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FoxFireRed — The Epic Tale
Published: 2010-02-05 22:48:31 +0000 UTC; Views: 1122; Favourites: 12; Downloads: 12
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Description
I want to tell a story.It happened yesterday,
It's full of fame and glory
And leads heroic way.
I left for bed in evening
And when I closed my eyes,
The sparkle from the ceeling
Came down like it had thighs.
I was afraid and frightened,
I tried to run away.
But door locks were all heightened
So I just had to stay.
The light became a darkness,
My room became a field.
And there I saw him standing -
A tall man with a shield.
He was so wide and handsome,
The wind caressed his hair,
His clothes were a bear fur.
What could I do? Just stare...
But then he saw me either,
He screemed with a wild roar,
And started fastly moving
Nowhere but to my shore!
I was so still and sitting
And didn't have a clue -
What's going on with this world?!
Oh my! What should I do?!
I got up in my night gown,
Decided not to fear.
No matter what I'll bear down,
And soon he will be near.
I guess that's when it happened -
He saw my bravery look,
Although inside I was stuck,
And felt like on his hook.
The smile appeared on his face,
He threw away his shield
With a huge shining armour
Onto the grassy field.
Oh dear, he was so lovely
With a smile on severe face.
I ran towards his open arms
And fell into his embrace.
Well, that is all the story
which started with a gleam.
Don't want to make you sad, guys,
But it was just a dream.
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Comments: 12
A ballad? With no refrain? Son, i am dissapoint.
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Oops, somebody has been fooled
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Conan really? Most of the time I was imagining some handsome knight
Anyway I like it.
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Thank you
Well, maybe that wasnt Conan 
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"The sparkle from the ceeling
Came down like it had thighs"
Okay this makes no sense, you must know that it doesn't! Offer a rational explanation for what this sentence means! aside from the fact that eyes and thighs rhyme (just because they do doesn't mean it makes sense!)
"But then he saw me either"
Either is not the correct word to use here, again this makes the sentence not make sense!
"No matter what I'll bear down"
once again this is a nonsensical sentence!
"I guess that's when it happened
He saw my bravery look,
Although inside I was stuck,
And felt like on his hook."
Okay bravery look isn't correct English but I get what you are trying to say. Then inside you were stuck and felt like on his hook. Once again this doesn't make sense, I understandish what you are getting at but it is not clear!
So my statement stands....it doesn't make sense!
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definitely no, I am afraid.
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Thanks for the critique, although your main statement was "doesn't make sence".
"..the sparkle.." - use your imagination, what can I say
"..No matter what - I'll bear down.." - use rhythm.
Well, when you will write poetry in other language I will consider your critique competent.
And good - be afraid
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My statement was it doesn't make 'sense' not 'sence'.
the sparkle wasn't what I took issue with, it was "like it had thighs" that I was saying didn't make sense. As no amount of imagination can make that a legitimate sentence.
Once again just because it brings rhythm doesn't mean it makes sense lol!
True I do not write poetry in other languages (but in truth neither should you). But if you write an English poem you should expect English speakers to comment on it.
You should consider this critique competent as I have more knowledge of the language than you do.
I am sure your Russian poetry is very good, but I advise that your English poetry needs work, how are you ever going to improve if you do not listen to English speakers comments? Or maybe you like the fact that your poems make absolutely no sense?
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