HOME | DD

Katzzlovesushii [2015-08-22 06:47:32 +0000 UTC]

That's quite a long name ..

Anyways, that's so cool~!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ChibioChen [2015-08-20 01:29:15 +0000 UTC]

Hoooooo boy. I see a new character pop up on my feed and man, oh man, this needs a bit of a a look see.

There are a lotta things I notice/want to say about this, but to avoid somethings I'd rather not go into, Here's a disclaimer.

I am not a professional reviewer. This character review is 95% subjective, coming from my experience as a writer and a story reader. The other 5% is research from the internet, with links provided when available. You are free to ignore my review, take parts of it into consideration, or debate (Not argue) points of it with me. I post this in public because it's the easiest way to do so, and it will be removed if a calm request is given. With that, onto the review.

Now, onto the review.

First thing I want to say is I like the skeleton. Thanks for throwing a link up to the profile.

Let's start with the Basic block.

The name... wow, that's a name for sure. I understand this is a Author avatar, but Man, that's a bit of a stretch for the name. I suppose he coulda come up with it himself, but that's a bit silly.

Male...I dunno how I would check that. Age and DoB work out... but I have issues to say things about it later. Race goes along with it, but it's a minor thing. Class is an odd thing. so I'm guessing this is some kinda RPG profile.

If you don't even know where he's from, how the hell are we supposed to?

Occupation goes with what I have wrong with age, so I'll get to that in a second.

Moving to the next block. Appearance...well, he's not into edge lord territory, but his outfit is a little...extream. I mean, a suit, a skirt shorts and chains?

And 'Deep like hell', doesn't make too much sense to be honest. Maybe you meant 'Deep as hell?' And if you did mean that, the appearance and voice don't fit too well. I can blame walfas for that though.

Element is the first thing that irks me, aside from the name and the issue's I'll get into later. Space is pretty broken, but it's better than having time and space like the last incarnation of the character.

Scythes are a read flag if the character isn't some kinda reaper. He isn't, and would have a much easier time using some other, actually battle forged weapon. I will never understand how scythes got popular as weapons.

Ok, This is where the issues start. 'Power to travel between dimensions and manipulate dimensions.' That....Well, It's pretty hard to see a way that's not broken, especially when you have someone like Yukari around. Now, I know comparing his powers, which are a bit more well defined, to Yukari's is kinda unfair, but that's pretty much the first place the mind went when I read it.

Now if he had the weakness to go with such a power, I could let that one have a pass, but I can't find any real weakness besides the (less than) giant list of enemies. Suggestion here is to slap a few weaknesses on him, things that would actually hamper him outside of social situations. Perhaps something that is a drawback of the power? I really wish I could give an example here. but I would have to ponder it for a few hours to come up with a fitting weakness. And the rest of his powers just take the freaking cake. I mean, come on, what's the fun in making someone with more powers than they have limbs?

Moving on to the next box, Personal info.   I personally hate these parts, as they are just a snapshot of the character at X point in time, but that's just me. He could have a more unique dream, as most everything with a life wants to succeed in it, but success in life may mean something different to me than to you.

The amount of 'formerly's on this list makes me cringe a little, but again, that might just be me. If he's not afraid of it anymore, why put it there? His fears could be a little more unique as well. Most of those could apply to anyone.

Hobbies are good. Video games may be a stretch in Gensokyo, but I'm fairly sure this character isn't stuck in Genso, so that's a moot point.

His personality, though, is where my second big issue comes up. Yeah, he has a dark past, and he may have ADHD but using them as justifications for somethings there seem... I dunno, a little cheap. I mean, I know some people with crappy lives and a lot of mental/ medical problems, and they are some of the most well adjusted people. Also, I know you can do better than using the phrase 'shy as fuck'. That just seems lazy.

Honestly, the 'can snap between happy and deadly is such a red flag, I woulda thrown this into the 'No' pile of almost any Rp I ran. Hell, most 'unstable' characters, are simply 'unstable' as an excuse to let them act however the author feels they should, regardless of whether it makes sense or not.

Onto history, where I have a lot of minor issues. Unless his family has absolutely no names, there should be something there. A name and an age, along with their relation to him can do a great deal in making your character more of a person and less of a character. It also gives plot opportunities and options later in the writing. Consider fleshing them out as well.

Friends is another minor problem. He has alot of them, and some of them are bother other walfasers, canon characters, and more. That's risky territory, since mentioning them in your story means you have to consider THEIR story and their canons in yours...along with any inconsistencies and issues gluing them together may bring. (Before, I was saying it's too specific, and now you're too vague on the friends. find a balance.

The enemy list has the same problems as the friends list, except it has even more problems. I'mma glance over the fact that wooing over most of those characters would be a massive ordeal for even the most charismatic of people, (And the fact that you have Cthulhu and the Wata...Watasu... Moon bitches on there.) This part is the second highest on the 'consider revising' list, and I haven't even touched the history part yet.

With that said, let's move down there. And ho boy I need to take off the kiddy gloves here. Most of this part comes from the last iteration of the character sheet. This character seems to have just been the universe's play thing doesn't he?

I mean, Stopping a Tsunami, fighting Eldritch gods, stopping... whoever AKB48 is, preventing the maple world from fusing with Gensokyo, stopping a lunar invasion, and more! That's a hell of a list for a 19 year old. But that brings up one hell of an issue, that can be summed up in one question.

Why him?

Why was he the one to do all of this? Gensokyo, the Maple World, hell, even our would out here has heroes, men and women who are trained to take care of these things. What happened to all of them that made it all fall to his shoulders?

And with that, I can move on to the final issue of the profile, the biggest one of all.

HE'S 19! With all these adventures, powers, training, friends, enemies, and everything else, he has to have the most eventful life in the universe. He's done things that most people that decades to do individually, or couldn't in hundreds of years, and did them all in less than 2 decades.

This is not a good thing. You said at the start he used to be a human, and is only recently a youkai/magician. With that in mind, and knowing his birthday, I can say, with 100% certainty, Not only does that seem ridiculous, it is straight out insane.

It makes the character a joke frankly, and I'm not laughing. If he was several hundreds of years old, yeah, maybe that all would make sense, but he's 19.

You've thrown him into so many continuities, so many canons, and involved him with core characters from a lot of them. You're walking a razor's edge with this character, in the worst possible way.

I had interest in him, at first, but after just reading his profile, I'm ready to turn around and walk away. As an aspiring author, that should be a death sentence to hear.

Buuuuut, that's just my two cents. Take it with a grain of salt, and have a nice day.

TL;DR:
Read the review.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

DarkJar001 [2015-08-19 23:24:09 +0000 UTC]

*backs away*
Nope.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

clubpinguin [2015-08-19 16:33:20 +0000 UTC]

heeey i am a lunarian and i did completely nothing to you 

👍: 0 ⏩: 1