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Grimmixx — :[Minecraft]: Skye's Journey- Chapter 1- page 34:
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Published: 2018-07-20 14:41:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 7877; Favourites: 109; Downloads: 6
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:Minecraft: Skye's Journey Chapter 1- The Beginning- Page 34:
Here's page 34!
Ohhhh boy, he's going to get it now! >w<
(Jeez I'm making myself hate this dude too, haha great!
Whatcha think? owo
And tell me if there's any typo, my english is a bit rusty... >w<'
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All the characters that you might know belongs to their owners!
Skye and art belongs to
Herobrine belongs to Mojang???
Minecraft belongs Mojang!
Please do NOT copy, steal, trace , recolour or reproduce my characters /ocs and work in any way!
Don't forget to comment and favourite!
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Comments: 101
im sorry but i have to do this
IM TAKING FUCKING HEROBRINE POWERS AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME (guess the meme)
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You can see in the next page -w-
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Sorry haven’t been keeping up lately.
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Uhoh … Skye does really look pissed xD I think she won't let him do this easily
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Heh she's going to beat his ass~ xD
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UhuHUHUHUHUHUHuhuhuhuhuhu~ Skye is pissed~ Someone will lose head soon~
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Well,Somebody is about to take a trip to Dick Kick City. XD
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Lol why is everybody thinking that Skye is going to kick him in the balls? x'D
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uh oh.. now he's gone and done it... She getting real mad now
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what I don't get is he calls other players weak and pathetic, but isn't he one himself as well? So he's calling himself weak and pathetic too?
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I don't know the dude is a VERY crazy man on the head
I believe in you skye!!
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Skye is so tough. Someone is getting their ass kicked and the other is getting their ass saved.
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Ace: VAI SKYE ESPANCA ESSE MANEZÃO
Lazuli: Depois fica com raiva quando eu falo que ele ta defendendo o meu pai
Ace: Mas eu não to defendendo ele! >:/
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Skye:
Lazuli: Hahahahaha!Conta outra Ace XD
Ace: Eu odeio o seu pai assim como eu odeio esse maldito damonio sla das coisas!
Lazuli: XD mds!Ace vc e um amor mas ao msm tempo um cabeça oca
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Skye: Haha uau!
Ace: Skye da uma voadora na fuça desse manezão por mim!
Lazuli: aiai...garotos -w-'
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Warlock calls Herobrine cocky, yet he's also being cocky by monologuing XP Just grab the Glowy Orb of Powers, dude, before Skye kicks your butt!
A minor critique for the story:
Although I enjoy this page, I feel like this page is repetitive. It retells information we already know/saw from previous pages (dude took Herobrine's powers, dude will become invincible with the powers, he has a habit to monologue, he looks down on players, and he's cocky).
I know it's important to refresh information for the audience, but I think it's too soon for that, hence why the page feels redundant. Repetitive moments can harm the story. It can bore the audience and/or decrease writing quality :'D
Avoid repeating information. Instead, try to add new information whenever you write moments like these. Or do both: bring up previously established info and add more details/ideas onto them (aka, recall the information in a new way).
For example, here's a suggestion: Instead of the Warlock bragging about the situation, maybe he can start fantasizing about the future? Maybe he elaborately describes how he envisions the world's destruction? That way, you can remind the audience he wants to destroy Minecraftia, he's cocky, and he's crazy, AND you reveal a NEW detail of his crazy/sadistic personality (he has twisted daydreams). You can also show, rather than (re)tell, all of this information
I don't remember if I've seen a repetition problem in previous pages. I just happened to notice/remember it on this page.
Also, a monologuing villain is a cliché. Cliches aren't inherently bad for a story; it all depends on how you use them. Again, because of the repeating nature of this page, I feel like the cliché becomes more glaring. I think the repetition problem is the bigger problem. Fixing the redundancy will also help you with clichés in the future.
I hope my critique is helpful and understandable ^^ You don't need to follow it. It's just my suggestion/nitpicking. You do you with your story ^^
Great work! Looking forward to more.
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Oh no it's fine thank you for the little critique, I understand and thank you :3
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Ok! I'm glad to hear that
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Yes Skye, let the anger take control. Kill him!
Also is he not a player??? Since he's looking down on players.
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Well yeah he was, it's complicated X'D
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HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
hora de deitar ele na porrada xD
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