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Lunix17 — idk
Published: 2011-01-04 18:53:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 126; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description What is it that makes me care free ?
What is it that makes me seem happy ?
What is it about me that you see ?
What is it that I am missing ?
What is it about me ?
What is it ?

Is it my eyes?
Is it my face?
Is it my charm?
Is it my speech?

My eyes can see happy, though the tears fall...
My mouth can smile, though it had a frown just earlier...
My face projects joy, though it has seen fear...
My dreams they seem great, though they were just nightmares...

I hold myself high, though I feel so low...
I guess for you, its just part of the show...

I do plead your forgiveness, as I meant no harm by this, just a way to get out all this torment and hate. So I can go back to being happy again.
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Comments: 7

AntifascistLilitu [2011-01-05 10:16:15 +0000 UTC]

cool! It's how I sometimes feel.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Lunix17 In reply to AntifascistLilitu [2011-01-05 14:17:56 +0000 UTC]

that was a random splurge of upset-ness.... i'm glad its all over now

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

AntifascistLilitu In reply to Lunix17 [2011-01-05 14:36:03 +0000 UTC]

Then I'm happy for you, too.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Lunix17 In reply to AntifascistLilitu [2011-01-05 14:38:09 +0000 UTC]

*throws a happy party*


btw, thanks for all the faves you've been giving me.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

AntifascistLilitu In reply to Lunix17 [2011-01-05 14:44:48 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

arcanechastity [2011-01-04 22:18:20 +0000 UTC]

It's nice. The stanzas are separated for each group of thoughts. I believe this keeps the reader clear on your message. I know it isn't a must to rhyme, but if you start rhyming, you should carry it on or set a pattern. I've read your poem a couple of times, and I feel the last line of sentences break the beautiful rhythm you had. I can tell you were expressing the doubts and the ups and downs of emotions with them. Don't we all strive to be happy? Great Piece.
(I don't have "critique" ability. Sorry.)

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Lunix17 In reply to arcanechastity [2011-01-04 22:26:41 +0000 UTC]

The last line was suppose to be artist comments. Sorry lol

I'm very happy for the feed back, I worked hard on it.

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