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Description
OK, this will be the last one of these, i promise!
Baragon was feeling hungry after a 1000 year nap, so he dug his way over to the local bakery to get some bear claws. He was hoping for actual bear, but the bakery only had donut fritter type thingies that they called bear claws. Baragon felt that this was false advertizing, so he began to complain to the store manager. Meanwhile, Godzilla had recently come up out of the ocean and destroyed a boat, some buildings, and nuked a screaming lady for dropping a perfectly good carton of eggs. All in a days work for Godzilla.
But Godzilla had heard there were some doings over by the gravel pit, so he sauntered over to have a look.
When Godzilla arrived, he saw a few guys running around below him, "no doubt" he thought, "to properly greet my celebrity-ness." He was thinking of what kind of cake or delicious confection they might produce in his honor, when he heard Baragon going off at the mouth about how bear claws should be bear claws, and that you would never call a pizza an elephant trunk, and so forth. The manager, a single 35 year old who still lived with his parents but was an avid Star Wars fan, so it was totally cool, was speechless, and slightly intimidated by the verbal onslaught. Besides, Baragon had a rather imposing demeanor. And seriously needed some eyedrops or something. So, Godzilla, approached Baragon and tried to calmly reason with him.
"Yo Mama!" Godzilla began.
"Yo own Mama, Sucka!" countered Baragon.
Godzilla saw that this was getting serious. He said, "Your mama is so fat, she has her own zip code!"
Baragon was not to take this lying down. "well your mama has her own congressman!"
Godzilla continued, "when your mama sits around the house, she REALLY sits around the house!"
Baragon wasnt fazed in the least. "Well when your mama hears its chilly outside, she grabs a big spoon!"
This was nearing the breaking point for Godzilla. The last comment was a little to close to home, so with a tear threatening to breach his freaky eyeballs, he quickly changed the subject away from his dear momma by saying, "you wanna go?"
Baragon was ready for this, saying, "Do YOU wanna go?"
Godzilla was outraged. "bring it then!"
"Bring it on!" said Baragon.
"Lets go then!" said Godzilla
"Lets rumble!" countered Baragon, in a sly switch of verbal agility.
Stunned by this trash talk blow to the jaw, Godzilla pulled out the big guns... "THATS what your Mama said!"
Baragon let out a squeal of frustrated agony at the very image of this, barbarian rumbleing with his Mama. "That..Thats just WRONG!" Baragon was about to leap onto his antagonizer, when a calm, strong voice rang out.
"Both of you. Shut it."
The argumentative kaiju looked, and there by the coke machine, leaning against the wall smoking some rolled up rubber tire shavings, was none other than Chuck Norris!
Instantly recoginizing the iconic hero, both monsters started talking at once about how much they loved "Walker, Texas Ranger". Chuck Norris had had enough of this cacophony.
"I said, SHUT. UP. NOW!"
The gravel valley echoed, and birds flew from the trees in a frenzy as far as 20 miles away in every direction. Was it silent now, or did everyone lose thier hearing in that moment?
The sheer terror of the possibility of unleashing the wrath of Chuck Norris made both kaiju wet themselves, unfortunately flooding the areas around them and washing all the people away and down the storm drains. It was just the three of them now.
"If you two dont wanna play nice, I am gonna roll you into a ball and make you into one monster. Then I am gonna roll you into a smaller ball and play basketball with you. Then i am gonna roll you into a smaller ball and play softball with you. Then, I am gonna..."
"We get the idea, Mr Norris", said one of the monsters, neither would admit which.
"You...interupted..me...began Chuck Norris. Both kaiju backed away simultaniously, but it was no use. Chuck Norris was too fast.
"I guess it is golf ball size for you!" as he leapt upon them.
What happened next was too much for your tender, virgin ears to bear. But it ended happily, because the baker clamored out of the storm drain, and treated Chuck Norris to a complimentary bear claw. Not one of them sissy donut things, but a real paw of a bear. With claws. Chuck Norris munched and crunched them contentedly. "Ah, I love peace and quiet.." he mused.

Description
OK, this will be the last one of these, i promise!
Baragon was feeling hungry after a 1000 year nap, so he dug his way over to the local bakery to get some bear claws. He was hoping for actual bear, but the bakery only had donut fritter type thingies that they called bear claws. Baragon felt that this was false advertizing, so he began to complain to the store manager. Meanwhile, Godzilla had recently come up out of the ocean and destroyed a boat, some buildings, and nuked a screaming lady for dropping a perfectly good carton of eggs. All in a days work for Godzilla.
But Godzilla had heard there were some doings over by the gravel pit, so he sauntered over to have a look.
When Godzilla arrived, he saw a few guys running around below him, "no doubt" he thought, "to properly greet my celebrity-ness." He was thinking of what kind of cake or delicious confection they might produce in his honor, when he heard Baragon going off at the mouth about how bear claws should be bear claws, and that you would never call a pizza an elephant trunk, and so forth. The manager, a single 35 year old who still lived with his parents but was an avid Star Wars fan, so it was totally cool, was speechless, and slightly intimidated by the verbal onslaught. Besides, Baragon had a rather imposing demeanor. And seriously needed some eyedrops or something. So, Godzilla, approached Baragon and tried to calmly reason with him.
"Yo Mama!" Godzilla began.
"Yo own Mama, Sucka!" countered Baragon.
Godzilla saw that this was getting serious. He said, "Your mama is so fat, she has her own zip code!"
Baragon was not to take this lying down. "well your mama has her own congressman!"
Godzilla continued, "when your mama sits around the house, she REALLY sits around the house!"
Baragon wasnt fazed in the least. "Well when your mama hears its chilly outside, she grabs a big spoon!"
This was nearing the breaking point for Godzilla. The last comment was a little to close to home, so with a tear threatening to breach his freaky eyeballs, he quickly changed the subject away from his dear momma by saying, "you wanna go?"
Baragon was ready for this, saying, "Do YOU wanna go?"
Godzilla was outraged. "bring it then!"
"Bring it on!" said Baragon.
"Lets go then!" said Godzilla
"Lets rumble!" countered Baragon, in a sly switch of verbal agility.
Stunned by this trash talk blow to the jaw, Godzilla pulled out the big guns... "THATS what your Mama said!"
Baragon let out a squeal of frustrated agony at the very image of this, barbarian rumbleing with his Mama. "That..Thats just WRONG!" Baragon was about to leap onto his antagonizer, when a calm, strong voice rang out.
"Both of you. Shut it."
The argumentative kaiju looked, and there by the coke machine, leaning against the wall smoking some rolled up rubber tire shavings, was none other than Chuck Norris!
Instantly recoginizing the iconic hero, both monsters started talking at once about how much they loved "Walker, Texas Ranger". Chuck Norris had had enough of this cacophony.
"I said, SHUT. UP. NOW!"
The gravel valley echoed, and birds flew from the trees in a frenzy as far as 20 miles away in every direction. Was it silent now, or did everyone lose thier hearing in that moment?
The sheer terror of the possibility of unleashing the wrath of Chuck Norris made both kaiju wet themselves, unfortunately flooding the areas around them and washing all the people away and down the storm drains. It was just the three of them now.
"If you two dont wanna play nice, I am gonna roll you into a ball and make you into one monster. Then I am gonna roll you into a smaller ball and play basketball with you. Then i am gonna roll you into a smaller ball and play softball with you. Then, I am gonna..."
"We get the idea, Mr Norris", said one of the monsters, neither would admit which.
"You...interupted..me...began Chuck Norris. Both kaiju backed away simultaniously, but it was no use. Chuck Norris was too fast.
"I guess it is golf ball size for you!" as he leapt upon them.
What happened next was too much for your tender, virgin ears to bear. But it ended happily, because the baker clamored out of the storm drain, and treated Chuck Norris to a complimentary bear claw. Not one of them sissy donut things, but a real paw of a bear. With claws. Chuck Norris munched and crunched them contentedly. "Ah, I love peace and quiet.." he mused.