HOME | DD

Description

Drawings featuring him- see his own folder: www.deviantart.com/felisglacia…
Text updated on 23.3.2019.

The first time I saw him was in July 2010. His deep black, long wavy coat was quite eye-catching. Then I learned who he was in January 2012. But for 6 more years, I didn’t know more than his name as Håkan Sætansen, his voice reference and that he was the dark, ‘evil’ father of Matthias www.deviantart.com/felisglacia… . And I knew that Matthias had killed him…in a horrible way. Then, suddenly, in October 2017, he began to reveal himself more clearly through music and aesthetics – in a way no other siderian has ever done. In spring 2018, he was on to me like a boa constrictor, showing me all the layers of his passionate soul and intense, terrible history.

Håkan has a very sad story (see below) and if you're interested, you can read the whole avalanche of he earned the nicknames ‘The Dark One’ and ‘the Tyrant’.
If his life was not so ruined, he may have looked a lot more friendly and softer than he looks on this charactersheet. There was a constant tension on his face that wouldn't have been there if he was happy. I may draw him with his softer expression once....
-----------------------------------------------------

Names: Håkan Sætansen (pronounced as 'hawk-ahn')
see here www.pronouncenames.com/search?…
The “å” in his name sounds like “a” in the word ‘hawk’ or the short 'o' in the word 'bobcat'.
Nicknames: The Dark One, Dark matter, piece of black duct tape, ‘my black fellow’.
Species: Siderian – a horse-sized feline. They look like tiger-oriental cat hybrids with some lynx features and a wide variety of coat colours and -types.
Gender: male

Birth place: Norway – also known as the Fjordlands. Born on the Sætansen family lands, near the metacluster (so far) named MistFjord.
Birth year/date-relative to Stian’s birth year: -108
Death year - relative to Stian’s birth year: -44 (age 64 – which corresponds to ~46 in human age)

Family:
Mother: Leira
Father: Åmund Sætansen
Siblings: none. Håkan was considered a ‘bastard’ by his grandparents and the rest of the family.
Mate: Norunn Sortis
Daughter: Morissa Sætansen (first born) – charactersheet comes soon, for now: sta.sh/01r9gweu0u60
Son: Matthias Sætansen
Son: Muninn. He's a "bastard" whose mother isn't Norunn. He may later carry the Sætansen name...

APPEARANCE
Appearance & reputation: elegant, calm and silent. Intimidating due to his long black coat, tall figure and tense expression. He can just randomly appear from the shadows and is often a few steps ahead of others.
Unfortunately, dreaded and hated by nearly all other siderians. He’s locally known as ‘the Tyrant’…because that is the only side that others saw of him.

Shoulder height: 1,72 m - which is very tall for a siderian. But that runs in the family.

Physical description
Body: Tall, elegant, quite long lined and yet balanced. His musculature is rather light and flat, which gives him slender, but not skinny appearance. Although his skeleton is not overly light either. Lynx like, upwards sloping back-line with relatively long hindlegs. He has a quite flexed, cat-like stance with his legs placed far under his body. Quite long curved tail. Very big paws relative to his otherwise balanced body. He carries his head high and has a relatively long neck.
Gait: He has a silent and elegant, nearly floating gait with elevated steps. He keeps his head high, also when walking/trotting and walks quite like a stallion - see here Searing elegance

Head: Long, narrow face and a long and rather flat skull. His profile is slightly downwards sloping, and straight with a typical high ‘nose-bridge’. He has a heavy and very pronounced chin. Quite narrow, small but pronounced cheekbones. Big lateral pointing ears with a kink in the middle. Intense look on his angular shaped, bright green eyes. He has exceptionally long, even slightly flattened fangs (a little bit like sabertoothed cats), which are partly covered by his lower lips and so kept inside his mouth (that is quite a rare feature among siderians).

Fur: deep black and smooth shiny coat. Very long but sleek mane with a wave in the fine hair. The longest hairs reach far over his shoulder joint. Very long, wavy beard. The fur on the chest and connective skin on the flanks is long and wavy; as for his tail. Long fur extensions on his ankles, elbows and wrists. Quite long tufts of hair at the upper base of his ears that falls forwards. The hairline in front of his hears is quite long and goes over in his long cheekfur.

Jewelry & accessories: A pentagram necklace with a vertebra around it, which he never, ever takes off. This pentagram has been in the Sætansen family for many generations and is later passed on to Stian.
He also has many other things that he keeps in the headquarter of Fortress Sætansen (a gigantic cave) – these are mostly personal belongings like his musical instruments, his drawings, some special ecal readers.

PERSONALITY & CHARACTER
Personality and mannerisms
MBTI personality type: INFJ - T (the advocate/counsellor)

Quiet and timid by nature. He is highly intelligent, very artistic, creative and feels deeply. In fact, he is very passionate (especially about music, art, spirituality and love) and sensitive -both physically and emotionally. If his life had gone normally, he would have been quite a tender, affectionate and empathic person – to those whom he invited in his personal bubble. He is very reserved in showing his music/art but once he notices appreciation, he would blush like a tomato under his black fur and get enthusiastic to show more.

He doesn’t show his intense feelings very explicitly but his subtle facial expressions, body language and particularly his ears and whiskers reveal quite a lot. He may be shy but he can come across as stern, dominant and even a little blunt and bossy when he gets irritated or when things don’t go exactly like how he wanted it. He holds quite strong opinions and is very picky and finicky with nearly everything. He’s neat, clean and delicate in everything he does and wants control.

He is a little neophobic and prefers to stay on his own familiar territory. He initially shies away for any new, unfamiliar or unpleasant things (like mud and water…). He is very introverted and internalizes stress and frustrations. Throughout his miserable childhood and life, he had developed an intense paranoia, which he turned into brutal hatred and aggression towards anything and anybody he saw as a threat. He had never learned what affection and care was, so violence and power had become the one and only shield around his sensitive, passionate soul. Due to that, he became very unpredictable, and had even developed sadistic tendencies- as if his strong sense of empathy got turned inside out by fear and hatred.

He wants to certain things under control, which had become an obsession once turbulence hit him. On the other hand, he can be impulsive (mostly on the artistic front) which could, under the pressure of stress, translate into rage outbreaks. Later, when guilt and regret struck him, he turned it into even self-mutilation. This obsessive, compulsive need for control, combined with high intelligence had also made him a master in trickery and manipulation, so he became a powerful ‘tyrant’ in the nearby metacluster.

Type of humor: he hardly had any humor during his life. However, if things had gone normally…he would have had some art-nerd like humor and he could have been quietly amused by others behaving funnily.

Voice, manner of speaking:
Voice ref: Dimmu Borgir's Det Nye Riket: www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmbTWj… (the music and text represents him very well – voice starts at: 2:25 (translation www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/dimm… )
He usually mumbles and is generally quite silent, although he can have his more talkative moments.

Sexuality: heterosexual.
Spirituality and philosophy: he is deeply spiritual and has a very deep love and admiration for Lucifer/Satan whom siderians often call ‘the Spirit of Light and Darkness’ or the ‘Ancient Spirit of Life’. He has an intense spiritual connection to Demons and his Demonic ancestors and feels that his true home is Hell. Hellfire and Hellish Darkness is a part of his soul.
One of his sayings/philosophies is that “one should not be judged upon one’s actions alone”

Aesthetics
- This one fits his overall life (or better…lives) and soul, including the suffering and hatred - reignofsiderians.tumblr.com/po… -(or sta.sh/01e4983xaqoy )
- This one represents his true soul -
reignofsiderians.tumblr.com/po… (or sta.sh/0grr4wvtz2h )
- He even has his own blog on tumblr on which I submit stuff that matches his aesthetics. hakan-satansen.tumblr.com/

Fears: too many. He’s paranoid. Afraid to lose control and afraid of anything that could threaten his sensitive core, and his powerful position as the only ruler of the mighty Sætansen lands.
His ‘smaller’ fears are water, slippery ground and actually bold cubs because he finds them unpredictable and they invade his space.
Dreams: to find a place to rest from the constantly tormenting nightmares, visions and fears. Just to have peace with himself and the world around him so that he could let his artistic passion truly unfold. He would have loved to become a well-known and appreciated musician and artist.

Occupation, hobbies and interests:
His foremost interest and passion is music; particularly that what humans would identify as classical music. He has been playing ancient pieces and composed his own pieces since the moment that he discovered the gigantic pipe organ (a siderian equivalent) deep down in the Sætansen Fortress. Later he got hold of a siderian equivalent of a cello and used it to express his deepest tenderness. Next to music, he is also very interested in drawing and writing poetry (yes siderians sometimes write in their own cryptic signs). Also the history of his ancestors fascinated him, on both the artistic and the spiritual front and he has spend a lot of time learning about the ancient relics.

These two songs reveal the deepest of his soul – and it feels like as if plays the cello (first song) and organ (second song) himself….
- Adam Hurst: the Shallows - www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAwKGi…
- Kristen Lawrence: Death Lullaby - www.youtube.com/watch?v=maqx6b…

Unfortunately, his paranoia didn’t allow him to spend as much time in art as he wanted to. He was obsessed with keeping trespassers out of his territory and had been developing ecal-based detection systems, weapons and armor. He had also taken over the position as cluster coordinator of MistFjord. He had quite many followers who did most of the work for him, but he had to maintain his power position by regularly checking upon them.

Special skills: great artistic (musical) talent and high intelligence.

STORY
Raised in fear
Håkan’s mother (Leira) died in a hunting accident when he was only one year old and his shy father (Åmund) was still a too young adolescent to take care for him. His grandparents adopted him but raised him in a cold and hard way. They had chased Åmund away as a matter of punishment for his irresponsible actions to mate so young. Neither did they want Åmund’s cowardly behaviour anywhere near. Håkan was also very timid as kitten and he often searched the safety and affection of his grandparents, but all they did was pushing him away. He was seen as an inconvenient bastard; a shame of the family. But they felt obliged to raise him since he still carried the family name.

The discipline and hard treatment of his grandparents only backfired and made Håkan more anxious and fearful. When he was only a few years old, terrible nightmares began to torment him. Nightmares that he couldn’t explain. He was confused and scared and got no support from the elders; he had to deal with these scary nightmares himself. His grandparents often treated him as air and just called him ‘that cub’. Only during a very brief, sneaky meeting with his father, he learned what his real name was. When Håkan was around 4-5 years old, his grandmother brought him to the learning ground (a kinda open siderian ‘school’). She forced him to pretend to be a mentally damaged orphan from another family, named ‘Crow’. Håkan didn’t protest and tried to participate but the other cubs made him insecure. Their unpredictable, bold playing behavior came across as very threatening and he tried to hide. Slowly he became paranoid and his thoughts began to take irrational turns. It escalated to such an extent that Håkan tried to rip the fear and madness out of his head with his own claws. After several episodes of self-mutilation, his grandmother brought him to a healer to find out what was wrong with him (he was around 7). Little Håkan was so scared of the intimidating questions and touching that he froze and paralyzed of fear. But the healer was kind and that confused him. Never had any adult treated him so gently. She found nothing wrong and only advised to his grandmother to treat him kindly. That didn’t happen. Once Håkan had a terrible nightmare again. When he woke up he was alone and desperate for some comfort, he searched for his grandparents familiar smells and curled himself up in their bed. That was a terrible mistake. They were furious to find him there and from now on, he was to sleep outside the Fortress, alone.
Swirls of Fear

Through all the nightmares, a Demon had managed to reach him and give him some mental and spiritual support. Also his father had quickly visited him again, while trying to stay hidden from the rest of the family’s watchful eyes. In the hasty meeting, he had explained the meaning of Håkan’s real name, before he disappeared again for months. Now that Håkan was getting older, his ‘pathetic’ skittish behaviour was punished even harder. When he was around 9 years old, he no longer tried to escape or hide but instead, froze and zoned out. That seemed to piss off his grandparents even more. The nightmares were only getting worse and creepy grey threads of energy often attacked him and tried to turn him inside out or he was tortured to death by strangely shaped beings. Desperate, he searched for a way to fight his fear, but didn’t’ find it.
The awakening of anger
When Håkan was around 10-11 years old, his grandparents brought him along on hunting lessons. Prey initially intimidated him and he backed off but slowly he realized that he was, in fact, a predator. Through hunting, he learned to use this predatory aggression and along with this, he began to see one possible way out of the madness. For the first time a new emotion seeped in; anger. Once, another cub cornered him at and he had lashed out with his claws instead of running away. His grandmother punished had him for this ‘disproportionate aggression’. In an attempt to get out of her tight grip, he had bitten her paw as well. When he was around 13, he already had some noticeable mane and he was outgrowing similar aged youngsters. Some found it funny to bully him for his still fearful behaviour, despite his rather impressive height and growing ornaments. At home, his aggressive resistance against the oppression was only punished harder. It confused him; first, he they called him ‘a pathetic coward’ and now he did show strength and resistance, he was punished again. He felt that nothing was good enough. No matter what he did, they would punish him nonetheless.

During his adolescent years, he began to learn where these terrible nightmares came from; a past life in which he was trapped in a human body and forced into christianity. He remembered how he was already loyal to Lucifer and Demons and how he was tortured him to death for that. He had also gotten a stronger bond with his Demon guardian and learned that his name was Asmodon. His father Åmund had also paid him a few more short visits and he revealed a lot more of the ancient Sætansen history. Håkan got the feeling that his grandparents and his current generation didn’t care about this history of the ancient Sætansen dynasty and spiritual bonds with Demons. Knowing this history made him feel stronger and even proud. He showed increasingly more aggressive resistance against his family’s oppression and violence was becoming a form of comfort; a way to control of his own madness and fears. It was forming a thick wall around his sensitive soul. Instead of mutilating himself, he began to sadistically turn to other youngsters in MistFjord. With his high intelligence, he learned to manipulate them and get power over them. His family had noticed this power-lust too and when he was around 19 years old, they managed to surround him in MistFjord. He was to leave the family-land and the metacluster ‘or they would break him’. Håkan refused and stood ground, calling them the true traitors. A fight broke out and they had beaten him badly. Wounded and weakened he retreated himself in the deepest tunnels of MistFjord. However, he no longer tolerated this and was thinking about a the darkest possible way to strike back.

Reign of the tyrant - The Dark One
For more than a year, he secretly worked on thick leather armor, poisonous darts, energy detecting ecals and blade-like throwing weapons. He had an evil plan ready and in his early twenties, he went back to the Sætansen lands. He found his father and convinced him to work as a spy. Håkan sat out to kill them all. One by one, he wiped out the entire Sætansen family, except his own father. No one saw this coming and no one escaped his genius plan. He took the entire Sætansen Fortress for himself and only now, he realized how many ancient relics and treasures from his true family there were hidden there. He found a gigantic pipe-organ deep down in the central headquarters. Sidereus Rex it was named, and it called out for him. He quickly learned to play it and he discovered a burning passion for music that he never knew, existed.

But the feeling of victory lasted very shortly. An eerie emptiness sank down over the silent Sætansen lands; an emptiness that left a gaping hole in his soul. He had locked himself away from his deepest feelings and responded with only more violence and even hatred towards everything against him. He murdered all trespassers and his power in MistFjord was growing. He killed the current cluster coordinator and took the position for himself. His reign was now sealed and no one was to oppose him. Any potential opposition, he took immediately by the roots. He had a big group of followers whom he manipulated into working for him with rewards and false feelings of freedom and control. When humans began to settle not far from MistFjord, Håkan saw symbols among them that triggered his worst nightmares and memories: crosses. Fanatically, he burned down everything related to this cross, without leaving any traces. But the madness inside him was only getting worse and he realized very well how was heading into an impossible direction. The immense pressure from inside was causing cracks in his thick walls. He felt his sensitive, empathic soul be turned inside out and suddenly he realized how much pain and suffering he had caused. Mad of regret and crushed under the weight of all the grief that he had spread, he clawed himself open. That spread a wildfire of anger inside him and he never wanted this self-mutilation to happen again. He had to reinforce his mental and physical defenses and therefore, he needed rare, powerful ecals from the metacluster of the Island of Ice and Fire. He travelled there with a few followers but was caught by surprised and held captive by other siderians. Drowning in fear, he was afraid to lose everything and only now, he realized how fragile his power actually was. Eventually they let him go and he went back to his own land as fast as he could. He did everything to make sure that he still had all the power in MistFjord and that no trespassers could ever cross the Sætansen lands again. But once he caught one again; a silver blue sideress. He surprise-attacked her and held her in his boa-constrictor grip but something prevented him to kill her and before he realized it, he had asked her whether she had kittens or not. Her ‘yes’ prompted him to let her go and he just chased her away. Bewildered by what just happened, he went back home and pondered over the question why he couldn’t kill this trespasser.

Love turned the tide
Something in him was cracking and this gaping hole was still there, sucking him more empty. There was something missing. More power and violence didn’t fill this hole. Even playing music didn’t. Nothing did and it drove him desperate. His failure to kill this sideress brought his thoughts into another direction. He had seen other males having sex but he had never dared to do such an intimate thing himself, even though he was already 27. Once he had met a very musical sideress from whom he had demanded a special instrument (a siderian equivalent of a cello). He went back to her with a sexual interest, which seemed mutual. This first time awoke a pleasant fire in him, even though it brought his old familiar timidity back. He figured that this was what he lacked. Once he got over his initial shyness, he got addicted to it. But the more he mated, the more he realized that it didn’t fill the emptiness inside him. Maybe he just had to do it more and frustrated by not knowing how to get rid of this emptiness, he became hard if and even a bit coercive with it.

One night, when he was 29 years old, an unfamiliar sideress approached him confidently. She was obviously interested in him and her decisive approach made him take a step back. She quickly seduced him but it kept puzzling him that someone could be so genuinely interested in him; he was the terrible tyrant after all. She revealed her name as Norunn and she kept coming back. When he was alone, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. However, her confidence made him shy and insecure again. Especially when she began to lick his mane and rub her head against him. He backed off in confusion but he realized that he even liked this; could this be what he lacked? A gentle touch of affection? However, he had never learned what affection really was and how to respond to it. He only froze and didn’t know what to do. He wanted to do something back for her but he didn’t know what. Even when he was alone, back on his own land, he kept thinking about her. After a year of regular contact with Norunn in MistFjord, he realized that there had grown trust between them. He felt still clueless with showing affection back but he thought of another way to give her something in return. He invited her into his own territory; on the ancient Sætansen lands. He was surprised by his own ‘reckless’ decision, but he led her straight to his headquarter and played one of the most ancient Sætansen music pieces on the organ.

The darkness before dawn
He showed her more of the ancient relics, played more music and had told her more about the ancient dynasty. He walls were crumbing and finally, he learned what affection really meant and how to return it. He licked her over her head and purred. He couldn’t even remember the last time that he purred. They revealed a lot more about themselves and only now, Håkan realized that this was really what he lacked: love.

However, when he went back to MistFjord to reinforce his power position, terrible thoughts came back. How can someone love a tyrant and a murderer? She must be a liar, trying to get into the Sætansen lands by abusing him. When he was done with his dark business in MistFjord, he returned and confronted her with it. She was surprised but managed to talk him out of these thoughts. She had such a deep understanding of the person that he really was deep down, far behind his walls, that it kept puzzling him. He felt exposed and he couldn’t afford this weakening. Her love was burning down his protective walls and that caused him turbulence. So much turbulence that he lost control over his hanger and burst out in rage towards her. Only to regret it deeply afterwards. In those moments of regret, when Norunn had temporarily left him, he went to his always trustful, loyal father. Åmund spoke about Håkan’s mother and that she deeply loved him. That softened the pain and he apologized for his irrational behaviour once Norunn returned to him. They talked a lot about his problems and again he was struck by per patience and deep insight. The more he let the love in, the more he realized how much of that he had destroyed. How many families had he ruined? How many cubs had he killed…cubs like him? Even innocent Sætansen cubs. The regret and guilt turned him again inside out. Blood of those whom he had slain rained down on him. It drowned him. Death-screams deafened him. Fearful eyes blinded him. He couldn’t stop it. The madness swallowed him and dragged him down into dark pit of misery. Only a soft touch on his paw and a gentle voice brought him back. It was Norunn. As he came back to his senses, he saw what terrible damage he had done to his own body. He could not live this way, he could not bear the weight of his horrible deeds, he stammered. Norunn’s touch and soft purr calmed him and the pain faded. In that moment, his deeds felt forgiven and he surrendered to her love.
The One behind the Walls

The rebirth of Passion
This marked a dramatic change inside him. He was no longer scared of his crumbling walls and now he could let his passion breathe. There was a gentle touch of happiness that he had never felt before. He took Norunn on a spiritual journey down to the Sætansen heritages and told her about his relation with Demons and Lucifer. He gave her one of the old pentagram necklaces and thereby sealed her bond with the Sætensen family.

Finally, he could become himself and even his regime in MistFjord loosened. He rewarded his followers more often than he threatened and punished them. His artistic passion began to flourish as well. He had taught Norunn how to play the cello and they often played together. He had composed many new, energetic and passionate pieces in this time. Only when Norunn spoke about a cub, the insecurity struck him again. What if this is a male cub? A possible competitor? Although, with Norunn at his side, he felt strong enough to raise a cub. Once their little daughter (Morissa) was born, he shyly stayed at a distance and it took him a while before he touched her. Once he did, another part of his soul opened and he was proud of his first-born descendant. When little Morissa learned to walk and was boldly exploring his art and belongings, he struggled against returning paranoia and his tendency to control her every move. He managed to keep his turbulence at bay and even allowed her to climb onto him while he was playing the organ. It reached a point of irritation but the same time, the love for his daughter glowed. Now he had a family again and he realized how happy he was. Fortunately, Morissa never caused any problems at the learning ground and Norunn had managed to keep their bond with Håkan strictly concealed. No one knew that she was his mate and Morissa his daughter. Now Håken even felt confident enough that he once suggested to visit Norunn’s family, a few territories away. That would be a chance for Morissa to see another side of her family. After the trip, Norunn brought up the thoughts about a second cub. Still, the possibility of a male-cub frightened him, but now he was certain that he could raise a male heir too.
Embers of the Soul

An unusual son
After the birth of their son Matthias, Håkan quickly noticed that he was an unusual kitten; he didn’t search for adult care and Håkan kept himself at a distance. He did most of the hunting for Norunn and after a while, he tried to make contact with his son. Somehow, he couldn’t connect and Matthias was nonresponsive to social cues. Neither did he have a circadian rhythm and he seemed exhaustibly bold.
That began to worry Håkan. When Matthias began to walk and boldly explored his belongings and art, he felt the paranoia well up. This unstoppable boldness returned in his nightmares and growing violent tendencies crept onto him. Once he had bitten Matthias a little too hard when picking him up. Out of fear for Matthias going on nightly sneaky expeditions in his private stuff, Håkan no longer wanted to sleep with the family in his headquarter and they moved their bed (a pile of moose-furs) to another place in the Fortress. When Matthias was 6 it became evident that he was highly intelligent. His drawings and scribbles were so sophisticated that it scared Håkan. Once he caught Matthias sneaking around in his headquarter. Before he realized it, he had hooked his claws onto his son’s back and pinned him on the ground, warning him not to ever come here again. That aggressive outbreak and his loss of control scared him and he turned the frustration on to himself. When Morissa asked about the stretchmarks (during music lessons), he said that it was nothing. However, a day later, Morissa revealed that Norunn had explained her about Håkan’s problems. He felt betrayed and roared at Norunn, after which she left for a for a few days. When she came back, he admitted that he needed her support more than ever before…
Why do you come back to me?

Violence taking hold
When Norunn went to learning ground with Matthias, Morissa stayed at home and Håkan took her on adventure, together with Åmund. Håkan never knew that his father was such a good storyteller about the Sætansen history. Åmund even joined them into the Fortress and he could finally show him his musical talent. When Norunn came back and had left Matthias under the supervision of Åmund, Håkan could finally have some intimate moments with her again. However, Matthias had escaped and even bitten and scratched Åmund. Håkan and Norunn talked extensively about the increasing difficulties with Matthias. She kept motivating him and stimulate his creativity to find a solution that worked for both of them. But as soon as Håkan had the chance, he developed an alarm system (based on ecals), behind Norunn’s back. It worked and once he caught his son in forbidden places. He had had locked him up for a few days, without telling Norunn. The next time that Norunn left to MistFjord, both Morissa and Matthias joined. After a long period, she finally came back. But she was injured and said that others had found out that she was his mate. That ignited Håkan’s wildfire and he went straight to Mistfjord to kill those attackers. When he came back from his murder-trip, Norunn was very upset and confronted him with his disproportionate, unnecessary violence. That made him even more angry. “All the world is my enemy” he roared while his claws hit her shoulder. She ran away and left him in of shock of what he had just done. Regret drove him out of his mind and he bit the paw that had hit his beloved mate. The crushing bone under his fangs didn’t stop him from punishing himself and he disappeared in a swirl of madness. When he came back to his senses, there was blood everywhere. Never had he injured himself that badly. He staggered to his own headquarter to dwell on the sorrow. When Norunn returned he crawled away from like a cub with his tail between his legs; afraid of himself and that he could hurt her again. She approached him and her affection brought him back to his normal self. She treated his paw and the injuries. Norunn had forgiven him but his daughter Morissa had become more distant since this murder incident. She wanted to stay out of this madness, she said. When Håkan later learned that Matthias had killed another cub, the worries struck hard. His suspicions that Matthias was dangerous and sadistic were true. Only the spiritual visit of his mighty ancestor Sáveron, the very first carrier of the Sætansen name, brought him out of yet another vortex of ominous visions and motivated him to try and improve himself again.

Mutually exclusive madness.
As soon as Matthias became a bold, careless and unstoppable adolescent, even more genius than he was, there was no return from the downwards spiral anymore. Håkan lost himself to the violence and once, Norunn caught him strangling Matthias with his claws. She had tried her best to explain Matthias about Håkan’s problems, but he was completely insensitive. Matthias had targeted Håkan’s headquarter as if to play a game with his father. Håkan noticed that Matthias slipped through his alarm system way too often and once he caught him, he was so mad that he curled himself around his son like a constrictor snake and grabbed his throat with his fangs. Only when he realized that he was nearly killing his own boy, he let go. Shocked by his own aggression, he punished himself hard for it. He was losing the fight against himself and he was doing things behind Norunn’s back. His nightmares took nasty turns and once he dreamt that he had actually killed Matthias. That disturbed him, despite the conflicts. He kept beating his son every time he caught him in forbidden places but it didn’t help. Matthias was completely insensitive and it was as if he deliberately provoked him and searched for his sensitive spots. Nothing worked; not even chaining Matthias down, strangling him or locking him up. Desperate, he turned to the barbed chains that he once found in one of the eerie rooms.

The only moments of relief came when Matthias was in MistFjord. He was independent enough and that gave him private time with Norunn. He explained her that he was losing this battle and was giving in to the violence. She kept supporting him, gave him love and motivated him to try again. But when Matthias was 16 years old, Håkan had again nearly killed him with the barbed chains. Norunn caught him in the moment and stopped him just in time. Håkan left to retreat himself and compose the saddest piece of music that had ever come to him. He called it “Cry of the Dark One”. But even this music and the self-inflicted pain didn’t stop the growing madness inside him. He kept wondering why Norunn came back to the monster that he was and he couldn’t help but cling to her like a helpless kitten.
Within our Darkest Night

Matthias was approaching his twenties and had outsmarted Håkan quite a few times. In the few cases that Håkan did catch his son, he had beaten him badly. He didn’t tell Norunn anymore but Matthias’ wounds and his abnormally scratchy voice witnessed of the escalated violence and abuse. Once he told Norunn that he was getting so desperate that he either had to chase Matthias away for good or kill him. That upset Norunn and she expressed her fear that she might them both once…When Mattias was around 21, Håkan caught him again and told him to leave. He gave his son a last chance and indeed, Matthias left. An eerie silence followed and despite Matthias absence, Håkan felt unsafe. Norunn stayed with him most of the time, but sometimes they went to MistFjord independently. Once Norunn returned and confronted him with the disturbing news that Matthias was dead. She had heard rumors that Håkan was responsible and demanded to know what had really happened. He denied it all but Norunn knew that he had lied to her before. She left him to find out for herself but promised to come back. He desperately called her back but she was already gone…

The Dark One’s Last Cry
Sick of sorrow he had retreated himself deep down in his headquarter, the only place where he still felt a little safer. He had played some mournful music on the organ and found himself blankly staring at the wall again. Suddenly something painful hit his shoulder. Matthias stood behind him and had shot him with a paralyzing dart. “Now it is my turn” Matthias grinned while Håkan slowly collapsed. His son dragged him to the eerie room and chained him down. Over the course of several weeks, Matthias had crossed all moral limits. He had humiliated him, crippled him limb for limb and played mental torture games with him. No cry was enough to stop the raging pain. Not even Åmund could escape Matthias’ revenge and Håkan had to watch his father die and be torn apart. Agony and intense sorrow suffocated him in an heavy black fog. He felt himself floating in a dark abyss and the only thought that reached him was that he deserved to be tortured to death, after all the suffering that he had caused. Matthias went on for weeks. There was nothing left of Håkan but blood stained fur and bones. As Matthias began to strip the skin off his paw, he faded away even further. The silhouette of Norunn floated in front of him, sometimes fading into Matthias’ sadistic face. He was drifting away into the sucking pit of agony. Death crept into him like maggots. Only the faint music of his own organ brought him slowly back to the bloody remains of his body. The last thing he saw was the blurry silhouette of his beloved mate and daughter…
Cry of the Dark One

Some music references that go with the ‘chapters’ oops that is a playlist of an hour....
1. Raised in fear: Lucas King – Fear www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrx5jm…
2. Awakening of Anger – Dimmu Borgir - Sorgens Kammer del1 www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDeQI9…
3.Reign of the Tyrant: The Sarcophagus - Towards Eternal Chaos www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayRlVz…
4. Love turned the tide: this sounds like the ancient piece that he played for Norunn: Kristen Lawrence -Visitors: www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaAYSm…
5. Darkness before Down: the worst madness in his head… Nortt - hedengangen www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYRAhU…
6. The Rebirth of Passion: J.S. Bach Organ Concerto in A Minor BMV 593 after Vivaldi RV522 www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhgATp…
7. An unusual son: the insecurity began to shine through in his music - Adam Hurst – Disappearance www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgx27k…
8. Violence taking hold: Lucas King – Pain, organ version www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgpK3R…
9. Mutually exclusive madness: the piece that he composed when he realized how far he was lost sounded like this… Samuel Barber- Adagio for Strings (Organ solo): www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tnp7en…
10. The dark one’s last cry: Lucas King - Death Hymn www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y_b6h…

-----------------------------------------------------
DON'T COPY/USE ANYTHING OF THIS!

Description

Drawings featuring him- see his own folder: www.deviantart.com/felisglacia…
Text updated on 23.3.2019.

The first time I saw him was in July 2010. His deep black, long wavy coat was quite eye-catching. Then I learned who he was in January 2012. But for 6 more years, I didn’t know more than his name as Håkan Sætansen, his voice reference and that he was the dark, ‘evil’ father of Matthias www.deviantart.com/felisglacia… . And I knew that Matthias had killed him…in a horrible way. Then, suddenly, in October 2017, he began to reveal himself more clearly through music and aesthetics – in a way no other siderian has ever done. In spring 2018, he was on to me like a boa constrictor, showing me all the layers of his passionate soul and intense, terrible history.

Håkan has a very sad story (see below) and if you're interested, you can read the whole avalanche of he earned the nicknames ‘The Dark One’ and ‘the Tyrant’.
If his life was not so ruined, he may have looked a lot more friendly and softer than he looks on this charactersheet. There was a constant tension on his face that wouldn't have been there if he was happy. I may draw him with his softer expression once....
-----------------------------------------------------

Names: Håkan Sætansen (pronounced as 'hawk-ahn')
see here www.pronouncenames.com/search?…
The “å” in his name sounds like “a” in the word ‘hawk’ or the short 'o' in the word 'bobcat'.
Nicknames: The Dark One, Dark matter, piece of black duct tape, ‘my black fellow’.
Species: Siderian – a horse-sized feline. They look like tiger-oriental cat hybrids with some lynx features and a wide variety of coat colours and -types.
Gender: male

Birth place: Norway – also known as the Fjordlands. Born on the Sætansen family lands, near the metacluster (so far) named MistFjord.
Birth year/date-relative to Stian’s birth year: -108
Death year - relative to Stian’s birth year: -44 (age 64 – which corresponds to ~46 in human age)

Family:
Mother: Leira
Father: Åmund Sætansen
Siblings: none. Håkan was considered a ‘bastard’ by his grandparents and the rest of the family.
Mate: Norunn Sortis
Daughter: Morissa Sætansen (first born) – charactersheet comes soon, for now: sta.sh/01r9gweu0u60
Son: Matthias Sætansen
Son: Muninn. He's a "bastard" whose mother isn't Norunn. He may later carry the Sætansen name...

APPEARANCE
Appearance & reputation: elegant, calm and silent. Intimidating due to his long black coat, tall figure and tense expression. He can just randomly appear from the shadows and is often a few steps ahead of others.
Unfortunately, dreaded and hated by nearly all other siderians. He’s locally known as ‘the Tyrant’…because that is the only side that others saw of him.

Shoulder height: 1,72 m - which is very tall for a siderian. But that runs in the family.

Physical description
Body: Tall, elegant, quite long lined and yet balanced. His musculature is rather light and flat, which gives him slender, but not skinny appearance. Although his skeleton is not overly light either. Lynx like, upwards sloping back-line with relatively long hindlegs. He has a quite flexed, cat-like stance with his legs placed far under his body. Quite long curved tail. Very big paws relative to his otherwise balanced body. He carries his head high and has a relatively long neck.
Gait: He has a silent and elegant, nearly floating gait with elevated steps. He keeps his head high, also when walking/trotting and walks quite like a stallion - see here Searing elegance

Head: Long, narrow face and a long and rather flat skull. His profile is slightly downwards sloping, and straight with a typical high ‘nose-bridge’. He has a heavy and very pronounced chin. Quite narrow, small but pronounced cheekbones. Big lateral pointing ears with a kink in the middle. Intense look on his angular shaped, bright green eyes. He has exceptionally long, even slightly flattened fangs (a little bit like sabertoothed cats), which are partly covered by his lower lips and so kept inside his mouth (that is quite a rare feature among siderians).

Fur: deep black and smooth shiny coat. Very long but sleek mane with a wave in the fine hair. The longest hairs reach far over his shoulder joint. Very long, wavy beard. The fur on the chest and connective skin on the flanks is long and wavy; as for his tail. Long fur extensions on his ankles, elbows and wrists. Quite long tufts of hair at the upper base of his ears that falls forwards. The hairline in front of his hears is quite long and goes over in his long cheekfur.

Jewelry & accessories: A pentagram necklace with a vertebra around it, which he never, ever takes off. This pentagram has been in the Sætansen family for many generations and is later passed on to Stian.
He also has many other things that he keeps in the headquarter of Fortress Sætansen (a gigantic cave) – these are mostly personal belongings like his musical instruments, his drawings, some special ecal readers.

PERSONALITY & CHARACTER
Personality and mannerisms
MBTI personality type: INFJ - T (the advocate/counsellor)

Quiet and timid by nature. He is highly intelligent, very artistic, creative and feels deeply. In fact, he is very passionate (especially about music, art, spirituality and love) and sensitive -both physically and emotionally. If his life had gone normally, he would have been quite a tender, affectionate and empathic person – to those whom he invited in his personal bubble. He is very reserved in showing his music/art but once he notices appreciation, he would blush like a tomato under his black fur and get enthusiastic to show more.

He doesn’t show his intense feelings very explicitly but his subtle facial expressions, body language and particularly his ears and whiskers reveal quite a lot. He may be shy but he can come across as stern, dominant and even a little blunt and bossy when he gets irritated or when things don’t go exactly like how he wanted it. He holds quite strong opinions and is very picky and finicky with nearly everything. He’s neat, clean and delicate in everything he does and wants control.

He is a little neophobic and prefers to stay on his own familiar territory. He initially shies away for any new, unfamiliar or unpleasant things (like mud and water…). He is very introverted and internalizes stress and frustrations. Throughout his miserable childhood and life, he had developed an intense paranoia, which he turned into brutal hatred and aggression towards anything and anybody he saw as a threat. He had never learned what affection and care was, so violence and power had become the one and only shield around his sensitive, passionate soul. Due to that, he became very unpredictable, and had even developed sadistic tendencies- as if his strong sense of empathy got turned inside out by fear and hatred.

He wants to certain things under control, which had become an obsession once turbulence hit him. On the other hand, he can be impulsive (mostly on the artistic front) which could, under the pressure of stress, translate into rage outbreaks. Later, when guilt and regret struck him, he turned it into even self-mutilation. This obsessive, compulsive need for control, combined with high intelligence had also made him a master in trickery and manipulation, so he became a powerful ‘tyrant’ in the nearby metacluster.

Type of humor: he hardly had any humor during his life. However, if things had gone normally…he would have had some art-nerd like humor and he could have been quietly amused by others behaving funnily.

Voice, manner of speaking:
Voice ref: Dimmu Borgir's Det Nye Riket: www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmbTWj… (the music and text represents him very well – voice starts at: 2:25 (translation www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/dimm… )
He usually mumbles and is generally quite silent, although he can have his more talkative moments.

Sexuality: heterosexual.
Spirituality and philosophy: he is deeply spiritual and has a very deep love and admiration for Lucifer/Satan whom siderians often call ‘the Spirit of Light and Darkness’ or the ‘Ancient Spirit of Life’. He has an intense spiritual connection to Demons and his Demonic ancestors and feels that his true home is Hell. Hellfire and Hellish Darkness is a part of his soul.
One of his sayings/philosophies is that “one should not be judged upon one’s actions alone”

Aesthetics
- This one fits his overall life (or better…lives) and soul, including the suffering and hatred - reignofsiderians.tumblr.com/po… -(or sta.sh/01e4983xaqoy )
- This one represents his true soul -
reignofsiderians.tumblr.com/po… (or sta.sh/0grr4wvtz2h )
- He even has his own blog on tumblr on which I submit stuff that matches his aesthetics. hakan-satansen.tumblr.com/

Fears: too many. He’s paranoid. Afraid to lose control and afraid of anything that could threaten his sensitive core, and his powerful position as the only ruler of the mighty Sætansen lands.
His ‘smaller’ fears are water, slippery ground and actually bold cubs because he finds them unpredictable and they invade his space.
Dreams: to find a place to rest from the constantly tormenting nightmares, visions and fears. Just to have peace with himself and the world around him so that he could let his artistic passion truly unfold. He would have loved to become a well-known and appreciated musician and artist.

Occupation, hobbies and interests:
His foremost interest and passion is music; particularly that what humans would identify as classical music. He has been playing ancient pieces and composed his own pieces since the moment that he discovered the gigantic pipe organ (a siderian equivalent) deep down in the Sætansen Fortress. Later he got hold of a siderian equivalent of a cello and used it to express his deepest tenderness. Next to music, he is also very interested in drawing and writing poetry (yes siderians sometimes write in their own cryptic signs). Also the history of his ancestors fascinated him, on both the artistic and the spiritual front and he has spend a lot of time learning about the ancient relics.

These two songs reveal the deepest of his soul – and it feels like as if plays the cello (first song) and organ (second song) himself….
- Adam Hurst: the Shallows - www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAwKGi…
- Kristen Lawrence: Death Lullaby - www.youtube.com/watch?v=maqx6b…

Unfortunately, his paranoia didn’t allow him to spend as much time in art as he wanted to. He was obsessed with keeping trespassers out of his territory and had been developing ecal-based detection systems, weapons and armor. He had also taken over the position as cluster coordinator of MistFjord. He had quite many followers who did most of the work for him, but he had to maintain his power position by regularly checking upon them.

Special skills: great artistic (musical) talent and high intelligence.

STORY
Raised in fear
Håkan’s mother (Leira) died in a hunting accident when he was only one year old and his shy father (Åmund) was still a too young adolescent to take care for him. His grandparents adopted him but raised him in a cold and hard way. They had chased Åmund away as a matter of punishment for his irresponsible actions to mate so young. Neither did they want Åmund’s cowardly behaviour anywhere near. Håkan was also very timid as kitten and he often searched the safety and affection of his grandparents, but all they did was pushing him away. He was seen as an inconvenient bastard; a shame of the family. But they felt obliged to raise him since he still carried the family name.

The discipline and hard treatment of his grandparents only backfired and made Håkan more anxious and fearful. When he was only a few years old, terrible nightmares began to torment him. Nightmares that he couldn’t explain. He was confused and scared and got no support from the elders; he had to deal with these scary nightmares himself. His grandparents often treated him as air and just called him ‘that cub’. Only during a very brief, sneaky meeting with his father, he learned what his real name was. When Håkan was around 4-5 years old, his grandmother brought him to the learning ground (a kinda open siderian ‘school’). She forced him to pretend to be a mentally damaged orphan from another family, named ‘Crow’. Håkan didn’t protest and tried to participate but the other cubs made him insecure. Their unpredictable, bold playing behavior came across as very threatening and he tried to hide. Slowly he became paranoid and his thoughts began to take irrational turns. It escalated to such an extent that Håkan tried to rip the fear and madness out of his head with his own claws. After several episodes of self-mutilation, his grandmother brought him to a healer to find out what was wrong with him (he was around 7). Little Håkan was so scared of the intimidating questions and touching that he froze and paralyzed of fear. But the healer was kind and that confused him. Never had any adult treated him so gently. She found nothing wrong and only advised to his grandmother to treat him kindly. That didn’t happen. Once Håkan had a terrible nightmare again. When he woke up he was alone and desperate for some comfort, he searched for his grandparents familiar smells and curled himself up in their bed. That was a terrible mistake. They were furious to find him there and from now on, he was to sleep outside the Fortress, alone.
Swirls of Fear

Through all the nightmares, a Demon had managed to reach him and give him some mental and spiritual support. Also his father had quickly visited him again, while trying to stay hidden from the rest of the family’s watchful eyes. In the hasty meeting, he had explained the meaning of Håkan’s real name, before he disappeared again for months. Now that Håkan was getting older, his ‘pathetic’ skittish behaviour was punished even harder. When he was around 9 years old, he no longer tried to escape or hide but instead, froze and zoned out. That seemed to piss off his grandparents even more. The nightmares were only getting worse and creepy grey threads of energy often attacked him and tried to turn him inside out or he was tortured to death by strangely shaped beings. Desperate, he searched for a way to fight his fear, but didn’t’ find it.
The awakening of anger
When Håkan was around 10-11 years old, his grandparents brought him along on hunting lessons. Prey initially intimidated him and he backed off but slowly he realized that he was, in fact, a predator. Through hunting, he learned to use this predatory aggression and along with this, he began to see one possible way out of the madness. For the first time a new emotion seeped in; anger. Once, another cub cornered him at and he had lashed out with his claws instead of running away. His grandmother punished had him for this ‘disproportionate aggression’. In an attempt to get out of her tight grip, he had bitten her paw as well. When he was around 13, he already had some noticeable mane and he was outgrowing similar aged youngsters. Some found it funny to bully him for his still fearful behaviour, despite his rather impressive height and growing ornaments. At home, his aggressive resistance against the oppression was only punished harder. It confused him; first, he they called him ‘a pathetic coward’ and now he did show strength and resistance, he was punished again. He felt that nothing was good enough. No matter what he did, they would punish him nonetheless.

During his adolescent years, he began to learn where these terrible nightmares came from; a past life in which he was trapped in a human body and forced into christianity. He remembered how he was already loyal to Lucifer and Demons and how he was tortured him to death for that. He had also gotten a stronger bond with his Demon guardian and learned that his name was Asmodon. His father Åmund had also paid him a few more short visits and he revealed a lot more of the ancient Sætansen history. Håkan got the feeling that his grandparents and his current generation didn’t care about this history of the ancient Sætansen dynasty and spiritual bonds with Demons. Knowing this history made him feel stronger and even proud. He showed increasingly more aggressive resistance against his family’s oppression and violence was becoming a form of comfort; a way to control of his own madness and fears. It was forming a thick wall around his sensitive soul. Instead of mutilating himself, he began to sadistically turn to other youngsters in MistFjord. With his high intelligence, he learned to manipulate them and get power over them. His family had noticed this power-lust too and when he was around 19 years old, they managed to surround him in MistFjord. He was to leave the family-land and the metacluster ‘or they would break him’. Håkan refused and stood ground, calling them the true traitors. A fight broke out and they had beaten him badly. Wounded and weakened he retreated himself in the deepest tunnels of MistFjord. However, he no longer tolerated this and was thinking about a the darkest possible way to strike back.

Reign of the tyrant - The Dark One
For more than a year, he secretly worked on thick leather armor, poisonous darts, energy detecting ecals and blade-like throwing weapons. He had an evil plan ready and in his early twenties, he went back to the Sætansen lands. He found his father and convinced him to work as a spy. Håkan sat out to kill them all. One by one, he wiped out the entire Sætansen family, except his own father. No one saw this coming and no one escaped his genius plan. He took the entire Sætansen Fortress for himself and only now, he realized how many ancient relics and treasures from his true family there were hidden there. He found a gigantic pipe-organ deep down in the central headquarters. Sidereus Rex it was named, and it called out for him. He quickly learned to play it and he discovered a burning passion for music that he never knew, existed.

But the feeling of victory lasted very shortly. An eerie emptiness sank down over the silent Sætansen lands; an emptiness that left a gaping hole in his soul. He had locked himself away from his deepest feelings and responded with only more violence and even hatred towards everything against him. He murdered all trespassers and his power in MistFjord was growing. He killed the current cluster coordinator and took the position for himself. His reign was now sealed and no one was to oppose him. Any potential opposition, he took immediately by the roots. He had a big group of followers whom he manipulated into working for him with rewards and false feelings of freedom and control. When humans began to settle not far from MistFjord, Håkan saw symbols among them that triggered his worst nightmares and memories: crosses. Fanatically, he burned down everything related to this cross, without leaving any traces. But the madness inside him was only getting worse and he realized very well how was heading into an impossible direction. The immense pressure from inside was causing cracks in his thick walls. He felt his sensitive, empathic soul be turned inside out and suddenly he realized how much pain and suffering he had caused. Mad of regret and crushed under the weight of all the grief that he had spread, he clawed himself open. That spread a wildfire of anger inside him and he never wanted this self-mutilation to happen again. He had to reinforce his mental and physical defenses and therefore, he needed rare, powerful ecals from the metacluster of the Island of Ice and Fire. He travelled there with a few followers but was caught by surprised and held captive by other siderians. Drowning in fear, he was afraid to lose everything and only now, he realized how fragile his power actually was. Eventually they let him go and he went back to his own land as fast as he could. He did everything to make sure that he still had all the power in MistFjord and that no trespassers could ever cross the Sætansen lands again. But once he caught one again; a silver blue sideress. He surprise-attacked her and held her in his boa-constrictor grip but something prevented him to kill her and before he realized it, he had asked her whether she had kittens or not. Her ‘yes’ prompted him to let her go and he just chased her away. Bewildered by what just happened, he went back home and pondered over the question why he couldn’t kill this trespasser.

Love turned the tide
Something in him was cracking and this gaping hole was still there, sucking him more empty. There was something missing. More power and violence didn’t fill this hole. Even playing music didn’t. Nothing did and it drove him desperate. His failure to kill this sideress brought his thoughts into another direction. He had seen other males having sex but he had never dared to do such an intimate thing himself, even though he was already 27. Once he had met a very musical sideress from whom he had demanded a special instrument (a siderian equivalent of a cello). He went back to her with a sexual interest, which seemed mutual. This first time awoke a pleasant fire in him, even though it brought his old familiar timidity back. He figured that this was what he lacked. Once he got over his initial shyness, he got addicted to it. But the more he mated, the more he realized that it didn’t fill the emptiness inside him. Maybe he just had to do it more and frustrated by not knowing how to get rid of this emptiness, he became hard if and even a bit coercive with it.

One night, when he was 29 years old, an unfamiliar sideress approached him confidently. She was obviously interested in him and her decisive approach made him take a step back. She quickly seduced him but it kept puzzling him that someone could be so genuinely interested in him; he was the terrible tyrant after all. She revealed her name as Norunn and she kept coming back. When he was alone, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. However, her confidence made him shy and insecure again. Especially when she began to lick his mane and rub her head against him. He backed off in confusion but he realized that he even liked this; could this be what he lacked? A gentle touch of affection? However, he had never learned what affection really was and how to respond to it. He only froze and didn’t know what to do. He wanted to do something back for her but he didn’t know what. Even when he was alone, back on his own land, he kept thinking about her. After a year of regular contact with Norunn in MistFjord, he realized that there had grown trust between them. He felt still clueless with showing affection back but he thought of another way to give her something in return. He invited her into his own territory; on the ancient Sætansen lands. He was surprised by his own ‘reckless’ decision, but he led her straight to his headquarter and played one of the most ancient Sætansen music pieces on the organ.

The darkness before dawn
He showed her more of the ancient relics, played more music and had told her more about the ancient dynasty. He walls were crumbing and finally, he learned what affection really meant and how to return it. He licked her over her head and purred. He couldn’t even remember the last time that he purred. They revealed a lot more about themselves and only now, Håkan realized that this was really what he lacked: love.

However, when he went back to MistFjord to reinforce his power position, terrible thoughts came back. How can someone love a tyrant and a murderer? She must be a liar, trying to get into the Sætansen lands by abusing him. When he was done with his dark business in MistFjord, he returned and confronted her with it. She was surprised but managed to talk him out of these thoughts. She had such a deep understanding of the person that he really was deep down, far behind his walls, that it kept puzzling him. He felt exposed and he couldn’t afford this weakening. Her love was burning down his protective walls and that caused him turbulence. So much turbulence that he lost control over his hanger and burst out in rage towards her. Only to regret it deeply afterwards. In those moments of regret, when Norunn had temporarily left him, he went to his always trustful, loyal father. Åmund spoke about Håkan’s mother and that she deeply loved him. That softened the pain and he apologized for his irrational behaviour once Norunn returned to him. They talked a lot about his problems and again he was struck by per patience and deep insight. The more he let the love in, the more he realized how much of that he had destroyed. How many families had he ruined? How many cubs had he killed…cubs like him? Even innocent Sætansen cubs. The regret and guilt turned him again inside out. Blood of those whom he had slain rained down on him. It drowned him. Death-screams deafened him. Fearful eyes blinded him. He couldn’t stop it. The madness swallowed him and dragged him down into dark pit of misery. Only a soft touch on his paw and a gentle voice brought him back. It was Norunn. As he came back to his senses, he saw what terrible damage he had done to his own body. He could not live this way, he could not bear the weight of his horrible deeds, he stammered. Norunn’s touch and soft purr calmed him and the pain faded. In that moment, his deeds felt forgiven and he surrendered to her love.
The One behind the Walls

The rebirth of Passion
This marked a dramatic change inside him. He was no longer scared of his crumbling walls and now he could let his passion breathe. There was a gentle touch of happiness that he had never felt before. He took Norunn on a spiritual journey down to the Sætansen heritages and told her about his relation with Demons and Lucifer. He gave her one of the old pentagram necklaces and thereby sealed her bond with the Sætensen family.

Finally, he could become himself and even his regime in MistFjord loosened. He rewarded his followers more often than he threatened and punished them. His artistic passion began to flourish as well. He had taught Norunn how to play the cello and they often played together. He had composed many new, energetic and passionate pieces in this time. Only when Norunn spoke about a cub, the insecurity struck him again. What if this is a male cub? A possible competitor? Although, with Norunn at his side, he felt strong enough to raise a cub. Once their little daughter (Morissa) was born, he shyly stayed at a distance and it took him a while before he touched her. Once he did, another part of his soul opened and he was proud of his first-born descendant. When little Morissa learned to walk and was boldly exploring his art and belongings, he struggled against returning paranoia and his tendency to control her every move. He managed to keep his turbulence at bay and even allowed her to climb onto him while he was playing the organ. It reached a point of irritation but the same time, the love for his daughter glowed. Now he had a family again and he realized how happy he was. Fortunately, Morissa never caused any problems at the learning ground and Norunn had managed to keep their bond with Håkan strictly concealed. No one knew that she was his mate and Morissa his daughter. Now Håken even felt confident enough that he once suggested to visit Norunn’s family, a few territories away. That would be a chance for Morissa to see another side of her family. After the trip, Norunn brought up the thoughts about a second cub. Still, the possibility of a male-cub frightened him, but now he was certain that he could raise a male heir too.
Embers of the Soul

An unusual son
After the birth of their son Matthias, Håkan quickly noticed that he was an unusual kitten; he didn’t search for adult care and Håkan kept himself at a distance. He did most of the hunting for Norunn and after a while, he tried to make contact with his son. Somehow, he couldn’t connect and Matthias was nonresponsive to social cues. Neither did he have a circadian rhythm and he seemed exhaustibly bold.
That began to worry Håkan. When Matthias began to walk and boldly explored his belongings and art, he felt the paranoia well up. This unstoppable boldness returned in his nightmares and growing violent tendencies crept onto him. Once he had bitten Matthias a little too hard when picking him up. Out of fear for Matthias going on nightly sneaky expeditions in his private stuff, Håkan no longer wanted to sleep with the family in his headquarter and they moved their bed (a pile of moose-furs) to another place in the Fortress. When Matthias was 6 it became evident that he was highly intelligent. His drawings and scribbles were so sophisticated that it scared Håkan. Once he caught Matthias sneaking around in his headquarter. Before he realized it, he had hooked his claws onto his son’s back and pinned him on the ground, warning him not to ever come here again. That aggressive outbreak and his loss of control scared him and he turned the frustration on to himself. When Morissa asked about the stretchmarks (during music lessons), he said that it was nothing. However, a day later, Morissa revealed that Norunn had explained her about Håkan’s problems. He felt betrayed and roared at Norunn, after which she left for a for a few days. When she came back, he admitted that he needed her support more than ever before…
Why do you come back to me?

Violence taking hold
When Norunn went to learning ground with Matthias, Morissa stayed at home and Håkan took her on adventure, together with Åmund. Håkan never knew that his father was such a good storyteller about the Sætansen history. Åmund even joined them into the Fortress and he could finally show him his musical talent. When Norunn came back and had left Matthias under the supervision of Åmund, Håkan could finally have some intimate moments with her again. However, Matthias had escaped and even bitten and scratched Åmund. Håkan and Norunn talked extensively about the increasing difficulties with Matthias. She kept motivating him and stimulate his creativity to find a solution that worked for both of them. But as soon as Håkan had the chance, he developed an alarm system (based on ecals), behind Norunn’s back. It worked and once he caught his son in forbidden places. He had had locked him up for a few days, without telling Norunn. The next time that Norunn left to MistFjord, both Morissa and Matthias joined. After a long period, she finally came back. But she was injured and said that others had found out that she was his mate. That ignited Håkan’s wildfire and he went straight to Mistfjord to kill those attackers. When he came back from his murder-trip, Norunn was very upset and confronted him with his disproportionate, unnecessary violence. That made him even more angry. “All the world is my enemy” he roared while his claws hit her shoulder. She ran away and left him in of shock of what he had just done. Regret drove him out of his mind and he bit the paw that had hit his beloved mate. The crushing bone under his fangs didn’t stop him from punishing himself and he disappeared in a swirl of madness. When he came back to his senses, there was blood everywhere. Never had he injured himself that badly. He staggered to his own headquarter to dwell on the sorrow. When Norunn returned he crawled away from like a cub with his tail between his legs; afraid of himself and that he could hurt her again. She approached him and her affection brought him back to his normal self. She treated his paw and the injuries. Norunn had forgiven him but his daughter Morissa had become more distant since this murder incident. She wanted to stay out of this madness, she said. When Håkan later learned that Matthias had killed another cub, the worries struck hard. His suspicions that Matthias was dangerous and sadistic were true. Only the spiritual visit of his mighty ancestor Sáveron, the very first carrier of the Sætansen name, brought him out of yet another vortex of ominous visions and motivated him to try and improve himself again.

Mutually exclusive madness.
As soon as Matthias became a bold, careless and unstoppable adolescent, even more genius than he was, there was no return from the downwards spiral anymore. Håkan lost himself to the violence and once, Norunn caught him strangling Matthias with his claws. She had tried her best to explain Matthias about Håkan’s problems, but he was completely insensitive. Matthias had targeted Håkan’s headquarter as if to play a game with his father. Håkan noticed that Matthias slipped through his alarm system way too often and once he caught him, he was so mad that he curled himself around his son like a constrictor snake and grabbed his throat with his fangs. Only when he realized that he was nearly killing his own boy, he let go. Shocked by his own aggression, he punished himself hard for it. He was losing the fight against himself and he was doing things behind Norunn’s back. His nightmares took nasty turns and once he dreamt that he had actually killed Matthias. That disturbed him, despite the conflicts. He kept beating his son every time he caught him in forbidden places but it didn’t help. Matthias was completely insensitive and it was as if he deliberately provoked him and searched for his sensitive spots. Nothing worked; not even chaining Matthias down, strangling him or locking him up. Desperate, he turned to the barbed chains that he once found in one of the eerie rooms.

The only moments of relief came when Matthias was in MistFjord. He was independent enough and that gave him private time with Norunn. He explained her that he was losing this battle and was giving in to the violence. She kept supporting him, gave him love and motivated him to try again. But when Matthias was 16 years old, Håkan had again nearly killed him with the barbed chains. Norunn caught him in the moment and stopped him just in time. Håkan left to retreat himself and compose the saddest piece of music that had ever come to him. He called it “Cry of the Dark One”. But even this music and the self-inflicted pain didn’t stop the growing madness inside him. He kept wondering why Norunn came back to the monster that he was and he couldn’t help but cling to her like a helpless kitten.
Within our Darkest Night

Matthias was approaching his twenties and had outsmarted Håkan quite a few times. In the few cases that Håkan did catch his son, he had beaten him badly. He didn’t tell Norunn anymore but Matthias’ wounds and his abnormally scratchy voice witnessed of the escalated violence and abuse. Once he told Norunn that he was getting so desperate that he either had to chase Matthias away for good or kill him. That upset Norunn and she expressed her fear that she might them both once…When Mattias was around 21, Håkan caught him again and told him to leave. He gave his son a last chance and indeed, Matthias left. An eerie silence followed and despite Matthias absence, Håkan felt unsafe. Norunn stayed with him most of the time, but sometimes they went to MistFjord independently. Once Norunn returned and confronted him with the disturbing news that Matthias was dead. She had heard rumors that Håkan was responsible and demanded to know what had really happened. He denied it all but Norunn knew that he had lied to her before. She left him to find out for herself but promised to come back. He desperately called her back but she was already gone…

The Dark One’s Last Cry
Sick of sorrow he had retreated himself deep down in his headquarter, the only place where he still felt a little safer. He had played some mournful music on the organ and found himself blankly staring at the wall again. Suddenly something painful hit his shoulder. Matthias stood behind him and had shot him with a paralyzing dart. “Now it is my turn” Matthias grinned while Håkan slowly collapsed. His son dragged him to the eerie room and chained him down. Over the course of several weeks, Matthias had crossed all moral limits. He had humiliated him, crippled him limb for limb and played mental torture games with him. No cry was enough to stop the raging pain. Not even Åmund could escape Matthias’ revenge and Håkan had to watch his father die and be torn apart. Agony and intense sorrow suffocated him in an heavy black fog. He felt himself floating in a dark abyss and the only thought that reached him was that he deserved to be tortured to death, after all the suffering that he had caused. Matthias went on for weeks. There was nothing left of Håkan but blood stained fur and bones. As Matthias began to strip the skin off his paw, he faded away even further. The silhouette of Norunn floated in front of him, sometimes fading into Matthias’ sadistic face. He was drifting away into the sucking pit of agony. Death crept into him like maggots. Only the faint music of his own organ brought him slowly back to the bloody remains of his body. The last thing he saw was the blurry silhouette of his beloved mate and daughter…
Cry of the Dark One

Some music references that go with the ‘chapters’ oops that is a playlist of an hour....
1. Raised in fear: Lucas King – Fear www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrx5jm…
2. Awakening of Anger – Dimmu Borgir - Sorgens Kammer del1 www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDeQI9…
3.Reign of the Tyrant: The Sarcophagus - Towards Eternal Chaos www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayRlVz…
4. Love turned the tide: this sounds like the ancient piece that he played for Norunn: Kristen Lawrence -Visitors: www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaAYSm…
5. Darkness before Down: the worst madness in his head… Nortt - hedengangen www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYRAhU…
6. The Rebirth of Passion: J.S. Bach Organ Concerto in A Minor BMV 593 after Vivaldi RV522 www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhgATp…
7. An unusual son: the insecurity began to shine through in his music - Adam Hurst – Disappearance www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgx27k…
8. Violence taking hold: Lucas King – Pain, organ version www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgpK3R…
9. Mutually exclusive madness: the piece that he composed when he realized how far he was lost sounded like this… Samuel Barber- Adagio for Strings (Organ solo): www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tnp7en…
10. The dark one’s last cry: Lucas King - Death Hymn www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y_b6h…

-----------------------------------------------------
DON'T COPY/USE ANYTHING OF THIS!