HOME | DD
Published: 2011-11-10 10:50:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 269; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
body div#devskin0 hr { }
Yethzer swung over the edge, grabbed Siarus by the collar and pegged him at a tree.
He then leaped off of the caravan and flew at Siarus. But he only managed to headbut the tree. The tree buckled and three men fell out of it, but Yethzer wasn't paying too much attention. Siarus was stanging under the next tree, laughing at him. Yethzer was already swinging his mace. Wood splintered and the tree slowly began to topple, but Yethzer was already moving. He grabbed Siarus by the foot and held him upside down at arms length. Siarus began to sing and Yethzer whacked his head on the ground. He then tried to slash at Yethzer with his sword but the demon's arms were too long. Yethzer smiled and swung his mace, Siarus grunted in pain as it smashed into his chestplate.
"Siarus! Yethzer!" Annora screamed, "Stop."
Yethzer turned around and saw that Annora was standing up with a sword held tight to her throat. The bandit behind her was a huge human, he was almost seven feet tall, muscular. Yethzer looked around, they were surrounded by an eclectic mix of humans and demons. Annora was struggling against her captor but he was too strong.
"Give up girlie, your gaurds are out-numbered, and it seems they are half way to killing each other anyway." He looked at Yethzer, "You won't give up, so I won't ask you to, boys, get them."
Siarus started to swing, so Yethzer swung him into one of the bandits. Their heads connected with a resounding crash and the human fell to the ground. Siarus swore.
"You big stupid oath, I was singing at them."
"Don't trust you." Yethzer said as he smashed a demon with his mace, "You can wave your sword at them but no songs."
"You have no right to order me around."
"Who is being held up be the ankle at the moment?" Yethzer asked, "That's right you. I can hit you with my mace again if that is what you want?"
Yethzer swung Siarus at a demon coming in from his left. Siarus twisted to face the right way impaling the demon then pulling his sword free. Yethzer yanked him back then swiped another enemy with the angry angel. Siarus swore again and waved his sword impotently at Yethzer.
"This is no way to treat a noble angel warrior."
"This is the perfect way to treat you, for once you are actually useful." Yethzer laughed as he swiped another enemy, "How often can you claim that honour."
This time Siarus managed to graze Yethzer's leg with the tip of his sword. Yethzer didn't really notice, but slammed the angel's head into the ground anyway. He swung the angel again, at random now due to the thick concentration of enemies. With the Siarus in one hand and his mace in the other Yethzer made short work of the bandits.
"Ouch that one was a tree you stupid demon." Siarus yelled.
"Oh so it was." Yethzer frowned, "I see it didn't manage to knock you out though."
"Put me down this instant."
"Yes put him and the mace down this instant or the girlie gets it." Said the man still holding Annora.
"Ok I'll put down my mace," Yethzer dropped his mace.
"And the angel."
"What, this angel?" Yethzer looked at Siarus and winked, "I guess I could put him down."
Yethzer flicked Siarus back and pegged him at the bandit. The moment he let go Siarus began singing, controlling his flight. The bandit screamed and dropped Annora as he leaped off the caravan. Siarus altered his flight again and held his sword in front of him. The bandit screamed again and ran, but Yethzer had thrown Siarus too hard, the angel was going too fast.
Related content
Comments: 7
danabeaton [2011-11-10 11:31:02 +0000 UTC]
I really like this story
I'm assuming you don't want criticism, since this is for NaNoWriMo and the focus isn't editing... the only thing I would say is the sentences are rather short. We always learned at school not to use lots of short sentences, but I think that may just be a silly formality. It works for the fast pace of the story.
But I'm totally falling behind! I have your second chapter bookmarked, but never have a moment to read it! Will get round to it eventually
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
MariaShade In reply to danabeaton [2011-11-10 11:36:37 +0000 UTC]
That's alright I'm glad you're interested, so take your time.
As for the sentences, I do usually shift to shorter forms when in battle scenes as this does speed up the pace of a novel. I hope it wasn't a creative writing teacher who told you to keep sentences long, you need to keep them long in essays and such, but it's good to vary them with mood and pace while writing a creative peice.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
danabeaton In reply to MariaShade [2011-11-10 13:03:46 +0000 UTC]
It was just a regular English teacher, so we did mainly focus on essays.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
MariaShade In reply to danabeaton [2011-11-10 20:13:56 +0000 UTC]
Well then, for essays its good advice.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
danabeaton In reply to MariaShade [2011-11-11 22:55:39 +0000 UTC]
Yeah I wish we did more creative writing though! It was only 5% of our grade.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
MariaShade In reply to danabeaton [2011-11-12 01:22:35 +0000 UTC]
Yes, but in most writing courses they are looking at getting you ready for further education and working life. In the end unless you do creative writing in university it is more the formal writing (similar to essays, but not always the same) that you will need.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
danabeaton In reply to MariaShade [2011-11-12 01:26:39 +0000 UTC]
Very good point. I will hopefully be doing it next year, in my second year
👍: 0 ⏩: 0








