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ghost-xx — [APH Russia x Depressed!Reader] Worth It
#ivanbraginsky #aph #fanfiction #hetalia #aphrussia #xreader
Published: 2015-09-15 22:02:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 1695; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 0
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Description I awoke to the sound of muffled sobs. Rubbing my eyes groggily, I squinted in the darkness. The alarm clock's glowing red interface read 4:13 a.m. I turned to my left. It was my little konfetka. What could have upset them? Furrowing my eyebrows, I made a humming noise in concern as I scooted closer to them.

"[Name], podsolnechnik..." I murmured as I rubbed their back. "What is troubling you?"

More strained sobbing. I frowned. This was beginning to become a regular occurance, and lately it had me quite worried.

"Iv-Iva-" [Name] hiccupped. Between sobs, my name was the only word they could form. It had been a long time since I had heard anyone speak my name with such raw emotion, and it ached.

"Shh, shh, it's okay," I cooed softly, brushing hair out of their eyes and leaning down to gently kiss their warm forehead.

"N-N-Nooo!..." they wailed, and went into another fit of sobs.

Not for the first time, I felt totally helpless. What could I do? I sighed and looked up, my eyes adjusting to the darkness of our shared room. I could make out the silhouettes of our furniture. Looking back to [Name], I bit my lip.

"Come..." I said softly, taking them in my arms and carrying them into our equally dark living room where I set them on our sofa and draped a fuzzy blanket about their shoulders. I sat down at their side and took them in my arms again. Their sobs had began to subside as they snuggled into me with short, choppy breaths.

"Now... What is troubling you?" I asked not unkindly, rubbing their back.

"Iv-Ivan, I... I'm e-exhausted..."

I tilted my head. "Well let's go back to bed then."

They shook their head violently. "N-No! Not that kind of exhausted, I-- I'm-- I can't--"

I waited patiently, offering a smile.

[Name] gave a shuddering sigh and spoke a single word. "...Life."

I understood immediately. "Oh... I see."

"Ivan-- life is s-so exhausting. The same thing every day, so monotonous, I can't keep doing this."
I frowned hugged them close, nuzzling their hair. "I know, konfetka, I know... Believe me, I would know better than anyone. Life is not fun. But we are not given a choice in the matter, and I know it is unfair, but we must try and make the best of it, da? Otherwise we will be miserable."

"Ivan," they said, sniffling. "I've been trying, so hard... It's just not worth it... I want to die."

"No, no, no lyubov, please don't say that! I know it doesn't seem like it right now but trust me, life can be worth it."

"H-How? How can it be worth it? What is life, anyway? We're born, we work, then we die. In the end, it's all meaningless."

I frowned, not sure at first quite how to respond to that. "Well... If you died, then I would be here alone. And as selfish as it sounds, I don't want to be alone. I've been alone for too long. I've been to hell and back," I paused. "And if I had given up, then I never would have met you. You are my light. My sunflower. You are what makes it worth it, for me. You have no idea how much it hurts me to hear you be saying these things."

And with that, at last, they smiled.

"I love you, Ivan..."

"I love you too."
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Comments: 3

Victoria-Walker925 [2015-09-22 19:32:10 +0000 UTC]

MYAH! THE SWEETNESS X3

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ghost-xx In reply to Victoria-Walker925 [2015-10-03 03:40:02 +0000 UTC]

Glad you enjoyed ^~^"

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Victoria-Walker925 In reply to ghost-xx [2015-10-03 11:43:46 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0