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masterdevil — invisible
Published: 2005-08-05 18:14:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 155; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 7
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Description
She's been sleeping inside for a long, long timeShe's been fighting the battle, the battle of life
being there with me when i was alone
knowing my darkest secrets,
Helping me survive.
You may not see her, but she still lies there
being right beside me when the world did not care
She lies there deep inside my heart
Helping me from breakin into a hundred million parts
She's not flesh n blood, she's no real girl
She's that part of me that i have hidden from the world.
Comments: 15
i like the way your thought process works...
i mean really unique concept...
when i am down, i write...
but i write about my parents, bitch about my boyfriend, or write about the more gruesome things in life...
this is a whole new way of looking at pain..
should learn from you!!!!!
take care!!
p.s. : hope my comments aint bugging you. pretty damn jobless right now, so just scrutinizing other people's work...
sorry ...
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no way....the more the comments the better. like i said "keep 'em coming".
well in my life...lets see.....i dont need a boyfriend; so i cant write on that (not my topic of intrest). the gruesome things...hmmmm....every cloud has a silver lining...i try to find that line!
thanks again.....
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well, hate to contradict. but you seem dangerously against boyfriends! honey, it is not a crime to fall in love!!!!
i am not talking about your every other day flings. hell no. i am talking about the mature sort of romance..
i don't know where you hail from. maybe its a place where boyfriends are mere tissue papers....
if it were so terrible to seek companionship, i would wonder what my parents are doing together!!!!
anyways, silver lining you say, i have learnt to appreciate it too. it took me a while, but suddenly, i realized that i have a hell lot to thank the Lord for!!!
take care!
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i aint against boyfriends sweetie. My parents have a perfect 'filmi' love story!n i just adore them(mashallah)!!....its just that i dont think tht this is the right time....i mean we have sooooo many things to think about' dont we?n plus....i aint mature enough to handle those relationships!...im a real kid...u cant even imagine!!
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well...
have nothing more to say!
you have said it all!
i fear i might get convinced to your thought and then my boyfriend will come after you with a sword!
anyways, on a more serious note, each one is granted his own opinion!
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haha....thanks...!!
cheers!!
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your concept is commendable but your thought process has room for improvement...
also, you followed a sort of slang in the latter parts of the poem that didnt really work out...
"She's not flesh n blood, she's no real girl"
work more on it...
good attempt though...
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hey thnx 4 da comments....yup i no theres loads of room 4 improvement....il try workin on it after da xms!!!
im not really good at writing poetry...these are just a reflection of my thots when i was down!!
chek out my other poems n pls tell me xactly wer i cud improve on them
thnx buddy!!
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Use of one word too many times, pattern and formation not good.
Concept, not unique, but good...not executed properly.
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thnx....really appreciate ur comments....shall keep them in mind
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amazing work!
never knew you could be so sensible... i mean your thoughts could be beyond excellence...
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thnx...well most ppl do tend 2 underestim8 me....gd thing ur getting a taste of reality!!
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Shakespeare.....hmmmm not yet....da best is yet 2 cum.....im still lernin.....lots more space for improvement.....any comments?
thnx any ways...ill take tht more as a challenge than a compliment!!
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