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thecherrybombshell β Blanket Girls
Published: 2006-10-20 02:32:39 +0000 UTC; Views: 2391; Favourites: 25; Downloads: 15
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Description
1.It was peppermint,
snowflake blonde hair spilling into gold
the foxlike amber of my skin
against her phosphorescent white.
She made me seasick with her bird-blue eyes
and stuck like cotton candy to my fingers.
2.
Her name was βPhoenixβ,
and she scared me with her firecracker will.
It made my lungs into waterfalls
my thoughts and fingers butterflies.
My carbon-copy hair carnelian red
a solar flare, an Icarus, an imitation star.
3.
We were virgins,
and volcanoes. Sharing milkbox wishes
on rooftops and climbing trees like horses
instead of tiger-mouthed boys.
We swallowed the citrus-colored summer
like gingerbread and lemonade.
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Comments: 59
This is really, really amazing. I can't belive how vivid and beautiful the images in this are. The language is really pretty. Very, very nice.
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Excellent poem.
I liked the last stanza best because it implies and adds to the first two stanza narratives.
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Excellent poem.
I liked the last stanza best because it implies and adds to the first two stanza narratives.
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this is really interesting...........i have a friend who writes really cool stuff, too. you should look at it.
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Sharing milkbox wishes
on rooftops and climbing trees like horses
instead of tiger-mouthed boys.
Hotdamn, friend.
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wow, this blew me away. itΒ΄s really really beautiful.
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This piece is rather beautiful. I love the way the stanzas seem to flow, even with little correlation between them (evident correlation, anyway).
Your descriptions seem so accurate! The idea of "milkbox wishes" and "an imitation star" hit home with me on many levels. Truly a remarkable job.
My only qualm is in the numbering. I personally believe "2" should be in Roman Numerals, considering all of the mythical allusion you give in it. Yet, I also see how that sort of numbering wouldn't work with the other two sections, which have a much more Earthly feel.
Still, it's just a minor qualm. Nicely done!
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the imagery you used gave very nice pictures, particularly your use of color. there's not really much i can suggest changing since it is worded very well. i guess if anything, it would be good to see you make the three girls distinct other than using the numbers 1, 2, and 3. you could try adding something to indicate more clearly the relationships you described in your "author's comments"
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Thanks for the suggestions!!!
I like the idea of distinguishing them more in my explanation, I'll see what I come up with. I always love it when other artists give me input on how to improve, especially when it's as thoughtful as this.
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haha, i totally agree. i wish i'd get more comments like that for my stuff.
and i always love it when other artists find my input helpful and not intrusive.
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i simply LOVE this line: "We swallowed the citrus-colored summer
like gingerbread and lemonade."
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Thanks dear!
I wanted to convey the sense of sweetness, of innocence, and I felt like those were potent references to childhood.
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this is fantastic, I foten feel seasick when inlove myself.
wonderful word choices.
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Oh yes, and it was stormy on that sea!
Heehee. And thanks for the favorite!
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You have great talent. This was a great read, and thanks for letting all know it's three girls and who they were. Congratulations on getting picked for the November Unknown Artists feature.
k
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Thank you! I was extremely flattered about the pick.
I thought the description helped to paint the scenes. Sometimes I like to leave it open, but this was more of a painting than a sketch.
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this is so good , the way in just a few words you have captured 3 seperate experiences, made them flow together as one and created a stunning piece of work.The words you have used are just so haunting and really stick in your mind, for example"She made me seasick with her bird-blue eyes and stuck like cotton candy to my fingers".Your work is amazing and i will definately be checking in to see more of your pieces WELL DONE!
xxx k
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Wow, thanks for all the compliments!
It was an interesting challenge trying to edit all of the situations down to a few lines, have them all connect. So it was really nice to hear you say it "flows".
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i can't stop reading the first stanza. this whole poem put me back in a place i haven't been for years...and from this distance, it is beautiful.
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That is -exactly- what I wanted.
When I wrote this, I was right there in those moments, and I wanted to make sure a reader could follow.
I'm glad that you came with me.
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amazing...so well done, and a fabulous response.
i'm glad too.
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this is beautiful. the imagery is breathtaking.
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why thank you.
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Thank you, pretty girl.
Love the handle, by the way.
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I like "She made me seasick with her bird-blue eyes"
The rest feels like it relying too much on pretty words and images.
"snowflake blond hair spilling into gold"
feels empty to me. it isn't real. and I'm not saying you have to be gritty, although I think that would aid you because what is real is made of flesh and blood and soil.
I would try writing about something very specific and unusual. Something you normally wouldn't write about.
In any case, it is a constant battle for THAT, if you know what I mean. That feeling, that reality. Evoke something.
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Thank you for the criticism, it was thoughtful.
About her hair, it -is- snowflake blonde, and it did spill into my dark gold hair, so there's no point in debating its realness, but I understand what you mean. The adjectives I use are usually flattering, and I do tend to choose pretty words. They won't always sound realistic, but this is poetry. There is plenty of soil and sweat in my other work, if you like.
But as a poet, challenging me to "evoke something" is a little offensive. I appreciate the suggestions, but not the condescension.
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Not intending to condescend. Evoke was probably the wrong word. I meant that I couldn't taste it.
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I like your writing. It's growing.
Thank you, sweet girl.
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there is just some raw emotions here that make me love it.
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Raw, and pink.
Thank you for that.
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Hey hey hey -- I was waiting for something exactly like this from you!! And here it comes!!
This is stunning. It made me smile, from the first line on... And then, it made me cry. Your poems reach deep, deep, deep within and grab something that's asleep and bring it out into the world where it belongs. Thank you for that. I'm too sad and tired to write right now - too much happening in my life, and too little energy to do anything but deal with it a minute at a time. Your poem was like a breath of forest air in the middle of what is a very dark and dense storm for me. Thank you.
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Ah, Zareen, where have you been?
I've really missed your pearly poetry, the utter romance of it, the coffee and purple-pink sunsets. (I do know you just posted a poem a few weeks ago, and I hardly write one a month, but I still miss them already!!!) It fills me up to here your voice, your thoughts about this. Whenever you say that I moved you I think of your own work, how it breathes with me, how I connect with it too. It's tidal. What I wasn't excited to read, was how you felt. I hope by the time you read this, you are happy and rested.
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I don't know how to describe it. I think I will lamely say that reading this was about as stunning as stepping into a warm shower after shoveling snow. here is the lifeless computer screen allowing me to read something with such a depth of personality and emotion. it is like there is an entire childhood just around the corner of this poem, I can almost see it.
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I think you described it beautifullly.
It's really been surprising me how interpretations have been so close to what I intended! Your words about the mirage adolescence just out of sight is exactly the impression I wanted to leave, with bonus flattery about hot shower-sensations and depth. I've added you, pretty-talker, am interested to see what you post on MY lifeless computer screen.
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well, read anything really recent or a couple of months old. as in, don't read anything about six deviations back, only sooner and much later. I had a long bad stretch of poetry. and I've never been called a pretty talker; its new and I kind of like the idea of it.
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My sister! EVERYONE LOVES YOU HERE!
It makes my heart flutter with happiness that you are getting respect that you fully deserve
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Aw gee now I can't brag haha! Just blush.
It makes MY heart warm as hot chocolate to know you're checking up on me. I still have you with me here, even if nobody else does.
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This is the most vulnerable piece that I have read of yours thus far. You stirred imagery in me, brought to life what it was like to be that universal friend, kisser and sister. And that is what true artistry is Miss Cummons, not in grammar or provacative words, but in the ability to communicate what lingers in each of our souls.
You are not such the hardened hedonist cynic as you would have your demeanor falsify; beneath that you are a precious innocent and that is the Icarus imitation whom I love.
I should will myself to not fall in love with you and imagine those penetrating eyes of yours.
-S.
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Shawn, you've been dreaming again - your words are more lovely than usual.
Vulnerable, yes, that's what this poem is. And something relatable, nostalgic. You're a shameless flatterer, but thank you, you said the things I wanted to hear, and more.
But shh, or else the whole world will know I'm really a romantic.
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I am a shameless flatterer, I hope that it is reminiscent of charm and not something, well...less flattering.
And you are a sweetheart, I knew it; a romantic, oh yes I definitely knew that. Cynicicm of the kind we Virgo's have is the consequence of living in a beautiful fairy tale, decorated with banners and inhabited by Princesses and Knights. But then, when we open our eyes and see that our insular kingdoms are not akin to the outer reality, a hardness of heart replaces our innocent flights of romantic fancy.
But still, I prefer living the dream.
Let the false world hear me roar.
-All love and whatever else you might need;
S.
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I really really love nostalgic poetry, that, even if it's not describing childhood, draws the gaze of a childlike eye
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sorry for SPAMMING : (
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Haha, it's okay! It was exciting to see all these messages in my inbox.
I probably would've minded more if the comments weren't so thoughtful (and flattering!). I'm especially touched that you called it "unpretentious", cause I tend to be, sometimes. Thank you for such sugary words.
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its really vivid and unpretentious and in-love-with-what-it's-describing
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"it was peppermint,
snowflake blonde hair spilling into gold"
that parts awesome... i like the image it makes in your mind.
"Her name was βPhoenixβ,
and she scared me with her firecracker will."
firecracker will... awesome choice of words.
"Sharing milkbox wishes
on rooftops and climbing trees like horses
instead of tiger-mouthed boys."
that parts really cool too, awesome job overall 
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