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The Quiet Before the Storm part 17

The cub that Masilahi held was a vibrant reddish gold, closer to his mother in pelt than his father. He was far more similar to Manufaa in looks than his brother. He had the same black, notched nose, and the same tufted cheeks and dark eyerims. This only made him all the more dear to her, but Ahadi froze up at the sight of the cub, eyes widening with horror and pain.

Even then, it might have still been alright. There still might have been a salvageable relationship between Ahadi and his sons.

But then the cub opened his eyes, and it was like Manufaa's eyes were looking out at them from their new son's face.

The day he opened his eyes was the same day Masilahi approached her mate about naming him. Little Taka was inside the den with Mufasa and Princess Kuuma, Nyeusi and Shari's daught who'd been born around the time Mufasa had. When she approached him, Ahadi seemed unhappy, but willing to listen, all until she mentioned the name she had thought of – Marefu. Ahadi stiffened at the name, a growl starting to rumble in his throat. “Marefu? Really, Masilahi? Why not just name him Manufaa and get it over with?”

Masilahi lost her patience. “What is wrong with you?” She snapped, brown eyes flashing fiercely. “Ever since Mufasa was born you've barely been able to look at him. You were a great father to Manufaa; what happened?”

Ahadi went completely still, green eyes cold as ice. “What happened? What happened?!?” He lowered his head slowly, shoulders tensed. “My son died, Masilahi. Our son. I lost my only son, 'Lahi, that's what happened. Do you expect me to act like nothing happened? Like it doesn't tear me apart every time I look at my sons, because all I can think about is cradling a little skeletal body between my paws and having failed him?”

Masilahi swished her tail, growling. “I expect you to move past what happened and focus on the sons who still need you. They need a father, Ahadi, not someone who's always going to keep them at arm's length.”

Ahadi narrowed his eyes, tone becoming mocking. “Move past it? Like you have?” He took a few stiff steps toward the lioness, every muscle tensed with anger. “You act like you're fine, Masilahi, but I know you better than that. I've always known you better than that. The way you look at them? That's not the look of someone who's let go. Every time you look at them, you try to convince yourself you're looking at Manufaa instead. You don't even see them for who they are, 'Lahi. You see them as Manufaa's brothers.”

Masilahi didn't want to believe what Ahadi was saying. Didn't want to admit to herself that maybe she was as broken inside as her mate. So she flung her anger back at him, ignoring the doubt, shouting hurtful words right back at him. “And I know you, Prince Ahadi. This isn't trauma. No, this is fear! It's not that you can't care about them, it's that you won't, because you're scared of being hurt again! You're letting your fear keep you from being the father they need.”

The prince had gone still as stone, face completely devoid of emotion. To anyone else he would have just seemed impassive, but Masilahi could see just how furious he was. “You want me to be a better father, to be more involved? Fine. I'll name the boy if that'll make you happy.” He spared the cub a quick, cold glance before growling out, “Taka. He will be Taka.”

For a moment, Masilahi was horrified. Taka. Meaning junk, or worthless. Was that really how he saw his son? But there was another meaning for that name, which seemed to be what Ahadi was thinking of. “It means wish, 'Lahi, or want. Let him keep that name, to remind you that every time you look at him, you're not seeing him, but just wishing to see Manufaa.”

Without another word, he turned and stalked off, leaving Masilahi alone with her doubts and the sons that reminded her so of her lost boy.

SCENEBREAK

Little Taka turned out to be completely different from Mufasa. Where Mufasa had grown to be aloof and independent, Taka seemed to thrive on interaction. He loved spending time with Nyeusi and Shari's newest daughters, Vunja and Zira, and he loved snuggling with Masilahi. He thrived on interaction and attention, which caused no end of problems with Ahadi.

Every time Ahadi looked at him, all he could see was Manufaa. It was easier with Mufasa; his older son prefered to be stand-offish, so it was easier to spend time with him without it turning into more than he could handle. But Taka was different. Taka wanted love, real, fatherly love, and Ahadi just couldn't give it to him. Because whenever he looked into Taka's eyes, all he could see was Manufaa.

He and Masilahi fought often about his relationship with Taka. While he was still spending time with Mufasa, he avoided Taka as much as he could, and Masilahi knew it. They went off on each other time and time again, but nothing changed, and their relationship only grew worse from it. Ahadi was terrified of losing the lioness he loved, so he was always quick to try to make up, but more and more this simply wasn't enough.

Mufasa also seemed to be distant in his relationship with Taka. He seemed to prefer solitude to spending time with his brother, and seemed stiff and emotionless when he did have to deal with him. Ahadi knew Masilahi worried about them, but he couldn't bring himself to help. It was just too painful.

Some nights, Taka would try to sleep close to Ahadi, but the prince would always push him away. But one night, Ahadi woke up to find Taka snuggled right up beside his paws, fast asleep. Ahadi froze, mind racing with memories. The feeling of another son cuddled in his arms, of feeling that fur grow cold and that body grow still. Memories of a son dying in his arms, and of how much that had hurt. He bolted to his paws, waking Taka in the process, heart racing. His son looked up at him with hurt in his green eyes, eyes so like Manufaa's and Ahadi felt like claws were at his heart. “I- I'm sorry,” he whispered. “I can't.”

He bolted from the den, taking off to run off the memories and the emotions, leaving a confused and hurt cub in his wake.

Taka never tried to snuggle with his dad again.

------------------------------

Yeah, so we're starting to see where Taka/Scar's issues come from. I like the different theories of abusive Ahadi or it somehow being all Ahadi or Uru's fault, don't get me wrong. But I didn't want to just do a rehash of those ideas, I wanted to do something different. I wanted it to be both Ahadi and Uru/Masilahi's fault. Ahadi's because he keeps pushing his son away, and Masilahi's because she keeps treating him like a dead brother he could never live up to.

I've only got a few chapters of this planned left, so be ready for the end, 'cause it's coming up, and it's not going to be pretty.

Description
Prologue: [link]
Previous: [link]
Next: [link]

The Quiet Before the Storm part 17

The cub that Masilahi held was a vibrant reddish gold, closer to his mother in pelt than his father. He was far more similar to Manufaa in looks than his brother. He had the same black, notched nose, and the same tufted cheeks and dark eyerims. This only made him all the more dear to her, but Ahadi froze up at the sight of the cub, eyes widening with horror and pain.

Even then, it might have still been alright. There still might have been a salvageable relationship between Ahadi and his sons.

But then the cub opened his eyes, and it was like Manufaa's eyes were looking out at them from their new son's face.

The day he opened his eyes was the same day Masilahi approached her mate about naming him. Little Taka was inside the den with Mufasa and Princess Kuuma, Nyeusi and Shari's daught who'd been born around the time Mufasa had. When she approached him, Ahadi seemed unhappy, but willing to listen, all until she mentioned the name she had thought of – Marefu. Ahadi stiffened at the name, a growl starting to rumble in his throat. “Marefu? Really, Masilahi? Why not just name him Manufaa and get it over with?”

Masilahi lost her patience. “What is wrong with you?” She snapped, brown eyes flashing fiercely. “Ever since Mufasa was born you've barely been able to look at him. You were a great father to Manufaa; what happened?”

Ahadi went completely still, green eyes cold as ice. “What happened? What happened?!?” He lowered his head slowly, shoulders tensed. “My son died, Masilahi. Our son. I lost my only son, 'Lahi, that's what happened. Do you expect me to act like nothing happened? Like it doesn't tear me apart every time I look at my sons, because all I can think about is cradling a little skeletal body between my paws and having failed him?”

Masilahi swished her tail, growling. “I expect you to move past what happened and focus on the sons who still need you. They need a father, Ahadi, not someone who's always going to keep them at arm's length.”

Ahadi narrowed his eyes, tone becoming mocking. “Move past it? Like you have?” He took a few stiff steps toward the lioness, every muscle tensed with anger. “You act like you're fine, Masilahi, but I know you better than that. I've always known you better than that. The way you look at them? That's not the look of someone who's let go. Every time you look at them, you try to convince yourself you're looking at Manufaa instead. You don't even see them for who they are, 'Lahi. You see them as Manufaa's brothers.”

Masilahi didn't want to believe what Ahadi was saying. Didn't want to admit to herself that maybe she was as broken inside as her mate. So she flung her anger back at him, ignoring the doubt, shouting hurtful words right back at him. “And I know you, Prince Ahadi. This isn't trauma. No, this is fear! It's not that you can't care about them, it's that you won't, because you're scared of being hurt again! You're letting your fear keep you from being the father they need.”

The prince had gone still as stone, face completely devoid of emotion. To anyone else he would have just seemed impassive, but Masilahi could see just how furious he was. “You want me to be a better father, to be more involved? Fine. I'll name the boy if that'll make you happy.” He spared the cub a quick, cold glance before growling out, “Taka. He will be Taka.”

For a moment, Masilahi was horrified. Taka. Meaning junk, or worthless. Was that really how he saw his son? But there was another meaning for that name, which seemed to be what Ahadi was thinking of. “It means wish, 'Lahi, or want. Let him keep that name, to remind you that every time you look at him, you're not seeing him, but just wishing to see Manufaa.”

Without another word, he turned and stalked off, leaving Masilahi alone with her doubts and the sons that reminded her so of her lost boy.

SCENEBREAK

Little Taka turned out to be completely different from Mufasa. Where Mufasa had grown to be aloof and independent, Taka seemed to thrive on interaction. He loved spending time with Nyeusi and Shari's newest daughters, Vunja and Zira, and he loved snuggling with Masilahi. He thrived on interaction and attention, which caused no end of problems with Ahadi.

Every time Ahadi looked at him, all he could see was Manufaa. It was easier with Mufasa; his older son prefered to be stand-offish, so it was easier to spend time with him without it turning into more than he could handle. But Taka was different. Taka wanted love, real, fatherly love, and Ahadi just couldn't give it to him. Because whenever he looked into Taka's eyes, all he could see was Manufaa.

He and Masilahi fought often about his relationship with Taka. While he was still spending time with Mufasa, he avoided Taka as much as he could, and Masilahi knew it. They went off on each other time and time again, but nothing changed, and their relationship only grew worse from it. Ahadi was terrified of losing the lioness he loved, so he was always quick to try to make up, but more and more this simply wasn't enough.

Mufasa also seemed to be distant in his relationship with Taka. He seemed to prefer solitude to spending time with his brother, and seemed stiff and emotionless when he did have to deal with him. Ahadi knew Masilahi worried about them, but he couldn't bring himself to help. It was just too painful.

Some nights, Taka would try to sleep close to Ahadi, but the prince would always push him away. But one night, Ahadi woke up to find Taka snuggled right up beside his paws, fast asleep. Ahadi froze, mind racing with memories. The feeling of another son cuddled in his arms, of feeling that fur grow cold and that body grow still. Memories of a son dying in his arms, and of how much that had hurt. He bolted to his paws, waking Taka in the process, heart racing. His son looked up at him with hurt in his green eyes, eyes so like Manufaa's and Ahadi felt like claws were at his heart. “I- I'm sorry,” he whispered. “I can't.”

He bolted from the den, taking off to run off the memories and the emotions, leaving a confused and hurt cub in his wake.

Taka never tried to snuggle with his dad again.

------------------------------

Yeah, so we're starting to see where Taka/Scar's issues come from. I like the different theories of abusive Ahadi or it somehow being all Ahadi or Uru's fault, don't get me wrong. But I didn't want to just do a rehash of those ideas, I wanted to do something different. I wanted it to be both Ahadi and Uru/Masilahi's fault. Ahadi's because he keeps pushing his son away, and Masilahi's because she keeps treating him like a dead brother he could never live up to.

I've only got a few chapters of this planned left, so be ready for the end, 'cause it's coming up, and it's not going to be pretty.