right: the Red Scare and the Vietnam War are in the book two different time periods, but the Vietnam war was against the Communists and that whole idea of Communism being the 'worst thing' was still highly prevalent at that time period, though I do admit in large cities the peace marches were fueling some new ideals and ways of thinking. Good work knowing your history by the way
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mynameisalice39 In reply to EvilpixieA [2011-04-27 22:46:51 +0000 UTC]
it was awesome, and gorgeous!
right! the vietnam war involved communism too...sometimes i forget these things X)
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EvilpixieA In reply to mynameisalice39 [2011-04-28 01:02:43 +0000 UTC]
Lol, it's okay, no problem. It shows you think about things.
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DesuNeko [2011-04-26 07:54:22 +0000 UTC]
This is a really great take on the theme, you convey alot of emotion in such a short space, congrats on your win
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EvilpixieA In reply to DesuNeko [2011-04-26 15:38:27 +0000 UTC]
Thanks so much! I'm thrilled you enjoyed it and could pick up on the motion so clearly.
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Airali-the-Sylph [2011-04-09 05:01:37 +0000 UTC]
Beautiful, Barb. As always. I love the idea that colours are taken for granted, and what they once were. Makes me wonder what other colours once signified.
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EvilpixieA In reply to Airali-the-Sylph [2011-04-10 03:13:34 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much. I am thrilled you enjoyed it, and I can see you got the exact meaning I was trying to portray which is fantastic.
Thank you doable for the Fav!
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icebluemusic [2011-03-29 22:36:41 +0000 UTC]
Very well written. You aged your character well.
I like that you explained a bit so we had some context.
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EvilpixieA In reply to icebluemusic [2011-04-05 02:12:22 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much! I felt really inspired when I was writing this and I felt I needed to explain a bit further what was going through my head. I'm glad you enjoyed reading!
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Camilleisabeast [2011-03-27 18:23:24 +0000 UTC]
I really like this. Red is such a powerful color, and I think you really embodied it here.
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EvilpixieA In reply to Camilleisabeast [2011-03-27 21:35:00 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! I'm really glad you like it. I felt really inspired when I wrote this one, and I hope that shows through in my writing. Again, thank you.
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