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LazyLinePainterJohn β 'The Day - 1', after Lucini
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Published: 2008-12-07 22:20:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 707; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 8
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Description
Bullocks collide in the meadow's mid-distance;Tityrus unpicks a many-versed song,
sat by the creek; feet outspread along
the bank of the unsilvered river's insistence.
The cows low towards the good pastures,
the grass lush and bright. Aloft on the sigh
of the wind a hawkmoth, rubified
memory, sunwards flies. Tityrus casts up
his soul in the notes that rise high to the black
orbits, three gross and circling vultures.
And distant a horn. Lycoris approaches,
with freshly-cut flowers, the edge of the creek.
Tityrus kisses her once on each cheek.
The cows take a sniff of the wind and hold back.
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Comments: 12
Cheers! I've translated short stories before and boy was it difficult (but loads of fun...)
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Hi John
What fun - just mis-spent my morning coming up with my own translation, certainly beats working:-
In the middle meadow bullocks clash.
Tityrus unwinds his long song, sitting,
feet in the gully by the dull, dirty river.
Disillusioned cows mourn
fresh lush grass and on the wind
hawkmothβs pass
like crimson memories into the sun. Tityrus lifts
his song, his soul rising with his tune,
still to find vultures at the crown,
enormous, black, relentless in their orbit.
Then hears a distant horn and sees Lycoris
trailing plundered flowers. Tityrus
sighs a huge relief, jumps to kiss her on both cheeks.
The cows smell the wind and sigh.
I hope at least I've caught the spirit (armed only with my Google translator). Hope you are well.
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Awesome! I want to read about the translation choices - which your re-doing helps show - since I've been reading a fair few classics and enjoy the introductions where they talk about their translation method only very briefly, and it is very interesting to learn something about whatever language they're translating. A friend recommended I read the Odyssey in the original Greek because it wasn't very difficult. I can't imagine that being at all true.
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Hi
I think it was a case of knowing less, I could venture more! I referenced John's translation along with the original and tweaked the language to reflect how I understood the poem. I think reading the Odyssey would come down to your level of Greek comprehension - I wouldn't fancy it.
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Shouting cheerfully into disconnected toilets?
You come up with the best similies.
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Hey, I *WANT* the translation dirty secrets!
They're the very treat for us non-translators...
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Translation is tricky business. Translating poetry is downright Homeric- no puns intended- because you have to be a translator, a good poet, and a bit of a cultural anthropologist, All At The Same TIME.
Therefore I am impressed.
Mind you, I became even more impressed when you invented the phrase, "like shouting cheerfully into a disconnected toilet."
If that's not yours, don't tell me. It made my day to read that.
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I agree that the toilet-phrase is probably the best one here. I agree too with everything you say about translating. And thank you sincerely and belatedly for the compliments.
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Wheeee
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I can't judge the quality of your translation but your poem is pleasant to read.
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Thank you most kindly.
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