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mimithefeline — I-Just-Wish
Published: 2004-03-21 14:50:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 72; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 8
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Description
Sat in silence, not quite sure what to say. My heart aches with guilt and sorrow as it wants to sing aloud. I just wish I could do more.I don’t think you don’t see how important you are to me. I feel sick to see a brother like you feel so low. I just wish I could give you more.
My tears don’t fall for no one but for the best people alive. You were there for me, in my time of need and I just want to do the same for you. I just wish I could tell you more.
You say you ant an angel and I know you are not, for nothing can be 100% pure but in my eyes you are close enough to be one deep inside. I just wish I could just show you more.
Sometimes I feel I’m in your way but you always make me feel otherwise. I just wish I could help you more, help you feel better, make you step back and see the positive effects on mine and other people’s lives that you have made. I just wish you could see your self from my point of view….I don’t know. I just wish I could do more for you.
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Comments: 4
This is very heartfelt. You can tell a lot of emotion went into the writing process. I'm not sure if this was written as a piece to give your friend, or even if you originally planed on sharing it. There are a couple of things, writing wise, you may want to work on.
"Sat in silence, not quite sure what to say" With this line you start out in third person, then switch to first person. You may want to change Sat to Sitting(which would make it all first person), or change not to wasn't(which would make it all third person.
"I don’t think you don’t see how important you are to me." This line kind of confused me at first. The way you have it now makes it seem your friend DOES know how important they are to you. If you remove the second "don't" I think you will get the meaning you were going for.
Other then these there are a few spelling errors, and perhaps a couple of miss-placed words, but nothing major.
Please don't take this the wrong way...and if you do...I'm sorry. I'm just trying to help you with your writing.
Just so you know......I suck at grammar also.
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LOL! nar i dont take offence. i thank u infact, but i just wrote it there and then realy lol. i did give it to my friend and he said he liked it 
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mimi, it's beautiful......i know how you feel! i have a best friend who is like a brother, and no matter how much i tell him he's affected my life, he simply smiles and says no, just no.....and it can be very frustrating when you know that person is hurting inside.... ::HUGG!:: very beautiful!!
--LS aka tiffi aka wooly aka coco--
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aww thanx tiff. i can always count on u to know how i feel. love u int sis *hugz*
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