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thecherrybombshell β Last Night
Published: 2006-12-09 23:43:17 +0000 UTC; Views: 753; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 19
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Description
the sexless city snowobscene with soft, dream-colored lights
that stain the wet androgyny of steel
auroras over pavement tundras
like candy horses over glass mountains
or birds in filthy diamond cages
the opalescent pain of love
in every polished powder cloud
amber memory, cardboard star
secret, ornamental night
black prismatic of my empty heart
the guilty glamour of a storm
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Comments: 21
i absolutely love the imagery here - and the first line grabbed my attention immediately. i had to read it. what's lacking for me is sentence structure. i'ts a list of descriptions - if you could pull these together as independent clauses it would be great. verbs! verbs!
but seriously, your knack for non-cliche imagery is wonderful.
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I don't usually like or understand the meanings behind much poetry, and I'm not sure I get this at all, but I have to say that a few lines really jumped out at me, lines like:
"like candy horses over glass mountains
or birds in filthy diamond cages"
Great work.
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Rich, rich, rich.
Your poems - this one, in particular actually - feel like trampolining on powder puffs, breathing rainbows of chalk dust, being wombed in the warmth of thick, brown-gold carnival light, all of it at once. Just...christ, just beautifully rich.
I wish I could remark on your poetry with more acuity, especially since you do it for my work. I just don't have the mind for it. It is so wonderfully succinct, I suppose, that there's nothing left to say.
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i might be out to lunch (the type you have those summer afternoons, wiggling your noses at corporate bees buzzing back to work, sipping a nice cold one...), but i agree with you, it is a bit opaque. you imagery's beautiful as usual (a natural given, like my innate ability to make the clumsiest statements at the most important moments in life, but that's another matter), but i think the heart could have greater presence (although i'm not sure if it's removed for this reason). maybe i'm being vague, like prague. i love it how transform a potentially angsty subject, into the vernacular (and how you use the 'canadian' spelling for 'glamour'), but i'm not a big fan of the ending verse. i 'think' it could pack a bigger punch.
i must be out to lunch.
i'm rambling like a rose bush.
see you at 1:30.
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As usual, you've got it right.
I was afraid to put much heart in this poem, because it wanted to say things that could hurt someone I care about. So I focused on the environment, and little vocabulary tricks, and only let a few lines tell the real story. I didn't like the final stanza much either, I only knew that "guilt" had to be a part of it. I may have said too much already.
When I fix it, I will think of you. And the brambles of your rambles.
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do i get a cookie?
i agree, it's hard to make a poem emotive, yet retain a shred of honest emotion (not the type those emo boys harness to score razor blades with emo girls). i like vocabulary tricks, although recently i've been too busy to let my magician go for a joy ride.
there there, don't let remorse hit your pit, cherry mortar. huxley wouldn't like it.
(you saccharine cherry, remember to ignore the shambles of my ambles.)
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fascinating imagery...
i could never fault you for being opaque.
amber memory, cardboard star
is just marvellous.
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Of course not, your own poetry is anything but obvious!
Which, of course, is half the fun.
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precisely! though it's kind of rad that you noticed that..
and i agree. so much fun (although i wonder if i could even be explicit)! i'm happy to see you posting.
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amazing!!! I think you may have accidently made a masterpiece
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What a lovely thing to say!
Thank you, sweet boy.
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This is fucking incredible. It manages to be filthy and beautiful at the same time. Like a kaleidiscope or something.
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That's awesome. I actually considered using that word!
And damn, thanks for the favorite! Dirty-pretty was just the feeling what I was going for.
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Your words create multi-layered paintings in my mind; each word is part of a mosaic of images. I could try to pull out my favourite bits, but that would only create a disjointed picture. In this I see the perfect, pristine snowfall, icy and beautiful in its harshness before it fades into slush and simultaneously find myself staring into the heart of a frozen girl. I could be way off, but that's what I get out of itβshivery nights and streetlights reflecting off of ice crystals.
On another note: I saw that you'd posted this when I got home tonight after a hellish day and it almost made me cry tears of happiness... It cheered me immensely to see that you're writing again.
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That's an absolutely accurate interpretation!
(and much lovelier than I'd have worded it, haha) I didn't explain much in the poem, I wanted it to be more implied - and you seem to have caught all of it, from the streetlamps to the loneliness to the glitter of snow. I wanted to thank you, in particular, for what you said in my journal... it was the right thing at the right time, and I needed to read it.
And I'm sending you mental Heavens to fight your bad day.
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You are absolutely stunning. This is luminous, bright, fucking flooded with gorgeous images and words. The whole time I was reading it I felt like I'd stumbled upon something, just something, you know? Wonderful child. I can't even find words for your words. This is a favourite, indeed.
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Ack I don't know what to say!
But I think I know what you meant. It's how I felt reading your "Oscillation" - like I had discovered something, accidentally, sailed for India and found the New World. It's sort of amazing to me that -you- would say such things about me!
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Hahaha, I'm a mere mortal same as everyone else my dear, and I can definately feel beauty when I stumble upon it. Wonderful work, again
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absolutely stunning and beautiful. you are the queen of imagery. I love it so much how I am able to see through your eyes, for at least a few seconds while I read your poetry.
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I know what you mean.
I get the same feeling reading your poetry. Mirror-thoughts, twin experiences, even when it's something I've never felt before. It's nice to know you try me on too.
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