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Description
This picture is for the Self Expression Contest: [link]

This picture represents me in many different fashions. It is a girl, but she does not look like me in the least bit. I drew looking different from me because I am never happy with how I look. I hate the way I look. I've even worn a wig for a day because I hatted my hair so much (her hair looks like the wig I wore).

Anywhoo, in order to understand this picture, I must explain a bit about myself. I have been struggling with Anorexia Nervosa for five years now. I never have been happy with the way I look. It is pathetic, and it seems so shallow and vain, but I don't know how to get away from it. I've been hospitalized three times for a total of over six months. I was have a country away from my parents when I was 13 in the hospital. I had a feeding tube for two months. It was a living hell. I am much better now, but I still struggle with the thoughts and emotions that I have yet to discover why I feel and act the way I do. I have attempted suicide multiple times, crying on the inside while smiling on the outside.

She (I) is sitting there nice an calm, but as soon as I open my corset, one can see all that is torturous inside me. There is nothing there. I want to see my ribs but I cannot even if they make me look like a refugee. My dress is blue, for it is stained by my tears. I wear the corset because I will go to any extreme to reach my goal of being thin. My lips are sewn shut by the demon (the eating disorder) that whispers false insults in my ear: "You are worthless. Where are you going with your life? You aren't good enough. Fix it by being thin." I feel as though if I am thin enough, I can stint to exist. I can disappear into the happy forest of my mind that is riddled with all the things that I love. But no one ever sees this magical happy place of mine, for it is pulled back by the ribbon that holds my hair. I will politely serve you a false smile until you believe that nothing is wrong with me. I am a prisoner of my own body. I try to escape it and claw at myself (the scratch marks on my chest). I want to fold in on myself and make my physical body feel the pain that I feel in my mind. Notice that my heart is locked. There is no key in the picture. I cannot love anyone until I learn to love myself, and that is the key ... but I have yet to find it.

I have come far in my struggle, and I truly do believe that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I have been able to reach out to others through my experiences and I hoped to convey this in the "knowing look" coming from the eyes. I can overcome. I can shine over the shadows in my life (the outline of color around me is to represent the shine, the light, the ability to overcome).

I am not holding my corset open to show you how empty I am, but to show you that you are welcome into my mind, heart and soul and that I will accept all. I am open to the world in more ways than one.

I see not what I am,
thin, fat, pretty, ugly, truth, lie, honest, scam?
But I will survive, despite my body being cut open time and again and the parasite that has dwelled within me, made me its home. I will overcome. I will survive, and I will look back at this picture and see all that I have learned from all that has tortured me, all that has been my agony. When I become enlightened.

Is there anyway to picture enlightenment?
I do not believe so. But I can feel it when I think of all the things I have drawn here, and how I shed it like a snake skin. How I shed the corset, and pull the thread from my lips. I feel it.

I hope you feel it too.

Description
This picture is for the Self Expression Contest: [link]

This picture represents me in many different fashions. It is a girl, but she does not look like me in the least bit. I drew looking different from me because I am never happy with how I look. I hate the way I look. I've even worn a wig for a day because I hatted my hair so much (her hair looks like the wig I wore).

Anywhoo, in order to understand this picture, I must explain a bit about myself. I have been struggling with Anorexia Nervosa for five years now. I never have been happy with the way I look. It is pathetic, and it seems so shallow and vain, but I don't know how to get away from it. I've been hospitalized three times for a total of over six months. I was have a country away from my parents when I was 13 in the hospital. I had a feeding tube for two months. It was a living hell. I am much better now, but I still struggle with the thoughts and emotions that I have yet to discover why I feel and act the way I do. I have attempted suicide multiple times, crying on the inside while smiling on the outside.

She (I) is sitting there nice an calm, but as soon as I open my corset, one can see all that is torturous inside me. There is nothing there. I want to see my ribs but I cannot even if they make me look like a refugee. My dress is blue, for it is stained by my tears. I wear the corset because I will go to any extreme to reach my goal of being thin. My lips are sewn shut by the demon (the eating disorder) that whispers false insults in my ear: "You are worthless. Where are you going with your life? You aren't good enough. Fix it by being thin." I feel as though if I am thin enough, I can stint to exist. I can disappear into the happy forest of my mind that is riddled with all the things that I love. But no one ever sees this magical happy place of mine, for it is pulled back by the ribbon that holds my hair. I will politely serve you a false smile until you believe that nothing is wrong with me. I am a prisoner of my own body. I try to escape it and claw at myself (the scratch marks on my chest). I want to fold in on myself and make my physical body feel the pain that I feel in my mind. Notice that my heart is locked. There is no key in the picture. I cannot love anyone until I learn to love myself, and that is the key ... but I have yet to find it.

I have come far in my struggle, and I truly do believe that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I have been able to reach out to others through my experiences and I hoped to convey this in the "knowing look" coming from the eyes. I can overcome. I can shine over the shadows in my life (the outline of color around me is to represent the shine, the light, the ability to overcome).

I am not holding my corset open to show you how empty I am, but to show you that you are welcome into my mind, heart and soul and that I will accept all. I am open to the world in more ways than one.

I see not what I am,
thin, fat, pretty, ugly, truth, lie, honest, scam?
But I will survive, despite my body being cut open time and again and the parasite that has dwelled within me, made me its home. I will overcome. I will survive, and I will look back at this picture and see all that I have learned from all that has tortured me, all that has been my agony. When I become enlightened.

Is there anyway to picture enlightenment?
I do not believe so. But I can feel it when I think of all the things I have drawn here, and how I shed it like a snake skin. How I shed the corset, and pull the thread from my lips. I feel it.

I hope you feel it too.