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masterdevil — Complete
Published: 2006-03-21 16:35:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 119; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 4
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Description I saw her stare back
and for the very first time
she smiled

I saw her stare back
and for the very first time
she was happy

I saw her stare back
and for the very first time
she wasn't lonely

what had brought about this morphosis?
was it time? was it experience?
and then a beautiful thought struck her
it was because of you

I saw her stare back
and for the very first time
the girl in the mirror.....felt complete.
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Comments: 6

evicted [2006-04-08 17:58:32 +0000 UTC]

i like the structure. it has a good rhythm barring the "morphosis" bit. besides being "inappropriate" as dez mentioned, it also spoils the flow. morphosis seems too physical...in the case at hand, it seems more emotional or in simpler terms - an internal thing.

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masterdevil In reply to evicted [2006-04-09 17:01:24 +0000 UTC]

yup...i agree....too bad i realised it a bit too late.....
thnx!

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Dezy [2006-03-21 20:44:49 +0000 UTC]

pretty good...third para(yes i read your description...but...it could use a little tweaking)...

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masterdevil In reply to Dezy [2006-03-24 07:15:56 +0000 UTC]

yup.....hey i wanted to know.....the word "morphosis".....has it been used in the right context?
i dunno ..... somethin tells me the use of that word there is totally inappropriate!!!
isnt morphosis supposed to mean..."change in state or physical appearence" ?........i just realosed it!!
i thought u would be the best person to tell me.....

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Dezy In reply to masterdevil [2006-03-25 19:48:11 +0000 UTC]

well, i truly am honoured
the word morphosis, in my opinion, spoils the flow of your poem...effectively the best word to use would be "change"(simple but still effective)
the word morphosis is used mostly in scientific terminology, so my bet is that it would work if you were writting about a butterfly!

cheerio

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masterdevil In reply to Dezy [2006-03-26 16:05:37 +0000 UTC]

hahaha.....nice way to put it.....but you cant blame me...i just finished my boards!!
ill do the necessary changes!!
thanks again!!!

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