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Description
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Cappy’s Random Rant
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Food manners blow. I totally understand not farting at the table, for a fart is a curse placed upon man by Satan to make your butt burp…a burp of stinky sin! But normal burping, I don’t understand why YOU’RE the inconsiderate one. Hey, if I don’t burp then I die. Rats can’t burp, so they can never understand how awesome Dr. Pepper is. Do you never wish me to know the blissful kiss of Dr. Pepper, you diabetic commie?! I heard that in Italy, if you don’t burp after a meal then it’s considered an insult. I think I must have Italian in me…I do enjoy pasta!

Another bizarre ritual is waiting for latecomers. That’s good old fashioned Christian guilt, to make you ashamed for being on time. We can’t eat as scheduled, Uncle Frank isn’t here yet. Screw Uncle Frank! I say we eat now, then that bum will make sure he shows up next time so that he doesn’t miss out. I’ve slowly converted people into this Jasonistic thinking, “Yeah, Uncle Frank is a jerk! I like your thinking.” See, if you make Uncle Frank the bearer of food, people are actually glad to see him, he becomes a nourishment savior. That’s like textbook Stockholm Syndrome! Feed yourselves, then you can rightly mock him with mutton-muffled guffaws when he has to eat the turkey butt. Make him feel like the inconsiderate jerk he is, the kind of jerk who thinks it’s okay to burp at the dinner table.

Also, here’s a trick to play when you’re at a restaurant next time. Order a soda, and wait till the waiter asks you for a refill. Usually they ask you what soda you had, and what you should do is ask for a soda that’s obviously a different color than the contents in you glass.
“Can I get you a refill sir?”
“Sure, a Sprite! (clearly a Pepsi)”
“Ah…”
It’s interesting to see their reaction, will they support your descent into delinquency, or will they call you on your scam? Their tip depends on it!

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Cappy’s Rockin’ Rendition
====================
So how random is too random? I’ve made the comment several times “Oh shockers! Princess Zelda done got kidnapped! Again! I see why Miyamoto earns the big bucks with his original and fresh ideas for the Zelda franchise! Pssh, I think Zelda does it for attention.” Anyone familiar with Popeye knows that is the exact motivation for Olive Oyl’s hussy-fit. And so…tadaa? I just NOW realize how ridiculous this drawing is. I don’t even think I know what my original intent was; I think I was striving to show how faded the ‘kidnap victim’ plot has been. But it would have made a lot more sense to insert the corresponding Mario characters into Zelda to show they really aren’t that different (feel free to illustrate THAT great concept).

I adore the Popeye series, especially the old black-n-white versions. The attention to detail in animation is a lost art. Man, the youth today with their gross-out Ren and Stimpies and Invader Zims. Why, I remember the good old days when cartoons had wholesome themes about a cartoon character trying to rape another cartoon character…
But in the OLD old versions, Popeye and Bluto didn’t really talk, they kinda mumbled incomprehensibly. And I tell ya, half the fun of those episodes is thinking that you’re hearing swear words intermingled in the jargon. Did Bluto just call Popeye a ‘bitch fag’?
Awesome.

Conversely (that means opposite!), I try to make it public domain that I dislike the Zelda series. Well, it’s more like annoyed tolerance. It just feels like the epitome of dozens of shallow stories: I couldn’t write five words to describe any of the characters’ personalities. Link is the hero, he wants to save a girl he doesn’t know, he thinks that tedious fishing makes for a fun mini game. See? What’s his favorite color? What are his mannerisms? It’s up to you to insinuate what they are, I didn’t care about any of the characters and I wouldn’t have been moved if the ending entailed all of ‘em contracting syphilis and dying (Link’s deku nuts itch, uh oh!).

I’m sure I made thirteen-year-olds across the world cry. Not to fret fandom! Because the one game I did enjoy was Link’s Awakening. That two-inch cart rocked like an avalanche, and I’d state it was the most profound outing I’ve had on a portable console. If the whole series invested itself on you learning something likeable about the people, then I’d cluster bomb my site with fanart too. Majora’s Mask probably duplicated this, but it’s so frustratingly meticulous that I can’t stick to it.

Anyway, I’d like to boast that I really like how the crew came out. I used Google Image search to find official art as references…which, in retrospect, I don’t recommend because every few pages yielded Popeye porn. Oh Internet, thank you for reminding me why humanity is doomed! I’m sure my renditions are apparent, but just in case, the rundown is:

Popeye as Link
The Jeep as the equally annoying Navi fairy
The awesome Bluto as Gannon (Blannon? Oh I think so!)
The Ditzy Olive Oyl as the royal pain Zelda
And Wimpy is Tingle who’s deservedly substituting as Gannon’s throne (didn’t Nintendo intend to make a game about Tingle? Kudos for left-fielding an idea to promote the most simultaneous ugly and annoying character in gaming history)

-The “At Least Popeye’s Manly Enough To Receive A Kiss After Saving The Girl. Zelda You Stupid Tease!” Cappy

For the copycats: Micron Pigma pen 03 (linework), discontinued Crayola educational watercolors, shading stump with mechanical pencil (shadows).

Description
====================
Cappy’s Random Rant
====================
Food manners blow. I totally understand not farting at the table, for a fart is a curse placed upon man by Satan to make your butt burp…a burp of stinky sin! But normal burping, I don’t understand why YOU’RE the inconsiderate one. Hey, if I don’t burp then I die. Rats can’t burp, so they can never understand how awesome Dr. Pepper is. Do you never wish me to know the blissful kiss of Dr. Pepper, you diabetic commie?! I heard that in Italy, if you don’t burp after a meal then it’s considered an insult. I think I must have Italian in me…I do enjoy pasta!

Another bizarre ritual is waiting for latecomers. That’s good old fashioned Christian guilt, to make you ashamed for being on time. We can’t eat as scheduled, Uncle Frank isn’t here yet. Screw Uncle Frank! I say we eat now, then that bum will make sure he shows up next time so that he doesn’t miss out. I’ve slowly converted people into this Jasonistic thinking, “Yeah, Uncle Frank is a jerk! I like your thinking.” See, if you make Uncle Frank the bearer of food, people are actually glad to see him, he becomes a nourishment savior. That’s like textbook Stockholm Syndrome! Feed yourselves, then you can rightly mock him with mutton-muffled guffaws when he has to eat the turkey butt. Make him feel like the inconsiderate jerk he is, the kind of jerk who thinks it’s okay to burp at the dinner table.

Also, here’s a trick to play when you’re at a restaurant next time. Order a soda, and wait till the waiter asks you for a refill. Usually they ask you what soda you had, and what you should do is ask for a soda that’s obviously a different color than the contents in you glass.
“Can I get you a refill sir?”
“Sure, a Sprite! (clearly a Pepsi)”
“Ah…”
It’s interesting to see their reaction, will they support your descent into delinquency, or will they call you on your scam? Their tip depends on it!

====================
Cappy’s Rockin’ Rendition
====================
So how random is too random? I’ve made the comment several times “Oh shockers! Princess Zelda done got kidnapped! Again! I see why Miyamoto earns the big bucks with his original and fresh ideas for the Zelda franchise! Pssh, I think Zelda does it for attention.” Anyone familiar with Popeye knows that is the exact motivation for Olive Oyl’s hussy-fit. And so…tadaa? I just NOW realize how ridiculous this drawing is. I don’t even think I know what my original intent was; I think I was striving to show how faded the ‘kidnap victim’ plot has been. But it would have made a lot more sense to insert the corresponding Mario characters into Zelda to show they really aren’t that different (feel free to illustrate THAT great concept).

I adore the Popeye series, especially the old black-n-white versions. The attention to detail in animation is a lost art. Man, the youth today with their gross-out Ren and Stimpies and Invader Zims. Why, I remember the good old days when cartoons had wholesome themes about a cartoon character trying to rape another cartoon character…
But in the OLD old versions, Popeye and Bluto didn’t really talk, they kinda mumbled incomprehensibly. And I tell ya, half the fun of those episodes is thinking that you’re hearing swear words intermingled in the jargon. Did Bluto just call Popeye a ‘bitch fag’?
Awesome.

Conversely (that means opposite!), I try to make it public domain that I dislike the Zelda series. Well, it’s more like annoyed tolerance. It just feels like the epitome of dozens of shallow stories: I couldn’t write five words to describe any of the characters’ personalities. Link is the hero, he wants to save a girl he doesn’t know, he thinks that tedious fishing makes for a fun mini game. See? What’s his favorite color? What are his mannerisms? It’s up to you to insinuate what they are, I didn’t care about any of the characters and I wouldn’t have been moved if the ending entailed all of ‘em contracting syphilis and dying (Link’s deku nuts itch, uh oh!).

I’m sure I made thirteen-year-olds across the world cry. Not to fret fandom! Because the one game I did enjoy was Link’s Awakening. That two-inch cart rocked like an avalanche, and I’d state it was the most profound outing I’ve had on a portable console. If the whole series invested itself on you learning something likeable about the people, then I’d cluster bomb my site with fanart too. Majora’s Mask probably duplicated this, but it’s so frustratingly meticulous that I can’t stick to it.

Anyway, I’d like to boast that I really like how the crew came out. I used Google Image search to find official art as references…which, in retrospect, I don’t recommend because every few pages yielded Popeye porn. Oh Internet, thank you for reminding me why humanity is doomed! I’m sure my renditions are apparent, but just in case, the rundown is:

Popeye as Link
The Jeep as the equally annoying Navi fairy
The awesome Bluto as Gannon (Blannon? Oh I think so!)
The Ditzy Olive Oyl as the royal pain Zelda
And Wimpy is Tingle who’s deservedly substituting as Gannon’s throne (didn’t Nintendo intend to make a game about Tingle? Kudos for left-fielding an idea to promote the most simultaneous ugly and annoying character in gaming history)

-The “At Least Popeye’s Manly Enough To Receive A Kiss After Saving The Girl. Zelda You Stupid Tease!” Cappy

For the copycats: Micron Pigma pen 03 (linework), discontinued Crayola educational watercolors, shading stump with mechanical pencil (shadows).