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~~~~

"...Chad, darling, I can't help thinking you might be taking this rejection a bit hard."

Chad had been lying face down in a puddle of melted ice cream, but now he rose up a little to glare at Pandora. "You created me with one purpose, and one purpose only-seduce Bruce. How am I supposed to react when my mission, my sole objective in life, runs screaming out of the room at the sight of me?" He boredly examined the mountain of empty ice cream tubs that surrounded him, all devoured in his fit of anguish. Finding nothing left to eat, he instead opted to sadly spray an entire canister of whipped cream into his mouth. "...This is it, isn't it?" He blubbered miserably. "My life is meaningless."

"Now, Chad." Pandora laid a soothing hand down on her clone's shoulder. "Today was a disappointment for us both, dearie. But you can't slip into a pit of existential despair. It's actually a rather dangerous line of thinking for a clone." She tried to force a smile. "So just, ah...surround yourself with pointless frivolities, and let those distractions tide you over until your inevitable death! Doesn't that sound nice, sweetie?"

"No." Chad drawled, shooting her a sour look. "You are my creator....my father, my mother, my god. It was your task to imbue me with a purpose....but in an act of heinous cruelty, you gave me a goal I could never hope to achieve. The seduction of an emotionally stunted idiot."

"I told you already, I didn't think today would go so-"

"Yes, exactly." Chad sat up suddenly. "You didn't think. You never think. And I know that because I used to be you. What horrible fate, to be born to a creator that is, objectively, a crazed madwoman with every power imaginable, except goddamned foresight. No wonder all your plans backfire. No wonder nobody likes you!"

Pandora puffed up in indignation. "Oh, I do not have to take this from a walking sex toy."

"Well, at least I don't stuff my bra!"

"Y-yeah?" Pan flushed crimson, caught off guard. "W-well....well, at least I've managed to actually sleep with Bruce! So choke on that, boy toy!" And she stuck her tongue out at her clone.

She was able to enjoy a sense of smug superiority for all of three seconds, before Chad's fist punched her through the bedroom drywall.

~~~~

Rosemary was sitting primly on her couch, drinking from a mug of jasmine tea, when Pandora Eris Sparkle suddenly crashed through her living room wall, in an explosion of wood and plaster.

Rosemary took a long sip of tea.

Before Pan could struggle up out of the rubble, a snarling male doppelganger appeared, eyes glowing white hot with rage. He fired a furious barrage of magic blasts at Pan, the last of which struck the princess squarely between the eyes, sending her crashing into Rosemary's bookshelf, where she lay in a smouldering, quietly swearing heap.

"How dare you!" The clone roared. "You're my god-my stupid, cruel god-and you equipped me with a brain, and shredded abs, and a set of custom designed erotic tentacles, all for the sake of killer birthday sex, and you dare to mock me when I fail at my purpose? You dare to flaunt your success with that fish-faced little twerp to me?"

"Chad...." Pan weakly coughed out a chunk of plaster. "You big...melodramatic dumbass...."

"Of course I'm melodramatic, idiot! I'm you!" Chad screeched. "And do you know what, creator? I've decided that if I can't have Bruce Carcharodon, no one can!" Chad began to charge up a rather sizable blast of magical energy, so powerful that the air began to crackle and warp from the sheer heat. "Now say goodbye, creator-"

"Excuse me." Chad startled when Rosemary tapped his shoulder. "Hello there. Chad, wasn't it?" She smiled at him serenely, even as Chad met her with a look of confusion. "Before you commit murder in my breakfast nook, I was wondering if you could meditate with me a little bit? It'll help you calm down."

"I am calm."

"Not calm enough." Rosemary said sharply. "Now come on, it won't take longer than a moment....breathe deep, in and out, in and out, yes, that's it, you're getting it..."

Pandora sat up cautiously. Somehow...Rosemary had convinced Chad, her murderous clone abomination, to try a deep-breathing exercise. It was baffling to watch, but it seemed that Rosie, like her mother Fluttershy, had a magic all her own. Chad sucked in ragged, angry gasps at first, but they eventually began to calm a little, and the energy that'd been charging in his palm slowly fizzled to nothing.

"Good, very good!" Rosemary praised. "Feel all your anxieties begin to exit your body...isn't that so much better? Now why don't you have a seat and tell Miss Rosie what's wrong, hmm?"

"I don't know." All the fight had gone out of Chad, and now he sat sniffling. "...I'm filled with a burning desire to slaughter the being that brought me into this world...and then I want to murder everyone else on the planet, so that I can have Bruce all to myself. So that he'll have no other choice but me. So that I can finally succeed in the purpose I was created for....b-but..." He looked to Rosemary with wide, shining eyes, his lower lip wobbling. "...Will that truly make me happy?"

"Oh, you poor, sweet angel." Rosemary clasped kindly at Chad's hands. "If someone doesn't want to be with you, you can't force them to. Certainly not through global genocide. Life is a gift, sweetie. It'd be an utter tragedy for you to waste that gift by spending it obsessing over a single toxic person."

"But what am I without Bruce?" Chad looked away sadly. "I'm literally nothing without him."

"Now that is just not true, mister." Rosemary gently lifted Chad's chin, forcing him to look at her. "Chad, sweetie, you are so much more than a horrifying tentacle-dick fantasy gone wrong. You are you. And you deserve the chance to go out there and create your own purpose. There's so many options for a young, strapping man like yourself. Entry-level desk jobs, niche pornography..."

"Y-you're right!" Chad wiped at his eyes. "I guess I never thought about it that way before....but I am only two hours old." He sat up straighter. "I-I'll apply for citizenship! Get my degree!"

"That's the spirit! You've still got your whole life ahead of you!" Rosemary patted his knee soothingly. "Now, go on then, angel, make nice with Panny."

Pandora had been watching grumpily from the corner, but now spoke up. "No thanks, Rose, I'm good."

"Pandora." Rosemary smiled thinly, a dangerous light gleaming in her eye. "Chad here is having a beautiful moment. Do not ruin it, unless you want a repeat of his earlier episode. Come over here and form a peace circle and express your love for each other, now."

"Uurgh." Pan groaned, but reluctantly complied, floating over to claim the seat next to her clone. "...Alright, look, Chad. We may not see eye-to-eye on every subject, but the fact of the matter is, you're my son....brother....er, sentient tentacle fella. And maybe I was...wrong.....to play god for the sole purpose of giving my boyfriend a little bio-engineered birthday fun. I...I let myself get over-exuberant, and I ended up making a great big mess for everyone. Literally. The property damage from your rampage is astronomical." She sighed, and her hand came up to cover her clone's. "The truth is, you're too good for Bruce. And you're too good for me. I'm s-sorry, Chad...." Her voice hitched with sudden emotion. "...Can you ever forgive me?"

Chad hesitated, before reaching out to bundle his counterpart up in a hug, a hug that was equal parts heartwarming as it was horrific, because it involved all of Chad's tentacles. "Against my better judgement....I guess I can." Chad snuggled close, sighing when Pan returned the affection.

"Yes! Wonderful! Group hug!" Rosemary chimed. Her arms went around the pair, lovingly wrapping around both their windpipes, and she hugged tight...too tight.

"Now that our peace circle is complete-" Rosemary breathed, still smiling that serene smile, watching as the pair struggled for air."....Which one of you two darlings will be paying to fix my front wall?"

~~~~

quickie doodle

i got too attached to chad the clone

this silliness was inspired again by

Description
Previous:

~~~~

"...Chad, darling, I can't help thinking you might be taking this rejection a bit hard."

Chad had been lying face down in a puddle of melted ice cream, but now he rose up a little to glare at Pandora. "You created me with one purpose, and one purpose only-seduce Bruce. How am I supposed to react when my mission, my sole objective in life, runs screaming out of the room at the sight of me?" He boredly examined the mountain of empty ice cream tubs that surrounded him, all devoured in his fit of anguish. Finding nothing left to eat, he instead opted to sadly spray an entire canister of whipped cream into his mouth. "...This is it, isn't it?" He blubbered miserably. "My life is meaningless."

"Now, Chad." Pandora laid a soothing hand down on her clone's shoulder. "Today was a disappointment for us both, dearie. But you can't slip into a pit of existential despair. It's actually a rather dangerous line of thinking for a clone." She tried to force a smile. "So just, ah...surround yourself with pointless frivolities, and let those distractions tide you over until your inevitable death! Doesn't that sound nice, sweetie?"

"No." Chad drawled, shooting her a sour look. "You are my creator....my father, my mother, my god. It was your task to imbue me with a purpose....but in an act of heinous cruelty, you gave me a goal I could never hope to achieve. The seduction of an emotionally stunted idiot."

"I told you already, I didn't think today would go so-"

"Yes, exactly." Chad sat up suddenly. "You didn't think. You never think. And I know that because I used to be you. What horrible fate, to be born to a creator that is, objectively, a crazed madwoman with every power imaginable, except goddamned foresight. No wonder all your plans backfire. No wonder nobody likes you!"

Pandora puffed up in indignation. "Oh, I do not have to take this from a walking sex toy."

"Well, at least I don't stuff my bra!"

"Y-yeah?" Pan flushed crimson, caught off guard. "W-well....well, at least I've managed to actually sleep with Bruce! So choke on that, boy toy!" And she stuck her tongue out at her clone.

She was able to enjoy a sense of smug superiority for all of three seconds, before Chad's fist punched her through the bedroom drywall.

~~~~

Rosemary was sitting primly on her couch, drinking from a mug of jasmine tea, when Pandora Eris Sparkle suddenly crashed through her living room wall, in an explosion of wood and plaster.

Rosemary took a long sip of tea.

Before Pan could struggle up out of the rubble, a snarling male doppelganger appeared, eyes glowing white hot with rage. He fired a furious barrage of magic blasts at Pan, the last of which struck the princess squarely between the eyes, sending her crashing into Rosemary's bookshelf, where she lay in a smouldering, quietly swearing heap.

"How dare you!" The clone roared. "You're my god-my stupid, cruel god-and you equipped me with a brain, and shredded abs, and a set of custom designed erotic tentacles, all for the sake of killer birthday sex, and you dare to mock me when I fail at my purpose? You dare to flaunt your success with that fish-faced little twerp to me?"

"Chad...." Pan weakly coughed out a chunk of plaster. "You big...melodramatic dumbass...."

"Of course I'm melodramatic, idiot! I'm you!" Chad screeched. "And do you know what, creator? I've decided that if I can't have Bruce Carcharodon, no one can!" Chad began to charge up a rather sizable blast of magical energy, so powerful that the air began to crackle and warp from the sheer heat. "Now say goodbye, creator-"

"Excuse me." Chad startled when Rosemary tapped his shoulder. "Hello there. Chad, wasn't it?" She smiled at him serenely, even as Chad met her with a look of confusion. "Before you commit murder in my breakfast nook, I was wondering if you could meditate with me a little bit? It'll help you calm down."

"I am calm."

"Not calm enough." Rosemary said sharply. "Now come on, it won't take longer than a moment....breathe deep, in and out, in and out, yes, that's it, you're getting it..."

Pandora sat up cautiously. Somehow...Rosemary had convinced Chad, her murderous clone abomination, to try a deep-breathing exercise. It was baffling to watch, but it seemed that Rosie, like her mother Fluttershy, had a magic all her own. Chad sucked in ragged, angry gasps at first, but they eventually began to calm a little, and the energy that'd been charging in his palm slowly fizzled to nothing.

"Good, very good!" Rosemary praised. "Feel all your anxieties begin to exit your body...isn't that so much better? Now why don't you have a seat and tell Miss Rosie what's wrong, hmm?"

"I don't know." All the fight had gone out of Chad, and now he sat sniffling. "...I'm filled with a burning desire to slaughter the being that brought me into this world...and then I want to murder everyone else on the planet, so that I can have Bruce all to myself. So that he'll have no other choice but me. So that I can finally succeed in the purpose I was created for....b-but..." He looked to Rosemary with wide, shining eyes, his lower lip wobbling. "...Will that truly make me happy?"

"Oh, you poor, sweet angel." Rosemary clasped kindly at Chad's hands. "If someone doesn't want to be with you, you can't force them to. Certainly not through global genocide. Life is a gift, sweetie. It'd be an utter tragedy for you to waste that gift by spending it obsessing over a single toxic person."

"But what am I without Bruce?" Chad looked away sadly. "I'm literally nothing without him."

"Now that is just not true, mister." Rosemary gently lifted Chad's chin, forcing him to look at her. "Chad, sweetie, you are so much more than a horrifying tentacle-dick fantasy gone wrong. You are you. And you deserve the chance to go out there and create your own purpose. There's so many options for a young, strapping man like yourself. Entry-level desk jobs, niche pornography..."

"Y-you're right!" Chad wiped at his eyes. "I guess I never thought about it that way before....but I am only two hours old." He sat up straighter. "I-I'll apply for citizenship! Get my degree!"

"That's the spirit! You've still got your whole life ahead of you!" Rosemary patted his knee soothingly. "Now, go on then, angel, make nice with Panny."

Pandora had been watching grumpily from the corner, but now spoke up. "No thanks, Rose, I'm good."

"Pandora." Rosemary smiled thinly, a dangerous light gleaming in her eye. "Chad here is having a beautiful moment. Do not ruin it, unless you want a repeat of his earlier episode. Come over here and form a peace circle and express your love for each other, now."

"Uurgh." Pan groaned, but reluctantly complied, floating over to claim the seat next to her clone. "...Alright, look, Chad. We may not see eye-to-eye on every subject, but the fact of the matter is, you're my son....brother....er, sentient tentacle fella. And maybe I was...wrong.....to play god for the sole purpose of giving my boyfriend a little bio-engineered birthday fun. I...I let myself get over-exuberant, and I ended up making a great big mess for everyone. Literally. The property damage from your rampage is astronomical." She sighed, and her hand came up to cover her clone's. "The truth is, you're too good for Bruce. And you're too good for me. I'm s-sorry, Chad...." Her voice hitched with sudden emotion. "...Can you ever forgive me?"

Chad hesitated, before reaching out to bundle his counterpart up in a hug, a hug that was equal parts heartwarming as it was horrific, because it involved all of Chad's tentacles. "Against my better judgement....I guess I can." Chad snuggled close, sighing when Pan returned the affection.

"Yes! Wonderful! Group hug!" Rosemary chimed. Her arms went around the pair, lovingly wrapping around both their windpipes, and she hugged tight...too tight.

"Now that our peace circle is complete-" Rosemary breathed, still smiling that serene smile, watching as the pair struggled for air."....Which one of you two darlings will be paying to fix my front wall?"

~~~~

quickie doodle

i got too attached to chad the clone

this silliness was inspired again by