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Published: 2008-03-02 06:45:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 1998; Favourites: 17; Downloads: 13
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My poems will be in the artists comments, for some strange reason - DA will not let me edit the text - so all 31 days will be in this deviation until I can get it figured out! Dang DA sprites....Related content
Comments: 131
HaikuKitty In reply to ??? [2008-03-20 16:08:35 +0000 UTC]
day 20 I changed it to fills - though I am uncertain about it. (you are very right! Excellent suggestion! ) I am not certain that fills works, either. I will think on it more.
Light fills
the insides
of open vases.
Day 19 I changed and dropped dreams.
Thank you for your ideas, time, thoughts critique and advice. I am very happy to say that I think I am growing up! I may have hit my elementary school years (maybe 4th or 5th grade) haiku writing wise....
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moyanII In reply to HaikuKitty [2008-03-20 16:11:46 +0000 UTC]
i'm glad you've found my critiques useful.
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HaikuKitty In reply to moyanII [2008-03-20 16:13:55 +0000 UTC]
I find them more than useful - I value them. I do not feel that I am experienced enough yet to offer proper critiques for others, but when experienced haijin help me, I grow.
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moyanII In reply to HaikuKitty [2008-03-21 01:14:58 +0000 UTC]
what about 'light dwells' or 'light touches'?
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HaikuKitty In reply to moyanII [2008-03-21 04:51:59 +0000 UTC]
light touches - I like that.... Light reaches... No.
Light touches implies a gentle way while at the same time illuminating. I really like that the more I think about it.....
-
inside
open vases
light touches.
Even more concise and vague yet full. 5 little words. What do you think?
light touches
inside
open vases. < Final one? Great suggestion!
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b1gfan [2008-03-18 03:48:12 +0000 UTC]
I sing with joy for the snoopy umbrella and that ol sneak spring.
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HaikuKitty In reply to b1gfan [2008-03-18 07:01:47 +0000 UTC]
Sneaking right in on my little dogs feet!
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b1gfan In reply to HaikuKitty [2008-03-18 12:41:55 +0000 UTC]
such is the way of dogs 'n' feet
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Formel In reply to ??? [2008-03-17 21:56:44 +0000 UTC]
I caught up on your haiku (and caught up with mine too)
it's difficult to decide but 13, 16, and 17 create lovely images especially 17 is great, all that mud can be annoying...
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YumeAkuma [2008-03-16 03:38:13 +0000 UTC]
mountains and sky in water! i love reflections. Oh, how I wish for spring snow...
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b1gfan In reply to HaikuKitty [2008-03-15 04:50:21 +0000 UTC]
ohhh...kitty. I didn't see you there.
I was browsing your 10 words pieces today too ...fun stuff.
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HaikuKitty In reply to b1gfan [2008-03-15 19:27:00 +0000 UTC]
10 words are fun! I had a good time playing them. Maybe when the scavenger hunt is done, we can play together?
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b1gfan In reply to ??? [2008-03-14 05:22:59 +0000 UTC]
As long as you promise to pull out your pen enery time you put your camera away I'm all for that impulse.
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YumeAkuma In reply to ??? [2008-03-11 16:26:16 +0000 UTC]
Smiley fries makes a good way to counter grumpy butt. Go waitress!
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b1gfan [2008-03-11 04:30:27 +0000 UTC]
BLT and card games ... that's haiku...yes indeed it is. Is anyone else hungry?
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chugglepuff In reply to ??? [2008-03-10 21:58:28 +0000 UTC]
9 is lovely, a really nice image that contrasts with the usual idea of frost (if you weren't actually talking about frost then it's good that it has multiple interpretations ). And 6 is wonderful, too, I can just picture it, and the scene is really calming.
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Bogbrush In reply to ??? [2008-03-09 20:09:13 +0000 UTC]
Looking good, I had to smile at the fourth - I've done exactly that and the ninth, the dust always comes back...
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creightonwrites [2008-03-08 20:24:09 +0000 UTC]
#6 strikes me in a good way. I'm not sure what it is...maybe you're describing a whirling dervish snow angel Whatever the case, I like it. My only nit is with the insertion of 'God' as the last word. I'd almost like to see "and --"...and just leave it hanging. The spiritual aspect of the piece is implied by both your use of 'sacred circles' in the first line, and removing capital G God might lend a nice ambiguity and freedom to the poem's close, rather than the finality of the Almighty. Either way, great work!
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HaikuKitty In reply to creightonwrites [2008-03-08 21:02:52 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for a very constructive response. You are right, I am also going to make Lynn uncapitalized as well, to decrease my importance and put God, myself and dog on the same plane....... I am a Taoist myself, so it was bugging me to use God in this way, I just couldn't figure out how to do it. Sacred circles are American Indian, they are much like labyrinths and mandalas to focus thought and meditation to higher planes. Though whirling dervish snow angels would be fun too! (PS - no one has caught it yet, but it also is a pun on the circles my dog makes before he does his business.
)
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YumeAkuma In reply to ??? [2008-03-08 17:41:47 +0000 UTC]
8th really shows how seasons can crisscross, even ones that are supposedly one whole season apart! love it!
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HaikuKitty In reply to yukisukinomoto [2008-03-08 21:43:51 +0000 UTC]
When I started with HaikuWrimo I was 5-7-5ing and I love the format because it teaches you to use your words to great effect, and really gets your thinking cap on. It really defines and improves your writing when you set limitations - I love it! Then I read this - [link] and it opened up a whole new world for me - and I love the freedom as much as the restrictions. Inspired by and I decided to do this one with freedom.
[link] is someone I am watching with great enjoyment. He 5-7-5s very nicely, as do you.
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yukisukinomoto In reply to HaikuKitty [2008-03-08 22:37:39 +0000 UTC]
hm. I get the not 5-7-5 thing but I do believe the 17 syllable thing is nicer. Even moreso because thats how it seems to work for the traditional Japanese way. I prefer it.
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HaikuKitty In reply to yukisukinomoto [2008-03-08 22:52:21 +0000 UTC]
And you do it beautifully. I am enjoying your daily progression.
Perhaps I will do a 5-7-5 and dedicate it to you. I will look for something to inspire me.
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yukisukinomoto In reply to HaikuKitty [2008-03-09 00:10:50 +0000 UTC]
aww, thank you. I'll do more comments later. Right now I'm struggling to study for midterm and finish paper. T_T college is such a pain
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HaikuKitty In reply to HaikuKitty [2008-03-08 21:47:21 +0000 UTC]
not :esrin: Although, it looks like a great gallery! *runs to explore*
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walkingfish In reply to ??? [2008-03-07 23:51:12 +0000 UTC]
I love these haikus! I especially like 1 and 7
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HaikuKitty In reply to walkingfish [2008-03-08 06:45:22 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for your comment! I got such a kick out of my coworker's poker story, he was in great pain. Ignore the first reply, I may have hit the wrong one, I was commenting on a deviation by someone else. Opps...
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Laurence55 In reply to ??? [2008-03-06 14:27:06 +0000 UTC]
Very nice Loretta 3-6 are my favorites! I enjoy the sacredness of the natural world presented in 6. It is something that I make strides to illuminate within my own work. Very nice!
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HaikuKitty In reply to Laurence55 [2008-03-06 16:36:47 +0000 UTC]
Thank you Laurence, I am working so hard to improve. I still get confused sometimes - wondering if what I write is true haiku and senyru, but I keep trying. You have helped me on my way so much - and I thank you for that... Full props to you.
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Laurence55 In reply to HaikuKitty [2008-03-06 19:29:23 +0000 UTC]
Thanks, you are doing very well. Just remember, Haiku and Senryu are two equal halves of the renga. Haiku being drama, senryu being comedy...in a nutshell. that comedy can include satire, or cynicism. You're doing great
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HaikuKitty In reply to Laurence55 [2008-03-06 19:34:13 +0000 UTC]
That is the best definition of the two I have seen. Every day - the curtain opens on my understanding and the light shines in. This is so exciting!
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b1gfan [2008-03-06 13:55:59 +0000 UTC]
Reading these in a series, one after the other, a life comes together, expanding the scope of each piece and increasing it's texture. I love 'em.
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HaikuKitty In reply to b1gfan [2008-03-06 17:53:19 +0000 UTC]
THis is one of the nicest comments I have ever received. Thank you.
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monkgryphon In reply to ??? [2008-03-06 03:46:59 +0000 UTC]
I love your choice of topics. Very thought out, especially the first one.
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HaikuKitty In reply to monkgryphon [2008-03-06 06:34:25 +0000 UTC]
I am surprised that I am keeping the ideas going!
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Formel In reply to ??? [2008-03-05 08:02:12 +0000 UTC]
I especially like the "blood stained snow" in the 1st, the 2nd is so sad
the 3rd is really nice, friends and having a drink is always fun
the 4th made me laugh men, so typical... they are the same everywhere...
and the 5th is sweet
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YumeAkuma In reply to ??? [2008-03-04 17:18:03 +0000 UTC]
Love ALL of them there is just something so beautiful and symbolic in the first with the flowers coming out where there were traces of death specially because winter and spring represent death and new life/youth. The sole of the shoe with tracks in the snow is an adorable image in 2. Happy birthday, I love how I get the image of words and sake pouring and mingling and creating a merry mood, and the 4th one is hilarious, the reaction of men is captured so perfectly!
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HaikuKitty In reply to YumeAkuma [2008-03-04 20:23:38 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for the thoughtful comments.
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YumeAkuma In reply to HaikuKitty [2008-03-05 00:17:15 +0000 UTC]
my pleasure! Can't wait to read more
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