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halfway2nowhere — Reflection Untrue
Published: 2003-10-11 10:31:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 1625; Favourites: 28; Downloads: 407
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Description
Look deep in the mirror, what do you see?Is the person reflected who you long to be?
Something has changed, innocence has died
The scar covered body reveals the heart that lied
Stare into the eyes of the stranger unknown
Forever unloved, forever alone
Black lined eyes tell of nights unslept
So many helpless times of rivers wept
Steady wind blows out the candle of hope
She rubs the rageing burn made by the rope
She hangs a suicide note by a single nail
This time it'll work, I know I can't fail.
Looking out the window at the coldest mist
It is now time, the razors are guided to her wrist
They dance painfully until their work is done
Drawing out the blood and watching it run
Voices of her blood bellow strong and deep
The last voices she'll ever hear before falling asleep
Photos of the past fall beside her on the floor
Of the once happy girl that is no more
Later that night a car parks in the driveway
Upstairs stands a 4 year old where her sister lay
In shock she whispered "Mummy what happend?"
Tell me she'll wake and her wounds will mend
She is the greatest sister there will ever be
She can't be gone she meant everything to me
Silently now she stands with nothing left to say
A child so lonely forever hating each day
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Comments: 60
This is so amazing..I love it. I can feel the emotion..Im gonna fav it!!
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An excellent poem, describes very well the effects of suicide to close friends and family - at the end of the piece, it just leaves the reader a bit shocked, concerned about the child "so lonely, forever hating each day". The last line fits very well because the reader is left to contemplate by themselves the concequences of this and how the young girl will ever live her life on. Made me stare at the words in a speechless sort of way.
Kudos to your featured piece!
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wow, excelent poem...depressing, but excleent all the same...
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wow, that is great!! i love it, shows so mush feeling, loks like you worked hard on this piece 
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Wow... that was really strong. I like it a lot... good work... Thanks for commenting, btw. Be well
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wow that is such a sad and emotional poem, it is really good!!! fantastic!! well done
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it's very very good. like super super good. well done.
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I've been totally and utterly left in awe...I'm faving this one for sure and then I'm clicking that little "devwatch" button!! 
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Simply brillant and depressing and true.
Gah, its like a movie story live
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i cant really ad much here...b/c ppl have already said it...but it really is a wonderful peice...i give u 2 thumbs up...and i'd give ya more but im out of thumbs....hehe...so if someone wants to lend some i'd gladly give u more...
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*sniff* its very nice. it makes me so sad- but then, its a sigh of your poetical skill i spose, to evoke emotions in people. i hope youre okay though.
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Holy shit I felt the emotion very clearly in this one. I can't relate 2 it but I felt ur pain.
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i have attempted.. more than once.. to set my soul free from this earth.. i got help.. pretended to be happy again... u know how it goes, right? part of me wanted to die, the other part cared too much about those i would leave behind.. i'm really depressed right now but i also have a younger sibling; a brother, and now 2 more... i have a wonderful girlfriend.. and without them.. and without several close friends who actually appear to care about me.... i would go through with it... this piece of non-crappy art, is something i can deeply relate to.. bravo.
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i found these lines "Photos of the past fall beside her on the floor, Of the once happy girl that is no more" slightly cliched. these 2 lines "Steady wind blows out the candle of hope, She rubs the rageing burn made by the rope" also seemed rather force to me, as if you are just trying to fit the second line into the rhyme scheme.
however, i like the pace of the poem, dreamy and almost dancelike...this poem has strong words conveying just how lonely and desolated the narrator felt. i can almost feel the unhappiness reaching out to me from the comp screen.
fave lines:
"Something has changed, innocence has died
The scar covered body reveals the heart that lied"
"They dance painfully until their work is done"
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very emotional
i fuckin love it
too bad i dont really have anyone to live for
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Lovely; you've got an impressive gallery here as well. And this, was great.
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Omg theres not really any other words to describe that other than FUCKING AWESOME! you know a great poem when you can picture wat ur reading and i was hanging on its every word excellent work!!
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The mental imagery is great. The sadness, well let's just you caught me off guard. Great poem. Adds to favs.
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rather trite. i think it'd probably help if you lost the rhyme.
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wow this poem was great... a couple of lines were kind of awkward but over all i really liked the flow... it was easy to find the rhythem of the poem... good job
-joe aka chrono
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interesting read.
i'm not much for rhyming poems lately, but still a nice work.
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oh man. this strikes so close to home. i love it. and this
is definitely NOT crap.
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I suppose it's a bit below average, mainly because you said so yourself and you could have at least proofread it..
'Ohn o, Duddy, waht happend to teh speling?/'
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such a painful memory, it creates a vivid image in my mind. I love it.
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you really get a visual with this poem
it seems to grab the emotions from you and bring the image you've set to life
cool
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okay u kno what, ur crappy things makes me all teary eyed and stuffy throated. so this aint crap... lol... wow..
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well there has been much said and yet i find myself wanting to put my two cents in. i love the idea. i love where it is going, but i agree that it is a little ruff. its an increadble thought, but it needs some polishing, and i think thats normal. i'm alway retwiking words here and there.
peace and love
Nathaniel
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well, the content and language is mostly cliche`, but not so much that it is makes me want to scream..
not too bad
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Amazing somehow you even made me feel your pain. Very moving, it stirs the emotions inside, sadness. Great job ashliegh
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Thats sad and beautiful..i feel that way sometimes and i understand..great job
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so beautiful, what can I say that hasn`t been said already? *sigh* so beautifully peaceful...
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youre amazing- i cant tell you anything that anybody else hasnt already said- i agree with al lof them, it isnt crap, amazing imagry, and it is sad yet peaceful. you portray what is inside your mind very very well.great work.
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wow, this is beautiful!! good work, the emotion is just so strong in this poem i can almost feel it.. so intense.. your poems are really very passionate, and don't ever say its crap, beause i think jason said this, so i will quote him, "no art is crap!!" so yeah, you write beautiful poetry... umm, this poem didn't quite depress me, i felt as tho she was being relieved, you know, set free.. some people are far to intellectual, and different to bear up with life.. its just the others who i feel sorri for... oh is this based on anything?
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Thanks ~e-V-a. It is based on one of the many reasons i wouldn't comit suicide, my younger sibling.
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Wow, I am amazed...the ending brings tears my my eyes. You have an awsome way with words. I'm going to check out some of your other stuff. If it's as good as this, then well..I'm amazed
====================
I Am DeAd..LeAve A MessAge.
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can i be a pessimist and tell you everything that i find wrong with this?
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The start of this is great, but it kind of started to sound forced in the 3rd stanza.
It's a nice poem, where did you get the inspiration to write this? I hope it's not from personal experience.
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Ok. First I want to say. This is far from crap. You know I think you inspire others to look inside and face what is going on. Like I have told others with this similar topic. I fully understand. If you ever need to talk let me know. I am always up to talking. Everyone needs that. Don't be a stranger and keep up the great work. I think you are a wonderful writter. I love your work.
Very good job. Also don't doubt your work. Someone will always look at it bad and there is always someone that will be touched by it. You never know who will see it. Someone who is really having it tough may look at this and have a different out look. I think it is WONDERFUL.
Talk to you later
Melissa
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crap? you call THIS crap?
id hate to see what you call good it would put me to shame
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wow! 
Silently now she stands with nothing left to say
A child so lonely forever hating each day
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