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meljoy68 — Dear Jane Visual Poem

Published: 2008-07-17 22:18:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 4115; Favourites: 18; Downloads: 3
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Description "Dear Jane"

Dear Jane, I finally made it over here!
We arrived in the middle of a storm!
So much for my pristine uniform…
I can hear you laughing through your tears.

Dear Jane, I got your letter today.
Your words of love gave strength to me
To lie in wait for the enemy.
I heard your prayers from far away.

Dear Jane, I held your photograph.
The guys all wanted me to share.
I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I didn’t dare…
My greedy gaze just made them laugh.

Dear Jane, thank you for the sweater.
And your cookies were a huge success!
The guys say send some more express!
I just want another letter…

Dear Jane, I have some news to tell…
Now, don’t worry, my love, I’ll be okay.
The good news is, from what they say,
My injury might get me out of this hell.

Dear Jane, I got my orders last night.
I’m shipping out…I’m coming home!
Please wear that dress of green seafoam…
It makes yours green eyes shine so bright.

Dear Mrs. Johnson, we regret to inform
Your husband died from complications…
Here’s a purple heart for consolation…
he’ll be buried in his uniform.



Image is the photo manipulation I made, Dear Jane Letters (see image for stock credit), [link]

Poem was written in the wee hours of the morning, so of course now I'm finding typos

I tried for a happy ending, but the visual didn't allow for that... I'm working on a happier version, just trying to find the right visual piece.


Original poem by me, © melanie joy 2008

I give permission to ~Unique-Manip , =PoetryPlease , and *Visual-Poetry-Club to display this in their galleries.


Related content
Comments: 53

meljoy68 In reply to ??? [2011-07-01 21:03:54 +0000 UTC]

Hmm. I can see your point... I might have used "due to a complication..." Well. :/ Poo. LOL

Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate knowing that a piece has been truly read and thought about. That is a compliment in and of itself.

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angelStained [2010-10-28 11:04:38 +0000 UTC]

ohhh. the structure just emphasizes everything beautifully

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meljoy68 In reply to angelStained [2010-10-29 20:57:44 +0000 UTC]

Oh! Thank you very much!

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angelStained In reply to meljoy68 [2010-11-01 01:50:18 +0000 UTC]

No problem!

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Villenueve [2010-10-25 08:26:23 +0000 UTC]

Very sad,but beautifully written.

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meljoy68 In reply to Villenueve [2010-10-25 18:45:00 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much. I tried a revised version with a happier ending, but haven't posted it yet...

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Villenueve In reply to meljoy68 [2010-10-26 03:27:15 +0000 UTC]

I think that what made your work great,is the sad ending...I mean,most stories end happily,of course,I am a person who has seen some of your works and I think that you have great talent for delivering both sides: 'happy/sad',perhaps in a future you could make a similar work now with a happy ending!

I really liked your work!

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meljoy68 In reply to Villenueve [2010-10-29 21:02:28 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so very much. I appreciate the feedback! Coming from a talented individual as yourself that's a huge compliment.

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tODD-Admin [2010-04-10 23:10:50 +0000 UTC]

Your deviation has been chosen as an OtherDD. Congrats!

I love the picture and how its matches with the words. And the words, the words are absolutely lovely.

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meljoy68 In reply to tODD-Admin [2010-04-11 04:07:17 +0000 UTC]

Thank you VERY much. I so needed something to brighten today!! You have no idea... thank you!!

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tODD-Admin In reply to meljoy68 [2010-04-11 06:33:55 +0000 UTC]

No problem

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ardunt [2008-07-31 16:11:01 +0000 UTC]

Once more, we see the today reflected through history. Well done.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

meljoy68 In reply to ardunt [2008-07-31 18:06:01 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ardunt In reply to meljoy68 [2008-07-31 18:10:00 +0000 UTC]

You are welcome, bet you can tell I am catching up on all the artwork waiting for me huh?

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meljoy68 In reply to ardunt [2008-07-31 18:21:20 +0000 UTC]

You've been quiet for a while, i bet you have TON to catch up on!!

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ardunt In reply to meljoy68 [2008-07-31 19:49:28 +0000 UTC]

100's but it is so worth it, I do not turn off stuff anymore, too many good friends and wonderful artwork.

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meljoy68 In reply to ardunt [2008-08-01 02:58:30 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad to hear that. You contribute amazing pieces.

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AlohaBec [2008-07-22 23:40:57 +0000 UTC]

I like the timelessness of the image.. the sad ending is part of the beauty, I think. The emotions don't change from a past war to a current war.. regardless of one's political views, this pulls at the hearts of all of us.

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meljoy68 In reply to AlohaBec [2008-07-23 03:50:44 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much for this. It's wonderful to hear "I like this" but it's even better to hear why.

I had hoped the words came out right so as to not be limited to one time period. I'm glad it worked! Thank you again.

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impurfektion [2008-07-21 00:22:26 +0000 UTC]

I saw the manip first and was disappointed I couldn't see the "letters". I'm so glad you made this one to show it off. It's so terribly sad. A very moving and emotional piece. Beautiful.

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meljoy68 In reply to impurfektion [2008-07-21 00:52:54 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, Melissa. I am very pleased with how the manip turned out, the words sort of wrote themselves. I'm glad you liked it.

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TaraFly [2008-07-20 13:58:07 +0000 UTC]

Lovely poem. It'll have a huge audience, with so many involved in this war. ....
Thanks again for using my stock.

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meljoy68 In reply to TaraFly [2008-07-20 18:00:49 +0000 UTC]

Kismit is a great thing...

Your stock piece pretty much made the words. When I started to write it, it was, in my mind, a Dear Jane letter as a break up letter, not a war-related thing at all! And even when I realized where it was going, I didn't intend for it to end sadly. But there was no other way TO end it, not with that facial expression.

So I thank you, I wouldn't have written it without your stock piece.

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TaraFly In reply to meljoy68 [2008-07-21 01:56:30 +0000 UTC]

Wow! I'm so flattered that I inspired something so powerful.

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cfosgate [2008-07-20 11:38:13 +0000 UTC]

Okay, they eyes have stopped leaking, for now.

Great job! This conveys the feelings I had when my oldest son was in Iraq and I'd heard that he'd been shot. It was nearly a week before we'd heard that he was going to be okay. Similar feelings.

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meljoy68 In reply to cfosgate [2008-07-20 18:04:21 +0000 UTC]

I don't know how parents and spouses handle it... We've had close family friends lose a son, it was devastating. I know anything can happen at any time, and death is inevitable, but to know they're so close to it... Ack. I'm gonna make myself cry.

I hated writing the ending to this...with my Brother-In-Law so close to going, and having stepbrothers and school friends already there... I really didn't want a sad ending.

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TeaPhotography [2008-07-20 05:48:57 +0000 UTC]

Perfectly matching! It couldn't go together any more perfectly, actually. I think over all, it's quite a beautifully sad scene.

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meljoy68 In reply to TeaPhotography [2008-07-20 07:19:04 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, Tea. I'm glad you liked it.

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TeaPhotography In reply to meljoy68 [2008-07-21 04:58:50 +0000 UTC]

You're so welcome!!

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atomicsharkdesign [2008-07-18 14:46:33 +0000 UTC]

I know you are going for a happier ending, but I think it is perfect for the visual. I say leave it as is. Great work.

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meljoy68 In reply to atomicsharkdesign [2008-07-18 17:46:37 +0000 UTC]

Well, this one will stay as-is. But in the meantime I'm on the hunt for a happier visual...

Thanks, Dino.

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buyobabyboo [2008-07-18 03:52:21 +0000 UTC]

;-; yes, make a happy one
this is still really good though =3

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meljoy68 In reply to buyobabyboo [2008-07-18 04:21:14 +0000 UTC]

I'm trying...I almost have it but the last line is being stubborn. But thank you very much!

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Szellorozsa [2008-07-18 02:55:21 +0000 UTC]

I really like your poem Melanie and the visual with it. Your words are filled with images.

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meljoy68 In reply to Szellorozsa [2008-07-18 04:25:20 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, Eve.

I have some catching up to do with your newest! you've been busy!!

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ahoberer78 [2008-07-18 02:07:35 +0000 UTC]

Nicely done!

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meljoy68 In reply to ahoberer78 [2008-07-18 04:24:47 +0000 UTC]

Thanks.

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JustAMom65 [2008-07-18 01:51:27 +0000 UTC]

Awwwwwww NO!!! That's so very sad!!!

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meljoy68 In reply to JustAMom65 [2008-07-18 04:23:16 +0000 UTC]

I was afraid you'd do that. But I'm working on a happier ending!

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lengkyx [2008-07-18 00:42:09 +0000 UTC]

yep. strong ending. sad but strong.

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meljoy68 In reply to lengkyx [2008-07-18 01:09:48 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.

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VisualPoetress [2008-07-17 23:30:16 +0000 UTC]

Amazing poem my dear and excellent layout and accompanying graphic

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meljoy68 In reply to VisualPoetress [2008-07-18 01:08:34 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I had the manip done first, and was pasting bits of my poems onto her papers, and Dear Jane just sort of wrote itself...

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ErikDShipley [2008-07-17 23:18:30 +0000 UTC]

No...no happier ending. I like the punch to the gut at the end. Its very strong. Very emotional.

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meljoy68 In reply to ErikDShipley [2008-07-18 01:07:43 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, Erik. I kinda like the punch in the gut myself...even though I didn't intend for that...

I rewrote the ending about a dozen times, trying to get a better result, but the image isn't happy, and anything I came up with sounded sappy...

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CSnyder [2008-07-17 23:09:25 +0000 UTC]

this is very lovely, kinda a sad poem, but then again its not
i like it alot, well done

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meljoy68 In reply to CSnyder [2008-07-18 01:05:49 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, Chris.

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CSnyder In reply to meljoy68 [2008-07-18 01:13:07 +0000 UTC]

you are very welcome

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netta43 [2008-07-17 22:56:05 +0000 UTC]

Melanie damn it,
You did it to me again. Another one that hits close to home.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

meljoy68 In reply to netta43 [2008-07-18 01:04:50 +0000 UTC]

I worried about how you might take it.

I let my sister read it...Her husband is a new Army recruit and rumor has it his unit's up for Iraq in the next few months. I don't know how she stays so calm...

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