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Published: 2011-05-25 00:09:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 284; Favourites: 11; Downloads: 2
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Description
The captain and his ship returnedWith his report after his scouting.
He told us he found the land,
The land where there is sunshine
And the people live in freedom.
You can be whatever you want to become.
The bounds to happiness
Are only limited by your own imagination.
But no one listened,
Only the seventy of us.
No one else cared.
Everyone was too busy with the darkness
And the gloom of our homeland
Where those rain drops fell.
Living life as if they had none,
Existing bound by slavery to the menial.
They enjoyed their living in despair too much.
They simply did not want to be set free.
There were so bound to their technologies
That they and them had almost now become one.
So, boldly we set sail from the bay,
Just the seventy of us
In the great mystery ship,
With the captain and his crew
To make our new home in our new land.
Epilog:
Sometimes I still think about those left behind,
Those that refused to leave their land
And if they even exist anymore.
But not as often now as I use to.
I do think often about our great journey
With the captain and his ship to our new land.
But I now realize how much like the cockroaches
That lived there with those
We left behind have in common,
When someone turns on a light they run
Scattering back into any darkness they can find.
Their happiness is the blackness and rotting of society.
Hail to you, Atlantis!
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Comments: 16
moonlit-flower-petal [2011-05-27 13:56:26 +0000 UTC]
Its amazing! I love it soo much! The word choice is perfect! It flows so smoothly, I love it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
lit360 In reply to moonlit-flower-petal [2011-05-27 14:11:26 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for your precious feedback, I appreciate such very much.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
moonlit-flower-petal In reply to lit360 [2011-05-27 14:15:03 +0000 UTC]
Anytime ^-^ Keep up the outstanding work!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
herro-motto [2011-05-25 21:46:34 +0000 UTC]
they may turn into short stories, but they're short stories that leave you wishing there was more
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
lit360 In reply to herro-motto [2011-05-25 21:55:53 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so very much for your kind feedback comment. I always appreciate it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
lit360 In reply to kallia-goldenwings [2011-05-25 19:19:57 +0000 UTC]
That you so very much for your feed back. I always appreciate such. Imagery has so much to do with a good poem.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
kallia-goldenwings In reply to lit360 [2011-05-25 19:30:42 +0000 UTC]
I think you mean thank you and nt that
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
lit360 In reply to kallia-goldenwings [2011-05-25 19:32:18 +0000 UTC]
Yes, don't let me get confused.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
A-Rose-In-Misery [2011-05-25 18:30:44 +0000 UTC]
Well, it's your lucky day. Turns out someone likes this poem!
I have several things to say about it:
Firstly, your vocabulary choices are so tasteful and clever that the overall flow of the piece is stunning. Also, the whole concept of it really just transports you to another world. Keep writing, you're very talented.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
lit360 In reply to A-Rose-In-Misery [2011-05-25 19:17:59 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much. I really appreciate your feed back and encouragement so much. It seems many of my poems turn into mini stories. I am really glad that you liked it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1