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EvilpixieA — She Asked Her
Published: 2012-06-20 06:10:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 1057; Favourites: 23; Downloads: 0
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Description
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Spelled out in cut newspaper.
'No'.
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Comments: 17
Hi there! e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w… " width="25" height="20" alt="
My second critique ever! YAY!
I will be really brave now and critique a six-word story.... I'm afraid my words will number more than yours, though!
What grabbed me about this piece, and what prompted me to write this critique, is the use of the word 'cut'.
Normally, people say 'newspaper clippings' or 'newspaper cuttings'.
The way you have written it has SO much more impact, for me anyway. It highlights the act of cutting, which is quite brutal really.
To me, this gave the piece a brutality and finality that the use of other words would not have achieved! It did not matter what the subject that prompted the message was (perhaps a refusal of marriage, rebuttal of advances, denial of guilt, rescinding of a deal.... it does not matter).
What mattered was the finality of the message and the denial of a chance of reply. I could vividly imagine the receiver reading this and empathise with their despair and loss.
I really could not think of an improvement. First, I thought perhaps to change the full stop at the end of the first sentence to a ':' to improve flow, but then I decided against it. It would diminish the finality of the last statement.
Well done! and thank you for sharing.
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Wow, thank you! I doubt I have ever received such a glowing critique.
I had this sitting in my stash for a long time, tried thousands of different word variations and grammar use; in the end I decided on what you see above, tentatively.
It's fantastic to know that the choice was right.
Thanks.
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Interesting.
I mean, cut newspaper has its own connotations, so the background story of this must be a very intriguing one.. I like how you have really emphasised how spelled out the 'No' is to make it that much more powerful all in all.
Leaves a good platform for the imagination and.. yeah, it's an interesting direction to go in there.
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Cheers.
I wish I could say I was working on it for a long time, but it was something that came to me in bits and pieces; something I only put together right at the end. All in all I am proud of it. Glad you enjoyed it.
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It's amazing how such small amount of words seem to envelope me into a the possibilities of dark situations. Great job!
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Cheers, glad you enjoyed it.
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hmm sounds really interesting you should continue ! it could go a billion different ways !!!
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Yes it can, and that I think is the reason why I quite like it. It's so... just before the plot.
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yeah i imagine some kind of scandalous murder lol my mind is not right . . .
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Oh, on the contrary, that sounds wonderfully dark. I like your mind.
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