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    The Transformation Punishment Program was a constant source of controversy, but that didn’t stop it from having more viewers than any other television show in the nation.

    Even people who didn’t watch the live broadcast would tend to get suckered in by the gossip and would end up watching the highlights online. Most of the “contestants” were petty criminals, but even the most vocal objectors had tuned in to see the episode where the embezzling pop star had her gender changed or the politician transformed into a pig after taking a bribe. It was the kind of thing you’d end up hearing about even if you actively avoided it. For me, avoiding it hadn’t been an option.

    “You’re being singled out, you know,” Ellie grumbled as she adjusted my blouse for what felt like the fiftieth time. “If I hadn’t published that paper you wouldn’t be in this mess.”

    I winced at that. “I mean… I am guilty though.” She glared up at me and put her hands on her hips. Ellie was short and tattooed with dark hair and a septum piercing. She was used to being the smartest person in the room and didn’t like being contradicted.

    “Shut up. You’re hardly a criminal... Oh, this is all my fault.” She collapsed against my chest and began quietly sobbing into my bosom.

    “Hey,” I whispered, lifting her head off my chest. “It’s going to be okay. It’s just trivia. I’m good at trivia.” I gave her a smile that I hoped looked more hopeful than I felt,

    Ellie was blinking back tears. She finally opened her mouth to say something when she was interrupted by a sharp knock at the door. A man with thinning brown hair and a severe face peeked in.

    “You’re on in three minutes. You have to come with me.” He seemed to notice Ellie crying and his face curled up into a sneer. I felt Ellie tense up, reeling back as if to strike at the weasley man. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek to disarm her and followed him out the door.

+++

    “I’m Chris Kaiser and Welcome to the Transformation Punishment Program!” The crowd roared in approval. It sounded like the stadium was packed, though I couldn’t exactly tell, from my position under the stage.

    “Today, we have a very special guest.” Chris continued. “Let’s put our hands together for Professor Tiffany Blake.” The crowd let loose with another round of applause and light streamed down as a trap door opened above me and the platform I was standing on began to rise. I blinked under the bright studio lights and raised a hand in front of my face as I was elevated into view.

    Chris Kaiser was a tall man of indeterminate middle-age with carefully coiffed orange hair and a permanent smile. His teeth were pristinely white and uncomfortably large. The tight smile-lines around his eyes reduced them to slits. Tonight, he wore a plum-colored suit with large shoulder pads, over a black dress shirt with no tie. I’d always imagined he’d smell strongly of hairspray and cologne, but even on stage with him, I was too far away to tell.

    Even though Chris and I stood at the same level my platform was positioned several meters behind the stage and in the center of a wide pit. From this position Chris could easily banter with the show’s contestants without risking them attacking him or trying to escape.

    It was too dark to make out much of the audience but there was a large teleprompter currently flashing the word “Applause”. The studio looked the same as it had on television. The set itself only had two main fixtures. The first was a large television screen that would display questions as well as clips at Chris Kaiser’s prompting. It was positioned in such a way that it could be seen by both me and the audience. The second was a series of nine wide, horizontal stripes on the wall behind me alternating between yellow and purple

    On the screen, I could see an image of myself standing on my platform in the black vest and pencil-skirt that Ellie had bought for me. My blouse was buttoned up to my collar and my dark hair was done up professionally in a bun with bangs that framed the thick rims of my glasses. I looked terrified and quickly tried to right my posture and regain some semblance of my dignity.

    “Professor!” Chris greeted warmly. “Glad you could join us. Did you have any trouble getting here?” The word “Laughter” flashed on the teleprompter and the audience responded in kind. I didn’t say anything, more focused on how hard my heart was beating.

    “Now Tiffany--can I call you Tiffany?” He didn’t wait for a response. “From what I understand, you’re a professor of music, and you plead guilty to two counts of possession of an illicit substance, is that correct?” He turned to me and waited quietly for my response.

    “I um…” My voice came out weak and a bit stammering. “It was pot.”

    “Well, you’re hardly the first musician to smoke marijuana, but probably not the best person to be teaching the nation’s youth, wouldn’t you agree, folks?” The Teleprompter flashed again and the audience roared their disapproval. “Coincidently, Tiff here is dating one of the other professors at her university, and it’s someone fans of this show might be familiar with. Give it up for Doctor Elenore Sheely!” He motioned to the monitor which flashed to a live view of Ellie watching the show in the dressing room backstage.

    She wrung her hands together and appeared to be totally miserable, but as soon as she realized she was on camera, she scowled and flipped off the audience. The camera cut quickly, but the audience gasped and began to boo with encouragement from the teleprompter.

    “Well…” Chris started, seemingly somewhat put off by Elanore’s rude gesture. “I wish I could say that that’s out of character but, as we all know, Professor Sheely has always been a critic of our show and even published a paper recently calling it…” He retrieved a notecard from his pocket along with a pair of glasses, which he placed on the bridge of his long nose before squinting at the card. “‘A hideous abortion of justice designed as much to entertain as it is to scare the masses into submission.’” He dropped his glasses into his pocket and looked up at the audience. “Quite a few five-dollar words there.” The audience laughed again.

    “Well, let’s get started.” Chris smiled at me and winked. “The rules of the game are simple. Tiffany, you’ll be asked a series of questions. If you manage to answer them correctly, you’ll be well on your way to walking out of here with no consequences for the crimes that you’ve committed.”

    The word “Boo” flashed on the teleprompter and the audience jeered in response.

    “But…” Chris continued. “For every question that you get wrong, your body will be changed to better match the kind of person that your actions indicate you are. Answer five correctly and the game ends, but get five wrong and you’ll be leaving her with a much different body than the one you came in with.” More laughter from the audience, this time unprompted.

    “Are you ready?” Chris asked, an evil gleam in his eye.

    “W-wait!” I stammered. “Aren’t you supposed to tell me what sort of transformation I’m getting?”

    “Oh Tiff, what would be the point? A smart girl like you probably won’t even get a single question wrong.” I cringed as he reached into his coat pocket and produced another note-card and replaced his glasses on his face. I hated being called Tiff, but I wasn’t exactly in a position to complain.

    He looked down at the card and read the first question aloud. . .

“Question 1: The oldest mummy in the world was recently found in Canada. What type of animal is it?”

Description
Title Page - Next >

    The Transformation Punishment Program was a constant source of controversy, but that didn’t stop it from having more viewers than any other television show in the nation.

    Even people who didn’t watch the live broadcast would tend to get suckered in by the gossip and would end up watching the highlights online. Most of the “contestants” were petty criminals, but even the most vocal objectors had tuned in to see the episode where the embezzling pop star had her gender changed or the politician transformed into a pig after taking a bribe. It was the kind of thing you’d end up hearing about even if you actively avoided it. For me, avoiding it hadn’t been an option.

    “You’re being singled out, you know,” Ellie grumbled as she adjusted my blouse for what felt like the fiftieth time. “If I hadn’t published that paper you wouldn’t be in this mess.”

    I winced at that. “I mean… I am guilty though.” She glared up at me and put her hands on her hips. Ellie was short and tattooed with dark hair and a septum piercing. She was used to being the smartest person in the room and didn’t like being contradicted.

    “Shut up. You’re hardly a criminal... Oh, this is all my fault.” She collapsed against my chest and began quietly sobbing into my bosom.

    “Hey,” I whispered, lifting her head off my chest. “It’s going to be okay. It’s just trivia. I’m good at trivia.” I gave her a smile that I hoped looked more hopeful than I felt,

    Ellie was blinking back tears. She finally opened her mouth to say something when she was interrupted by a sharp knock at the door. A man with thinning brown hair and a severe face peeked in.

    “You’re on in three minutes. You have to come with me.” He seemed to notice Ellie crying and his face curled up into a sneer. I felt Ellie tense up, reeling back as if to strike at the weasley man. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek to disarm her and followed him out the door.

+++

    “I’m Chris Kaiser and Welcome to the Transformation Punishment Program!” The crowd roared in approval. It sounded like the stadium was packed, though I couldn’t exactly tell, from my position under the stage.

    “Today, we have a very special guest.” Chris continued. “Let’s put our hands together for Professor Tiffany Blake.” The crowd let loose with another round of applause and light streamed down as a trap door opened above me and the platform I was standing on began to rise. I blinked under the bright studio lights and raised a hand in front of my face as I was elevated into view.

    Chris Kaiser was a tall man of indeterminate middle-age with carefully coiffed orange hair and a permanent smile. His teeth were pristinely white and uncomfortably large. The tight smile-lines around his eyes reduced them to slits. Tonight, he wore a plum-colored suit with large shoulder pads, over a black dress shirt with no tie. I’d always imagined he’d smell strongly of hairspray and cologne, but even on stage with him, I was too far away to tell.

    Even though Chris and I stood at the same level my platform was positioned several meters behind the stage and in the center of a wide pit. From this position Chris could easily banter with the show’s contestants without risking them attacking him or trying to escape.

    It was too dark to make out much of the audience but there was a large teleprompter currently flashing the word “Applause”. The studio looked the same as it had on television. The set itself only had two main fixtures. The first was a large television screen that would display questions as well as clips at Chris Kaiser’s prompting. It was positioned in such a way that it could be seen by both me and the audience. The second was a series of nine wide, horizontal stripes on the wall behind me alternating between yellow and purple

    On the screen, I could see an image of myself standing on my platform in the black vest and pencil-skirt that Ellie had bought for me. My blouse was buttoned up to my collar and my dark hair was done up professionally in a bun with bangs that framed the thick rims of my glasses. I looked terrified and quickly tried to right my posture and regain some semblance of my dignity.

    “Professor!” Chris greeted warmly. “Glad you could join us. Did you have any trouble getting here?” The word “Laughter” flashed on the teleprompter and the audience responded in kind. I didn’t say anything, more focused on how hard my heart was beating.

    “Now Tiffany--can I call you Tiffany?” He didn’t wait for a response. “From what I understand, you’re a professor of music, and you plead guilty to two counts of possession of an illicit substance, is that correct?” He turned to me and waited quietly for my response.

    “I um…” My voice came out weak and a bit stammering. “It was pot.”

    “Well, you’re hardly the first musician to smoke marijuana, but probably not the best person to be teaching the nation’s youth, wouldn’t you agree, folks?” The Teleprompter flashed again and the audience roared their disapproval. “Coincidently, Tiff here is dating one of the other professors at her university, and it’s someone fans of this show might be familiar with. Give it up for Doctor Elenore Sheely!” He motioned to the monitor which flashed to a live view of Ellie watching the show in the dressing room backstage.

    She wrung her hands together and appeared to be totally miserable, but as soon as she realized she was on camera, she scowled and flipped off the audience. The camera cut quickly, but the audience gasped and began to boo with encouragement from the teleprompter.

    “Well…” Chris started, seemingly somewhat put off by Elanore’s rude gesture. “I wish I could say that that’s out of character but, as we all know, Professor Sheely has always been a critic of our show and even published a paper recently calling it…” He retrieved a notecard from his pocket along with a pair of glasses, which he placed on the bridge of his long nose before squinting at the card. “‘A hideous abortion of justice designed as much to entertain as it is to scare the masses into submission.’” He dropped his glasses into his pocket and looked up at the audience. “Quite a few five-dollar words there.” The audience laughed again.

    “Well, let’s get started.” Chris smiled at me and winked. “The rules of the game are simple. Tiffany, you’ll be asked a series of questions. If you manage to answer them correctly, you’ll be well on your way to walking out of here with no consequences for the crimes that you’ve committed.”

    The word “Boo” flashed on the teleprompter and the audience jeered in response.

    “But…” Chris continued. “For every question that you get wrong, your body will be changed to better match the kind of person that your actions indicate you are. Answer five correctly and the game ends, but get five wrong and you’ll be leaving her with a much different body than the one you came in with.” More laughter from the audience, this time unprompted.

    “Are you ready?” Chris asked, an evil gleam in his eye.

    “W-wait!” I stammered. “Aren’t you supposed to tell me what sort of transformation I’m getting?”

    “Oh Tiff, what would be the point? A smart girl like you probably won’t even get a single question wrong.” I cringed as he reached into his coat pocket and produced another note-card and replaced his glasses on his face. I hated being called Tiff, but I wasn’t exactly in a position to complain.

    He looked down at the card and read the first question aloud. . .

“Question 1: The oldest mummy in the world was recently found in Canada. What type of animal is it?”