ShadeeGray15 [2007-08-16 16:01:52 +0000 UTC]

hmm... i wish i could write like you

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wicked-eve [2005-05-23 14:20:34 +0000 UTC]

why does it matter, in this televisual void of delirium of our lives?
in this always humdrum, bored, acquisitive world.
why does it matter?
that distance has found us,
craddled and embraced us;
taken hold of us?

i have torn open my flesh to inquire into the nature of pain;
once, or twice..
but it's this missing you--
that makes this muted girl who is screaming feel insane.

when my senses can be invalidated:
as simple as a needle slipping
insidious into my naked flesh,
i will slip on my sunday dress..
and worship you.

you are my photosynthesis..
my existence,
my reason to digress into memories,
you are my everything.



i love you, forever.

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loveandpeacepenguin [2005-01-12 02:11:59 +0000 UTC]

Most would find this disturbing, but I find it interesting. You truely present a vivid and colorful picture in your work. Good job. ^_^

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Pedram [2005-01-07 23:53:12 +0000 UTC]

niCe-

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davidAwarren [2004-12-23 07:50:32 +0000 UTC]

it kept me reading.
if that isn't worth a fav then what is.
-david

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harsh-whispers [2004-11-24 01:11:05 +0000 UTC]

Oh wow. Gorgeous.

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spinelessublime [2004-11-13 08:16:37 +0000 UTC]

beautiful
beautiful
beautiful

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wicked-eve [2004-11-10 18:49:55 +0000 UTC]

i feel like i'm going to explode.
i love you too much..if you can, love someone too much.

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blackchai [2004-08-31 05:59:07 +0000 UTC]

can you tell im missing you yet?
or is it all just like, overpowering.
my pathetic need to be seen and heard?
god--i miss you.

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sarahmichele07 [2004-08-14 04:00:40 +0000 UTC]

i still love this.

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DecayingPinkBunny [2004-07-30 06:59:19 +0000 UTC]

*swoons* I'm in awe. It takes a lot to put me there but that's where I stand, in a vast field of amazement. This is the first piece of yours I've read and just because of it you are now on my watch list. I just hope its loveliness wasn't lost on someone who tossed it aside. *claps her hands* Bravo!

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kiriromano [2004-07-21 22:07:31 +0000 UTC]

I adore how this is such a trail of thought, and flows, changing direction, tone and mixing symbols and metaphors into some crazy miss-mass. Just like love I guess.
"melted maga eyes"
"fly a kite through me and laugh at the double dips and loppy loops that your thousand blown kisses produce."
" i will paint rainbows with your eyelashes. watch you blink in ultra violet."
"help me recyle plastic bottles and weave wigwams with our wet dreams... "
"tell me of your grandmothers afgans the bodycounts she kept in laquer soaked antique dressers...."
"lick your lips when it rains and tongue the sky when its dark"
These are my favourite lines, for various reasons that I would go into, but it would take far too long!

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Darkangel-Demon [2004-07-21 17:49:03 +0000 UTC]

Very nice! I like it!

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elitist [2004-07-20 19:14:47 +0000 UTC]

This is quite a piece of work my good friend. I can't believe that I had not read it until now. You are slacking in showing me your things.

Your lack of a spell check or any real ability to proofread is quite evident here, so I think that I will just point out those for you. I know how sharp you are trying to keep your literary blade, so no structural advice here today.

maga - I think this should be magma?
recyle - recycle
grandmothers - grandmother's (remember your possessive nouns!)
afgans - afghans.
laquer - lacquer
its - it's (possessive pronoun)
consist - consists (subject verb agreement)
plaster paris - should there be an "of" somewhere in that phrase?
prickily - prickly
rhymic - rhythmic?
are - is (subject verb agreement)
cerimony - ceremony

And this part
the flutter in your eyelids are only perceptible to the select few who know those eyelids well.
seems a bit bulky to me. Maybe it's the repitition of eyelids or you could just use fewer words?

Other than that it's great. Especially this part: we will conquer the world one smudge at a time and take naps in the ink blots you drool when excited.... lick your lips when it rains and tongue the sky when its dark and i will show you how to tread cloud and bob for angels.

Tread cloud and bob for angels...
That's tasty.

Thanks for the read.

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Sperpy [2004-06-14 10:27:07 +0000 UTC]

holy fuck the pace in this is extraordinary, the nature of the language used propels the reader through this, caught up in the images and the sounds created by the language – great onomatopoeia, I haven’t seen it used this effectively for a long time, very well done.

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starblind [2004-05-27 16:52:47 +0000 UTC]

This totally explains why you get all the chicks.

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sarahmichele07 [2004-05-17 14:11:26 +0000 UTC]

the way you put words together. its amazing to me, because it's obcene and spectacularly beautiful all at once. like ~klentex said, there are SO many lines that are just sooooo moving.

"burn me burn me... burn a hole through me... see right through me... fly a kite through me and laugh at the double dips and loppy loops that your thousand blown kisses produce." - this is so great because you just dont care what she does to you, as long as she does it. be to so vulnerable and not care. i love it.

"i will paint rainbows with your eyelashes. watch you blink in ultra violet." - how do you think of this? its perfect!!

"lick your lips when it rains and tongue the sky when its dark and i will show you how to tread cloud and bob for angels" - i can see why you use this as your signature, its brilliant.

i have to this.

this has to be one of the best pieces i have read on DA. i commend you for exposing such raw emotion. excellent work.

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klentex [2004-05-16 15:42:45 +0000 UTC]

'fly a kite through me and laugh at the double dips and loppy loops that your thousand blown kisses produce'
'and enter the dreams i have. of silken locks of petrified tears. bruised fruit and ripe wishes.'
'you mean the milkyway to me.'

cute

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klentex [2004-05-16 02:05:19 +0000 UTC]

' i will paint rainbows with your eyelashes.' - i love that line alone, among so many others. this truly is beautiful, as is, and i hope you won't change it unless it's 'for the best', which i can't see right now. this saddens me and is also uplifting to read. both because of something going on right now with me. thank you tons for sharing...

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weeve [2004-05-13 00:43:55 +0000 UTC]

it's very sexual to me.

I like "lick your lips when it rains and tongue the sky when its dark and i will show you how to tread cloud and bob for angels.... my life without you consist of paperclips and plaster paris... prickily pear with three pistols per person... it amounts to nothing but mole hills and mole ghettos with crack moles hiking mole skirts for molemen...."
I finally came here, mibi sent me this like a long while ago, when I asked about that quote.
I like the whole thing. It's like a life full of intimacy with one person. Or many, I dunno. I'm sure that may just be to me though.
Nice.

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wicked-eve [2004-05-12 14:00:25 +0000 UTC]

i still love it.

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wildoats [2004-04-13 05:46:08 +0000 UTC]

Romantic? Nauseatingly so.

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undefinability [2004-04-12 00:50:54 +0000 UTC]

The abundance of "me" seems as if you're focusing the moment to be about yourself, rather than the moment itself - the love, the romance, etc. However, this should be taken a grain of immaturity, for I'm not feeling my best. I really did love this, though.

I liked the ending, probably most of all.

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