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Invader-Jaklyn — KOTTP Chapter 3
Published: 2011-02-02 00:00:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 151; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description "He did… You did… what? You could've been killed, both of you!" Tanith exclaimed after the three owlets explained their story. She was in shock during the entire re-enactment of the boy's life and death situation. Mother just shook her head like the way an egg swayed back and forth before creaking and splitting in two releasing a little chick. But this was not the movement of a beautiful, miracle of life; it was a movement of pain and intense terror. Vito and Ugo knew exactly what she was thinking. How could this be? I could've lost two of my children, my two boys. Why was I not there? As though reading Mother's mind, Alpha stepped in and nuzzled his mate's neck, head and side.
"Tanith, if Vito wasn't so brave in rescuing Ugo, we would've lost him. Just be lucky we now have both including Sumitra." Sumitra was out practising her flying skills with some of the Earth-eye owlets. It seemed lonely without her. Vito loved his sister, not completely but enough to know it would be a boring place without her bragging about her rights and complimenting on Vito's embarrassing spots and feelings.
"But it's bizarre for an owl without flight feathers to glide, hot air or not."
"Absolutely right, Tanith." Spoke a frightening voice that sliced through the silence and darkness of the dusk's murk. It was Phoenix, the leaderess of the Fire-eye clan. Her yellow eyes gave of a flickering glow of strength and bravery. Two small round tuffs of red feathers gathered above each of her shimmering eyes. She effortlessly landed like a fallen leaf float into a small puddle. She ruffled her red, orange and white feathers speckled with black dots. Moon-eyes were larger than the other families but Phoenix and her mate Blaze seemed to tower over the other clan mates. Phoenix narrowed her expression on Vito and his brother. Vito swung a newly fledged wing around Ugo as if to protect his brother from the elder's razor blade stare. "I could not help but over hear the predicament that occurred recently." Elders, including Vito's father, were known to use big words to prove their wisdom to the new chicks. Half of the expressions Vito barely understood and Ugo didn't know one. Only their sister could provide the definition of the words but Sumitra had not yet returned. "Flying without flight feathers, shedding rapidly," she listed, "could only be the work of Basilisk." She hissed.
Basilisk was a Death-eye and the brother of Echo, the owls who make their home in the Kingdom of Light or are known as Light-owls, great queen. He was ruler of the Barrens of Shadows and lived in the Dusk Castle. He was known for death before flight and unspeakable bad luck of diseases and rain during the sunny seasons. Most of the elders warned the chicks never to enter the Barrens of Shadows, brave or not, Dark-eyes and Devil-eyes, Blood-eyes and Ghoul-eyes lived there, including more of Basilisk's followers. But the elders mostly spoke of him when they swore or things they couldn't explain like Vito's flight before mature feathers and fledging in just a few hours. But Vito would never betray Echo or the elders, maybe there was something wrong with him after all.
"How dare you speak of Basilisk with Vito in the conversation as well? Vito was born strong and true there is nothing strange or demonic about him." Pa said raising his voice, puffing out his pure white chest and flailing his silver wings making him look twice the size of Phoenix herself. He screeched and, to Vito and Ugo's surprise, she seemed to shrink slightly. Vito nudged his brother toward his Ma and both stepped away and out of the two elder's shadows.
Tanith wrapped her wings around her children as Pa threatened the leaderess for he was Phoenix's superior. "You don't threaten Vito and his development again or so help Basilisk I will rip out your tongue so you won't! Understand?!"
Phoenix was speechless and so was Vito. His Pa truly cared about him as did Ma, Ugo and Sumitra but Phoenix certainly didn't for she turned her head almost completely around and speared little Vito's lungs with her yellow, blazing eyes creasing his ability to breathe. He could just make out her words she dare not speak, "May Echo help you and Basilisk take you away!" she whispered before returning to her own mate and chick.
Vito could not speak for the rest of the daylight; he stood awake as his family slept closely together. Vito, carefully peeling away from his family, stepped out in the launching window thinking of how demonic Phoenix sounded when she said her last words then departing to her family. Maybe I am different, a freak of nature. He thought. He looked even more mature by the minute, as more of his chick fluff floated from his face. It was then carried by the air and magically with gracefulness it slipped away into the glow of dawn. A fluttering sound from his left side startling him; he didn't think someone else would be awake so late for owls.
A beautiful mixture of blue and green feathers and grace floated beside him. It was the gorgeous, Water-eye chick, Aqua. Her radiant, ocean blue eyes took Vito on a small journey as though he was indeed flying over a vast sea. He shook his head as the Water-eye smirked. "I get that same look from Pine and his brother Moss." Pine and Moss were the only other male chicks other than Ugo and Vito himself. Pine and Moss both had long, naked legs and forest green eyes and both had three other sisters, Lily, Flower and Fern. All were Earth-eyes and lived at the bottom of Home base where they could build their burrow. Earth-eyes also molted near their first week then begin to fly at their third. Aqua shifted, she was six weeks old, already fully fledged and flying and her father Pike must still be asleep. "Something on your mind," she asked in her soft voice as though her tongue was a cloud, "I always come here if I have something on my mind."
Vito knew exactly what she was thinking. Before her parents could have anymore eggs, her mother, River, was killed by a wolf not far from Home base. It must be horrible to not have a Mama to love. Vito would be devastated if death came to his mother.
Vito looked across the tree branches and watched a leave slowly descent to the ground. He cocked his head and spotted Phoenix snuggling within her family. Hopefully she doesn't see or hear Vito. "Aqua, do you ever feel like you're different or unnatural in any way?" he asked keeping his voice as low as possible.
"What do you mean unnatural?"
"Like not normal; a deformed owl maybe."
"Why would you say that?" she asked.
When Vito didn't answer, Aqua sighed and started to forage through Vito's silky feathers in a sign of affection. This was known as Love Grooming, but an owl only did this to the ones he or she truly loves or really likes. There was a fluttering sensation in Vito's gullet, but it was warm and pleasant, he began to blush, the most beautiful owlet in the colony is Love-Grooming my feathers. He thought. But he dare not tell Aqua this; he just stood and enjoyed his grooming.
When Aqua was finished her father, Pike fluttered over landing close to Vito. His heart began to race as the Water-eye elder stepped ever so closer. Vito thought he was going to be knocked off the branch to his death below when Pike nuzzled his head along Vito's side. He wasn't angry?
"I see you made a friend there Aqua." He said with a hoot at the end. "But please why don't you two come back inside, huh?" The leader said nudging the owlets into Home base. Pike was a kind, patient owl, unlike Phoenix, and loved the colonies like his family. Vito hopped back into his roost and Aqua took off to her nest with her Pa.
Vito snuggled back within his family and got some rest under his wing. But all through the daylight, he couldn't stop smiling about Aqua; he could still feel her smooth beak in his mature feathers and her warm breath against his face and back. He dreamed of Aqua choosing Vito as her mate instead of another Water-eye, but what are the chances of that?
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Comments: 14

ZADRfan1 [2011-02-03 00:40:04 +0000 UTC]

“John Gardner, in The Art of Fiction, points out that in addition to the faults of insufficient detail and excessive use of abstraction, there’s a third failure:

‘…the needless filtering of the image through some observing consciousness. The amateur writes: “Turning, she noticed two snakes fighting in among the rocks.” Compare: “She turned. In among the rocks, two snakes were fighting…” Generally speaking─ though no laws are absolute in fiction─ vividness urges that almost every occurrence of phrases such as “she noticed” and “she saw” be suppressed in favor of direct presentation of the thing seen.’”

-Janet Burroway

“The filter is a common fault and often difficult to recognize─ although once the principle is grasped, cutting away filters is an easy means to more vivid writing.”

-Janet Burroway

In this case, it’s just some helpful advice, but as of now, you seem to be doing a pretty good job of this. You keep your readers in Vito’s consciousness without interrupting it at all. Very good job. =3

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Invader-Jaklyn In reply to ZADRfan1 [2011-02-03 00:41:22 +0000 UTC]

thx, both 4 the compliment and this, can't believe u actually spend time doing this 4 me, ur so nice

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ZADRfan1 In reply to Invader-Jaklyn [2011-02-03 00:44:52 +0000 UTC]

Like I said. I really love helping young writers to improve. =3 I think this is a good way to give back in my profession. I may even consider looking into actually teaching Creative Writing. Originally, I wanted to be an editor. And I still do on some level. But I like being able to share this info with people and show them how they can improve. So it's my pleasure to be doing this for you. =3

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Invader-Jaklyn In reply to ZADRfan1 [2011-02-03 00:46:14 +0000 UTC]

thx, and i think u'd make a great Creative Writting Teacher

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ZADRfan1 In reply to Invader-Jaklyn [2011-02-03 00:49:27 +0000 UTC]

Perhaps. I'll look into it. I like teaching what I know and seeing people improve. =3

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Invader-Jaklyn In reply to ZADRfan1 [2011-02-03 00:51:54 +0000 UTC]

^^ good!

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ZADRfan1 In reply to Invader-Jaklyn [2011-02-03 01:07:19 +0000 UTC]

And I'll definitely be keeping an eye on your work to see how you improve. =3

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Invader-Jaklyn In reply to ZADRfan1 [2011-02-03 01:08:17 +0000 UTC]

thx! ^^

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ZADRfan1 In reply to Invader-Jaklyn [2011-02-03 01:18:36 +0000 UTC]

No problem. =3

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Invader-Jaklyn In reply to ZADRfan1 [2011-02-03 01:39:08 +0000 UTC]

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InvaderGfish [2011-02-02 00:21:51 +0000 UTC]

Irken version of me: GOOO JAKLYN!! *waves little Go Jaklyn flag*

Really Irken me? I was gonna say that! Anyways, have I mentioned you're an amazing author? I have? WELL I WILL AGAIN! YOUR AWESOME! And sorry it took me so long to read up to chapter three, I got distracted.

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Invader-Jaklyn In reply to InvaderGfish [2011-02-02 00:26:50 +0000 UTC]

no prob! and thx, and words cannot describ how much ur awesomeness and sweetness means to me ur Awes-mazing!

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InvaderGfish In reply to Invader-Jaklyn [2011-02-02 00:36:13 +0000 UTC]

I now check being called a crossover word off my list of "Things to do Before I Die". And your welcome!

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Invader-Jaklyn In reply to InvaderGfish [2011-02-02 00:39:56 +0000 UTC]

uhhh okay then...

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