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metacognition — Dawn
Published: 2005-04-03 01:35:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 47; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description We lay
In the calm hour before the sun
Our legs entwined
There are no words
His hand on my hip
My hand on his chest

We lay
In that hour
Still
No words, no whispers
A calm understanding in that one moment
An agreement
No promises

Rumpled sheets at the end of the bed
And we lay
Bare as rays of sunlight
Stream through, broken
Scattering light across us
As we lay

Eyes closed, wide awake
Legs entwined.
His hand moves, and my eye travels after
He presses his hand against mine
Enough to wind his fingers through mine
And we lay.

Unspoken is the understanding
We will both leave soon, both
Sure and unsure
Only confident in what has happened
His hand on my hip, and,
My hand on his chest
And I open my eyes
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Comments: 4

simplytears [2005-04-17 17:02:16 +0000 UTC]

I really like your use of repetition.

I also like the understanding you have of the unspoken bond, and the intimacy of lying wordlessly in bed with your lover.

I also really like your imagery.

Fabulous piece

"Rumpled sheets at the end of the bed
And we lay
Bare as rays of sunlight
Stream through, broken
Scattering light across us
As we lay"


delicious.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

metacognition In reply to simplytears [2005-04-17 19:55:13 +0000 UTC]

thanx

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metacognition [2005-04-03 01:36:23 +0000 UTC]

in case you're unsure,
mine was supposed to be repeated.
and though our eyes were closed, my eye still moved. just so that's not controversial. Like it would be or anything.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

simplytears In reply to metacognition [2005-04-17 17:04:14 +0000 UTC]

the way your repeat "mine"stresses the words before it nicely. I also like the idea of your eyes following his hand even though they are closed.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0