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Description
Eighteen hours. EIGHTEEN. FUCKING. HOURS. She'd been sitting in this bed, legs spread like a goddamn whore, her uterus killing her from the inside with her son who was so lazy he didn't want to be born so he was just trying to mooch every last moment out of her womb. AGH, another contraction ripped through her, causing Zikki to wince and grip her swollen middle in pain.
AND HE WASN'T MAKING IT ANY BETTER! Her eyes looked over to her accidental husband and the deliberate cause of her surprise pregnancy. Who was also reading a magazine about health… despite being blind.
Nuclear warheads didn't have as much intensive heat and the glare she was giving him.
"You know," Sideos suddenly announced, "They're making robot beavers now."
"YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE PAGES!" Zikki screeched back, "HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU READING THAT?!"
Sideos gave no answer before calmly putting the magazine down, looking over to Zik with those strange, silver-lavender eyes. "See, now you've taken the fun out of it."
He still had the power to look right through people, even if he could never see them. His vision had been reduced to grey with varying grey blobs depending on how light or dark it was. But at least his hearing had improved vastly, which was a good thing since he used to never listen to anyone but himself.
Although he listened to Zikki a lot… and May-Qui whenever she yelled at him. Although she seemed to have quit her job as she hadn't been around for, what was it, a month now? Something like that. He should really stop paying her. Oh wait, he didn't pay her.
Still, Zikki was special. Not just because she happened to be as gorgeous as he was but she was also funny, witty, intelligent not to mention she could shoot a knyx between the eyes from about two hundred yards with a slingshot. Sideos was surprised to find someone who matched up to himself in these terms, she was just like him, but female and less crazy, although he maintained she was just as crazy but she hid it better, so it only made sense for her to have his kid. They had after all got drunkenly married, that was a good start, right?
"You're a dick!" Zikki yelled at him, "Here I am in labour with a kid only YOU wanted, and you're just sitting there PRETENDING TO FUCKNG READ."
"Oh come on, it'll be over before you know it," Sid waved a hand in dismissal.
"YOU'VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR EIGHTEEN FUCKIN HOURS!" Zikki screamed back at him, wincing again as another pain shot through her womb. She directed her glare to her own huge middle and mumbled, "Your son takes after you. Super fucking lazy."
"Good!" Sideos replied with a huff, "At least he's not a whiny bitch like you."
"Whose fault is this anyway?" Zikki screamed back at him, "YOURS!
"Blah blah blah," Sideos went back to looking at his paper, "Just shut up and push him out already."
Zikki was silent for a moment, glaring deeply at him before slowly, and quietly, threatening, "When I'm done here, I'm going to murder you in your sleep."
"Sure you will honey," Sideos replied casually, "Suuuure you will."
Zikki growled again, but yelped as another contraction shot through her. This one however felt… different. It was more painful then the others. She was going to ignore it, but another hit her almost right after, more painful then the last. It felt lower in her body, closer towards... oh crap.
"Sid, Sid I think he's coming," Zikki spluttered out, a deep panic suddenly gripping her. This was it, the zero hour, her first child was about to be born and once more, the father was the last person in the universe she ever thought of having a child with. Hell she'd have bet on having Zima's weird lesbian-science-baby over having Sideos's smeet.
But here she was. Weird how things turn out.
"Of course he's coming," The blind irken replied snarkily from across the room, "He's been coming for eighteen hours as you rightly pointed out before."
"NO I MEAN RIGHT FUCKING NOW YOU DICK," She screamed out suddenly as pain moved through her body again, much more heightened and, well, painful than before.
Sideos blinked. Oh, right. That. For one of the very few times in his life, he felt panicked. He leapt up and threw the magazine to the floor, looking around and wondering where the damn door was so he could find a bloody doctor. He saw it for a moment with his radar-like plug-in, echoing the vision over the grey-world his eyes picked up on. He burst out of the door and looked around. He spotted a smaller greyish blob and grabbed it, "YOU, get in here and deliver my child!"
"I'm a patient!" The poor grey blob spluttered back, "That's a doctor!" And it stretched out a blobby arm to point to a tall grey blob down the corridor. Urged on by a second scream from his wife, Sideos threw the patient to the floor and darted at the doctor with the speed of a bullet.
He grabbed the doctors shirt and put on his best warface, "Help my wife right now! She's having a smeet!"
"... erm, I'm not a obstetrician," The blobby doctor said simply, "My name is Doctor Sydney, I'm a physician but I can-"
"NO. YOU WILL DELIVER THIS SMEET RIGHT BLOODY NOW!" Sideos decided to simply drag the doctor back with him, after all, it wasn't like doctors didn't know EVERYTHING about doctoring anyway, look at Kaiser, he was a doctor... kinda, and he thought he knew everything. Wait, Kaiser was a bad example.
The doctor seemed rather shocked at this sudden development, but followed after Sideos as he led him back into the room with the now screaming, crying woman. Sideos however grinned, "I stole a doctor!"
"AGGHHH," Zikki couldn't really reply properly anymore, she just screamed loudly. This child was causing her whole body to twitch and react to every movement, every little sensation she felt, and every sensation was as painful as being shot. And she had been shot, so she knew what she was talking about.
Sideos couldn't help but rush to her side as the doctor sighed loudly, muttering something about not being able to finish his drink before rushing out calling for nurses and medication. He grasped his wife's hand softly, his knife-like claws not even causing a scratch onto her skin such was the lightness and gentleness of his gasp. "Come on, it'll be over soon, just keep breathing and... stuff."
It was so unusual and yet, it was something only Zikki was ever allowed to feel and see, the softness of his character. She had long figured out that Sideos had two sides to his violence and selfishness, the side he presented to the world, the one everyone knew.
Then there was the other side of him, the viciously protective side, the side that used the money he loved to spoil his wife, and no doubt, would spoil his son. They were already planning on moving out of the small apartment above the bar and relocating to somewhere better, at least somewhere were their child wouldn't get shot at walking down the street.
Besides, if Kaiser and Sirra could have kids, why couldn't Sideos? That was the reasoning behind all this anyway. Sideos had realised that Kaiser was beating him on the 'passing on genes' front, and so decided to catch up... even if Zikki was extremely pissed about it when she found out he'd tricked her. He probably should have asked about it, but where would be the fun in that?
Zikki however had not been amused. To suddenly find out she was pregnant with a person she had married when extremely drunk on her birthday was NOT the way she saw her family life starting. Hell, it wasn't even how she expected her marriage to start.
She quickly moved her hand out of Sideos's grasp and grabbed his shirt, pulling him down to eye level and growling like a primitive animal, "You're going to pay for this. I'm going to make you pay for this."
"What I got you a voot! A pink one!" He replied with an awkward smile.
"Oh you little AGGGGHHH," She screamed as another powerful contraction ripped through her and she, in her pain, let go of Sideos's shirt. Immediately he took the opportunity to back away from the psycho woman and stand aside. However, even as he did so a short vortian nurse appeared before him.
"Sir, would you kindly wait outside?" She put one hand on his arm and another outstretched towards the door. Over her horns he could see the tall blob of the doctor and the other blobby nurses surrounded the blob that was Zikki.
"Erm... okay..." Sideos didn't usually admit he wasn't skilled in something, for example he often told Zikki he was the greatest driver the universe had ever seen, or the greatest fry chef, or the greatest bank teller. However, one thing he would not admit to being the greatest at was seeing smeets being born.
That grossed him out. And he'd seen people wearing another person's skin as armour.
Sideos took one last look at Zikki as he walked out, or tried too, all he actually saw was just grey blobs. Sometimes it really, really sucked not being able to see anything. Hell he didn't even know what he was wearing, just pants and a shirt, Zikki picked out his clothes for him.
Outside, Sideos looked around for something to sit on, and eventually, found a bench. He sighed as he sat down, wondering if this was really as smart an idea as he first thought it was. He wasn't dad material that was for sure, but Zikki was born to be a mother, so hopefully she could do the hard work and he'd... erm... watch. And do commentary.
His head sunk into his hands as he listened to the wailing from the door slightly down the corridor from him. He was so doomed.

It was only another hour later that finally, someone walked over to nudge him, it was the voritan nurse, he could tell by the blobby horns. "Barkeeper Esdios?"
Ah, Esdios, such a fitting fake name for himself. Not only was it a clever anagram of his own name, it meant 'two sided'. Okay it was a bit of a give away to anyone looking, but in this system, who was looking? The police were paid off and the governor controlling the system was firmly within the Yan's pocket, the Yan's being the biggest drug lord family in the system and Sideos's own current employers.
"... yes?" He raised an antennae at this, wondering just what the hell had happened. There hadn't been any complications had there? If there was, he was seriously going to slaughter every motherfu-
"Come with me, your wife and smeet are waiting for you."
His smeet? HIS SON HAD BEEN BORN! He had a feeling like no other, intense joy, happiness, love for his wife as well as an incredible amount of pride for them both. He rushed past the nurse and into the room only to see... blobs. For a brief moment there, he had honestly forgotten he would never, ever get to see the face of his son.
Being blind SUCKED.
However, there was still some things he could see through just being able to sense the mood of the room. It was exhausted, but... happy, complete almost. He could tell it was very early morning, perhaps three or four o'clock. He walked over to the side of the bed, looking to the grey blob of his wife. There was a moment of quiet serenity before he asked, "Is he alright?"
Zikki smiled as Sideos sat beside her bed. She knew he couldn't see what he'd created with her, so instead, she simply stretched out an exhausted arm and took his hand, moving his fingers over to their child. Again, the shocking gentleness of those claws drifting over the sleeping smeet was something only Zikki was ever privileged to witness.
"He's fine, a little underweight, but fine." She said simply, watching the smile grow across her husband's face. "He looks so much like you, he has your eyes."
"I bet he has your personality," Sideos replied with a smile, knowing that seemed to always be the case with smeets. If they looked like one parents, they acted like the other.
Zikki sighed quietly, fighting the urge to just collapse from exhaustion. Wow, well, she was certainly a woman now and besides, she felt a new wave of motherly emotions flooding through her. She loved this kid, she'd die for this kid, it was unquestionable and irreversible.
"He has his PAK connected, he just needs a name," Zikki said softly.
"Sideos Junior," Sideos replied instantly as he slowly stroked his son's tiny antennae.
Even in her exhausted state, Zikki managed a frown, "No. It's too obvious, what will other people think?" She huffed and looked down to her son, "And besides, it's dumb sounding."
"Fine," Sideos rolled his blind eyes, "but he's my first-born so he should be named after me in some way... how about Syd, with a 'y'"
"... alright, but when we have a daughter she gets to be named after my mother," Zikki replied as her eyes closed, simply too exhausted to continue, "Syd... it's a nice name." And with that, she slowly fell into a sleep.
Sideos smiled as his son breathed softly within his mother's arms. He never thought he would allow himself to feel such a way, but he loved this smeet, he loved his wife and really, the most important of all, Kaiser could kiss his ass because his son was the most awesome smeet in all existence and all Kaiser's smeets could go to hell.
"Yeah," He grinned as he whispered to himself, "Suck it Kaiser. Suck it hard."

Description
Eighteen hours. EIGHTEEN. FUCKING. HOURS. She'd been sitting in this bed, legs spread like a goddamn whore, her uterus killing her from the inside with her son who was so lazy he didn't want to be born so he was just trying to mooch every last moment out of her womb. AGH, another contraction ripped through her, causing Zikki to wince and grip her swollen middle in pain.
AND HE WASN'T MAKING IT ANY BETTER! Her eyes looked over to her accidental husband and the deliberate cause of her surprise pregnancy. Who was also reading a magazine about health… despite being blind.
Nuclear warheads didn't have as much intensive heat and the glare she was giving him.
"You know," Sideos suddenly announced, "They're making robot beavers now."
"YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE PAGES!" Zikki screeched back, "HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU READING THAT?!"
Sideos gave no answer before calmly putting the magazine down, looking over to Zik with those strange, silver-lavender eyes. "See, now you've taken the fun out of it."
He still had the power to look right through people, even if he could never see them. His vision had been reduced to grey with varying grey blobs depending on how light or dark it was. But at least his hearing had improved vastly, which was a good thing since he used to never listen to anyone but himself.
Although he listened to Zikki a lot… and May-Qui whenever she yelled at him. Although she seemed to have quit her job as she hadn't been around for, what was it, a month now? Something like that. He should really stop paying her. Oh wait, he didn't pay her.
Still, Zikki was special. Not just because she happened to be as gorgeous as he was but she was also funny, witty, intelligent not to mention she could shoot a knyx between the eyes from about two hundred yards with a slingshot. Sideos was surprised to find someone who matched up to himself in these terms, she was just like him, but female and less crazy, although he maintained she was just as crazy but she hid it better, so it only made sense for her to have his kid. They had after all got drunkenly married, that was a good start, right?
"You're a dick!" Zikki yelled at him, "Here I am in labour with a kid only YOU wanted, and you're just sitting there PRETENDING TO FUCKNG READ."
"Oh come on, it'll be over before you know it," Sid waved a hand in dismissal.
"YOU'VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR EIGHTEEN FUCKIN HOURS!" Zikki screamed back at him, wincing again as another pain shot through her womb. She directed her glare to her own huge middle and mumbled, "Your son takes after you. Super fucking lazy."
"Good!" Sideos replied with a huff, "At least he's not a whiny bitch like you."
"Whose fault is this anyway?" Zikki screamed back at him, "YOURS!
"Blah blah blah," Sideos went back to looking at his paper, "Just shut up and push him out already."
Zikki was silent for a moment, glaring deeply at him before slowly, and quietly, threatening, "When I'm done here, I'm going to murder you in your sleep."
"Sure you will honey," Sideos replied casually, "Suuuure you will."
Zikki growled again, but yelped as another contraction shot through her. This one however felt… different. It was more painful then the others. She was going to ignore it, but another hit her almost right after, more painful then the last. It felt lower in her body, closer towards... oh crap.
"Sid, Sid I think he's coming," Zikki spluttered out, a deep panic suddenly gripping her. This was it, the zero hour, her first child was about to be born and once more, the father was the last person in the universe she ever thought of having a child with. Hell she'd have bet on having Zima's weird lesbian-science-baby over having Sideos's smeet.
But here she was. Weird how things turn out.
"Of course he's coming," The blind irken replied snarkily from across the room, "He's been coming for eighteen hours as you rightly pointed out before."
"NO I MEAN RIGHT FUCKING NOW YOU DICK," She screamed out suddenly as pain moved through her body again, much more heightened and, well, painful than before.
Sideos blinked. Oh, right. That. For one of the very few times in his life, he felt panicked. He leapt up and threw the magazine to the floor, looking around and wondering where the damn door was so he could find a bloody doctor. He saw it for a moment with his radar-like plug-in, echoing the vision over the grey-world his eyes picked up on. He burst out of the door and looked around. He spotted a smaller greyish blob and grabbed it, "YOU, get in here and deliver my child!"
"I'm a patient!" The poor grey blob spluttered back, "That's a doctor!" And it stretched out a blobby arm to point to a tall grey blob down the corridor. Urged on by a second scream from his wife, Sideos threw the patient to the floor and darted at the doctor with the speed of a bullet.
He grabbed the doctors shirt and put on his best warface, "Help my wife right now! She's having a smeet!"
"... erm, I'm not a obstetrician," The blobby doctor said simply, "My name is Doctor Sydney, I'm a physician but I can-"
"NO. YOU WILL DELIVER THIS SMEET RIGHT BLOODY NOW!" Sideos decided to simply drag the doctor back with him, after all, it wasn't like doctors didn't know EVERYTHING about doctoring anyway, look at Kaiser, he was a doctor... kinda, and he thought he knew everything. Wait, Kaiser was a bad example.
The doctor seemed rather shocked at this sudden development, but followed after Sideos as he led him back into the room with the now screaming, crying woman. Sideos however grinned, "I stole a doctor!"
"AGGHHH," Zikki couldn't really reply properly anymore, she just screamed loudly. This child was causing her whole body to twitch and react to every movement, every little sensation she felt, and every sensation was as painful as being shot. And she had been shot, so she knew what she was talking about.
Sideos couldn't help but rush to her side as the doctor sighed loudly, muttering something about not being able to finish his drink before rushing out calling for nurses and medication. He grasped his wife's hand softly, his knife-like claws not even causing a scratch onto her skin such was the lightness and gentleness of his gasp. "Come on, it'll be over soon, just keep breathing and... stuff."
It was so unusual and yet, it was something only Zikki was ever allowed to feel and see, the softness of his character. She had long figured out that Sideos had two sides to his violence and selfishness, the side he presented to the world, the one everyone knew.
Then there was the other side of him, the viciously protective side, the side that used the money he loved to spoil his wife, and no doubt, would spoil his son. They were already planning on moving out of the small apartment above the bar and relocating to somewhere better, at least somewhere were their child wouldn't get shot at walking down the street.
Besides, if Kaiser and Sirra could have kids, why couldn't Sideos? That was the reasoning behind all this anyway. Sideos had realised that Kaiser was beating him on the 'passing on genes' front, and so decided to catch up... even if Zikki was extremely pissed about it when she found out he'd tricked her. He probably should have asked about it, but where would be the fun in that?
Zikki however had not been amused. To suddenly find out she was pregnant with a person she had married when extremely drunk on her birthday was NOT the way she saw her family life starting. Hell, it wasn't even how she expected her marriage to start.
She quickly moved her hand out of Sideos's grasp and grabbed his shirt, pulling him down to eye level and growling like a primitive animal, "You're going to pay for this. I'm going to make you pay for this."
"What I got you a voot! A pink one!" He replied with an awkward smile.
"Oh you little AGGGGHHH," She screamed as another powerful contraction ripped through her and she, in her pain, let go of Sideos's shirt. Immediately he took the opportunity to back away from the psycho woman and stand aside. However, even as he did so a short vortian nurse appeared before him.
"Sir, would you kindly wait outside?" She put one hand on his arm and another outstretched towards the door. Over her horns he could see the tall blob of the doctor and the other blobby nurses surrounded the blob that was Zikki.
"Erm... okay..." Sideos didn't usually admit he wasn't skilled in something, for example he often told Zikki he was the greatest driver the universe had ever seen, or the greatest fry chef, or the greatest bank teller. However, one thing he would not admit to being the greatest at was seeing smeets being born.
That grossed him out. And he'd seen people wearing another person's skin as armour.
Sideos took one last look at Zikki as he walked out, or tried too, all he actually saw was just grey blobs. Sometimes it really, really sucked not being able to see anything. Hell he didn't even know what he was wearing, just pants and a shirt, Zikki picked out his clothes for him.
Outside, Sideos looked around for something to sit on, and eventually, found a bench. He sighed as he sat down, wondering if this was really as smart an idea as he first thought it was. He wasn't dad material that was for sure, but Zikki was born to be a mother, so hopefully she could do the hard work and he'd... erm... watch. And do commentary.
His head sunk into his hands as he listened to the wailing from the door slightly down the corridor from him. He was so doomed.

It was only another hour later that finally, someone walked over to nudge him, it was the voritan nurse, he could tell by the blobby horns. "Barkeeper Esdios?"
Ah, Esdios, such a fitting fake name for himself. Not only was it a clever anagram of his own name, it meant 'two sided'. Okay it was a bit of a give away to anyone looking, but in this system, who was looking? The police were paid off and the governor controlling the system was firmly within the Yan's pocket, the Yan's being the biggest drug lord family in the system and Sideos's own current employers.
"... yes?" He raised an antennae at this, wondering just what the hell had happened. There hadn't been any complications had there? If there was, he was seriously going to slaughter every motherfu-
"Come with me, your wife and smeet are waiting for you."
His smeet? HIS SON HAD BEEN BORN! He had a feeling like no other, intense joy, happiness, love for his wife as well as an incredible amount of pride for them both. He rushed past the nurse and into the room only to see... blobs. For a brief moment there, he had honestly forgotten he would never, ever get to see the face of his son.
Being blind SUCKED.
However, there was still some things he could see through just being able to sense the mood of the room. It was exhausted, but... happy, complete almost. He could tell it was very early morning, perhaps three or four o'clock. He walked over to the side of the bed, looking to the grey blob of his wife. There was a moment of quiet serenity before he asked, "Is he alright?"
Zikki smiled as Sideos sat beside her bed. She knew he couldn't see what he'd created with her, so instead, she simply stretched out an exhausted arm and took his hand, moving his fingers over to their child. Again, the shocking gentleness of those claws drifting over the sleeping smeet was something only Zikki was ever privileged to witness.
"He's fine, a little underweight, but fine." She said simply, watching the smile grow across her husband's face. "He looks so much like you, he has your eyes."
"I bet he has your personality," Sideos replied with a smile, knowing that seemed to always be the case with smeets. If they looked like one parents, they acted like the other.
Zikki sighed quietly, fighting the urge to just collapse from exhaustion. Wow, well, she was certainly a woman now and besides, she felt a new wave of motherly emotions flooding through her. She loved this kid, she'd die for this kid, it was unquestionable and irreversible.
"He has his PAK connected, he just needs a name," Zikki said softly.
"Sideos Junior," Sideos replied instantly as he slowly stroked his son's tiny antennae.
Even in her exhausted state, Zikki managed a frown, "No. It's too obvious, what will other people think?" She huffed and looked down to her son, "And besides, it's dumb sounding."
"Fine," Sideos rolled his blind eyes, "but he's my first-born so he should be named after me in some way... how about Syd, with a 'y'"
"... alright, but when we have a daughter she gets to be named after my mother," Zikki replied as her eyes closed, simply too exhausted to continue, "Syd... it's a nice name." And with that, she slowly fell into a sleep.
Sideos smiled as his son breathed softly within his mother's arms. He never thought he would allow himself to feel such a way, but he loved this smeet, he loved his wife and really, the most important of all, Kaiser could kiss his ass because his son was the most awesome smeet in all existence and all Kaiser's smeets could go to hell.
"Yeah," He grinned as he whispered to himself, "Suck it Kaiser. Suck it hard."