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MischaFox — Every Morning
Published: 2007-06-02 21:53:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 809; Favourites: 28; Downloads: 0
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a self-portrait i just finished. it took about 5 days, total. i am please with the results.Related content
Comments: 26
After several days, I still do not know how to respond to my most recent comment on this work. I think it was meant as a compliment... however, it infers a lot and comes across as an insult, as it implies I have some high level of vanity and that someone I've never met "knows" me and my internal thought processes, struggles, fears, etc. Whether it was meant as such or not… the delivery does need to be addressed because of that ambiguity.
No one typically likes it when it’s implied that they are shallow or concerned about their looks alone—especially if they are highly intelligent and talented and/or when the situation calls for a critique of technique or talent, or a comment on artistic expression. It’s better to ask than to tell.
Truth of this piece: I didn't think about what I looked like in it at all. I happened to like the photo (I’d never painted a profile before and I liked the colours) and I needed a reference for a self-portrait FOR A CLASS. It was assigned. It was guided. It wasn’t even my choice. I hate doing self-portraits as I find them boring and repetitive, even if you can learn a lot in technique and realism by doing them often. I’d rather create something fantastical. I’m a surrealist, if you’ve noticed… I paint demons, succubi, and things ripping their chests open to signify painful events in my life symbolically.
My entire concentration was on learning new techniques and mastering them, on making my art more realistic. I didn't think twice about what I looked like. Just that it was a good photo and had good composition. The insinuation that I painted this entirely because I thought I was beautiful… rather disturbs me. I don’t even take selfies on my phone. I have almost no photographs of myself on my facebook—unless someone else made me take one with them for their birthday or other event.
For the record: in real life, the only times I wear make-up is at job interviews or the few modeling shoots I do. I shower every other day because I have curly hair that can’t handle more and because of that I tend to have bedhead in the summers because it's no use fighting curls in humidity. I tend to wear lounge pants and tank tops at home (or jeans and long sleeved Ts) and very very rarely dress up for anything anymore. In the winter, especially, shaving is not a priority in the icy climate I live in. I swear like a sailor and am about the least feminine thing you’ve ever met. Pinning a personality on me based on images that are based on a photographer's imagination (and completely ignoring all of the works of writing on my page that give far more insight into who I am as a person) is ridiculous.
It is also ridiculous to think all women obsess over what they look like or are seeking approval over their appearance. The media world would love it if we all thought this, because mass insecurity on that level makes women easier to control and manipulate. Some of us, however, think for ourselves and shut off our televisions in 1996 and don’t read magazines that tell us we -need- that new lipstick or we’ll never get married.
I struggled enough in my twenties to overcome serious anorexia and body dysmorphic issues. When I finally overcame them, the change was so profound I hardly ever look in a mirror now. An anorexic always thinks they are “fat” and someone with body dysmorphia always thinks they look like a grotesque freak. To read that I seem to have been worried about... over-representing what someone else perceives I look like... or playing it down... would infer that I am incredibly vain, think quite highly of myself, and am worried how other people take my vanity—when in truth, throughout my entire life I have thought I looked hideous or… how I view myself now, as “this is the only body I will have and it is healthy and starting to show age, but I’m taking care of it and grateful that it works”—completely astounds me.
On that note: I do not consider myself female. I am an ANDROGYNE. Who happens to be in a female body and occasionally enjoys dressing very female from time to time, mostly for photographers. When I work from photos, it is the photographer's fantasy and imagination that is portrayed, not necessarily my own.
Half of my life is spent dressed male and thinking of myself as male. Only half female. (I often joke that I’m the most convincing drag queen in the state.) I actually think I look… odd. Striking, but odd. Not quite male and not quite female. Some shapeshifter caught between. Which is what I ought to look like. This isn’t an insecurity, it’s just a very different experience than a lot of people can relate to.
When I crossdress, I spookily resemble Johnny Depp in his youth so much I get attacked by mobs of straight women who try to tear my clothes off. (I stopped doing it altogether in public because of this. It’s terrifying, and it’s really weird to be standing on the street and have some total stranger grab your harness and prosthetic, not knowing it’s there or what it is, trying to give a piece of silicone an erection RIGHT THERE and offering to share you with her friend—RIGHT THERE—and having put yourself in a position where you can’t actually say, “STOP, I can’t help you with that, I have a vagina!”)
So for anyone who is NOT also an androgyne to infer they know what I was thinking in stereotypical "female" thoughts, as written in mainstream media by men (and which are about as far from the concerns most female artists think about when it comes to self-portraits or women think about themselves at all in general) is absurd.
Sometimes we paint ourselves because we’re the only reference on hand (*cough, cough* just like men). Sometimes it’s an assignment. Sometimes it’s for practice and nothing else. Not because we woke up and thought, “MY GOD, how -beautiful- I am, I must capture this, but not in a way that anyone will notice how vain I am… oh, I better make myself a little plainer than I am so I don’t intimidate anyone or let them know that I think I’m perfect.” (Or… whatever it is that this… bizarre statement above seemed to imply.)
The male aspect in me is torn between feeling equally (if not more) offended than the female aspect and nearly rolling off my chair in hysterical laughter that I am being called glamourous and trying to figure out the word "uglified. It's the feeling I think male actors have when cornered on red carpets in Hollywood and asked the same sexist questions women typically are: “Who did your hair? How long did it take for you to get ready? Are you nervous someone will see your bad manicure?” (-What? What the hell are you talking about? I'm here to discuss my WORK.-)
Artists of any genre love it when someone says, "Your work made me feel -----; I get this sense from this piece, this reminded me of ------? This made me think about -----; I really like how you did this/evoked this-------." We also welcome questions: “How did you come up with this? What does this piece/section mean?” If you stop and INFORM us what we were thinking or feeling when we created something, no matter what it was, or decide WHY we created the piece we did... we're going to think you're nuts and/or arrogant. Opening up discussion is wonderful. Assumption is not.
I honestly do not know how to take this comment.
Or how to take being told by someone who has never spoken to me except in a few scant comments that they know what I was thinking or feeling.
I do think it was intended as a comment. -But.-
A compliment such as "good work" is something I would be grateful for and rejoice to read. Constructive criticism from another painter on how to make it even better would be deeply appreciated.
Having my motivation and drive for creating the work in the first place mansplained to me in the middle of it makes me raise an eyebrow and call sexism. And sexism doesn't put anyone in my good graces.
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You should be pleased. It's a wonderful painting, and a beautiful likeness of you.
R
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Thank you! It felt like it took me forever, and I'd only attempted a self portrait once before.
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You're very welcome, Persephone.
And you steered a very difficult middle path with it. What I mean is that you're a very lovely model, and have a lovely figure. But you are also a very pretty woman. In painting a self-portrait, I know you wanted to convey a genuine likeness of yourself without going nuts and over-glamming yourself(I know that's not a real term 
Nicely done!
R
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This gracious self-portrait is beautifully done !
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Colours are nice and vibrant with the greens and reds singing.
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I believe you've perfectly captured the angles of your face
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thanks! it was a rough one. it's probably the only serious self portrait i've done that i'm proud of.
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lol? my devotion? to painting? or to my self-portrait?
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BEAUTIFUL on DA, but even more stunning in person
i love the new work you've been working onAshe.
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thanks! 
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