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Today I'm not afraid of failure. The past is a flower. The future, the snow I wasn't ever close to perfect, but I would never let you go. Not right now, at least. For these moments where we bask in each other’s warmth. Just touch, just chemistry, just a roaring undercurrent simple and sensory. Young bodies, warm skin, perfect symmetry and it’s a moment, harmless. It’s energy. It’s like medicine, its self-discovery.

It’s only temporary, that fleeting feeling of warmth, just a flash before the line gets blurry. Between a longing for more than what the body wants now and what the body wants now more than anything. Was it integrity that kept my hands to myself or just the thought of getting too far ahead of you? Was it that I got too tired of the consequence? Or was I just scared?

And time can be such a funny thing, always moving to the future. Glorifying the past and amplifying the pain in frames and glass. Why couldn’t time glorify the little moments instead? Maybe you just think about it all so much. That you really are in love with your superior, could it be wrong? Makes you question was it love or just lust? You don’t know.

You often try not to put so much thought into it. Letting the way your heart and feelings lead you to what’s right. Although, this moment, this night you’ve had with him. The slippage of those three, little words spoken towards him, was right.

You felt free, with no guilt at last. Your pretty little eyes of sleep's disguise. Darkness embraced you.

---

Just as much about the things that we’ve still got as it is about the things we lack. I know, we won’t always keep around those we feel we need- some are fading in frames, some were born to leave- but if we’re still here, and we still breathe. At least we’ve still got time to figure it out, to know what to do, to know how to feel, know the things that I’ve been making up inside my head, and to know what’s real. I want to believe that the way I am is just the way it goes. For the things that came, not the things I chose to come. I want to know if I had any control. I want to know if it’d comfort me. From those three words.

The way she breathed in the cold air, her chest heaving in and out. Her perfect symmetry of her body gently resting underneath me. She looked beautiful when she sleeps. But, there was something else on my mind. Something I couldn’t put my finger on. It felt as almost that ‘something’ was waiting for me to be discovered.

Yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling away. I carefully sneaked my way out of warm skin into the cold exposed air. Dressing myself quietly enough to not disrupt her from her shackled dreams. It had come to thought that the unknown was waiting for my arrival in my headquarters.

Tip-toeing my way out of the library. I steadily walked down the hallways towards my headquarters. Once I arrived, I encountered a petite woman with golden auburn hair. Petra? What could she be doing her, especially at this hour?

“Ah! Hello Captain!” The young woman spoke sheepishly, jumping into a perfect salute.

“At ease soldier,” I responded in sync with a nod towards her salute. There was a brief moment of silence. There was one question yet to be answered. “Say Petra, what brings you business in here?”

Petra shifted nervously, “I came to speak to you, Sir.” She arose her gaze from the floor towards me with a warm smile. “It might be silly for a soldier as me to come at this hour, just to talk about something I have wanted to say to you. Her cheeks became more rosy pink as she paused in her sentence for a moment, “I’m not sure how or what to say to you, though. But, I’ve brought myself this far.”

I hauled myself over to take a seat in front of my desk, then gestured my hand towards the chairs in front towards her to take a seat. “Well, let’s hear it, soldier.”

“Uh.. where should I began..” She mumbled, trying to recollect her thoughts.

“Well, you know most of my past and myself. I know I can put all of my trust on you, sir. Heh, it has me thinking back of how you respected enough of my abilities to let me be part of your squad, that now I’m afraid of another expedition.” She paused, waiting for acknowledgment.

I did not speak, only to make a slight sound.

Petra taking heart, continued, “All my life, I hoped for the best of humanity. And I promised myself when we’re free from this madness. I will be free from another day of having this frightfulness of dying.

“You know I have the abilities, the skills to be capable of surviving out there beyond the walls. I want to use those abilities and skills to die with honor, not in vain. Making a huge part of humanity’s victory towards the titans.”

Whole-hearted words seemed to mark its way into my chest. Little did she know, I feared the same for my comrades and soldiers. Seeing their lives in front of us make its remarks.

“You will. You’ll be remembered by many people, be part of history, a legend. No one will know the outcome of our expeditions, our help to regain. I can advice you on that. The only thing I can say is to believe on our fate, the decisions it bring us, whether death or another day living. But, don’t lose hope.”

She hung her head slightly off to the side before lifting her chin up, turning her gaze towards the scenery outside the window. The sun starting to peak its way out to then be gone after a while. Hazel eyes gleamed with emotion, staring into mine.

Petra softly spoke, “I guess you’re right, Captain. I have to accept what thee future holds for me. Hopefully, I live to see the day where the walls no longer bound to hold us in like caged birds.” She smiled with gleam in sight. “Funny to say that I didn’t think the captain would remember my name.”

I rested my eyes in comfort, crossing my arms against my chest. “Sure I do. Petra, the rock. A good name. Solid name.”

“I used to wish it meant something nicer. Like a flower, or a season.” Petra flashed a sheepishly smile. “Something people’d want to remember.”

“Well, flowers don’t last very long. But rocks last pretty much forever. You don’t have to remember them.” I paused for a brief moment to face her. The expression on her face looked true. Heartedly continuing, “Maybe your parents gave you this name so you’d live forever, huh?”

Pure silence greeted us again. I could feel her warm smile brighten up as she heard those words. Taking in pride to her name, and its meaning. She was a true, dedicated soldier.

---

Cool morning breeze made contact with your bare body, forming goose bumps. You quickly shot up, gathered your clothes and ran to the most hidden corner of the library to get dressed. Not wanting to hear the last of this one from everyone. It’d be too much of an embarrassment. Hurriedly you dressed yourself the best you could. It would take anyone hours just to put on these goddamn belts.

Boy, you sure smelled like ecstasy and sex. No worries though, after done dressing you would take a good shower to impress your superior. Wait, where IS your superior? Why did he go? These questions made many reasonable answers pop into your head. You shook your head, it wasn’t the right time to be thinking about this.

Fastening and tightening your last belt of harness wear and suiting your jacket on, you were prepared to face another hardworking day. While walking down the hallway with confidence, something caught your attention, something very unordinary.

Men gathered around in a bundle. There was two meanings of this being seen in training grounds, in the dining hall, or in the hallways. It was either, Jean and Eren getting into a fight or peeking into the girls changing room. But no this time it was very out of the ordinary. It wasn’t Jean or Eren. It was Mikasa and Annie. Out of all people, it was them?!

Well better to be safe than sorry to miss out of a tough tense fight that was about to occur. You stepped closer towards the crowd. Why did every have to be so goddamn tall? You sighed in annoyance as you jumped up and down on your tippy toes, trying to get a view of what’s going on so far. You froze in place when you felt a figure hover over you. Peering your eyes over your shoulder to see who it was. Ah well, how couldn't anyone tell who it is by that arrogant smirk of his?

"How's the view down there, munchkin?" Jean joked.

You cocked your hips to the side, crossing your arms as you roll your eyes to that name.

"I'll answer that once you answer mine. Why the long face, Jean?" You chimed.

Jean clenched his hands tightly, face twitched with annoyance. "We have known each other since trainees. I told you I don't have a horse face!" Jean snapped.

Seriously, not being able to hold yourself back from laughter. You chuckled loudly. Jean relaxed his irritation once he caught the sight of you laughing. His tight line mouth turning into a soft, tight mouthed smile.

"Haha whatever you say, Jean." You laughed. "Anyway, help a friend out. I want in on this fight."

"Oh so we're friends?" Jean asked.

"Well, it's better than nothing, right?" You replied, arching a brow. "Or would you rather not be my friend?"

Jean nervously rubbed the side of his arm, avoiding your gaze. "No, no. You're right." He replied.

A sweetly, wide smile formed on your lips. "So, this means you'll let me hop onto your back?" You exclaimed cheerfully.

"Yeah yeah, get on. Before, I definitely change my mind."

Jean lowered himself down to your height. You went around his form, boasting your hands gently on his shoulders about to hop yourself up.

"Oi you shitty brats! What do you think you're doing?!"

An intimating voice rang through the hallway. The people around you, including you as well, stopped in their movements. Quickly shooting their heads towards the identity. Afraid that it could be the Commander or Corporal. You could almost feel the tension of worry radiating off the people around you.

"Don't you know better than two watch these stupid girls put on a show than to train for the expedition! You noobs."

There goes that voice again. You were aware of whose it was. Just not very sure or being correctly to remember who it was. You've heard that voice at least once or twice around the day. You furrowed your brows in contemplation.

"Oh quiet down, Auruo. It's morning." Erd stated.

"...Auruo? OH! Auruo! Yeah that guy," You thought quietly.

The tension in the room dropped at ease, once the name was mentioned. Most of the people in the crowd stayed to see who would win or loose. Not letting loose off their bets. On the other hand, most of them decided to walk away from either tiredness of watching or not wanting to get scolded by one of the special squad members.

"Well, isn't it Mr. No Fun Allowed." You smirked. Loosening your grip from around Jean's shoulders, stepping aside from him.

"Quit acting like a big shot [First]," Auruo demanded. "Have you seen Petra around anyway?"

"Don't bite let your tongue slip so easily, old man," you teased. "And, no I haven't. If I did, you would have seen me around with her, you noob.”

Auruo gritted his teeth together, irritated by the words you picked carefully. He stepped profoundly towards you. Only to be stopped in his tracks by Erd and Gunter holding him back as for Jean stepping in front of you to protect you. You peaked out from behind his tall figure, sticking your tongue out him like a misbehaved child.

"Tch. That’s no way to talk to a higher-up, stupid. I’ll have you reported and run laps for hours, try me." Auruo bellowed.

"Whatever," you said bluntly, shrugging it off.

There was a hint of rivalry between you and Auruo. You really didn't understand how it began or why there was that rivalry between the two of you. It just suddenly commenced.

“Ignorant.” Auruo scoffed, forcefully releasing himself from Erd and Gunter’s hold. He spun on his heel and started walking him way down the hallway.

You hovered around Jean’s form. “Be an old man, and say it to my face?” You shouted.

Oops. You shouldn’t have blurted that out. It might have just made him even angrier. To be sure, this morning you weren’t looking to pick up on a fight with anyone but it looks like Auruo just did for you.

Within a blink of an eye, Aurou turned around quickly as possible, marching his way down towards you. Erd and Gunter glanced at each other for a moment. Before, turning their view in your direction as a gesture to see if you can handle this. You nodded determinedly towards them.

"[First], what the hell did you just do," Jean said.

You snapped your neck left to right. "You know the deal Jean," you said cheerfully. "Your breakfast and dinner if I make him shitless scared or win."

"Oh hell no, that's not fair," Jean stammered.

You chuckled. Trying to relax your muscles one last time before stepping up front in contact with Auruo. You weren't going to loose to a man who called your ignorant or be the laughing stalk of everyone on camp. That'd be shameful. It was now or never.

"Listen here you shitty brat, you bett-" Auruo strongly spoke.

Seriously tired of listening to his nagging as if he were your mother. You weren't going to hear a single word out of this. Slyly, you smiled as pulled him down by the collars with a hand, bringing him down to your level. The tips of each others nose brushed against one another, your lips inches away from touching. His eyes were too distracted to look you in the eye. The entire time looking down towards your soft lips.

Your furrowed your brow, completely irritated and in determination. On the other hand, Auruo being his usual cocky self, thought you were going to kiss him. His eyes shut tightly as his lips puckered out towards you. For sure, there was an arrogant smirk dancing on the corner of his lips. Slowly, removing your hand from his collars. You folded your hand in a fist as the other wrapped around the fist, joining each other. You collided the edge of your elbow towards his stomach.

Auruo snapping out of his daylight dream. Stood hurtfully as he clutched his stomach in pain. That my friend, was a move your dear friend, Petra taught you. You must say, it was very useful in times like these.

Erd and Gunther stood among each other, fairly impressed. You hovered from around Auruo and strode towards them, smiling.

"I would like to apologise for having to see one of the higher class get his ass served by a small, weak girl like me." You jokingly spoke.

"Nah, it's fine." Erd chuckled.

"This happens a lot in our squad, so it's no worries." Gunther joined. "Auruo is just a big doofus that thinks high of himself sometimes haha."

"I couldn't agree more."

Out of relief, you sighed in peace as you dusted your hands off. From behind, you could hear Auruo murmuring in pain and boots stomped their way towards you. Out of surprise, you felt warm hands shield your eyes.

"Guess who~?" The silly voice spoke.

It sounded it like as if it was Hanji or Christa. You weren't really sure. Nobody has played this old game with you on camp, constantly.

"Ummm, I guess.. uh.. Christa??"

The unknown person tried as hard as they to try not to laugh. Failing, they snorted aong the way before finally howling in laughter loudly as they could.

“Are you kidding me? No way in hell. Anyway, you wanna get some breakfast?” Jean casually spoke, breaking you away from your thoughts.

"Goddamn it, Jean. I'm gonna get you for this," You crookedly smiled, cocking your head to side. "But eh, why the hell not."

You felt the warm hands remove themselves. Turning to face Jean, with that cocky smirk on his face. He was gesturing his head towards the end of the hallway. You rolled your eyes as you proceeded to walk ahead. Jean tailing up from behind.

It was pretty silent for a morning such as this. Tiredness was aching inside you already. This happened everyday. Though, it was hard to be wide and awake this early. You weren't really the only one.

Pacing slowly down the hallway, almost near the exit. You turned and stared outside the windows. How beautiful it was outside. Nature was really good at hiding the fact that the current of state of living is horrible. You frowned at the thought of all your friends being gone forever. From the corner of Jean's eye, he noticed this. A sea of thoughts ran in his head. For a moment as this, he wasn't very sure how to comfort you. He didn't want to talk you down or upset you even more. There was one option left. Out of his nature, he wrapped his arm around you, bringing him close to him.

You shot eyes wide open in surprise before glancing over to Jean. That boy was a goner if you would have reacted differently. By the looks of Jean's face, he was very flustered by his actions. By the fact, that this was totally not like him. You chuckled quietly.

Everything was going nicely.

Around the corner, both of you turned. Then that's where it happened. The content world you were living in for now was beginning to crumbled down. Your heart began to ache, your mind went blank. Everything felt slow. You saw them walk pass by. Her arm connected around his. She shot you a wide smile, looking very happy. He didn't even spare to give you a second glance. For one was enough to witness. There they went walking down in the other direction.

Petra and Rivaille.