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hippo2 — A magic carnival - Part 5

Published: 2012-05-12 05:38:03 +0000 UTC; Views: 3496; Favourites: 25; Downloads: 0
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Description Arm in arm, Martha and Sami walked through the carnival. The marvelled at the costumes of others and received much praise for their realistic genie costumes. Some people asked if they didn’t freeze in the chilly February air. Since genies weren’t affected by cold, Sami didn’t understand the question at first, but Martha came up with the story that they used a special body paint that would keep them warm. To avoid further questions, the two genies quickly continued their stroll. Suddenly, they ran into two people they knew: Amelia and David had also gone to the carnival together. Davis was wearing a pinstripe suit, a broad-rimmed hat and a violin case. Amelia was wearing a flapper dress. Both looked like a pair from the time of the Chicago gangs.

“Hello Martha, hello Sami!” David greeted them. “Are you enjoying the carnival, too?”

“It’s definitely something. Now I can finally go out as myself.” Sami admitted. “It’s a pity that there’s only one per year.”

“Can’t you just change your appearance?” David asked.

“I could but I’m not very fond of it.” Sami replied.

For Martha, this encounter was quite a shock. “Hey, Amelia. How come you are here with David?”

“Originally, I didn’t even know that there’s something like Carnival. I guess I still have to learn a lot about the human world. But when David asked me to go and explained it to me, I was very excited. He had already arranged the costumes. In the end, I accepted the invitation and I haven’t regretted it yet.”

Martha saw that the flapper dress was a bit too short for Amelia. Since Amelia was a few inches taller than her, Martha assumed that David had originally organized the dress for her. “What a fortunate coincidence he got a costume for you. A pity that it is a bit too short for you.” Martha jeered.

“Don’t worry. David explained it to me. The costume was intended for you. But you turned him down. And now, I’m in the costume.” There was a hint of triumph in Amelia’s voice.

“I see…” Martha sounded really disappointed.

“Brrr… It’s getting cold.” David shivered. He put his arm around Amelia’s waist. “Hey doll! How about go to a café and warm ourselves up? I know a nice café on the river side. We gonna make them an offer they can’t refuse”; he mimicked the ‘Godfather’.

“Good idea. Martha.,Sami, do you want to come along too?” Amelia asked.

Sami was about to answer but Martha was faster. “No, thanks. We have other plans.”

“Alright. See you later!” David said.
“See you later!” Amelia replied. Both left Martha and Sami behind.


When Amelia and David were gone, Martha turned towards Sami. “What shall we do now?” she asked.

The blue genie had a grim face. “How about we go home?” he said with a stern voice.

“What? What’s wrong with you all of a sudden?” Martha was perplexed.

“Do you think I don’t know what’s going on?” Sami asked.

“I… what do you mean?” Martha felt like a schoolgirl being caught after a prank.

“Come on. The way you look at David, your disappointment when you saw Amelia with him. It’s obvious you want him.”

“It’s not like that. I turned him down so I could go to the carnival with you. And I’m so happy with how you behaved today. Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy being among humans today.” Martha was disconcerted.

“It’s true that I enjoyed today. But not because I like to be among humans – which I don’t – but because I was with you. I even thought about this afternoon as – how do you call it these days – a date. Now I wonder what I am to you? A possible boyfriend? Or just a friend? Or just someone to make David jealous?”

“STOP!” Martha cried. She was close to tears. “I’m not trying to make David jealous here. You are more than a simple friend to me. Maybe even my boyfriend?”

“Then tell me one thing: do I have to share you with David or anybody else?” Sami looked outright frightening.

Maybe Martha felt scared of Sami; maybe she wasn’t so sure anymore. She hesitated with her answer before she stammered. “I’m not … I don’t…”

Now Sami had had enough. “We better go home now. And you better decide your feelings first, before you ask me for another date.”

Utterly crushed, Martha followed Sami back to the hotel.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Part 1: [link]
Part 2: [link]
Part 3: [link]
Part 4: [link]

Part 5: [link]

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Comments: 22

DanStanding [2012-05-13 12:21:22 +0000 UTC]

Aw...

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Agent505 [2012-05-12 12:16:32 +0000 UTC]

Let the drama hit the fan.

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EmperorNortonII [2012-05-12 06:32:14 +0000 UTC]

Neato.

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GenreChallenger [2012-05-12 06:16:47 +0000 UTC]

Jealousy can make even the most decent people behave in an ugly fashion. I think you did a great job with the emotional buildup in this chapter, even if you didn't write most of it. I could sense it beneath the words if that makes sense.

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hippo2 In reply to GenreChallenger [2012-05-12 06:23:05 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much. I'm glad it worked out so well.

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GenreChallenger In reply to hippo2 [2012-05-12 06:39:08 +0000 UTC]

It did. It helps that you write a scene, but not really write about the emotional details. Heck, I don't think anyone frowned during that scene, so you're now showing mastery of the unspoken.

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hippo2 In reply to GenreChallenger [2012-05-12 06:49:11 +0000 UTC]

The common writing technique to explains a characters feeling is the inner monologue. But I don't like this technique very much. If I can explain a character's feeling by their action, it just sounds better. On the other hand, it's difficult to get the message to the reader. Like the other characters, the reader has to interpret the other character's actions. That's what makes writing so difficult.

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GenreChallenger In reply to hippo2 [2012-05-12 06:52:08 +0000 UTC]

I found no difficulty filling in the blanks, which means you're in the right direction.

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hippo2 In reply to GenreChallenger [2012-05-12 06:54:51 +0000 UTC]

Still, I'm not so sure about getting it right. Sami gets much more criticism here than he deserves. He enjoys a day with the woman of his dreams and then, she gets jealous when she sees David. Of course Sami feels like "second rate" now and gets angry.

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GenreChallenger In reply to hippo2 [2012-05-12 07:03:58 +0000 UTC]

Probably. But his track record based on what he did tell Martha isn't exactly nice. David is a genuinely nice guy.

Martha will have to make up her mind, or else lose her chance with both of them. I think it won't be long now before she has to choose and live with her choice.

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hippo2 In reply to GenreChallenger [2012-05-12 07:26:05 +0000 UTC]

That's true. The ending of the complete story gets closer. But there are still some chapters left.

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GenreChallenger In reply to hippo2 [2012-05-12 08:17:10 +0000 UTC]

Are you saying the entire series may end soon?

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hippo2 In reply to GenreChallenger [2012-05-12 08:25:23 +0000 UTC]

Soon is relative. But I had planned a final ending all way long.

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GenreChallenger In reply to hippo2 [2012-05-12 08:32:30 +0000 UTC]

That's good. It tells me you know when and where to end it.

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P-z-p-Z [2012-05-12 06:10:09 +0000 UTC]

Wow, poor Martha, I knew this was coming.

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hippo2 In reply to P-z-p-Z [2012-05-12 06:12:31 +0000 UTC]

Her reaction to seeing David and Martha wasn't right as well. Even if she didn't intent it, she played with Sami's feelings. And now, she has to pay the price.

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P-z-p-Z In reply to hippo2 [2012-05-12 06:16:33 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I know.

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kaaslave [2012-05-12 06:05:08 +0000 UTC]

Sami's a real asshole.

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hippo2 In reply to kaaslave [2012-05-12 06:05:44 +0000 UTC]

Why Sami?

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kaaslave In reply to hippo2 [2012-05-12 15:16:37 +0000 UTC]

Well, you have to admit, he's acting like a jealous prick.

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hippo2 In reply to kaaslave [2012-05-12 15:23:00 +0000 UTC]

He is jealous but so is Martha too. The way she reacted on seeing David with Amelia was very insulting to Sami. You can't go on a date with your boyfriend and then react that whay when you meet a wanna-be-boyfriend.

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kaaslave In reply to hippo2 [2012-05-12 15:31:28 +0000 UTC]

Oh, okay.

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