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MeishkaBokeh — Failure
Published: 2013-01-05 03:22:07 +0000 UTC; Views: 969; Favourites: 32; Downloads: 0
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Description
Title: Failure (Letter F)fail·ure
-Lack of success.
-An unsuccessful person, enterprise, or thing.
Failure; I hate it. Today during school, I was confronted with failure multiple times, and my mind would not rest because of it. I sat there, back up against the cold hard seat, thinking continually of the hatred towards myself. In all honesty, the phrase, “Oh my goodness…I’m such an awful, irresponsible person. Gosh dang it, why! I try..and try…yet my motivation and mindset is tricking me into thinking I’m playing this game of life correctly, when really, I’m not. ” repeated multiple times within my mind.
I know…I shouldn’t be beating myself up so much about things, because usually I do not, yet lately NOTHING seems to go correctly. The harder I try, the more I become a monster towards myself. Sometimes I wonder if it is possible to be a monster, without ever physically doing something hurtful towards others or myself. I want to be a good person, I want to make people happy, I want everyone to realize how beautiful they are….but I still think bad thoughts sometimes.
Nikon D3100
Photograph: Myself
Model: Myself
Please do not use my work without my permission
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Comments: 11
F=Failure, but also ironically, Favorite in the dA world.
I found this piece by following your avatar from your "The Fallen" photo and then spending some time reading your journal entries. From what you write, I am glad you found photography and writing as an outlet. (I've been where you are, and I can assure you that it gets more intense, but also better as you grow older.) Much of what you are thinking you will find among the mystics and artists of various cultures.
You're doing great conceptual pieces, but I faved this one because it seems to condense many of your themes into one image. The b/w and the focus are reminiscent of the classic horror films, especially the original "Night of the Living Dead." Although the digital clock would be out of place, the atmosphere is still quite "old." NOTLD was the first great zombie film (and also a social critique), and the theme resonates in this photo in those arms reaching out toward the reflection. They are both zombie and ghost (transparent) arms, and their goal is both to devour and to comfort/be comforted. Psychologically, this is a kind of literal alienation from the self, but the twist here is that the arms are reaching for the REFLECTION and not the REAL figure. Of course, we quickly realize that the arms are all in the same shirt, so they are really aspects of the girl in the mirror.
We don't know why she is sad. In the horror film context it could be an indication that she is giving up. Existentially, she could be mourning the condition of the world. It could be a figurative matter of her confronting her "personal demons" in a way that is given literal expression in the photo.
But you composed this yourself. The final element of the photo is to include the idea of the photographer (who is also the one in the photo). That person (also in the same shirt, though perhaps only to set up the camera and timer) is part of the whole narrative. So is the person who manipulated the multiple exposures in Photoshop Elements. The photo is a willfully constructed narrative, and so the figure has a more calm and collected counterpart.
The whole piece is actually quite brilliant and economical. (And I didn't even get to the compositional elements.) I look forward to seeing the other letters (and I wonder if you are going in a random sequence, since there is A and F and none in between).
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Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you, but I was so overwhelmed by your response, that I needed a few days to actually ponder what you said.
Truthfully, this is what art is all about. I create art to express my inner feelings, but I believe art should be left for interpretation. You have expressed what you wanted in such a clear manner, and I'm ecstatic that their are people who actually take the time to analyze a piece of work, and relate that back to the person who created it. It's true, I believe that writing/photography has allowed for a creative outlet within my life, which has prevented me from going completely, "under." I'm astounded by your visual interpretation, and it is spot on! This in itself, is wonderful, and I thank you for appreciating what I have done here.
I created this work as a representation of many things I felt within the last few years. I quite literally have felt like "giving up," many times before. Somehow, I continue to bounce back from the brink of reality.
Anyway, thank you for leaving such a wonderful response. I want you to know that I greatly appreciate it, and enjoyed hearing your overall interpretation. Generally, I don't receive comments that offer any sort of constructive feedback. Oh, and ponder that thought no more, as I am completing this series in a random sequence. I haven't had much time to work on the other letters, but I assure you that I will complete them eventually.
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The pleasure is mine. 
One of the problems with dA is that people tend to offer praise
but very little meaningful feedback. It's nice to hear that
people like the work, but sometimes it helps to know if the
message or aesthetic is getting through. (That's one of the
few good things about taking writing and art workshops in college.)
What I'm doing here is helping others as I learn further how to "see" and
"read" -- part of what I do professionally, but also a practice,
as in meditative practice (Vipassana/Mindfulness). I don't analyze
so much as try to put into words the thing that happens almost
instantaneously when you "click" on an image.
It looks like you've made the best of dA, given how long
you've been here with this and your other account. As you've
probably discovered by now, it takes a certain kind of autonomous
integrity to survive as an artist in isolation (or at all, for
that matter). You've done an amazing job of teaching yourself
from what I see in your galleries -- keep at it and keep up
the writing, also.
Somehow, I continue to bounce back from the brink of reality.
I thought this was either very apt or odd. The "brink" is usually
of "disaster" in that figure of speech. But "reality" -- consensus
reality, or "the reality trance" as some call it -- is really the
illusion. Art is one of the few things that brings that to light and
cuts through the illusion (though most would call the art the illusion).
Have a look at this essay I wrote a while ago. [link] You might find it
helpful.
Cheers!
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this is an intriguing photo, I like the complexity of planes and restlessness it arises It's not a failure for sure
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Thank you, I appreciate the thought. 
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There are no failures, only partial sucess...
regroup, plan - prepare - prevail
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This is true. I shall take this into account.
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failure is a great teacher. we learn more by our failures than we do our triumphs. i think the only time we truly fail is when we don't learn from what went wrong.
very dramatic image. it captures the despair and shame and fear well.
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You are correct. Failure helps us grow as individuals, but it can get to you after a while.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
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well, it's clear that you're working very hard to create wonderful images. i hope you don't waste too much time dwelling on failure.
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Don't worry, I won't. It's not necessarily part of my nature to dwell on failure most on the time. Thanks again.
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