HOME | DD
jeremyjosh — Aria of Flight
by-nc-nd
Published: 2008-01-30 03:49:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 603; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 7
Redirect to original
Description
Aria of FlightI am floating on a souless breeze
The heart can't hold what the soul can't see
On the edge of air I'm almost there
Breathing stars in the ionosphere
Wings, why don't you let me fly away?
I don't need the earth her ghost can stay
Wolves exhale the death of night
I'm off to see the northern lights
I made a contract with the clouds
That I would make my bed in Nature's blouse
Drafts of nostalgia pervade my soul
I drink mercury drops from my lover's bowl
Intoxication from altitude is seething
Ecstacy takes form; an ethereal being
The seagull's song in the sunset, an outcast on a stage
Leaves me emotionally transfixed, musically bathed
Related content
Comments: 38
It's gorgeous and haunting in a way.
It makes me think, and I adore it!
-Me
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I am floating on a souless breeze
The heart can't hold what the soul can't see
I love these two lines - the rhyme works well and
it is very easy to understand and relate to.
On the edge of air I'm almost there
Breathing stars in the ionosphere
These two lines seem a little strained with the rhyme
as you have two rhymes in the first line.
Wings, why don't you let me fly away?
I don't need the earth her ghost can stay
Wolves exhale the death of night
I'm off to see the northern lights
I like this stanza with the powerful opening of
'Wings, why dont you let me fly away.'
I made a contract with the clouds
That I would make my bed in Nature's blouse
Drafts of nostalgia pervade my soul
I drink mercury drops from my lover's bowl
This stanza if very effective in visual and emotive description.
The way you have presented this lover and the persona's relationship
with them is very appealing as it is clearly not a perfect love.
Intoxication from altitude is seething
Ecstacy takes form; an ethereal being
The seagull's song in the sunset, an outcast on a stage
Leaves me emotionally transfixed, musically bathed
For your final stanza this is perfect, it really hits home.
I would have to say this stanza if my favourite with its vivid
imagery.
All in all its a beautiful piece whether in poem or lyrical formate, its wonderful. 
👍: 1 ⏩: 1
I am absolutely grateful for your taking the time to write such an in-depth analysis! It makes my poem seem worth it now 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Well, I have trouble critiquing poetry because I don't really understand it, but I'll give it a go.
Your poem starts off with a really nice rhythm. And I really like the line "The heart can't hold what the soul can't see".
I stumbled a bit with the rhythm in the third stanza, because it was slightly different from that of the first two.
The long lines of the last stanza go well with the words "intoxication" and "ecstacy". I tend to read that bit faster to try to fit all the syllables into the same rhythm that you had in the first stanza.
Hope that helps
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
That helps a lot, thanks for taking the time to read it
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I enjoyed reading this, and I can say honestly that I wouldn't have been able to write something as creative and unique. I remember the first time I tried writing poems and wanting them to rhyme when I was younger, and even though I know that they don't necessarily need to rhyme, you make it look easy. Good job!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks a lot, I really appreciate your comments
I'm weird like that. I remember once I fell asleep in class and I dreamt I was in a pitch black room and a guy was swinging a flourescent bulb in order to make the words. I t was surreal. I got invited to recite at shows but I'm not comfortable with actually speaking it out loud(I sound lame -_-)
I think you'd write fantastic poems, though. I have a gut feeling!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
That sounds wonderful and pretty interesting, too. I can't recall ever receiving inspiration in such an amazing way like that, and lately I've had writer's block. I think you should write more and submit it here. I know that I'd enjoy reading them, especially if "Aria of Flight" is a sneak preview.
haha I appreciate that!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
"interesting"...that's a nice compliment seeing as i literally thought I was crazy(the flourescent bulb thingy).. I jumped up in the middle of class and we were watching a film lol. Pretty obvious who wasn't paying attention >.>
I think the reason why my poems are unique is that I don't push myself to write them. I get inspired and they flow out. Another thing that drives them is that I have acquired synesthesia, meaning that I see colours when i hear a musical note.(for years my friends thought I was crazy, only found out about it last year lol)
Colours and emotions go hand in hand, so that deepens and strengthens the interconnectivity between the 3(inspiration included)
Some of my poems are kinda depressing though, seeing as i was going through some rough patches at the time. if you still wanna read, I have some on my PC I can post.
You're welcome
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
That's what's great about poetry--we can express ourselves when we're feeling so many kinds of emotions and somehow get our sadness or anger in words. It's even better when they flow and are created just because you wanted to write one. I'm definitely interested in reading more.
I'm impressed to hear about your personal discovery. Have you ever tried listening to a song, closing your eye, and painting or coloring abstract objects? I tried that in an art class and it turned out pretty nice.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yup, poetry is a nice outlet. I'll send you another one
No I haven't tried that! I have to try it 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Hey, I'm just about to read your poem! Thanks for sending it my way.
Well, just like my poetry, I can't seem to find any of my artwork, and I created a really nice pastel piece, too. Whatever I can find, I'll definitely post them here, including any sketches or pencil illustrations I've done, too.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
No prob. I really, really wanna see your work now. I'm excited!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
This is something i definitely can't do, its beautifully written. You are very tallented, in both art and liturature.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks so much, that means a lot
I don't really write poems per se, but sometimes words literally flood my mind like a wave, and this is the result lol.
I'm sure you can write literature, just say what you really feel
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Your very welcome.
Well its a very lovely result
I once wrote a poem but its so bad im not putting it on here haha.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Oh i don't know its very childish, and im not sure i still have it, it was on a scrap of paper. If I find it i might show you, maybe.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I actually like childish poems, it kinda reminds me of the Noddy songs I used to read in the books
You should keep stuff like that, you may want it someday.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ok i found it this is it:
As our lips meet
I lose the feeling in my feet
and my arms and my legs
All I hear is the conjoint
...beat, beat
the drumming of our hearts
Hours slip away..
Heaven at our finger tips
I look at you, you look at me
tingling from head to toe
I smile, you smile
Hand in hand..
the day light near gone,
we wonder home.
I wrote it when I was 15, im not a writer so it really isn't very good, i will let you read it but im not putting it on here (in my gallery) hehe
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I like it; it's a very nice poem
Were u in luvvv at that time? lol
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
thanks *blush*
Cheeky hehe, erm, nar I was just trying to write something to describe what people feel when they are together or the one feeling most people dream about finding, the words just kind of all came out when I was sat thinking lol
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
you're welcome
wow that's really interesting; you did a good job
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Aww thanks I feel slightly less embarrassed about the poem now
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
hahah, glad I could be of help
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
It's so beautiful!
I love it.
You should definitely write more.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
thanks so much!
I think I will
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
XD thanks! so do you ^^
And you know I mean that
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
thanks a lot. Actually it is a song, but it sounded too much like a poem not to put it into 4 stanzas and post it
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
