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Does it matter?
did it ever?
do you care?
should i try?
are you angry?
whos to blame?
does there even need to be a victim here? And why can't you let me in?
Whats the problem?
whats the question?
pick an answer?
is this a game?
are there tears?
on your phone line?
are you avoiding me? and why should you?
There isn't time for this, you can't take this from me, I refuse to give in to this, this senselessness in
so
many
ways.
I want to force you to talk to me, but I know it wil make you respond so much less.
I want to manipulate you into holding me, make you care more about me than about this
thing
between
us.
I want to make you see my tears and want to make them go away more than you dramaticize over this THING.
I want it to go away, to never be, I want you to acknowledge it and know that its nothing,
NOTHING
nothing to how I feel about you.
You make me so angry because i know,
I KNOW
and I don't.
I can't, I won't, even begin to try to make anything happen, because
I'm still broken inside,
I'm still not a whole person inside,
and I can't,
I won't be able to handle what you will do to me.
Can do to me.
Might do to me.
Can't you see this is tearing me apart there are so many things I should do, must do, can't do that will
fix
this
THING
that can only end in tears,
WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME
why did you do this to me?
why.
why didn't you tell me sooner?
why wait until this, when I'm totally yours, can be totally yours, won't be totally yours, before
you
tell
me.
and after its told, after its there, unhidden, uncatastrophic, the ability to become a monster completely ripped away by its barrenness, after that,
why?
why can't you hold me?
why does it have to be like this?
why do you shut down, after reaching out?
or did i tear it from you? is that what this is?
did i kill what we had because you wouldn't, couldn't, still won't, tell me?
if i had left well enough alone would it have faded away like the mist off a well chilled beer?
were we doomed from the start?
do i believe we are doomed?
or
do i chance, do i hold on, can i hold on, to a dream that we can make this work.
WE
can make this work,
not me,
not you,
both of us, but
i need you
I NEED YOU
i need you
baby dont hold out on me, its not so big of a thing
that i will let you go.
unless you keep on holding out on me.
i can tell you dont love me today.
i can tell.