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JShayfor to fall on your deaf ears
Published: 2008-02-16 23:48:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 4813; Favourites: 131; Downloads: 38
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Description You glisten in my throat, baby,
        and glow across my pores -
    but for our love to be
         effective, you've gotta start shimmering, too.
   You, though, will remain dull and we will
                 be like either side of
          a glazed vase - sparkling Side A
                                vs. cold, unfinished clay.

   I had been content to play Dagny Taggart
                       to your Hank Reardon,
        or Hades, on fire with patience
                        to have my time with
                                  the Persephone in you.
             But now I'm out of analogies,
       cyclically suffering or accepting as Joshua Shay
                   as you play a cool, apologetic version of yourself.

       I will carry on as a
       star,
              guiding lost travelers like I do,
                            but in
                     this dark, cold sky,
                I'll keep wishing I was floating
                       into you.
I will dance freely
         with the other flames
      and ignore the jumping embers
       in my stomach whenever
          I see your silhouette.
                          I will sidestep,
                 as a fighter, if ever
                           I let my body get
                                 too close
                to your shadowboxing fists.


      Because you are cruel and
                 I am vicious,
         we must remain:  so
                       as not to fray
       the gentle fabric of your and my
                                     respective flesh.
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Comments: 54

JShay In reply to ??? [2010-11-19 15:22:35 +0000 UTC]

You just put in spaces, manually.
Sometimes I have to go into "edit deviation" and erase one or two of the spaces and put them back in, but it usually stays after I do that.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Mad-Eyes In reply to JShay [2010-11-19 15:52:44 +0000 UTC]

Thanks. I eventually figured it out, but getting confirmation is a great help. : )

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b1gfan [2008-05-10 22:01:23 +0000 UTC]

I think the piece is fantastic - FANTASTIC...the movement and development were scrumptious.

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squidcat [2008-04-25 21:31:25 +0000 UTC]

I love the lines about Hades and Persephone. It adds a nice touch of the mythical to the real, and it just... fits. Congrats on the DD, and on a wonderful poem.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Oukan-chan [2008-03-27 05:40:58 +0000 UTC]

I'm going to be honest. Normally the literary daily deviations aren't that great. But I really like the voice, style, and presentation you have here. Definitely quality work.

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GeneratingHype In reply to Oukan-chan [2008-03-27 11:11:20 +0000 UTC]

If you ever have any suggestions or complaints about DDs, don't hesitate to note a GD.

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naiyad [2008-03-27 05:10:35 +0000 UTC]

It's a beautiful poem, great use of words. I especially loved the first part.

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LunixVampyr [2008-03-27 04:33:38 +0000 UTC]

i like the feeling in this. and i can totally relate with it. it was just like, ive got no words to describe whats going on in my life, but then... there you go.
hahah

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Dear-Abby [2008-03-27 04:11:44 +0000 UTC]

this is offically one of my favorite poems ever. And i'm usually not a big fan of them. all i can say is wow.

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taralynnjane [2008-03-27 02:21:21 +0000 UTC]

amazing imagery. wow.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

aneuave [2008-03-27 02:19:21 +0000 UTC]

That's very well written, nice work...really good imagery. Great job.

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bayergal [2008-03-27 01:09:12 +0000 UTC]

holy crap. that was.. so beautiful
i loved the image it cold portray.
amazing <3

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dresdenafi18 [2008-03-27 00:39:15 +0000 UTC]

...this is absolutely amazing...even in it's somewhat harsh imagery it is still beautiful

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alekx [2008-03-27 00:36:53 +0000 UTC]

I really like this.
The work itself
and how it's set up.

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C-GFX [2008-03-26 23:41:27 +0000 UTC]

Very Nice Check Out Mine My Girlfriend Wrote Them

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Beneath-the-Leaves [2008-03-26 23:25:41 +0000 UTC]

Whoa.


And that is all I can say.

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TheMonsterSockies [2008-03-26 23:22:08 +0000 UTC]

Wow, beautiful imagery here, love it.

It shimmers.

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MergoWHM [2008-03-26 22:04:22 +0000 UTC]

Greek Mythology references in modern poetry make the days go happily.

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SkysongMA [2008-03-26 21:44:25 +0000 UTC]

Smooth as silk! I love this poem. It has a lot of emotion, but also a lot of flow. Lovely work.

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ZinniWhiteRose [2008-03-26 21:39:00 +0000 UTC]

This is really great!!!!!! I love it! It reminded me of the Twilight series... have you read it? If not I srtongly suggest it, so far there are three books, Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse (srry bout spelling) there is gonna be a fourth one too but I don't know what it's called... anyway srry to hear about the breakup but as long as it get's better... good luck with life! (I know i sound like a fortune cookie... shut up!!!! *shifty eyes*)

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Morgan-I-Maboy [2008-03-26 20:33:57 +0000 UTC]

Your analogies are great. The part about the flames and embers is especially good, it sums up those feelings very well, I think. The middle stanza looks a little off, the format doesn't look consistent there.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

qbeentraining [2008-03-26 20:31:49 +0000 UTC]

You have captured the inner self talking.....

This is very beautiful and interesting. Contrats on the DD!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

uno2tres14 [2008-03-26 20:31:08 +0000 UTC]

Have you read the short story "The Ballad of the Sad Café" by Carson McCullers? It connects greatly to this, I recommend it if you have not
Congrats on the DD

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Random-Dragons [2008-03-26 19:44:38 +0000 UTC]

I love your poem, especially the format, how the words seem to dance across the page.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

stillherelove [2008-03-26 19:32:46 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful, I love the imagery

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

stillherelove In reply to stillherelove [2008-03-26 19:33:32 +0000 UTC]

and everything- someday, someday I wish that I will be able to write something like this.

Beautiful.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Chuchkit [2008-03-26 19:13:40 +0000 UTC]

wow.
+fav.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

batousaijin [2008-03-26 18:24:24 +0000 UTC]

i think it might be better in spoken word, or urban, it flows like a sing-songy rap that doesn't have a set meter or rhyme scheme, but it keeps coming back to rhyme or meter itself in some small way.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

snow-spider [2008-03-26 18:20:09 +0000 UTC]

*melts*

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

hhryah [2008-03-26 18:07:25 +0000 UTC]

I usually don't like poetry, but you have made this piece something beautifully worded, something interesting to look at, and something true to life. So very well done!

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nikki-aria [2008-03-26 17:26:49 +0000 UTC]

After I saw the beginning, I just had to click on this. Fantastic. Your imagery is stunning.

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RandomRooster [2008-03-26 17:22:32 +0000 UTC]

Couldn't help reading after the seeing the first few lines, amazing poem and imagery. Love the Hades on fire and Persephone reference. Beautiful poem!

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fast-12 [2008-03-26 17:17:11 +0000 UTC]

ohmigawd I KNOW YOU!

Will you write poems for me, too? Darling jorsh?

Congrats, friend

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Nurzy [2008-03-26 16:53:27 +0000 UTC]

it is a lovely poem...a bit confusing...but marvoulously written absolutely great use of words may i compliment....it touches the heart in its own way

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tamarack1pines [2008-03-26 15:08:59 +0000 UTC]

Congrats On The DD! You are a PHENOMENAL poet! These words of power went down my throat like a cool glass of water on a particularly hot day, refreshing and giving me strength. From one poet to another, I welcome you eagerly!

Sin, tamarack1pines

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tamarack1pines In reply to tamarack1pines [2008-03-26 15:09:47 +0000 UTC]

Sorry for the second one....grrr. lol

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RenderedHelpless [2008-03-26 14:16:49 +0000 UTC]

That was delicious. I read it twice.

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PoetryOD [2008-03-26 12:32:50 +0000 UTC]

as you play a cool, apologetic version of yourself.

amazing line.


well deserved DD <3

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aedenn [2008-03-26 12:08:56 +0000 UTC]

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evil-yuffie [2008-03-26 11:23:59 +0000 UTC]

I love it It's beautiful.

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caustin93 [2008-03-26 11:22:37 +0000 UTC]

Amazing. Your poetic devices, wit, insight, and prose all shined here. Simply amazing!

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riam [2008-03-26 10:04:23 +0000 UTC]

Fantastic imagery and I love the way you've arranged the text. Nice one!

(Thought I'd take italics off too, hehe)

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riam In reply to riam [2008-03-26 10:04:45 +0000 UTC]

Hrrrm, didn't work.

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Escapetionist [2008-03-26 10:01:41 +0000 UTC]

The italics messed up the wheels! I'm sorry.

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Escapetionist [2008-03-26 10:00:53 +0000 UTC]

I had to say it out loud after I read it, and it was like swallowing poetry...but it was your poetry, and...I lost my train of thought
( )
( )
( )
TT
||||||-||||||-||||||
o o o o o o
=============

That was difficult.

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urecla [2008-03-26 09:14:28 +0000 UTC]

Gosh, I this. It has much meaning without trying to be anything but itself.

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AprilMood [2008-03-26 08:51:28 +0000 UTC]

Very powerful analogy, I like the imagery

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Dark-Necro-Master [2008-03-26 08:33:48 +0000 UTC]

This is incredimazing! Excellent metaphorical and visual descriptions.

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VomitSucker [2008-03-26 07:47:06 +0000 UTC]

Oh I just love this!
You have a good knack it seems for being able to keep a solid theme and still allow all of those great details in without completely covering up the topic you're writing about.
Beaaautiful.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

MBryn [2008-03-26 07:40:32 +0000 UTC]

You win for mentioning Dagny Taggart and Hank Rearden in a poem!

It's very yin and yang between you and your counterpart, isn't it? I love your imagery.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1


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