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Published: 2010-01-29 11:02:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 191; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 5
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Description
"The darkness engulfs, but cannot hide,What is clear beneath a moonlit sky.
The beauty of the bride,
None can deny.
The beauty of the bride of the night."
His song brushed the air, unaccompanied and beautifully melodic. She turned quickly to face him, a white walking stick held up in defence. Her white hair and cloak glowed in the starlight of the moonless night and she seemed almost ghostlike.
"Did I disturb the midnight queen?" He said lightly, jokingly.
She flinched as he began to sing again. His voice light and clear, yet with a darkness and sadness in its melody.
"The moon she comes,
To walk the earth,
Ghostlike in the slums.
Of endless worth,
And pale beauty,
She walks the earth
Does she feel it her duty,
To walk in the mud.
Why not walk with me.
Such a delicate, soft bud,
Walking the streets,
Streets washed with blood.
Dance to my beats.
Rise from defeats,
Into a brighter world."
She watched warily as he finished his song. Like a deer she stood, unsure whether to run, frozen. He smiled and walked over to her, his hand extended for hers.
"So my ghostly moon, what brought you from your home?" He bowed gracefully for her.
"Are you sure you see me rightly? Though a drunk more eloquent I have yet to see."
She stood up straighter to show a cloak lined with blue grey, and a white dress embellished with the same colours.
"I assure you I am not drunk. I would not dare enter the presence of a lady such as yourself if I were drunk." He smiled a charming smile.
She looked at him, her eye's softening. A smile though was yet to grace her lips, and her expression was somehow fearful.
"You are drunk then. The despised are used to what they get. But I am glad you did not bring others to laugh at your performance." She said.
"You wrong me dear lady!" He said, sounding genuinely hurt.
"You are more persistent than the others what bet did you lose to be forced to do this?" Her voice was hurt, as she turned away.
"No bet did I lose." He called after her.
But she was already gone, the darkness engulfed her pale form. Like a ghost she left him, standing desolate in the slums.
"A ghostlike form,
The moon upon the earth,
Never will I be warm,
For she has left me.
In the darkness.
All alone."
His voice cracked towards the end. A sigh escaped his lips as he looked to the moonless sky above.
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Comments: 16
yvonne3694 [2010-01-30 01:11:12 +0000 UTC]
Wow. I really like this. The only problems I had were the song, which confused me as to how it flowed, and that this seemed cut-off, like there was supposed to be more. Like the way she looked hurt, I was left wondering why she reacted that way, and whether or not he really was drunk. But that's all I can think of to critique; I loved the rest and the imagery was great!
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MariaShade In reply to yvonne3694 [2010-01-30 02:24:59 +0000 UTC]
Thankyou, poetry of any sort has never been my strong point, maybe I will add to the song, but I don't want it to be to long.
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yvonne3694 In reply to MariaShade [2010-01-30 13:15:06 +0000 UTC]
I see. Still, it was a piece to be proud of, definately.
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MariaShade In reply to yvonne3694 [2010-01-30 20:29:09 +0000 UTC]
I've actually continued it, sort of, I'll put it up for another of the hundred themes challenge.
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yvonne3694 In reply to MariaShade [2010-01-31 00:20:07 +0000 UTC]
Oh, that's great! I can't wait to read it.
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MariaShade In reply to yvonne3694 [2010-01-31 10:00:50 +0000 UTC]
I finished it yesterday, but I've been too lazy to put it up.
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yvonne3694 In reply to MariaShade [2010-01-31 14:00:32 +0000 UTC]
Haha, the same happens to me, most times.
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yvonne3694 In reply to MariaShade [2010-02-04 02:41:31 +0000 UTC]
Yay! I'll go check it out.
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Ejm-written [2010-01-29 13:22:47 +0000 UTC]
As usual with you, this is extremely well written. The only critique I have is that it reads like an excerpt more so than a short story. It's captivating but I feel as though I'm only getting part of the story. I don't understand the why the man sung his song or why she thought him drunk or why she sounded hurt.
With that said, I guess that goes to show how well written it is - if it wasn't good, I wouldn't have cared!!
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MariaShade In reply to Ejm-written [2010-01-29 20:44:29 +0000 UTC]
Thankyou. As for why he sung the song, I have no idea. Why she was hurt though is that her white hair makes her an outsider in the city even though she grew up there. No one in the city trusts her, not even the other thieves. The only time she has friends is when she buys rounds at the tavern.
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Ejm-written In reply to MariaShade [2010-01-31 04:57:31 +0000 UTC]
ah! Well, I liked it a lot!
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MariaShade In reply to Ejm-written [2010-01-31 10:01:55 +0000 UTC]
Thanks... I've actually written a second part of sorts for it, prompted by another of the hundred themes challenge. It explains things a bit.
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Ejm-written In reply to MariaShade [2010-02-01 00:55:04 +0000 UTC]
oh, oh, send me the link, send me the link... please!!
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MariaShade In reply to Ejm-written [2010-02-01 01:43:35 +0000 UTC]
Don't have it up yet, cause I'm lazy
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