3wyl [2012-09-15 12:54:08 +0000 UTC]

I'm not too sure about the 'But' there. I feel you could take it out and put another word in somewhere else, but it does connect things up nicely, and.. yeah, it acts as a good representation of ellipsis, perhaps, where the last few words are an afterthought and whatnot.

The way you've set it out is great and I like the direction of the story too.

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