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hypnicjerks —
dives and lazarus
Published: 2011-06-30 06:06:45 +0000 UTC; Views: 8376; Favourites: 199; Downloads: 38
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Description
the last time i saw youi made sure to
keep my dress
on, kept
my distance as
we spoke from
across the room, land
locked and
the air discerning
and smelling
of vomit
" you don't have to be
so caustic
about this "
i am raw, in the
least
and it became winter
in the summer streaked room
we bathed in,
your mattress bare
and sullen
stains of hurt
and nights with other
women,
aging
in wild abandon, i left.
in fear of bearing your surname, i stayed.
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Comments: 132
Wow. I stumbled upon this as I was going through my watchers...and I'm glad I did. This is lovely and achingly real. Nicely done.
Favorite lines:
"land
locked and
the air discerning
and smelling
of vomit"
I also think the ending is fascinating and a good close.
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This is something my dear friend told me,
Poetry isn't about how well you write it, it's about how from the heart it is... because when it comes down to it, poetry that isn't from the heart isn't poetry at all.
Even if others think it's no good, you'll see it as expression.
And with enough no good expressions, you'll have the one that stops everyone in their tracks.
The unification of the heart, mind, and soul, all put into a labyrinth of words. This is the essence of poetry.
And I practically end up with a free verse of a comment. ^^
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thank you so much. your comment means so much to me. i appreciate you taking your time to share that with me C:
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I like this, but it could use some revision.
Did you really think about this when you were writing ? Or did you just place down the words that came to mind at the time ?
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i did what i thought was right, people like it, and i think that's all that matters.
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I think it's better to write what you want to write for yourself and not really for others; if people like what you wrote then that's just a really great bonus; However, That's just my opinion.
Have you ever tried to write whatever came to mind without thinking about what to write next? And then when you were finished thought about what should stay and what isn't needed? Kinda like writing with your heart and then fixing everything with a critical mind afterword?
If not then I really do recommend it.
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i did write this for myself, and for a very personal reason, and i did NOT write this just for others. i never said i did. i didn't write this for attention or for comments or anything of the sort. i wrote this because i just plain felt like it.
i believe how i approach my writing does not concern you, personally, and i'm sorry if that happens to be offensive. if you are trying to suggest something about my writing, please do so politely and formally. however that may be, i do not believe i asked for critique.
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You are not awful at all. This really gripped me, especially with the ending. The odd thing is that, while I feel apprehension, anxiety, and sadness, there is a certain calm feeling that I get reading this as well. Almost as if the woman is resigned to her fate, and so there is no reason for any other feelings.
Give yourself more credit. This was very beautifully done.
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you read into my writing very well. i appreciate your feedback! and thank you so much!
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You're very welcome. (:
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Clearly you are good enough for a Daily Deviation. Give yourself more credit. C:
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i am working on it! thank you!
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ahaha, nice C: thanks
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congrats, love 
it is much, much deserved. you're a gorgeous writer
with so much potential. <3
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thank you so much!
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Nonsense! This is amazing.... It's so calm and yet so angst-ridden. I do love it.
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You can't teach someone how to write, you can give them a pen and an outline. But what you need to succeed; emotions, passion and a creative spirit. That's all you.
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you have added to the awesomeness that has been my day thus far. thank you so much!
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nothing i know that could make u any better. u are above me *bows*
this is beautiful, really!
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this made me laugh.
on my account he did and he'll never see his dear Dives again. (don't ask what i'm talking about. it happens to be a long story.)
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Don't know how to write XD
Let me tell you something.
Writing doesn't necessarily have to center around grammatical issues, or how long it is, or how diverse or descriptive it is. It depends on what the message is, and how well and clearly you defied it. That's why you got a Daily Deviation <3
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that is a-okay!
thank you so much! also: loving the icon!
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"Don't know how to write" You must be fishing for compliments.
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or have self esteem issues. i'm certain its the latter as i am currently working on it.
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OH MY GOD MELISSA I LOVE YOU TOO
THANK YOU SO MUCH
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