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Invader-Emily — before the story
Published: 2008-02-16 00:50:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 192; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 5
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Description
You're name is Samantha. Nobody ever knew your last name and neither did you, but to keep that a secret, you just never told anyone your last name. You're a tomboy and everyone either calls you Sam or Sammi, and you hate it when people use your full name. You have light and smooth blonde hair tinted silver and it reaches a little below your shoulders. Every day you choose to have a different hair style that still fits your personality. You're almost always happy but you can get annoyed easily, even if you try your best to hide it. You're smart but use small vocabulary. Your eyes are very unique, they are different colors. They reach from a ruby red to a dark purple that looks almost blue around your pupils.People often question about your eyes or the way your hair seems to be silver in the sunlight but you always change the subject because you don't quite know the answer. You always wear clothes that stand out to you and that definately stand out from everyone else. Many people question why you always want to be different from everyone else around you, but you ignore those questions too. There was alot you didn't know about yourself, and you ignore the fact that you yourself have always been trying to figure out the answer.
Your best friends are Isabella Brown and Devin Autumn. Isabella usually prefers everyone to call her Bell, but you call her by her full name because she still calls you Samantha and not Sam or Sammi. She's hyper and always seems to need something or want to annoy someone. Isabella isn't really that bright, but she always knows how to have fun. Devin, on the other hand, could care less about most things and really just wants to listen to his music and complains about your habit of biting the scratch on your bottom lip.
Devin is one of those people who can get on your nerves alot, especially with the little thing he does when he stares at his hands and fiddles with them when he's bored. Even though you were clumsy, you always found a way to laugh at yourself with your friends because you have a good sense of humor, one of the things that your friends won't seem to shut up about.
One day when you were sitting on your front porch listening to some music, you decided to go for a walk. "The park seems nice", you said with an expression on your face that made you look less interested than you sounded. You walked to the park and you didn't feel like walking anymore but it was a long way back home and you wanted to clear your mind. You saw an area that looked like it lead into a forest and decided to check it out. Something made you pause for a minute and you didn't want to continue, but your legs said otherwise and made you keep walking anyway.
Something made you want to stop, but your feet kept moving you across the mossy ground. You sighed and made your feet stop because you felt tired and strangely weak. Your eyes stumbled upon a small sparkle on the ground and you couldn't look away. Your hand slowly moved towayd the object and felt a cold metal feeling in the palm of your hand. The shine came closer to your face as you moved it up with nervous hands. It was a- To Be Continued...
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Comments: 3
Also, if you post a new chapter to the story, it's often a good idea to provide a link to the subsequent and previous installments in the author comments, so it's easy to navigate from segment to segment.
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This is fairly well written ^_^ The second person style is very interesting. I don't know if I would recommend it for a first time though; 3rd person is certainly a good deal easier. In any case, you did really well, espescially for a first time! ^^
Just a few words of advice.
First of all, don't try to characterize all your characters at once! Too much at once overwhelms the reader, and we start to forget everything we read. We have to keep rereading to seperate all the information being tossed around, which can get a little annoying. If it's too bad, the reader tends to lose interest. This is why it's usually not a good idea to pad a story with prefaces like this. Dive into the action!
Second, it's generally not a good idea to tell us what the characters are like, with adjectives like hyper, or annoying. Instead, show us what your characters are like. Instead of a paragraph of description, make them do something annoying, or set up a revealing dialogue. It's much more interesting, holds the readers interest better, and puts you, the author, more in the background, and the characters themselves downstage, front and center.
Other than that however, I have to applaud at this. The grammar is flawless, and the flow good ^_^ I can't wait to see more!
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