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Description
You lay awake, staring at the clock. It is almost midnight, but the whole school is fast asleep. Xavier's School for mutants. You scoff. It truly is amazing. So amazing, that Charles Xavier is never there. He's constantly out late or sometimes for days or weeks, before he shows his face again. He has to go out into the world to find more mutants. But what about the mutants already here? They need Charles. You need Charles. You had joined Charles from the very beginning. He made you feel special, whole. You had fallen in love with him over the years, but he never seemed to return the sentiment. One moment you are sure he likes you. He laughs at your joke, or absently calls you Love. There were moments when he looked at you, and you just KNEW. And then you didn't. He leaves. You turn onto your side, facing toward the wall and away from the bedroom door. You usually left your door ajar so you could hear if Charles and Erik returned. More often than not, you'd fall asleep waiting. You curl tighter into a ball. You want to cry. Why did you have to fall for such a work-a-holic?
A tear rolls down your cheek. You wipe it quickly, refusing to cry. You are strong. You didn't need Charles. But you WANTED to be with him.
You are just dozing off when you hear the front door open and laughter. Charles and Erik are home! You roll back over to face the door. Charles's bedroom is near yours. He has to pass your door to get to it. Maybe you can catch a glimpse of him. Sometimes, though, he would stay up even later, having a few drinks with Erik in the living room. You could never stay awake long enough. You sigh. You feel so silly. You turn to face the wall again. You hear Erik and Charles conversing in low voices. Then, another door closes and you can hear footsteps on the stairs. Your heart starts beating faster against your will, but you refuse to turn toward the door again. The footsteps continue down the hall. You hear them right outside your door. Then they stop. You heart is now out of control. You squeeze your blanket tighter to you. You know Charles is standing at your door. You feel it. You feel HIM. 'NO,' You think frantically. He's in your head, checking to see if you're asleep.
You know the minute he realizes you're still awake.
"(y/n)?" He calls softly. You think about pretending to be asleep, but he would know you're ignoring him. You move to face him.
Your movement is an indication that it's okay for him to come in. He steps inside quietly, making his way to your bed. The light from the hallway falls across your bedspread and lights both of your faces. He looks tired, yet as handsome as ever.
"Were you asleep?" He asks gently as he sits down onto your bed. You shake your head, staring at the door instead of his face.
"(y/n), I know I'm gone a lot-" You sit up angrily.
"You're always gone, Charles," You interrupt him. "We need you. I-" You stop. You glance at Charles.
He looks at you sharply. "You what?"
"We need you," You repeat.
He sighs and leans forward, rubbing his hands over his face. "I know. I know. But I can't seem to stop. I know I can help. Make a difference. I already see how much better you all are. And every night, when I go to bed, I can't sleep. I keep thinking about how there's one more. One more mutant out there who needs help. Right that instant." He looks at you.
"Charles, you can't save everyone. You're doing the best you can. There will always be someone who needs help. But if you bring people here, and then don't continue to help them, you're solving nothing." You tentatively reach over to put your hand on his shoulder.
"But they have help. I taught you and others. You teach them."
"Yes...." You agree, seeing his logic. So why did you still feel upset?
"What....what if it was you?" He asks. He reaches up to his shoulder rest his hand over yours.
"What do you mean?"
"What if it was you out there? What if...I could save you. But I chose not to and I stayed in that night." He's looking at you intensly now, waiting for your reaction.
You're not sure what to say.
"But, you did save me, Charles."
"I didn't do it by staying in."
"That's not the point...." You search for a way to explain what you mean.
"What is the point then?"
"The point is...." You stare at your blanket, using your free hand to fiddle with the hem. "I need you," You whisper. "Here."
"(y/n)...." You feel tears in your eyes, readying yourself for the rejection.
"(y/n), look at me."
You slowly look up to meet Charles's eyes. He squeezes your hand and brings it down, folding his other hand around it as well.
"You're the only reason I regret leaving so much. I want to be with you. But I can't give myself to you completely. I will always be leaving."
You feel your throat tighten and look away. "I understand, Charles." You try to pull your hand away, but he won't let you.
"No. You don't. I love you, (y/n). That's why I have to do this. Everytime I help someone, I think of you. I think of how they could be you. And it tears me up inside."
He loves you?
"I love you, too, Charles. But everytime YOU go out, I think about how you might never come back." Once again, you feel a tear drip down.
Charles kisses your hand. "I'm sorry. I wish-"
"Don't say that. Just...stay with me tonight? This night? For once," You can't help but plead.
He brushes your cheek with the back of his hand. "I would like nothing better."
He leans forward and kisses you, slowly, sweetly. You let out a little moan. You had been waiting and hoping for this for so long.
All the pent in feelings pour out into your kiss, and he grips your hand tightly. He uses his free hand to rub his thumb along your jaw, and you wish every night could be like this. No mutants that need help. Just you and him.
He pulls away, smiling at you lovingly. You lay back down and he stretches out next to you, pulling you close.
You look into his eyes. "Will you be here in the morning?"
"I will." He kisses your forehead. "I promise."
That is all you could hope for for the moment. You fall asleep, with Charles finally with you.