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Laurence55 — Spring Bash Haiku-Thon 2008
Published: 2008-03-01 05:52:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 2269; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 20
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Description
March 1sttiger paws-
cumulus clouds
on the move
March 2nd
wind chimes-
uncle Ronnie's dentures
in the glass
March 3rd
crosstalk
the neighbor slips
into our phone sex
March 4th
instantly
the barn owl's face-
spring dusk
March 5th
first light-
a pond skimmer ferries
its reflection
March 6th
meeting her eyes spring rain
March 7th
bulging moon
a toad muscles free
from earth
March 8th
warrior code
the old dog leaves
to die
March 9th
fist fight
the cat pummels
an old boot
March 10th
spring mountain-
my fingers reach
into heaven
March 11th
pouring rain...
he finally
comes clean
March 12th
cloudless dawn-
my brother bargains
a sick day
March 13th
clearance sale-
my aunt shops
for a husband
March 14th
descending fog...
his word
against mine
March 15th
dappled light
the crooked halo
of a lawn gnome
March 16th
vernal equinox-
a hawk flies
full circle
March 17th
milky way
I find her g-spot
March 18th
Chauffeur Blues
the cat gnaws
at a flea
March 19th
wind shift dandelion jazz
March 20th
fickle moon
I fold my gi
a third time
March 21st
alchemy
her lips press deeper
into mine
March 22nd
pillow talk
reciting
old man Issa
March 23rd
orange butterfly
the slow lift
of her sun dress
March 24th
river darkness
one tadpole
with legs
March 25th
only half a cup
of tea this time-
March loneliness
March 26th
spring cleaning
she brushes an eyelash
from my cheek
March 27th
sugar maple
this way and that-
lark song
March 28th
reaching
from beyond the grave
wildflowers
March 29th
blue jays-
suddenly I'm it
in a game of tag
March 30th
in her open palm
spring
unfolds
March 31st
moonflower
the rising note
of a cricket
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Comments: 165
Yeah, in my opinion, while reverencing the old masters is certainly appropriate to see and understand their contributions to the beginning of haiku, you should understand that the art...the "essence" of haiku cannot be grasped by reading some book about formalized thought. The art adapts to whatever culture it is presented in, as all art should. In my opinion, the ONLY thing that makes and should make up haiku is an observation of the principles. these principles include brevity, image juxtaposition, vivacity, avoidance of "filler" words...and most importantly, an avoidance of cliche. How could we who live in this time period, write as the old masters did? That is impossible, and to me not authentic. Besides, if you notice, many of the "masters" themselves did not hold steadfast to any specific "rule". There are all kinds of masters, each with a varying slant on haiku philosophy.
I do not believe in a classic versus modern approach, more in an adaptation approach. it is the language structure of haiku that should be studied, not the rivaling schools of thought concerning what is or isn't...haiku began as an experimentation with the hokku that made up traditional renga...so how can there be steadfast rules as to what makes one? Principles are all that I am interested in. nature itself is subjective also...will your natural surroundings, which also can change quickly with the advancements in technology be the same as mine?
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yes, your culture differs from mine and that i struggle to learn japanese ways too.
not sure if i used the right word when i said 'essence', i think my english fails me at this point i can't really tell what i feel is missing in that haiku.
anyway please do not feel offended. it's only my humble opinion and i do not claim to be an authority in this subject matter.
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Oh no, I wasn't offended 
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day 4
the instant is captured very well. i can even see the next moment when the owl is gone. excellent one!
day 8
warrior code is very appropriate way to describe this way of life(death?) of stray animals. thought-provoking.
day 9
vivid and certainly resonates in a cat-lover's mind. my cats don't really fist-fight with boots, they wrestle with smelly shoes.
day 10
my favorite of the set so far.
when you have the whole horizon in front of you, don't you feel like grabbing it all? :bwahaha:
day 16
majestic sight. heart-lifting and quite inspiring a verse.
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17 is awesome dude!!!!!
brilliant shift! just awesome.
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So full of stories there, the 11th to 14th particularly. Excellent
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I really don't know what to say. I wanted to comment on the beauty and richness of these haiku, how much they say in just a few words, but the overall quality of your entries has left me speechless
Great job!
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just the fact that you stayed to read them is thanks enough
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Laurence, these are splendid! Chock full of meaning—very deep and vibrant. I’m a bit late coming into these, but I had to comment on a few—
March 6th
meeting her eyes spring rain
This one, to me, could go in so many ways…. A romantic meeting interrupted by a sudden rain (we all know how those spring rains sneak up on you! 
March 8th
warrior code
the old dog leaves
to die
Moves me to tears…I really badly want a dog….my step-grandfather, now deceased, had hunting dogs…and I remember as an extremely young child (2 or 3ish..) going over to his house one day and comforting him when his hound died….he had the dog wrapped in a blanket, propped up on the couch, and Grandpa was saying his goodbyes…
I do not remember what he said, but it seemed to me such a moving thing to do….We took the dog outside and burned his body. I never knew what happened to the ashes. Grandpa ALWAYS referred to his dog as “warriors” and “war heroes”, saying stuff like when they’d hunt, they’d have to be careful, because Grandpa’s aim was never very good! (I bet there is a poem in that right there, heehee!)
Beautiful, beautiful. I’d comment more, but we’re packing up to go to Washington, state, to see family for spring break. I will see you when we return—keep up the lovely work. Your words are very powerful.
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Ah, thank you Katie! I am happy that my work was able to touch you in some way. That is always my goal. You are a skilled poet, and a very warm person. A great combination!
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Greetings from on-my-trip! You are too kind to me, thank you for your compliments. It means a lot to me; I feel I still have a lot of learning to do.
I will be commenting on your newest haiku and your "found" poetry when I can--we're heading out to babysit my niece soon, so I must prepare. Wish me luck!
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Excellent!
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Ah here we are, two weeks into the spring collections - and i'm going to gather up the sprightly chestnuts offered up to this point to free-associate and let you know how the pieces affect me:
1. Vivid beginning in one of my favorite positions - looking up in awe at the sky, and at my favorite kind of clouds. one can clearly appreciate the way the "paws" of the tiger move with a hunter's ease.
2. I commented on this one at the time of posting but it still resinates as a light-hearted senryu as i still can hear the tinkle of chimes & dentures in perfect harmony.
3. I'd like to think that the one slipping into the action would be impressed right before hanging up with a beet-red blush! 
4. I adore the image of owls, and this one is dramatic and sudden to cause my heart to race - and i find your choice of kigo lovely & appropriate.
5. The image of pond skimmers are enchanting because of how i love the way the water looks ever so slightly indented where they touch it - and how perfectly this 'reflects' (pun probably intended but you'll never get me to admit it) the lightness and movement in the silent observance of your piece.
6. I know this can be taken a variety of ways, but my first reaction (and every other reaction since) is that he has met her eyes with his in a moment of sublime spring release. it's brevity is elegance itself.
7. When first i read this my mental image came alive with a frog-in-space parody - but beautifully - and with a wide faint hazy circle 'round the moon. even though the second time reading this piece brought me back down to earth, i still can't help see the first image from time to time. this is an admirably vivid piece!
8. Thoughtful pathos as a creature about to disappear from the sight of man's world & his owner displays a dignity that is inborn, not inbred. a feeling piece which is all senryu in my humble opinion - senryu style because of the clear implication that what the dog does to prepare for his time embodies an unspoken honor between men of war.
9. In a turnabout, this too impresses me as a complete senryu in the other direction. observing something so comical in our human way as to empathize with the "pummeling" aspect of the quick movements of the cat as perhaps to the image of a feather-weight contender warming up on a punching bag in the gym.
10. From the illusion of the sky canopy brought down within reach atop one of God's summits, you show a way one's mindset of the season's wonders can bring you closer to one's spirituality.
11. This is both thought-provoking & amusing (if one wills) as a duel meaning of rain washing a sinner clean, and of sweating profusely as he 'comes clean' during an interrogation.
12. Ahh who of us has done this very thing - trying to talk our way out of having to go to school that fine spring day so as to enjoy it instead watching cartoons or playing video games in bed.
13. Clearly a senryu, m'thinks! 
14. Yes - a kindness doesn't always translate into loyalty between friends. i feel this piece in its uncertainty. Very good, Laurence.
A quality collection by one of dA's bright haijin lights for spring, and the haikuthon... with clearly more gems to come if my understanding of your style, dedication, and skill has taught me well.
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Jade,
I greatly appreciate the manner in which you have internalized each of my works so far. It is a great honor, considering that you are very skilled in haiku, and especially in tanka!! I am proud to see the way your gallery has received so much attention. It truly deserves it 
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Thank you, Laurence!
i enjoyed doing the critique, it helped me feel the pieces as i went into more depth than a regular comment would.
i thank you too for all the kind words you bestow upon me regarding my gallery. Oh!...
and i'm thrilled that you are now the proud owner of a copy of my book that you recently purchased!
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Ah yes, the book is excellent!! Worthy of being among the other great poets in my collection.
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It's i who feels honored to have my book share the same shelf with your choices of poets past & present.
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March 13th is really clever. We all know why those old birds *really* go shopping... xD
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Let's hope she doesn't pick him up off the bargain racks!
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yeah I know...at least choose Macy's
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I have to say March 6th is my favorite. Once again, great job. I'm trying to resist just fav'ing everything ><
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No problem ^^ I was really struck by your gallery.
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Thanks, yeah I decided to do both senryu and haiku in this series...although the "clearance sale" is something that happens in spring (though certainly in other seasons), this is still very much a senryu
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#7
wow!!! esp. "bulging moon"
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Thanks Dick, yeah the moon appeared to be bubbling out of the sky...it was so surreal!
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I like #10 a lot - great image.
man on the mountain, moses, reaching with fingers made of light....
I love it.
#8 too. very nice images....
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March 10th and 11th! Wow! you are rapidly becoming even more amazing as this month has progressed!!!!!
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4 is particularly intriguing, with the transition occurring through the lens of the owl's face. Timely and timeless...how would the piece change if it were a different animal's face? I'm wondering if the construction 'instantly / [blank] / spring dusk' might tell us something interesting about some other interesting things -- maybe a tangent series...
5 - I have difficulty with the image, because I have not seen a pond skimmer. Still a great piece, just not experienced enough
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Thank you, yes, replacing the owl with another creature to examine the effect of the piece would be interesting. I had considered other creatures...but, to me the shocking "white" of an owl's face among darkness drew the appropriate emotion...that and there is an actual owl near my house
As for the 5th, I see what you mean. pond Skimmers are in the park creek where i train (martial arts) so I went with the local image on that one. Thanks for commenting, I have been keeping up with your gallery. You do exquisite work!
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Definitely a strong selection so far. Nicely done mate
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Thanks Kera, its good to see you here!
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You have a very strong collection so far. I especially like 'tiger paws', 'first light', and 'bulging moon'.
I'll be checking in from time to time.
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They're all so well written, but I think March 5th and 7th are my favourites, the imagery is so vivid. Watching closely for more! 8D
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