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MichaelJLarson β WARNING: THIS IS ABOUT HOW CRAPPY I FEEL CURRENTLY
Published: 2013-10-29 00:05:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 4673; Favourites: 85; Downloads: 6
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As the title says, this is just a miniature, "rant" about how I've been doing lately. So if you don't wanna read about me and my problems, then go look at something else ot whatever...... Anyways, over the past few months, starting in either late spring or early summer, I've been feeling really shitty. The kind of shitty that feels like my eyes feel like tears could burst out of them and I feel empty inside. I feel like I don't have the energy or the soul I used to have anymore. Now it's incredibly difficult just to get out of bed and attempting to be productive. Things I've used to be so passionate about seem to be fading away from me, and I keep on trying and trying so hard to care about them, but to no avail.
Making art, making comics, drawing in general even if it's just sketching, Halloween, even just turning on my computer seems to be a chore rather than something I wanna do, and I hate it. I hate feeling like this, I hate being sad all the time, and I especially hate it when it prevents me from embracing the things I love doing. But even though I hate it, I just don't feel any kind of enthusiasm for trying to turn it around. I just feel so worthless and tired that I don't even want to try to make some art or whatever, because I'm scared that all it will do is confirm how worthless I actually am. It's an awful feeling that I do not wish on anyone, even people I thoroughly dislike.
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Comments: 98
Ditto.
Hows that grab you?
Ditto.
Every fucking day.
You've been on DA for a year and have nearly 200 thousand pageviews. I've been here for five years and have barely scratched 10 thousand. That is what it means to be a writer. You pour your heart and soul into everything you do and people treat you like a parasite. So remember - things could always be worse - you too could be a writer.
Why do I persist? How do I get done as much as I get done? For one thing, I'm older, nearly twice your age. By the time you are my age I will be too old and mentally feeble to do what I'm doing now so there isn't a second to be wasted. The other thing is that I love what I do and would never be satisfied if I hired someone to do it for me. Interesting ideas have a habit of haunting the people who have them. I do it to stop them from pestering me.
So fuck it. Take a break. Get a hobby like restoring old pinball machines. But keep an eye open for those enticing cartoon ideas. They will drive you back here. They always do.
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I know exactly how you feel...I've been going though the some stuff...I used to be so passionate about things but now...I just can't focus on my writing. I mean I want to but I just...don't do it. Anyways I'm right there with you so don't think you are alone in the struggle.
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Don't stress yourself for starters, even if you may not be stressed, know that you don't have to work to get yourself drawing if your trying for our sake. We'll understand, especially me, since im in a similar state. Second, your anything but useless or worthless, you've put so much life and passion, not to mention some laughs into the work you make, it makes us smile, brightens our day and keeps us starving for more. That might not seem like much, but it means a lot to us, and you do it so well, if I had a gift to give you believe me I would have given you many. But all I got are these words, and i hope everyone else who is reading this feels the way I do when I say your special, talented, and have put smiles in our faces and stars in our eyes every time we see you posted something new. You have nothing to fear from how we feel about you, and you don't have to be alone about feeling this way.
Michael, thank you. Seriously.
Now...if we want to view this as...physical depression? A lot of people tell me moving around a lot helps. It gets certain chemicals moving and makes you feel more happy. But im not sure if thats what you have.
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I may not know you personally, but I've gone through my issue of mental problems myself. As long as you have a good set of friends and family, Mike I know you will get through this.
It's not much, but I'd like to say that I've enjoyed all the commission pics you've done for me. Thanks for taking the time to do them, you put a great touch on them and I feel that you art speaks for itself in it's awesomeness. I think you did the best with that Saltwreckers pic.
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Well to be honest I have never spoken to you before at lengths, you were someone I saw on here that had their own style that I liked, when you were more frequent with your updates I loved seeing what you had come up with, what funny ideas you had. You are one of the more interesting artist here that I watch. I truly am sad to hear that you are hitting such a rough patch, I do really hope that you find the help you need, you deserve that much. Everyone deserves to be happy and enjoy their life. I will not say I know how you feel, i have felt dread and sadness, but not like you most likely are. It is unfortunate that those of us here cannot do more than offer words of comfort and encouragement, I really wish I could do more. I am fairly certain you want support right now, you did com here to the internet with you pain and depression and put it here for us to see. This is not easy to do, putting it here and hoping that no one take a low blow shows to at least me that you trust us. thank you, if I could I would be company for you, then again, you don't know me and I don't know you, so I offer my support, and I say that if you want people to listen to you and offer kindness, well we are here for you. I hope you get the help you need, and things get better. So yeah, keep on fighting, don't give up, were all rooting for you, all that Jazz.
Also I look forward to your next work, you are one hell of an artist, never forget that, and Never let ANYONE tell you differently.Β
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Don't lose hope man, I once felt like not drawing anymore or writing or ANYTHING, but eventually I found a way and I know you can too
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I agree with DeathBlade88 you might be burnt out the best thing to do in that case is take a step back and relax for a while
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Want a tip? Just try to have mindless fun, just let go of all reason and start doing crazy stuff for no other reason than thinking it could be fun. Just let go of your worries, out your mind in a blank, and start painting it with what first comes to mind, no matter how retarded it may be.
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Mike, Please don't lose hope! Sure, depression is a very serious matter, and it's hard to shake it off sometimes, but it CAN be shaken off, it CAN be overcome!
Sure, I-along with plenty of other DA artists here- am going through a similar situation you're stuck with (I didn't have much luck applying for a job in Culinary Arts), losing all interests one has with his/her goals, but please, for goodness sake, please don't give up!Β
You are an AMAZING artist Mr.Larson; heck, so many of your followers here on Deviant Art (such as Yoshi300, myself, and so many other names here) practically WISH we each has as much drawing talent as you do!I really, REALLY hate to see a great artist such as you, who I have followed for a long time, lose interest, joy, and hope in what you do!
I really, sincerely hope you overcome your state of depression Mike, your work is just simply amazing
sincerely,
~Rozen-Shield~
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Is medication necessary for clinical depression?
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I know how you feel. I hope you feel better soon.
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Manly Internet hugs bud...manly internet hugs to you.
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I hope you feel better, man.
I just wanna say that your comics and artwork help inspire me to be a better artist, as well as a kick-ass storywriter.
Your comics (even back when you were still BrokenTeapot,) made me laugh, and I could count on it to make my otherwise crappy day a bit better.
Keep on keepin' on, man! Kick that depression in the pants! Poke it in the gut, call it grandpa, and show it what for!
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I hope you start feeling better as well, and I wish you luck.
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I really do hope you start feeling better.
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Oh my god...I'm feeling the same way too. Β I just feel like every freaking thing is absolutely pointless and I just want to rip up everything and sit in the dark and cry..
I hope you get better soon...I empathize with you and it sucks really god-awfully...
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If you need someone to talk to you can always talk to me man 
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Glad to hear you're getting treatment. Sometimes when you're down in a pit, you need a hand up, or a ladder, to get out. Emotionally or physically, there's no difference.
Best wishes on your recovery and future happiness. Keep trying what you found pleasure in; it can help get you through. Even if it's personal sketches like these, or bloody stick figure battles -- whatever you need. We'll be here!
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it really makes me feel sad that you are like this right now
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you're not alone dude, heaps of people get this, myself included, but i don't feel as bad as i used to(sorry if that sounded as bragging) but you're doing the right thing in talking about this with other people, and thats where you will start going in the right direction in getting better...all the best mate! chin up!
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I don't know if there's much I can say, because I can say it all I want it's probably hard for you to take it in; sometimes peoples words just seem numb and generic especially in this culture and it's language.Β
Anyways I'm going to say what I think: I absolutely love your work. It's so different and in a good way. I can see your passion in it. I love that you take classic ideas and turn them around and make them new. All of your comics, all of your artwork is unique; it's so you. I love the motifs you incorporate. Everything is so well written. It's a wonderful soup of pleasing graphic art. It's my favorite. I always get really excited when you upload something, because it's done in seemingly well timed increments so it's never too much and if it is I can still enjoy it, because of how good it is.Β
I know not everyone's the same, however, I can tell you when I start to feel like this I take a break. I go work on something else. I go do something different to surprise my brain.Β (I think depression comes from the monotony of things)Β It can be something related: maybe work in another media like 3D? Something, anything to create change in a POSITIVE way.Β Β (Also I noticed a lot of other people were mentioning medication I would save it for the last resort because they usually have bad side effects)
That's my personal take on it I'm probably not as experienced in life as you so I don't want you to feel I'm telling you what to do.
I hope you read this and I hope all your other fans' comments bring some encouragement, if not a lot a encouragement.
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ALSO YOU'RE ONE OF MY BIGGEST INSPIRATIONS- ESPECIALLY WHEN I FEEL DOWN!!!
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Yep, sounds clinical. Good on you for looking at treatment.
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It took me a while to find the right words for this, so I hope this helps, Michael:
I, and I certainly hope whoever else reads this, really do appreciate all the cool stuff that you do for your fellow deviants, and understand just how taxing it may be. This may not cheer you up as you say it might not, but just always remember: there's always SOMEONE, whether it be just one person or a whole group of people, who understand what you're going through. Keep that in mind, and together you can work past your problems and eventually overcome them. If you feel that your art creation if becoming too much of a chore, then just take a break for yourself-- I think we can all understand if you need to do so. If it does turn out that you do have clinical depression, then I hope you can resolve the situation as quickly as possible and go back to being able to enjoy your favorite things. If anything, just take a break for yourself for as long as you need, and always remember that someone does care about you and what you're going through.
Hope this helps.
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You're not alone in this endeavor my friend
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I am so sorry
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Dude, I know how that feels to not want to do jack shit anymore. I'm not ashamed to admit this story:
During my third year of college and on the football team, we got invited to go to Canada and play against a semi-pro team. For a school like mine, this was huge. So I spent the next six months of my life I put in as much effort as one (being 275 pounds) could into getting stronger by running/lifting/working out through one of the worst winters we had in Upstate NY. The bus trip was cool, the team made it a three day thing and on the day of the game....
...I was the ONLY one who did not get to participate in the game. Six months of prep work was wasted on sitting on the sidelines for 60 minutes. I spent the whole trip back trying to figure out why I was left out. When I finally got back home at 3 am, I slipped into bed... and cried myself to sleep. A freaking college sophomore crying himself to sleep while stone cold sober.
Depression hit me rather hard that year and school was rough because I really had no one to talk to about this. It all seemed so worthless to care about anything.... and then I found Kamen Rider Den-O subtitled online. Yes, if not for the Time-Tripin' Rider I'm pretty sure there would be one less person in the world today.
The short version is this: You'll find something to give you purpose in life.
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This sounds like one of those speeches you hear ON the clinically depressed commercials. You should get some of those meds that make you run through fields with blankets and shit. They look like they work. And if not... well... then you don't get to be in the commercial.
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I know that based on what you've said and what I've personally felt in terms of being worthless, it might not mean much when I say it because of how low you might feel, but to me, your work has never been worthless. Watching you grow as an artist these past few years has been a joy and an inspiration for me. They've never failed to make me smile or laugh or just made my day a bit brighter in general. That you've been faced with the same thoughts I've had so often breaks my heart, and I truly do wish I could actually say something, anything, that might help it.
I won't try to cheer you up. I know that sometimes, cheerful words or optimism just won't do the trick since coming from yourself, it will sound empty, and coming from others, it will be almost annoyingly optimistic. Instead, all I can say is I applaud you for having the strength to share your feelings, and for taking that step to seek help. If it comes out that you do have clinical depression, now you'll know and can have the proper care for it you deserve. And whether or not you doubt your life will be back on track afterward, you're still on the path to healing. It will be slow, with pitfalls here and there, but a step forward is still better than where you've been. I want to say, celebrate the small victories. The days where you feel happy often, the days where you doodle only the silliest little thing, the days where you don't accomplish anything but still felt good or enjoyed doing something, celebrate them for being days where sorrow didn't take control. Those little victories will be proof you're still headed in the right direction.
And that's...well, really all that boils down to I guess. Do good by yourself, take care of yourself, and enjoy the little things. I believe in you.
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I understand, I think that most of the stuff (artistic or not) is another daily task that I don't enjoy anymore.
Β
But when I put my heart into it, my sadness drives me to do my work and carry on till tomorrow.
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I know what you mean, man. :/ Even time it's around fall to winter, I get depressed myself. I don't feel like watching tv, playing games or doing ANYTHING I love. I just feel like being in the dark and crying. Not trying to be meledramatic, but I'm just trying to show that I can relate. So, I get it. Take the time you need to recoup, sometimes you have to just be away from things.Β
We'll wait for you, dude. :3
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Anyone who tells you it's not right to cry is full of crap. If that were true, why is it the first thing we do when we are brought into this world? It's our defense mechanism, whether it's getting someone to take care of us at an early age, or let off some frustration and pain at an older one.Β
Also, creativity goes hand-in-hand with depression and generalized anxiety. It's almost unavoidable, but never unbeatable. It'll hit you at times, but sooner or later it goes back into hibernation. The important thing is to not let it hit you so hard you start believing your worthless or meaningless when you are not. Having some downtime may be what you need right now to keep you from getting too overwhelmed. Start working your way back up, whether it be a little story here or a drawing there, until you start feeling motivated and energized enough to shove a big spiky boot up depression's tiny ass, and don't blame yourself if you have a bad day here and there.Β
And if you need Β a support system to help you through it, I'm sure there's people here (myself included) who will listen and share in the rants until it gives you something to laugh about. 
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I'm in a very similar spot as you right now, and I'm trying my best to get out of it. I'm not good with comforting words, and I can't really help you find motivation again because it's so different for different people, but I can at least say that you're undoubtedly one of my favorite artists on here and I love all your clever ideas and your fantastic sense of humor! I don't know you very well, but from what I've seen you really seem like a great person. (:
Β A lot of us can see ourselves in a situation where it feels like a "duty" to appease your fans and friends with more and better works, and I think it's a matter of getting used to thinking that it's not. Take all the time you need to recover, no one is rushing you.
Your mental health goes above "duties", believe it or not!
Yeah, that was my attempt to say something for once. Sorry, it was kind of sloppy.
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Well, was there a trigger? If not, it could be just your brain chemistry and what not.Β
Like you said before you have clinical depression on both sides of your family and your symptoms sound very much like you have some form of clinical depression. I would recommend taking a visit to your primary care doctor. Try to do things to get your mind back into balance. Simple things like keeping an eye on your stress (Being a cartoonist is quite demanding), eating a well balanced diet, and starting an exercise regiment could do a lot to help you get back on your feet. If that does not work, try cutting on gluten products as gluten sensitivity in some individuals drag them down. Medication should be used last, but there is no shame if you really need them. Clinical depression is an actual disease with actual physiological symptoms that has a significant impact on your quality of life. Like I said before though, those should be used last.
Sorry if I sound a bit mechanical about this. Not really the most warm and fuzzy way of helping, but sometimes the problem finds its roots in physiology.Β
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Keep strong man. As a person with clinical depression I will tell you that it is hard, seemingly impossible. But take my words to heart when I say "It will get better" Take days easy and try to talk with friends, Isolation can be crippling to you. We'll all understand if you won't draw stuff for a bit, but please understand that we all love your art and enjoy it. I don't know what it's worth, but I hope it helps.
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Maybe it's true that my words won't exactly lift your spirits, but I can tell you that you CAN get through this. I don't know what you're feeling, hell, I DEFINITELY don't know what you're feeling, but I know that it's not going to last forever. Nothing lasts forever. Life is going to push us all in reverse and make us feel like crap, but that doesn't mean we ARE crap. We just need to keep moving. So even if you're taking the tiniest baby-steps possible, that you're not even sure you're still moving, just KEEP GOING. I hope you get to start running again soonΒ Β
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Maybe find something else to do. Don't worry about your watchers for maybe a week or two and take a break. Talk to your friends, hang out with them, or do whatever. Try to keep a smile on your face. Not for the people around you, but for yourself. I do hope you get better.
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I... Damn it, I have nothing to say. Depression is one of those thing that you can help a person so much with. I wish I had something to say, that there was something to say to make it a little bit better. I wish there was a world with a word like that...
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... I'm sort of feeling the same way, actually.
I'm currently writing a self-insert fanfic. I've been doing it for over two years, actually. To make matters worse, it's a male self-insert in an all-female cast. I've gotten my fair share of hate but I pulled through. I wanted to prove them wrong; I want to see this story through. But... I'm losing the energy to write. I don't have the enthusiasm. I'm tired, really. I want it to just write itself but I know it won't and pushing myself to write it is hard.
Michael, you're a wonderful, talented person surrounded by so many wonderful people. I'm a bit envious, to be honest. I wish I could help you; I wish I had the words that could get you out of this mess... but there are no words to remove these chains of ours.
I don't know how to help.
I'm sorry.
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you always continue on you know why? because giving up is what Hitler wants, and do you want Hitler to win? No you don't so get up, turn on that computer and give Hitler a big middle finger and say "FUCK YOU HITLER THAT'S WHY!!!!"Β
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Β
In any case, Mike, getting help is a good step in the right direction, whether it's depression or not. I know that the things you like doing may seem like a chore right now, but keep doing them, because it's what you love to do, so keep doing it if you can,and always remember where that love came from. Search inside yourself and look into the past, both good and bad moments of your life and remember how you got to be where you are and why you do the awesome art you do.
Β
One final thing, always love yourself, and accept the things you do. It's hard, but it'll be another step in the right direction.
Β
Take care dude, I wish you the best of luck
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It could be possible that you are going through a BURNOUT faze. What I mean by that is you feel like you've done everything you've wanted to do, and therefore that's what's making you depressed. I think that by taking a break from doing anything art related will help you get creative again. You just need to find inspiration again, and that will come in time.
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Why do you try? WHY DO YOU TRY? My man, you are an artist. You made the funniest comics, and some the best artwork. I wish I had your talents! Pull yourself up and take heed, you have genius in you! Now climb up and grab the bull by the horns!
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I really want to say something cheerful here. But a depression is no joke. Good thing you are seeking help, best of luck!
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